I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m fucking sorry.. I should have been there – I should have told you.. It was all words, nothing but words, her best friend was dead, and no amount of apologies could make up for the fact that he hadn’t been here, that Teddy had lied. Maybe she’d gone through life putting faith in the wrong people; in people she couldn’t truly depend on when it mattered the most, and all she could think about was how foolish that made her in the face of everything. Her best friend was dead; and even she’d lied to her, for years..– Teddy, someone she told everything to, had lied to her — And Jasper, the piece of herself that she’d forever refused to be apart from, had left her. He’d bailed as if it were nothing at all, as if her entire being hadn’t been crushed under the weight of her other half being ripped from her so brutally. “Stop..– stop.” She started the moment she heard the apology, her teeth grit so hard she felt her teeth grind against one another. “Shut up!” Her eyes closed tightly while the tone of her voice rose louder than necessary. “Just shut up! I don’t want to hear it, Jasper.— I don’t…I..–” She fought for breath, but it hurt, everything hurt. Her lungs burnt as the machine worked to feed more oxygen into her system with every quickened breath, “You left. You just..– left. Devon was ..—” Murdered? She still didn’t even know, didn’t understand what happened. Palm pressed to her chest, avoiding where she thought the burns were as she coughed, pressing in as if it would help her breathe, panic and anger setting into her bones, but her tirade didn’t stop. “You weren’t here..– you weren’t here when…— w-when I needed you.” He’d had ever chance to be here for her, and she’d burn alive over and over again if it meant her heart didn’t feel like this. “I..– I don’t need.. you now.” She did.
She was right. She was so fucking right, and there wasn’t even a small part of it that he could argue against. At the end of the day, it was a surprise that Jasper had any true friends left. If they needed him to bail them out of jail, he was there. If they needed him to stand in a fight, he was there. But when they truly needed him, like Cinda had needed him, he wasn’t there. He couldn’t be there, for his own selfish reasons. “I know, I know,” he spoke in a hushed voice, head ducked down. His gaze focused on the tiled floor beneath his shoes, unable to bring his gaze back up to her. Lacing his fingers together before him, he squeezed his hands so tightly that his knuckles started to turn white. Sitting there in that hospital chair, listening to one of the closest people to him talk, Jasper started to hate himself more than he had ever before. He was a coward, made obvious by how he had left Cinda here to deal with this, to become a victim herself. An apology had left his lips when he sat there, perfectly healthy, and she wore the marks from the fire, and the loss of Devon. Finally, after too long of staring at the tiles, Jasper had lifted his gaze, snapped up to stare across at her. I don’t need you now. The words hurt in ways that he couldn’t quite explain, could never explain. It drove home too hard, twisted his gut in uncomfortable ways. “Cinda, you don’t---,” mean that? But couldn’t she? Didn’t she? She had every right to say the words, to banish him from that sacred spot beside her. They had been close, closer than he’d ever been with another soul, and he had walked away as if it meant nothing. “I’m not....I won’t leave you. I’m here, alright? And I’m not going anywhere this time.” But did it still mean the same?