write the unspoken

[juxtaposereality]

[juxtaposereality]

Self care

3 years after not posting anything, the previous posts gave me goosebumps. i have forgotten i have felt these feelings before. I'm still the same me, but much more tough and simple. I lost my dad and uncle last year and it seems like I was on the brink losing myself. But no, God didn't let me. There is also the Covid pandemic happening now and it's taking a lot of memories from us. But this quiet helped me learn myself more. Love myself more. Understand myself more.

[juxtaposereality]

Culture

If you want to step up, adapt to their culture. Do more. Be understanding. If this is your dream, absorb the reality. It may be tiring but you'll reap the benefits soon. For now, just plant seeds.

[alexandraelle-deactivated201511]

stop apologizing for who you are, for your laugh, for “looking crazy,” for the way you eat or sleep. stop being sorry for being yourself.

alex elle  (via tr-apstar)

[knitting-books-deactivated20150]

May the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation.

It is time. (via knitting-books)

Hopeful 🙏✈️

[williamchapmanwritings]

Be somebody nobody thought you could be.

William Chapman  (via eggykahlo)

[juxtaposereality]

Lessons

I have learned from the past weeks that no matter how chaotic your surroundings may be, it’s up to you if you would lose yourself in the process. Or just swing by it.

In giving myself to others, I lost some for myself. I’ve always let others feel okay and comforted and in the process, I used up everything and left nothing for myself. This weekend taught me that yeah, what you’ve expected from people, even those you really value, may not be the same thing they will give you. And that’s okay. Because it’s the reality. And the reality is, not all things will come out as you have desired.

Happy to say that even though this week had been so stressful, I spent the weekend with my loved ones. Plus we ate a lot. I missed my siblings and my parents. I missed by college bestfriends too.

Looking forward to another week where I’ll leave my last account ready for a new senior to handle. And that I may also be ready to be away and give time for myself, for my dreams, for a better, more passionate version of me.

[juxtaposereality]

And I can't help but drive away from all the mess you've made

[juxtaposereality]

Sunday-Monday

It’s 3am on a Monday. This blog is an effect of a late night drive thru at SB just to consume a coupon that was supposed to entitle me to a free double upsize. My purpose was compromised the moment I left the store and forgot to get my change.

Which takes me to an idea that no matter how perfect our plan maybe (like how I planned my night on working after an exhausting weekend full of chores), there will be things we’ll still miss; like how carefully I planned my career. In 4 days time, I will know for certain if I will be sent to the US and it makes me quiver to just think of the idea that I will have to be independent for 3 months.

I will have to trade off my favorite account in BCD and maybe the IPO account (I hope not) for this once in a lifetime opportunity. But I know that He has plans for me. I may have planned my career for the next 2 years but no one is better at it than Him. So whether I be sent to the US, handle the BCD and IPO account, or a combination of both, I will be grateful. Will always be.

Good night. Oh not yet. I will have to finish my materials for a meeting first. 🙂

[deeplifequotes]

This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you.

(via starwill)

👊🏼 to a positive week. Keep the faith! 🙏

[juxtaposereality]

Conceal

There’s this side of me that conceals some part of me in order not to be misjudged even if it means appearing funny and stupid in front of them.

I just don’t want them, those not close to me, to know the real me. I just show it to the genuine ones. I hate being judged. 

[fyp-philosophy]

If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.

Socrates (via fyp-philosophy)

[juxtaposereality]

[juxtaposereality]

Wrong move?

Fuck. Is this a wrong move? Why was this opportunity given when I am now falling in love with my current job. Why Lord why?

I prayed hard last July. That God may give me the best for my career since at that time, I think I am deprived of opportunities. But now that I have to choose between two good opportunities, it saddens me that I have committed to the other while learning to love the other option. A wonderful option that happens rarely.

What does this mean? I don’t wanna choose. Because the other one is what I wanna do while the other is what I need to do.

Lord please help me.

[juxtaposereality]

Move on

Disclaimer: this post does not mean I am leaving for something anytime soon. I just want to reminisce. 😁

Here I am, in the office, on a weekend. I admit I missed this feeling. The last time I spent weekends in the office, I remember I felt so tired. Those were the days I have to release 7 FS in just a matter of 3 weeks.

Rewind to the days when I was still an ESA. I remember I had fun working overnight in the office alone to work on my 2 engagements under an intimidating senior. Looking back, my passion for work was so high I was not complaining about the pile of work. I was happy and contented with the accounts given to me.

Fast forward to the time I was promoted to senior. I was assigned to a new account in Bacolod. I also volunteered to handle the big accounts in our group account. I remember I was thirsty for growth, I wanted something new. I am happy to say that I finished all those on time, with happy clients. But what happened to me, the simple and contented me?

After finishing all my senior accounts, I demanded a new account. A much more complex account. I was pressured since I was compared side by side with my excellent best buddy. I was so eager to have the best account in the cluster. I demanded it. I said to myself I will leave if I am not given the account.

My head got preoccupied with the rewards, with the credits and the appreciation. I think so highly of myself I forgot that 3 years ago, my simple wish was to get accepted at SGV.

What happened to me? What happened to the simple me?

Now, I got what I asked for. Actually, I am given with the best options. Options I do not know if I still deserve. To be seconded to the US or if I stay, to handle an IPO account.

I asked God why He gave me these. I don’t deserve them. I am a conceited demanding individual. Why give me the best accounts?

Then the ratings for us seniors were given. I did not receive an excellent grade. I cried. I cried a lot. I expected that I be rewarded with the efforts I exerted. I got mad. Got mad with my managers, got mad with my workmates, got mad with the cluster’s system. I distanced myself from them. I made ways to avoid them.

I felt even more sad. I felt so sad.

God was so good. He let me speak with my old best friend. Despite her very busy schedule, God made a way. She knows me very well. She knows what happened to me since college. She witnessed my growth. She witnessed my failures. She witnessed me at my lowest.

I was reminded that everything that’s happening in my life is so good, why am I still asking God for more. The secondment and the IPO are blessings given to very few individuals. Why am I asking for more?

Then I felt it’s these insecurities that are killing me. I have to let them go. I have to just be grateful with the opportunities offered to me. I have to stop comparing. I have to be contented and give it my best. To prove no one, but myself, that I can do anything. Anything given to me. This made me humble.

That way I will be free. Free from hatred. Free from sadness.

I just miss the old me. I just miss the grateful happy me.

Still, I did not forget to thank the Lord for these blessings. God is so good. So good I am shamed of my attitude.

[juxtaposereality]

Succumb

She spoke words that will melt in your hand. This is what you wanted. Learn to reap the consequences of what you asked for. Prove no one of your capabilities but yourself. Don't fear what others will tell about you. Fuck them. The close minded ones will never understand you. So don't waste time on them. Spend time for your development. Spend time with people who knows the genuine you. Lastly, don't forget to thank the Lord for granting your wishes no matter how hard the situation is right now. The Lord has his reasons for everything that is happening. Just be grateful. The harvests will come soon. Expect nothing but pray for everything.

[juxtaposereality]

Sure I can stay but there's a perfect place I'd rather be.