Devonne,
I know you are no longer here with us and I do not want it to be real. I wish you knew how much I love and care for you. I’ve been crying my eyes out since I heard you went missing. My heart dropped to hear that you ran away and you did not want to live anymore. My heart hurts to think about how much pain you were in and I was not there for you. Why did it have to be this way? We all loved and adored you. You were the sweetest kid I knew and had such a big heart. It hurts so much to have you take your own life. I understand pain and hurt, I just wish you knew you could have talked to me about anything you were going through. You were too young to die and I should have been there to protect and show you unconditional love. You did not deserve this, my sweet boy. You deserved so much better. I was always proud of you and I hope you knew that. I tried my best to let you know and let you know how much I cared for you. I do not know how I can handle this, you were a part of me. My blood and oldest nephew, you brought joy to my life and you motivated me to do better. I wanted to be a role model to you and I felt that I let you down. I know our family is not perfect and we have our issues, I wanted us to overcome them and be better. I will never stop loving and caring for you. I was so excited to come home and see you, i wish it didn’t have to be like this. I do not feel like coming home now because you are not there, I do not know if I can bare anymore pain to know you are not really there anymore. I was hoping this was all a dream or that this was a trick you were playing on me. I can’t see this world without you and to imagine how much you were hurting to not want to be in it anymore. What was going on? I wish I had the answers to understand why this happen? You were going to turn 16 in a few days, I couldn’t believe how old you were getting and I am sad I want get to see you grow up anymore. I know you are no longer in pain but it should not have been this way. I wish I could have taken your pain away for you or wish it was me instead of you. You did not deserve to feel that pain, I rather have had that pain you were feeling. You deserved love and happiness. You were young and had so much to experience in life. I hope you no longer feel the pain that you were feeling and that you rest in peace my sweet boy. I will always love you Devonne Green Lay.
Love always, your auntie Jessica
