*trigger warning*
I think Iām gonna kill myself, like I actually donāt think I can do this anymore
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Show & Tell
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Today's Document

Kiana Khansmith

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@justapeiceofshit
*trigger warning*
I think Iām gonna kill myself, like I actually donāt think I can do this anymore
Im so tired of not being enough for people
The View From Halfway Down
The weak breeze whispers nothing
the water screams sublime.
His feet shift, teeter-totter
deep breaths, stand back, itās time.
Toes untouch the overpass
soon heās water-bound.
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
the view from halfway down.
A little wind, a summer sun
a river rich and regal.
A flood of fond endorphins
brings a calm that knows no equal.
Youāre flying now, you see things
much more clear than from the ground.
It's all okay, or it would be
were you not now halfway down.
Thrash to break from gravity
what now could slow the drop?
All Iād give for toes to touch
the safety back at top.
But this is it, the deed is done
silence drowns the sound.
Before I leaped I should've seen
the view from halfway down.
I really shouldāve thought about
the view from halfway down.
I wish I could've known about
the view from halfway downā
-Secretariat
What do you do for a living?
Suffer
āItās not that he couldnāt love me, I donāt think he ever wanted to.ā
ā I was just his latest plaything
I hate when people tell me I need to āget out of my comfort zoneā I donāt even have a comfort zone. I am literally always uncomfortable
Why am I always so miserable around my birthday?
May 23rd 2021
Bro honestly I donāt see the point in living like, Iām just gonna die eventually anyway and thereās honestly a lot of pain and despair so far and very little of anything else. And I know people say shit like ālive for the good days and the happy Momentsā but honestly even in my happiness moments recently I feel the same as always, if not worse because it reminds me that the reason for my unhappiness isnāt my environment itās just me.
In the happiest moments Iāve had since I met them thereās always a feeling of dread and guilt because I know I will never feel as good as I did with them ever again. And probably itās not even about them specifically itās just about the fact that I only think my life is worth living if Iām living it for the sake of someone else. Iām alive for my parents and for my friends but Iām not, and have never been, alive for myself. Lifeās a bitch and then you die and I really canāt seem to find any kind of argument that truly contradicts that. Iām not ok, Iām never ok and the best I can do is distract myself with sex or work or tv shows but at the end of the day Iām still scared to fall asleep coz the moments before, when I lay alone in the dark, are the moments when the thoughts come and I really donāt have the energy to argue with them anymore.
Want that keep a picture of you in my wallet type of love
Im so tired of not being enough for people