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@just-unfortunately-lonely
Never trust completely, and never ask for respect. Live life for yourself and for what you believe in, but never expect others to give you an ounce of anything. The world is not so fair and kind, for you to afford to be naive.
“But you know… I can handle it by myself, even better”
I can’t even afford to be depressed… 🥲
I tried again
I decided, even if it made me sad or angry... It’d be better than to continue feeling nothing at all...
A lot of people wanna be successful... I just want to reach the finish line
How do you make a soul feel less lonely? I’m asking for a friend
I’m having trouble sleeping again... lately I’ve been thinking about how things were a year ago again... it seems like I always seem to have a lonely Christmas. How can I even manage to stay happy for a whole year with people around me?
I can’t sleep again... even though I tried to exhaust myself today. I watched something I usually don’t this evening, and it made me realise my love life has really flatlined and has a slim chance of resuscitation. I’m sad... I thought I had been okay and learned to love myself enough, but it’s true when they say everyone gets lonely, and some people are just good at hiding it... I dunno if I can hide it any longer...
There are nights, when my head hits my pillow and I just finish bringing my blankets over myself and turning the lights off, thinking I’m tired enough to fall fast asleep, and insomnia hits me once again... these days, it’s become more often. There are nights, when I find myself in this state, just unable to sleep, with no particular thought keeping me awake... there are also some, where my invulnerability goes missing, and my heart becomes open to the emotions of my past.
I tend to remember things... I remember a lot of things, whether I want to or not... and the thoughts I want to forget, I pretend I don’t remember, just for convenience. I remember a lot, but inversely proportionate is my ability to be able to tend not to show my emotions. But on vulnerable nights, they come to attack me. And sadness and anger and anxiety and melancholy hit me in a barrage, that can last until the next dawn at times. I hate it. Even when I finally fall asleep, I wake up again a few hours later, even after I thought I’d already wiped all my tears, to find that it shows that I had cried once again, whilst I was asleep...
I need to learn how to keep calm again... these days I’m so unstable and I’m falling towards cold-heartedness again. Shows how sad I really am... shows how bad my issues with abandonment are.
My life has been really bitter, and my heart especially... it craves a different flavour.
I’ve gotten soft
I need help... I’m trying to find the reason why I always get left with no warning. I really want to know, genuinely... so it doesn’t happen anymore, hopefully.
Is it better to become a ghost? To disappear again like I did in the past for years? Or to become cynical about everything, and pretend like nothing matters, besides me?
It’s about that time of my life again, when my heart hardens and feels like it’s made of stone... but it’s empty and hollow inside.
11:11 04-06-2020
I wish everything will be alright soon.
Why does this keep happening? Why am I always the one left behind? Am I that easy? Why do I keep getting put into this situation?
I just want to get to the end of the book already, I don’t feel like the rest of the journey will be kind to me.