You swiftly pull the cover off your body, grab your robe, and pass it on as you head toward your baby’s room. She’s not even 2 weeks old and you’re already slacking off...
But you can’t help it. This pregnancy and delivery were so exhausting... You dream of a full night's sleep and a good nap through the day. But taking care of Thanan, even with the active help of Thrawn, is such a trial.
You knew caring for a newborn would be difficult and you prepared in consequence, but DEAR MAKER you could have never prepared for that. You love your daughter, and you would kill yourself and anyone to ensure her safety and happiness, but the amount of labor was unplannable. And despite all the books read, the videos watched, and advice taken from experienced parents and pediatricians, you must admit: You are thoroughly humbled by the experience.
Even Thrawn seems unsure of himself sometimes.
He is the most confident of you two and the rock you hold onto when uncertainty threatens to drown you, but it now happens that Thrawn turns his gaze to you in helplessness. You see him hesitate and second-guess himself for the first time since you met him. He hides it well before you to not alarm you, but you know your husband, you came to recognize that flicker in his eyes, that lingering doubt darkening his shining eyes.
Is he doing well with her? Is he providing proper care? Is he attentive enough?
You never thought you would see the day when Thrawn would seem lost, but parenthood is apparently a trial for everybody and even your unsinkable Grand Admiral seems to falter before your baby’s tears, wondering in horror if he did something wrong before taking back control of the situation.
You have the same questions harassing you, and despite your other parent friends reassuring words that you are both doing really good all things considered, even better than most of them, you cannot silence the fear of hurting or failing your baby.
May the Maker help you in this mess you think as you yawn behind your hand.
You enter the nursery and check the room’s temperature before approaching the bassinet softly to not startle your baby and wake up Thrawn but when you bend over to take Thanan in your arms, you realize the crib is empty.
You are seized by the irrational fear that she somehow managed to fall from the crib and break her neck.
But obviously this is impossible.
You hurriedly go around the apartment in search of your little one, closing your robe to soothe yourself until you open the kitchen door and discover Thrawn, leaning against the counter, Thanan in his arms as he holds a feeding bottle to her mouth.
She suckles on it hard and Thrawn observes his baby with a gentle, tender smile on his face.
You let out a relieved sigh, holding your knees for support as your beating heart slowly calms down, prompting Thrawn to turn his head towards you, shooting you a tight grin.
“How are you Ch’acah?” He asks, cradling your baby gently.
“Relieved... I was starting to worry about not finding her.” You raise back up.
The kitchen light is dim, only the bulb over the sink is on, giving the room an aura of mystery but also quiet peace as the stars shine through the window with their serene white light.
He lowers his gaze back to her as she yelps, drinking too much milk at once. He takes out the teat from her mouth to let her gurgle, her tummy finally full of warm milk.
“She started to cry, so I came to check on her.” He explains, slowly rocking the dearest of both of your heart
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” You ask, approaching them, “My milk is better than formula”.
“You need to sleep and recover, Ch’acah.” He explains, caressing a drop of milk off her little mouth with his thumb. “
“I can feed her at night!” You insist.
“Sleep.” He closes the matter, “Let me handle the night feeding times, this is the least I can do after you carried her for nine months. It is not the first time I do it.”
“What do you mean?” You squint.
“You never noticed?” He tilts his head at you with a soft gaze, “You slept through her crying at night several times.”
“I... What?” You realize horrified.
Do you really do that? Sleeping peacefully while your baby cries because she is scared or hungry?
How could you?
How dare you?
You are a terrible mother! The worst of all, the-
“Ch’acah, do not cry my sweet. It was in no way a reproach.” Thrawn says softly.
“I am... Horrible!” You gasp, a hand before your mouth as you feel tears filling your eyes.
“You are not a horrible mother in any measure.” He counters immediately, “You just gave birth, you are exhausted, and you need to rest and sleep, I am here to take care of her.” He opens his arm to invite you into his embrace.
You come to nudge yourself against his tall body, silent tears rolling down your cheeks. He fondly rocks you both, letting his naturally warmer body heat you up as he presses you tightly against himself.
“I am failing her...”
“No, you do not. This is post-partum speaking.” He reassures sweetly, brushing his nose in your hair, “You simply need a little time to adjust. Welcoming a newborn is life-changing, our entire routine is shaken up, and you cannot modify your lifestyle in a day.”
“You did!”
“I did not carry a baby for nine months, gave birth to her, and saw my hormone balance completely shift the entire time. I can wake up several times at night without it impacting me, you cannot and you should not.”
You sniff, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand.
“Are you all right, Ch’acah?” He asks gently, his knuckles caressing your cheek.
You nod weakly, slowly accepting the situation.
“Keep on sleeping for now, I will handle it. We will see in two or three months if you can wake up to feed her at night, for now, you will rest.” He orders tenderly.
You are about to respond when Thanan hiccups, prompting you two to chuckle lightly at the cute sound. Thrawn lowers his head to fondly kiss her forehead ridges before lifting her up to his shoulder and patting her back. She burps, a bubble of milk on her lips.
“I did not use formula.” He whispers, mindful of the baby’s ears close to his mouth “I used the milk you pumped this afternoon, do not worry.” He continues, his large hand caressing her little back.
Seeing that simple scene makes your heart beat faster and your stomach feels fuzzy. It’s almost like love was about to choke you with its ever-growing size. You lay your head on Thrawn’s shoulder and he delicately gives Thanan to you, circling his arms around your shoulders and waist.
You look down at your baby, her blue skin as vibrant as her father and her shining rubies, already sharp with intelligence...
You would kill for her.
You know it.
For the both of them.
You press her tightly against your heart and she yawns , ready to fall asleep again.
Thrawn kisses your temple lovingly, a purr vibrating in his throat and chest.
“Let’s put her to bed, I will feed her again in three hours. Sleep my love, I will handle it. You can count on me.”
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