Eir

nowhere to be found

[justeiram]

honestly, this is killing me softly bcs my heart is beating so fast, i couldn’t breathe the way i do, I couldn’t focus bcs theres a lot in my plate

[justeiram]

it’s been a while since i’ve written in this blog, there were many unexpected changes in which challenges us to stay put and strong but will we be able to handle this? will I be able to handle this? because it doesn’t seemed like i can

[justeiram]

i wanna get through this

[justeiram]

this day will never be forgotten

7:18 pm | december 11, 2020

[justeiram]

all i can do is to pretend that everything’s alright so i’m gonna wear my mask again

[justeiram]

also, i can feel the tense that’s why i’m doing my very best to lighten the atmosphere because at that time i know that there’s gonna be a bam

[justeiram]

i remember one of my dreams that i don’t want to happen and that dream is similar to what i’ve seen right now and i don’t know what will happen next

[justeiram]

for the first time in my life i’ve seen your dark aura that is far different from what i’ve known i can vividly imagine your face that is fuming red, your eyes that is so dark and i can feel that your mind is empty all i can say is that, it feels like that’s not you

[justeiram]

Vague

I am afraid to tell you that I

Like you with all

Of my heart because I know that these words will be

Vanish and remain unsaid—

Even if my tears were falling, I want

You to know that I'm still fine and will get

Over with you soon and I know that some day we'll

Unite again, but in that case I'm probably sure that we don't know each other.

[justeiram]

My Pencil

With the used of my pencil—

I can easily write the retain words,

That I can't imply—

I can erase the words that I desire,

And can change it into a narrative form.

I can write a story without an ending,

Just like our story—

I can make a character's life convenient,

Or make it miserable—

Also, I can easily revise the chapter,

according to my will.

As the owner of the pencil,

I have the authority to do whatever I want—

To write and write and write and write 'til

I reach the end of my notebook,

And fill it with a bunch of vivid words.

But there's one thing, that my pencil can't do,

And that is the reality we are facing right now—

For my pencil is just living with fiction,

And the most saddest part for me,

Is that, all of these is just a part of imagination.

[justeiram]

I'm strong!

I can survive this!

This is not me!

I'm better than this!

Fight! Fight for your life!

Phrases that keeps on running in my mind,

Looks like motivation somehow

For me, not to give up

And to end my life

Life is so precious

We could enjoy things

Could discover something new

And could travel all around the world

So why ending up with my life?

Right now, I'll stand with my own

Can't see the hands that wanting me to stand

To help, all I just have

Was myself and God

Who's always there for me

[justeiram]

I wanted to go back to that typical girl

They knew, but I just can't

There's someone who doesn't want me to go

To be with it, lifetime

Just wanting to ease the pain

Sighs, what now?

[justeiram]

I used to be that typical girl who doesn't mind the problem

Who always wears a smile

Real laughs, who doesn't pretend

Who thinks that our lives is full of struggles

That we need to pass, to reach the golden key!

Who also believes that whenever you encounter your problems

You should smile and don't mind it

Life must goes on, they say!

But right now,

I'm looking at the mirror

All I can see was the fake me

Gradually devoured by the black shadow

The side of me, wanting to escape

Other one, wanting to stay

I don't know where my place at

Missing the old me

Is all I can think about, right now.

[justeiram]

I can't help it,

I wanna scream out loud

To remove the pain inside of me

I can't handle my sadness,

Don't know when it'll end

Just wanted to be happy,

But the ropes are so tight

I can't escape!

[justeiram]

I would rather die than to mess up with my life.

[justeiram]

I love to hear their problems but I can't even stand nor hear my own problem

[justeiram]

Love

I love you,

You love me

We love each other.

You accepted my flaws,

I accepted yours

We are almost perfect.

I put you in this situation,

You chose to find the solution

We are still strong.

You broke me,

I broke you

We still end up together.

We might be in another dimension

Can't see any imperfection

This is a work of fiction.

— Laurie