please, have a seat

you will find me as a different person in reality. 

[justagummy]

what i found in my Note App.

Written in Feb 2018

God, if you’re eveywhere can you please hear my prayers now?

first i wanna thank you for all the blessings i have ever since i was born through my dearest mom’s womb.

there’s nothing i regret for being the children of mama and papa.

Growing up with the fullest love from them has taught me to be more empathy towards the people and the world.

i realize that world could be better if have lots of people realizing that to live happily, you have to share the happiness to all the people in the world.

forgive me for all the whines, shouts, regretness ever came from this mind and soul. humans are demanding and i know that isn’t even a good reason to explain it.

i just feel so blessed that you gave me time to realize it.

as i try to step further ahead. i hope i can be someone, that will buy a beautiful relaxing home for my parents to spend their old happy life. i hope dad doesn’t have to work anymore and i can provide all the needs for their livings and wellbeings.

my sister could always be a really great companion, co worker, partner, soulmate that always be around whenever i need her. i do always need her. she’s my angel.

i hope we’ll never be so pissed with each other’s selfishness / negativity.

i hope someone’s gonna love her the way she always wanted to be loved.

my brother could be the best & the most gratitude lawyer / busnisseman / anything he wants as long as its good and halal.

have a happy marriage and grow a better realationship with my dad.

i hope i could be a great wife who could share my empathy towards others to my husband and children, be an independent woman that wont be too clingy to my husband. i hope i could have a great husband who could lead me through this dunya and jannah.

and last, i hope these feelings towards others could also be implicated. make a great impact to Indonesia and the world.

i wanna be a businesswoman who would also help people & animals in needs.

like making contribution with any orphanage / disability institution / any other people who wanna help this world with me.

is it too much God?

im sorry. i just suddenly miss you so much.

please help me to always remember it.

bismillah

[justagummy]

just blocked salah satu temen ig (she's my ex's friend, yang ngga tau gimana jadi follow followan). a widow with one daughter kalo ngga salah. Sebelumnya memang ku admire her hardwork yang dari bukan apa2, sekarang bisa sampe punya usaha nail art yg lumayan besar di daerahku, bahkan sampe mampu punya banyak karyawan dan pergi umrah.

i truly admire itu.

Tapi hari ini kuliat dia maki2 ex employee nya krn resign dan "ketahuan" membuka usaha nail art juga despite udh ada agreement kalau si ex karyawan ini hrsnya gaboleh buka usaha yg sama (which i found quite funny karena ybs menyamakan sakralnya aturan tsb dengan trade secret yg memang dilindungi oleh IP Law).

Yang kemudian bikin off, she's also mentioning kalau ex employeenya ini ga "sepadan" dengan dia, ngga ada apa2nya dibanding usaha dia yg udah besar, sampai bilang saudara2 dia lawyer & dia keponakan dari orang besar. She clearly showed isi percakapan dia sama ex employee yg keluar itu.

Dan yg bikin miris, this ex employee said kalo dia udah cari kesana sini tapi memang sulit and skill ini yang memang ex employee ini punya untuk bisa "dijual". kondisi suaminya pun memprihatinkan krn memang hanya punya pemasukan 500k per bulan. jd dia minta maaf tapi memang mau gamau harus "breach the contract". Tp w/o hesitation, dia justru reply akan men-somasi perempuan ini, dan membicarakan bbrp materi hukum yang menurutku ngga relevan dengan case dia.

Aku langsung teringat sama Papa yang justru bangga krn karyawan2nya keluar untuk merintis usaha yang sama and actually are way more succesfull than he is now. Truly the opposite sama reaksi dari orang ini. Jd aku sempet mikir tadi, apa seharusnya Papa marah ya kalau karyawannya out untuk buka usaha yg sama kaya dia?

Anw. Aku paham kekecewaan yg mungkin orang ini rasakan. not to mention adanya komitmen yg dilanggar oleh ex employee nya itu.

Tapi buatku, yg justru paling "kena" dari cerita orang ini itu bukan kesalahan ex employeenya, melainkan feedback yang dia berikan, yg bagiku justru mampu menutupi loop yg dibuat oleh ex employeenya. Semua rasa kagumku yg sebelumnya ku mention, langsung luruuh seketika waktu membaca percakapan & story dia yg congkak, sombong, dan (sorry) dangkal.

Benar ya ternyata, ketika tuhan menaikan derajat seseorang, "tetap membumi" menjadi satu tantangan besar untuk bisa dipertahankan.

long story short, daripada jadi penyakit hati,

akhirnya ku block&unblock aja perempuan ini.

perempuan yg pernah kukagumi cerita hidupnya ini. semoga masalahnya bisa terselesaikan.

[justagummy]

[justagummy]

current feeling

Surrounded by love and supported by the best crew. Grateful for these amazing friends and family who always have my back. Here's to the bond that lasts forever! 💖 #Gratitude #Blessed

[justagummy]

[justagummy]

what i love the most about you

you know what's exactly your value, which most people don't. which i don't.

your confidence level is damn high (i mean it in a good way)

you call your nephew & niece almost everyday, asking for their day. i found it really sweet.

you could befriend anyone at anytime. srsly. one day i left him for 5 minutes and he already had a nice talk with the Pecalang (traditional security officials who patrol the streets in Bali). they even asked for his contact!

you are not the type of person who stupidly post your feelings / anger / sarcasm on social media. Many of guys i know used to share their feelings using bad words / dumb sarcastic words to social media, ignoring facts that their friends, boss, colleagues, gf/bf's parents, might see it. esp when you're a man. It was so off.

you are a good negotiator. this skill sure helps! one day you could get a rent of an apartment (studio type) for only 1.7mio rupiah, paid each month! maaan you should see the place, it was really a good deal!

i know for sure that you are a patriarchal person. Yet you support me in ways most man i knew would not do. You clean the house, wash the dishes, make our bed for us, even cook for me.

You are the best!!!

[justagummy]

oprah said

[justagummy]

dummy waifu

[justagummy]

[bluest-fluff]

If someone's behavior does not reflect recognition of your worth, that doesn't mean your worth isn't there. Don't wait around for them to see it as if their acknowledgment determines its measure. Let them go and find people who do recognize your worth, as an act of recognizing your own. You can't count on unreliable people to make you feel worthy, even if you wish they would. Make yourself feel worthy instead.

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[justagummy]

I BEGIN TO STOP TRUSTING ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER. 

Seeking for emotions is nothing but a myth

u kno? i’ll be getting married. i will. 

not because i love that one. only because it’s a must.

shit

[justagummy]

i need to get myself together

[justagummy]

i am quite aware that the writing's on the wall, yet i get more and more fixated

[xxdaydreamersworldxx]

[insomnia-inspired-quotes]

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self preservation and that is an act of political warfare.

- Audre Lorde