not willing;never was

Jung Yunho 28 | 1.88m "Easily angered and quick to kill. It's best to tread softly than to anger the Beast." xxx xx

[jungxxyunho]

To Mine

The scars healed. They became thin silver lines across his arms and larger, more painful looking ones over his torso and back that held mostly red and ragged edges. Too much time has paced. Those salves that the monsters—as that’s now how he referred to all of them besides his companion, Naberius, and Orbius, his only friend in this hell—surely helped speed the process of healing, but it wouldn’t rid him of the scars. They wouldn’t allow that. He was meant to be reminded of his mistake every day for the rest of his life—if they decided to let him live. That hadn’t been decided.

Yunho was now currently resting. He had done all that was assigned to him that day and would now busy himself with other things such as…well, he wasn’t allowed to do much other than stay within the confines of his prison. And ironically, it was the same home he had spent days in when Jaejoong had wanted to come to Naberius’s world. He slept in the same bed that he had shared with his lover, shared with his companion. The pain that caused all on its own was enough to make it hard to breathe at times.

The door slammed open and it startled Yunho who had been sitting on the couch with a book of the language this world spoke in, learning it little by little—which was a shame because when Naberius had been part of him, it was something he knew without trouble or thought. The book was set aside as he saw the being he had been deprived from for weeks, months, how long had it even been now?

“Yunho, you must go.” Naberius grabbed Yunho’s arm and lift him up from the couch roughly.

“B-But, Naberius…what, I don’t understand.” Yunho said as he was being dragged from the house that he had reluctantly started to call home. The town was empty, no one outside as Yunho was brought out. It caused fear to settle inside of him and nothing about this felt right. “W-where is everyone?”

“It does not matter. Orbius will take you and you will go.”

“Go where?!” Yunho shouted with growing irritation, looking up to the being that he had once been intimately aware of, in such a way that there was no replacement for the type of relationship that they had. And as he was pushed towards Orbius who landed moments before, he stared back at the other demon in shock and a lack of understanding. There was a saddened look in Naberius’s eyes, there was pain that was nearly palpable and Yunho swore he could feel it. He wouldn’t understand until he returned to where he was told he would never see again.

“Home. To Mine.” 

[jungxxyunho]

Color Red

From that day on, nothing got better. It only worsened and Yunho no longer remembered a day without pain or blood. His body was riddled in scars and he knew that he would have to carry this back with him to his world…that was if he had ever returned to it.

Three nights had passed since he had risked sneaking out to send that message. Orbius had ventured to the edge of their territory to wait for a message in return.

There had been none.

Yunho didn’t doubt that Jaejoong got the message, or that someone had or…it just hurt. He prayed to gods he had never believed in before now to make this nightmare end. He simply wanted to return to Jaejoong and continue on with their life as it had been. Their year anniversary had been around the corner, their second Christmas and New Year’s together. So much he was missing and yet was no closer to returning home than he had been a week ago.

He no longer had the delusion that he had missed the end of the year with his lover. He was sure both their birthdays had passed by now. It didn’t even seem to matter anymore. His life was filled with pain and more scars were added to his body. Not once had he been allowed to see Naberius, either. Only Orbius was a being that didn’t cause him harm and even then, those visits were too far and few for his liking.

Yunho had taken up the task of being a servant as he didn’t like to refer to himself as a slave. That hurt him far too much. He now waited on the elders who treated him terrible. The last time they had been in this world—they being Yunho, Naberius and Jaejoong—it had been a happy one…if you ignore the lashing that Jaejoong received and the terrible wound that had left Yunho recovering for weeks after the fact…

What appeal did Yunho ever see in this place?

The sky always held a red hue to it, the sun so bright and inhuman that he lacked the vitamin D his human skin needed, causing him to take on a pale color that rivaled Jaejoong. The lack of iron in this place didn’t seem to help either. The demons were dark and beastly, the children no longer eager to befriend him.  Nothing in this place held the same magical feeling that it had during his first trip.

If he ever saw the color red in the entirety of his life again, then it would be too soon. 

[jungxxyunho]

Evil Lashing

He had been caught.

Yunho screamed out his apology and sobbed out his regret. It hadn’t been worth it. He didn’t think that he would have been. His scarred back bled mercilessly, creating an even more intense scream with every new lash against his back. He didn’t think he would experience any more pain after all that he had already been through. It was like they had no remorse for giving him such punishments. They figured he deserved everything they ever gave to him.

His body was protesting every movement by the time they had finished and only due to Orbius’s broken human speech was he able to keep awake. “N-no..” He didn’t bother shaking his head. That would have hurt too much. “You mean…’need’, not ‘want’ but..b-but close, Orbius…” A light smile that only lasted a moment appeared across his features.

He ached so much, nearly too much for him to handle. This was definitely on par with what he had experienced during his first few days, or weeks here. He still hadn’t understood a concept of time as days here were nearly as twice as long as they were on Earth. It was impossible to keep up with it. His body needed relief, but not once would he be offered it. Not even Orbius, his only friend in this hell and the brother of his companion, was allowed to give him that. All Orbius was able to do was to make sure he didn’t die when he had been severely beaten.

Orbius leaned Yunho up against the table, sitting in one of the large chairs that didn’t have a back. If they had backs, then the demon’s wings would get in the way. No backs also caused for discomfort. Yunho could barely keep his arms folded in front of himself to stay upright. He didn’t want to be bleeding all over the black marble-like floor that was more reflective than it was on earth. Yunho didn’t even realize that Orbius had left the room, he simply realized that the demon was now beginning to clean his wounds just enough to apply he healing salve to his back. “This is pain, Yunho…very evil.” The lack of proficiency in Korean made Yunho chuckle breathlessly as anything more would cause more pain, but he nodded minutely. “Yes..yes, Orbius…very evil.” Yunho was aware that he was using a synonym for ‘bad’ as he’s sure the new additions of marks to his back were ‘bad’, but Yunho didn’t mean it in that way.

Yunho was speaking of his people. Of the world he had been forced to return to, without the love of his life. What they had done to him, what they were putting him through; all of it was evil. Pure evil, and that was saying it nicely.

He was sent through a whole new sort of torture as Orbius began to patch him up, having to sew some of the strands of skin that had been dislodged from him when lashes overlapped.

He ended up passing out from the pain.

[jungxxyunho]

A Message Late

It was strenuous. It was difficult. And it demanded energy that Yunho didn't know he had, but he had no choice. It's been...he's not sure how many days since Naberius and he had been somehow transported to the demon's world--the torture has yet to stop. Yunho was being punished for not appreciating the demon and all he's done for the human and his quality of life. Apparently, the alcohol did more than just make the demon weak; it hurt him.

The things that Yunho was subjected to were things that he didn’t think himself capable of enduring. He hadn’t even seen the demon in so long that he didn’t know why—at times—he was still going. But then the face of his beloved would appear in his mind’s eye and he would no longer wonder. He would take the pain, the punishment and the torture of the whips and knives and the fighting against the warriors he could never win against—all if it meant he would survive another day and return home.

He missed the warm food, the warm bed and especially the warm arms of his lover. Those kisses seemed distant and he couldn’t remember the smell of the shampoo that Jaejoong used. That was the worst of it all. So much time had passed—Yunho was afraid to wonder how much—that he was no longer able to recall his smell. What was next? His laugh? God, if Yunho no longer could remember the sound of Jaejoong laughing, he would no longer wish to hear at all. And then sight would so obviously be next? Or would it be the touch? Would he forget the smooth skin of his lover, the soft locks of his hair, or the way that his hipbones protruded and felt underneath his palms?

Now, Yunho was crossing into territories he should never have thought to go, but he needed to speak with a magic user.  Magic users were those that Naberius’s kind uses to hunt for sport, but Orbius had told Yunho where he could go to those that had not been captured. He crossed a long distance and came into encounter with many of the other clans that only let him be due to the slave collar around his neck.  It was tiring and Yunho knew that he would struggle to make it back on time, but it was all worth it—only if the magic users could help him in the way that he needed.

As it turned out, the magic users were more than happy to help, having even offered him a way out. Yunho hadnt’ though that they were be so willing and even so welcoming. Yunho didn’t even have to offer the gift that Orbius had told him to bring. Maybe it was because they considered the demons to be so cruel and such monsters that they would want to save a man who looked like them but only lacked magical abilities.

A way out was impossible. Yunho's blood was marked from birth and even if he could leave this world, they could bring him right back and make the tortures many times worse. At least Orbius was a fair healer and a forgiving creature—having healed him many times over to make sure that he hadn’t died or received injury that would leave him disabled. And Orbius was a good being, one he couldn’t betray for covering his absence by leaving.

Yunho didn't have much time. The trek back would take long enough and he only received a small window each day to have freedom to do what he wished. He’d already had that time reduced and taken from him before—though this was well worth the sacrifice if it worked.

He transcribed his message in blood--though was surprised that he had any to give after all that he’d been though. Also, this world was low on foods that contained iron as the demons didn’t require it. Yunho was just barely staying together as it was.

/My love, don't worry. Naberius and I are fine. We were pulled to his world because of what I did to him. Do not come here; it will only make things worse. When I'm better, Naberius and I will return to you. Don't forget to give Ferus lots of love and let him sleep on my side of the bed to keep you warm. And eat, too, okay? I hope I haven't missed our anniversary or Christmas. I'll be there as soon as I can and spoil you extra on your birthday, I promise. I love you and miss you. Tell Ferus to take care of you until I return./

With many thanks to the magic users and much convincing to let him go, Yunho said his goodbye. They even gave him some potions to help him on his way back, but he knew he would have to rid of them or use them before returning to the village as the magic would cause the demons damage and be a telltale sign of where he had been.

As Yunho began to walk back towards the clan, with the red sky darkening as the sun set, he wondered if Jaejoong would even receive the message—or worse, have to give blood to get it. 

[jungxxyunho]

After the First

What had happened those next few hours were a blur to Yunho. It seemed never ending and he’s sure that he had lost all his dignity at this point. He felt like a shell of the man he had been back in his world and wished he had been more responsible, more caring of the companion that changed his life. But now it was all regrets that meant nothing to the world he resided in now.

The bounds were no longer holding him down. It would be redundant. There was no way that Yunho could manage to move after all that had been done to him. He was sure that he was covered in blood and other fluids he’d rather not think about—if he even had the energy to do that. Tears were dried over his face and he wished that Orbius had given him a better warning. Strength was not something he could have mustered up. He was a weak man, a pathetic weak man who never deserved to have Naberius. He never deserved the demon that made his love for his boyfriend so much more intense and worth so much more than Yunho ever thought possible.

Yunho didn’t think he could feel anything after what he endured, but the fact was now he was never worthy of anything and it all came crashing back down on him. All of it, at once and Yunho wanted it all to go away. Sleeping would make it go away. But he had been kept up for so long—they stopped reminding him after 18 hours—that sleep was no longer an option. He would now lay here, unbound but too weak to move, reminded of every wrong he had ever done and his inability to correct it.

He cried silently.

[jungxxyunho]

Lack of Clarity

The next time that Yunho woke, it was nearly a repeat of the first time. He moved and felt restrained, panic and then attempted to look around, causing that white hot pain to once again shoot through him. He panted shallowly to try and keep his body as still as possible. Panic wasn’t as intense this time around, though he felt more alert—even after that debilitating pain he would prefer never to feel again in his life. He listened for anything around him and heard the occasional shifting of wings. He had grown so used to that sound with his—Naberius’s—wings that he didn’t even need to think about it. There were no voices yet, so other than the occasional shift of wings from the two creatures that stood either somewhere in the room that he could not see or outside of it, it was silent.

This time, he didn’t have time to ponder on what was going on, there was a loud metal screech of the door opening and that panic was quick to return. His breathing grew shallower. His fingers nearly tightened into fists but he wasn’t sure if that would cause him pain as moving his head did so he stayed still.

A large creature, reminiscent of Naberius but larger and with far more scars than the warrior he was familiar with, stepped within his view. Red eyes pierced Yunho and he felt his whole body begin to shake with fear.

This large demon began to speak in a language known but not understood to Yunho. He got a full sight of teeth that could shred Yunho to bits—he had the scar on his shoulder to prove it—and once more wished that Naberius was with him.

 There was a long pause after the demon spoke and Yunho thought that he might be expected to reply. “I-I—“ His voice cut off as his throat was too dry. He coughed and winced when it jolted his whole body, though thankful that it didn’t cause any of that pain he wasn’t able to bear. The sound seemed to offend the demon and before Yunho could attempt to speak again, a large hand was brought down across the side of his face and not only was he left breathless, but that blinding pain returned and there was definitely no chance for him to speak now.

Then a voice. A voice he knew. “Yunho, wake. This is no time for weakness.” When Yunho’s brown eyes did finally open, he came to view with Orbius—the sweet-natured demon, brother of his companion, who had taken care of both him and Jaejoong the last time they were there. None of this made any sense still and he didn’t understand. The pain he felt was still there, didn’t go after such an abuse. Yunho stared up at the demon that had once cared for him before and no longer seemed to want to and frowned. None of this made sense to him.

[jungxxyunho]

Bound and to be Broken

It was dark when Yunho came to. There was the painful fact upon immediate awareness that Naberius was not part of his conscious anymore. This wasn’t the first time that Yunho woke without the demon part of him—this was actually the second. The first time had been when he and Jaejoong took that trip to Naberius’s world and…Yunho’s eyes opened wide with fear. In his attempt to sit up, he found himself restrained and fear overwhelmed him; his blood pressure rose, his pupils dilated, his heart raced and his palms became sweaty. He felt almost unbearably hot where he lay and it only made the ability to breathe so much less possible.

After the initial panic, he had calmed to a manageable degree. He didn’t attempt to move as the restraints would send him into another panic; he was sure of it. He shivered at the thought of the restraints and the involuntary action had made it clear to him that he lay naked on this hard surface that couldn’t be passed for a bed and most likely resembled a table. With that disturbing fact known to him, he turned his head slowly as he didn’t realize something worse could induce even more panic.

Pain, white hot, unbearable and indescribable pain shot through the back of Yunho’s skull and down his spine and all he could manage was a gasp as his breath was knocked from him. Never in his life had he felt such pain—not when his shoulder had been torn apart, not when he had been heartbroken to discover Jaejoong cheated on him, not when he had leapt from that second story window all those years ago. He couldn’t even find relief from the pain by moving his head back to its original position.

It was moments before the pain passed enough to allow him breath. When he was more aware of anything besides the pain, he noticed there were tears in his eyes that were unable to be shed during that flare of pain. He still wouldn’t allow them to fall.

All Yunho could do was stare up at the ceiling, the dark red ceiling and wonder. He didn’t think on the pain as he was afraid that just that would be enough to bring it back, but instead let himself wonder over Naberius—where was his companion? How did they come to this world? And then with his final thoughts before he found himself too weary to think—was Jaejoong okay? 

[yunmin-lover]

[keezay-blog]

[chaangie]

[jungxxyunho]

A bit longer, right? Just a bit longer...

[wasurena1de]

[their-rooms]

[kimjonginimnida]

[uknowichigo-deactivated20210314]

[t0h0shinki-deactivated20131226]

[jungxxyunho]

Where are you? The bed is lonely and the apartment cold. Naberius has gone and Ferus won't speak. None of this is right until you return...