Kajitae

"A pen is mightier than a sword, then that means a typewriter is mightier than a gun" - Chicago Typewriter

[kajitaewrites]

Unwanted Kindness

final part.

“I- Uhm- Wow... you look great.”

“Thank you. You do too.” I say in response.

“Really? You think so?” He looks at me with a small cheeky smile. I don’t respond and I start walking away. He calls out to me, catching up to my speed. “Are you leaving already? Let me walk you to your car.” I silently agree and we head to the garage.

I break the silence. “I didn’t know you were one to be into classical music.”

“Uhm... yeah I kind of guess I am.”

“Is this why you asked me if I was busy after work?” I look at him dead in the eyes. He doesn’t seem to comply with my eye contact and avoids my eyes. The lights above us are dim but you can still see a slight tint of pink on his cheeks.

“Hahaha... yeah I did. I wanted to invite you.”

“You want to get some dinner with me then?” I ask him to look straight ahead. I hear him stop walking, turning to see him standing in place, I wait for him.

“Ye-yeah. I would love to.”

[kajitaewrites]

Unwanted Kindness

pt 2.

“What time does your last class finish?” He says scratching the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. “Why do you ask.” I go to put the paper bag on my desk and sit. “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out after work?” I sit there a little dumbfounded. What are we 12? I give him a silent chuckle. “I have stuff to do.” “That’s too bad.” He jokingly pouts. Looking at the time he starts to get his coat on. “Sorry to cut the conversation short but I have to go, my next class starts in 15 minutes.” “I didn’t ask,” I say quietly. “I mean the least you could do is somewhat care.” He says with a fake pout, but his eyes. I know those eyes. I’ve seen those eyes before too many times. Disappointment, sadness, and a bit of loneliness. Shit. He rushes out of the class. I take my lunch at noon. Remembering that John gave me a paper bag, I grab it. Looking inside, I see a lunch box and a note. A lunch box? I go to open the note. ‘I hope you have a great lunch. I made you a little something. Enjoy. P.S. Why haven't you texted me? Anyways if you threw away the paper I left, here’s my number. xxx-xxx-xxxx. A small smile appears on my face unknowingly. I set the note down and take out the lunch box. Opening it the smell of meat, vegetables, and rice fills my nose. Impressed with his cooking skills I devour the food. Wow, the guy really knows how to cook. I grab all my belongings, getting ready to leave. I look at the paper bag. I should probably wash the dishes. It would be rude not to. Getting home I take off my shoes and head to the kitchen and wash the dishes. I put them on the side and leave them to dry. I head to my bedroom seeing that my ticket for a piano recital was today at 8 pm. Looking at the time I see that it is currently 3:30. I head over to my vanity to do my makeup. Natural makeup, simple eyeshadow that makes my eyes look bigger, I decide on a natural lipstick that has a hint of rose pigment. I slightly curl my hair making it have volume and a little more life to when it usually does. I grab the silk dress I bought myself. Trying it on, it makes me feel like a different person. Confident, something I never truly was growing up. Going to my mirror I stand in front of it. I look at her. The person looking back at me, she’s gorgeous. The dress hugging all the right places but the dress isn’t tight, it just somehow fits perfectly. Not too tight, not too loose. She looks alive, young. This isn’t me. I walk away and I go to get some nude heals and a light coat that matches the dress. I head out the door. Arriving at the Concert Hall, I park my car in the garage and head into the venue. I take my seat in the balcony seat. We wait for a few minutes until the pianist gets on the stage. Claps flooding the hall in waves. Je te veux. The female pianist plays je te veux. I frown. Memories flood my head. ‘Have you heard of Je te veux?’ He asks me. I look at him and wonder, filling my eyes. ‘No what’s that? What does that mean?’ His laugh filling the air, the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. ‘je te veux is a French sentence. It means I want you.’ He says as he gets closer. His face centimeters away from mine. His breath has traces of chocolate and mint. He leans in closer to me. Everyone stands and claps. I sit in my spot, my eyes full to the brim with tears. I look around and I dry away from the tears. Slowly standing up I head out to the lobby everyone else following behind. I go to the bathroom to clear my head. I look at the mirror in front of me. Mascara slightly smudged. I grab a tissue and clean up the mess. I let out a shaky breath and headed out. I walk out of the restroom to the lobby. Looking in my purse for my keys I bump into something broad. “I apologize, I wasn’t looking.” I look up to see who I had bumped in. “It’s fine, no worries miss- Sky??” You have to be kidding me. Standing in front of me, John. Wearing a dark gray suit with a black button-up shirt adorned with a black bow tie. Hair messy but it doesn’t make him look any worse. “I- Uhm- Wow... you look great.

[kajitaewrites]

Unwanted Kindness

pt 1.

The morning sun caressing my face, waking me up. The ocean, tapping my window ready to give me small morning kisses. Complying to the request of the ocean, I get up and get ready for work. I head to the restroom to wash up. I get some black slacks, a white button-up shirt, a simple leather belt. I grab a brown coat from a hanger and a light brown knit scarf. I go to the bathroom and I see my reflection. My cheeks becoming hollow, skin becoming pale as the days goes by, dark circles hugging the part underneath my eyes reminding me of the nightmares I've been having recently. I try to pull all my hair back into a low bun but some strands escape to frame my face. I head downstairs to grab my glasses from my back and wear them. I look at the time reading 9:10 am. I sigh knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stop by to get some tea. I get my bag and rush out the door to my car. It’s 5 before 10 and I walk into my class, a string of good morning’s fills the air. I go to sit on my desk and drop my bag on my chair. “Alright students. Can anyone tell me if they know who Oscar Wilde is?” I look across the class. I see a lot of heads shaking. “Okay well. Apparently not a lot of people like classic books, anyways, he will be the first author we will be officially reading. You will have to research him and his life-” I hear some groans and I give a small chuckle. “As I was saying, it has to be a minimum of 250 words-” Interrupted again I hear some sighs of revilement from some of the students. I continue, “It will be due by the next class. We will have a small discussion about Wilde so you can get a little introduction of who he is.” At this point I have gotten up from my desk and started to walk around, talking a bit with my hands. “Next class I will be assigning an assignment after the discussion, so be ready for that. Any question?” I sit back on my desk. I look up to see a hand up. Aliah, a 5’6” girl, curly hair that goes just above her shoulders adorned with some bangs that frame her face. Sometimes she wears glasses other days she doesn’t, sun-kissed skin that just makes her glow, even in the darkest days. “Yes professor, will this be a graded assignment, the discussion I mean, along with the writing part?” I look up at her a bit confused. She’s a smart girl, I don’t understand why she would ask such an obvious question. I look over her right. A timid boy looking down, blond hair, pale skin, very skinny for his size. I come to realize that maybe it’s not her who she is asking the question for but for Robin. “Yes, it is. You may also work together but please do not copy each other. At least try to rephrase it differently.” I look at my watch seeing it is already the end of the class. “Alright, you may go.” Students pass by me bidding me a good day. I sit back watching the students flood out of my class. Having one class left at 2 pm, I head off to the campus coffee shop. I walk in, amazed by the interior design. Books filling the left side wall of the coffee shop from the ceiling to the ground, paintings dotted all over the right wall. Booths and tables perfectly spaced out, plants being the last touch. I walk over to the bar and order a mango green tea. I wonder how John is doing- No. I stop myself. Why the hell would I be thinking of him right now? Confused, I get my order and go back to my class. I walk in to see the devil himself sitting in the first row. Dressed in all black except for his white turtleneck. His hair styled but somehow natural. Glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. I didn’t know he wore glasses. “Mr. Kim, What are you doing here?” He stands up, a paper bag in his hands. “I brought you something to eat. I didn’t know if you’ve eaten breakfast yet.” He points at the cup in my hand. “By the looks of it I don’t think you even had time in the morning to even go to get coffee.” I look down at my hand forgetting I was even holding my tea. “It’s tea. Not coffee.” He chuckles and hands me the bag. I grab it but it feels heavier than just breakfast. I go to open it but he stops me.

[kajitaewrites]

Just a little bit longer

My alarm wakes me up. The dream of last night is still vivid in my head. I look at the time, 7:30 am. I get up and head for a quick shower. I get out my outfit for today that consists of some tan plaid pants, a white button-up, and a navy-blue sweater. I head downstairs to see that my mother is up.  

“Get ready,” I say putting my hair in a messy ponytail. “Where are we going?” She asks while going to her room and changing. I follow her and lean on the door frame. “I told you yesterday that I was going to be with you for the weekend so hurry. I made a reservation for breakfast.” I get off the door frame and head to wait in the living room. After 20 minutes she comes out ready to go. I grab my keys from where I left them last night and head out.  

We get to the restaurant, Coo café bread or rice. I park the car and head in. “Good morning, reservation for Goodwin?” I say to a tall young man. He looked maybe in his early 20’s, well-built but not overly. Handsome and eyes brown buy more of a honey color.  

“Ah yes Ms. Goodwin, please follow me.” He takes us to a table next to a big window that gives us a view of the city.  

“Here are your menus.” I give him a small thanks. “Would you like to get started off with a drink?”  

“I will have a café au lait. Mother?” “I will have green tea please.” He takes out orders and walks away.  

“Isn’t he handsome? Why don’t you ask him for dinner? Did you see the way he was looking at you?” She looks at me with glee in her eyes.  

Yes, mother, I saw but I don’t care. When can I not when that’s what men do? They just stare and do nothing. They stare until I become uncomfortable. Stare until they get a reaction.  

“No, I didn’t. Yes, I agree he is handsome but I feel no attraction towards him.” I ignore the rest of what she has to say of the fellow. I stare out into the city. A few more hours. Just some more and then I can go back to my comfort. Just until 7, Then I will be free. Just until then.   

I hear a cup cling to the table. “Here you go, ma’am. You're green tea, and Ms. Your café au lait.” He winks at me. I looked at him and then back to the city that was just starting to wake.  

“Would you like to order?”  

“Yes dear, I would like the chicken tarte plate and poached egg, avocado, and salad.” She looks up at him and gives him a kind smile. Where was that smile growing up? I stay where I am and give her a scoff. Be nice to the people you only want to impress, mother. I don’t look away from where I am looking. “I’ll have the smoked salmon salad.” I feel my mother giving me a look and she apologizes to the waiter for my attitude.  

“What the hell was that Autumn?” 

 “What? I didn’t do anything wrong. Just because I didn’t fake having interest in him doesn’t mean I did anything wrong.” I say bluntly, not giving two fucks about what she says about my ‘attitude’.  

“I don’t want to argue with you right now. Why don’t we just have a nice brunch? No arguing, just a mother and daughter. Like the good old times?” I stay silent. She goes on about talking to my brothers and how she hated her job or something along those lines. Fifteen minutes pass and our waiter comes out with our food. My mother thanks him and he leaves. I don’t even try to continue with small talk and just enjoy my food.  

“Well that was a good meal, don’t you think?”  I quietly agree to get into the driver's seat and start the car. I leave it in the park. 

 “What do you want to do?” I ask her, knowing I’m going to regret asking. “I want to go shopping.” I sigh, but I silently comply.   

 I walk behind her observing her. In heels, we are the same size but she’s a couple of inches shorter than me. Black hair that she’s chopped off so it can rest on her upper back. People always thought that we were sisters but I never saw it. When giving me compliments, she would tell me I looked like my father. I just wished I looked like none of them.  

She goes off into a store full of bags and clothes. “Isn’t this pretty?” She holds up a black tight dress that has a v cut and little gems down along the cut. I look at it and look away, I mumble a small sure and walk away wondering though the rest of the store. I look at my watch, 3 more hours. Before she goes home before I’m back to being free.  

I decide to get myself some stuff too. Something catches my eye. A simple cream floor-length dress. It has a slit all along the left side. Simple, beautiful.  

I looked for my mother and asked her if she's ready to go. In her hand, she has a bulk of clothes and 2 bags. I walk away from her and go to check out. She follows behind me.  

“The total will be $468.92.” I give my mother a glare. She looks at me with a cheeky smile. I hate her. I hand the cashier my card and gives it back. She puts my dress in a different bag and hands it to me. I give her a small thanks and walk out of the store. My mother trailing behind me with 3 other bags draped over her shoulders. I head to the car seeing that we have 2 and a half hours before her flight leaves.  

Getting to my apartment I head off to my room with my bag. I drop it on my beg and head downstairs for something to drink. I see my mother in her room and I walk over. She's struggling to put all the stuff she had bought in her suitcase. “That’s not going to fit you know?” I state the obvious. “Leave it here. I’ll just mail it to you when you leave.” She reluctantly agrees and takes everything out. I look at my watch seeing that she has 2 hours left.  

I drive off to the airport. I park the car and get my mother’s luggage from the back seat and walk her to the terminal. “Okay well. It was nice seeing you after 7 years, my child.” I give her no response and I walk off. I head back home.

[kajitaewrites]

Nightmares, Nightmares, Nightmares

Getting home I take off my shoes and drop off my bag on the couch in the living room. I head to my bedroom, too tired to deal with my mother. Right now, I just want to be alone. I leave my phone on the side of my bed to charge. I head over to the window still and sit down. I stare out to see the skyline. The rain clouds hugging the top of the skyscrapers. Raindrops falling. I never understood why people hate the rain. The ocean came all the way from its home to give the world tiny kisses, yet people condemn it as if it’s hell’s kisses’. I hear a knock on my door. I go to open the door and see my mother standing there, arms crossed and a frown has now formed.  

“Come down and eat. I’ve made dinner.” She walks off and heads down the stairs. I close my door, following her.  

 “So, where did you go today for 5 hours?” She asks while eating the soup that she’d made. 

 “To do some work,”  I responded, not looking up and continue to eat.  

“You never told me where you work. Do you have a boyfriend? Is that why you never talk to me anymore?”  

“I’m a professor. No, I don’t. I don’t talk to you because I'm too busy all the time at work.”  

She stays quiet and keeps eating. I finish my dinner and head to the kitchen to clean my dishes. I grab my bag from my couch and I head back to my room. I throw my bag on my bed and I see a tiny piece of paper fall out with my book. Confused, I grab my bag and place it on the floor. I pick up the paper and open it. A phone number. This little parasite. I scoff to myself. I crumble it up and throw it away. I change my clothes and go to bed.  

 ‘You want to go on an adventure?’ I ask him wanting to spend more time with him.  

‘Yeah, sure. Where to?’ He looks at me with those eyes. Eyes that I fell for the first time I saw him. Those eyes that hold in the world. Green dancing together with caramel and golden specks that glisten in the light. Every time I look at them, they change, they become more enchanting, vibrant even. I drive off to where the road led me.  

We arrive at a field of grass that looks over the city. I look at him, mesmerized. Him. I wanted him and only him.  

‘Hey Luke’ he turns around and smiles at me. 

‘Yeah?’  

I get in the cabin of the truck and wave him over to sit down next to me.  

‘Wow, this is really a cool place.’ ‘Yeah I know right? You remember how we met’  

He looks at me confused and shakes his head. 

 I look at the sun setting over the city. ‘We met when we were children, and I'm being completely honest when I say that I had a small thing for you when we were small.’  

I look at him, locking eyes with him. Admiring the nature that’s captivated within those pretty eyes of his. I continue. 'You are beautiful. Looks and personality. Overall beautiful. It amazes me how fast we clicked; well I think we did. The way we can joke around, the way we can introduce each other to new music. The way we can just talk about anything and everything. We talked about 4 months before we saw each other. The day that I picked you up and went to go get boba was a great day. I became very emotionally attached very fast and that scared me if I'm being totally honest. At the same time, I really didn’t mind at all. There was a period of time where all I would think of was you. I didn’t know what that feeling was and I was scared. I would get distracted at work just thinking of you. Now, I keep getting “signs” that it’s you, that it was always you, and frankly I'm terrified?’  I stare at him, looking for a reaction.  

Night had arrived and right now we were just staring at each other. Then, he laughs as if I had pulled a joke. I become confused. Did I say something funny? He looks at me with tears in his eyes, clutching his stomach.  

‘That was the funniest thing you’ve said yet.’  ‘Funny? Did I say something funny?’  

‘Yeah, you did. You just confessed to me. That's funny.’ I look at him in shock. He thinks this is a joke. He thinks that confessing my feelings was a joke. The guy that I thought was my soulmate thinks I'm a joke? 

 ‘You think I'm a joke?’  

‘Oh yeah, 100 percent. Do you think I would like you?? I mean, come on, I’m way out of your league. I mean look at you, you’re ugly, you have a really shitty personality, and well you kind of need to lose some weight, well from everywhere really. I. Would. Never. Love. Someone. Like. You. Ever.’  

I wake up gasping for some air. Sweat rolling down my forehead. Tears begging to spill from my eyes, I go to grab my phone to look at the time. 3:45 am. I see the paper on the floor. No. I can’t let him see me like this. I can’t let him in.

[kajitaewrites]

Sugar can be bitter sometimes

“Mother”   

“Wow. Nice to see that you’ve missed me.” I stare at her. Amazed that she still believes that I would miss her after all she’s done for me. I let out a silent scoff. I head out of the terminal and head towards my car. My mother trailing behind me. I get into the car and I wait until she gets in. “Here, I got you a coffee.” I hand her the coffee and I drive off. Tension thick enough to cut with a knife builds up. An awkward silence fills the car, raindrops hitting the roof of the car being the only source of noise within these doors. “How’s school going?” I keep my eyes on the road, making no effort on looking at her or actually paying attention to her.  

“I finished school 2 years ago.”  

“Oh”   

I let a sight to myself knowing what she’s trying to pull on me. For the rest of the ride home, my mother tried to have small conversations with me. We finally get to my apartment and I walk her in. I bring her luggage into the guest room, I turn to her. “You can use this room. You can unpack your things.” I walk out of the room and head downstairs. I go to get my keys from the kitchen bar.  

“Where are you going?” I look up and my mother is at the bottom of the stairs looking at me a bit irritated.  

“I need to go out somewhere, I’ll be back later.” Mother then becomes frustrated and angry. 

“You’re going to leave your poor mother by herself when she came all the way to visit you?” I become irritated, wanting to get out of here and away from her as fast as I can. “how long are you going to be here for?” I ask her wanting to get this conversation done. 

 “Well, I’m only staying here for the weekend.”  

“Okay then, you have the rest of the weekend to be with me, now I need to go.” I ignore what she says and I walk out the door. I head to my car and get in. I get in the driver's seat and I rest my head on the steering wheel. I sigh again. Something that I’ve been doing more lately, somewhat becoming a usual thing, almost like a necessity in order to get by the day. I raise my head and start the car. I drive off to go see Sofie in the shop.  

I step out of my car and I go to grab my bag from the back. I head in and I greet Sofie.  

“Well don’t you look good today?” Sarcasm filling the air. “My mother is in town and at my apartment.” She looks a tad bit confused as to why it would be a bad thing. “I’m guessing that’s not a good thing by the looks of it?” I nod in agreement not wanting to talk more about it. I order a strawberry milkshake and a slice of carrot cake. “Uh...I’m guessing this isn’t for you?” Sofie asks.  

“It is,” I blatantly say with no expression on my face. She looks up at me and stares at me with confusion all over her face. I would be too. I never order cake and a sugary drink, especially all together at one go. Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess. She continues ringing me up. I give her a small thanks and head to a small booth in the far corner all the way in the back where there are not a lot of people. A more isolated and quieter place. I face the store, being able to see the full shop. Watching people go in and out, focusing on their own little world, worrying about their own little problems. I hear my name being called and grab my order and head back down. I take out my stuff and I open my book to where I left off. I drift off into my little world, occasionally taking a small bite out of the cake or taking a sip from my shake but never drifting back to reality.  

“Wow, you really do live in your little world.” I get pulled out of my comfort from my walls and push back into reality. “Excuse me what?” I look up and I curse in my head. Oh great. I guess I can’t take a break today. Staring down at me is John, he looks different, younger. Wearing a light grey hoodie with some light ripped jeans, with some red chucks. Around his neck, some wireless headphones hang. He looks young and alive, the messy hair that sits on his forehead adds on to it. He looks relaxed and happy. The complete opposite of what I am right now.  

“Oh, it’s you,” I say. I look back down and keep reading. He laughs and takes a seat in front of me. I look up confused and annoyed.

 “I didn’t think you were the type to eat carrot cake and- is that a strawberry shake?” He asks me unbothered that he had just trespassed my safe space within this shop. I look at him in disbelief. Is he really serious right now? I don’t say anything and ignore him. 

“By the way, you can call me Johnny. All my friends call me that anyways.”  

“We’re not friends,” I tell him without looking up from my book.  

“Why not? I mean every other staff member is old. Plus, you’re the only one that is still in their 20’s and that is not a college student.” He says as he grabs a bite of my carrot cake. I give him a look. “What? You weren’t eating it and carrot cake is my favorite.” He raises his arm in defense but slowly lowers them down, seeing that I wasn’t moving.  

“I honestly don’t give two shits okay?” I say unbothered, once again going back to my book. I don’t hear him talk or move and I look at him. He looks up at me surprised and stunned. Confused, I ask, “What?”  

“You...you cursed.” He said, almost breathless and taken back.  

“What?” I repeat myself, still confused.  

He jumps up from his seat and gets out of the booth. He points at me with wide eyes, shock and joy make an appearance in his eyes. He starts pacing and talking to himself frantically repeating the same lines, “You cursed.” 

“Sit down. People are staring,” I pull on his sweater making him go back into the booth and making him take a seat. 

 “Can you calm the hell down? You’re acting like a crazy person.”  

“I’m sorry I just never heard you swear, that’s why.”  

“Yeah, I don’t do that much. You’re just something else.” I state what seems obvious. 

“Aww, you think I’m something else.” He says while he puts his hands on his heart and tilts his head, looking at me dearly. 

 “Yeah, I do. It's not a good thing.” He slightly pouts and rests his hands on the table in front of us. Rereading the same page for the 10th time I decide to give up and put the book away, taking out my journal.  

“Oooo. Can I see what’s inside?” Wonder and joy held in his eyes.  

“No” I opened the leather-covered journal to a page that I wrote 7 years ago. I regret writing what I wrote. I want to rip it out and shred it to pieces and burn it. I was so naïve back then; I was foolish and stupid. A poem of a guy that when he paid attention to me, the world had color. 3 days. The world had color for 3 days then back to being black and white until he talked to me again. God knows when he did.  

 ‘when I look at you,  

You make me awe. 

I feel at peace when I stare deeply  

In your eyes 

Almost as if I was in a trance  

 Your voice, smooth but tender 

As if your cautious  

with your words and tone 

As if one note higher it will break peace.  

 The peace that is hidden  

within that soft smile of yours  

Soft but lonely,  

Almost distant  

 You're waiting for someone to save you  

From your own walls 

But cautious enough so that  

No one mistakes it as weak. 

Tender but not fragile.’ 

 “Wow. Who did you write that for?” I look up and see that John had now moved to sit next to me. I stare at him observing him a little closer. His jaw, defined and well sculptured but soft not chiseled. Skin, porcelain to the eye but soft and textured to the touch. His eyes hooded but sparkling with curiosity almost glossy. His eyes, ones monolid and the other one isn’t something I never noticed until now that I’m upclose. He somehow makes two things that weren’t made for each other fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces.  

“No one,” I say as I close my journal. I look down and close my eyes. Memories coming back to me of him. Something I wished I could erase. Feeling a hand go to my back and slightly rub my shoulder in comfort, I look over and see John looking at me.  

“Don’t look at me like that.” I look away and gather my things.  

“You’re leaving already?” He looks at me with a hint of sadness and some other emotion I can’t quite put my finger on. “Yes, I need to get home.” I look at my watch seeing that 5 hours had already passed and it is now 8:22 pm. I curse under my breath, remembering what waits for me at home.  

“Do you want me to walk you to your car? It’s dark already and it’s still raining, plus it doesn’t look like you have don’t have an umbrella.” He says while standing up. I look outside the wall of windows seeing that he was right. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to stop for a while. I nod my head in agreement. 

 “Okay let's go.” We head out from the back and to the parking lot and towards my car. “Here you go.” I open the door of the passenger seat and put my bag in. I go over to the driver's seat and start the car. I look out my window and John is still standing there smiling and waving goodbye. I drive off. 

[kajitaewrites]

Unwanted guests

 I stand there stuck in place waiting for everyone to leave. Until I am alone with silence, I decide to head back to my desk. I hear my phone go off, telling me that I had gotten a message. Unlocking my phone, I see that my mother, that I haven’t seen in years, had suddenly written to me. I sigh for the 20th time today, knowing what was coming. “Great, now this?”  

Being so intrigued in my little world I didn’t notice the unfamiliar silhouette that was in my doorway. I hear someone clearing their throat, but I don’t think much of it and stay a bit longer in my world. They clear their throat again but they follow it with a knock. I look up and I see a young gentleman.  The young man stands at about 6 feet, maybe a bit taller. Well-kept cinnamon brown hair but a little long from the top, combed and styled, but it still reaches his eyebrow. Dressed with a burnt orange turtle neck that hugs all the right places, black slacks adorned with a black belt and black dress shoes.  

I speak up, “There is no other lecture for the day.” I say while looking at the watch on my wrist.  

“I’m not here for your lecture professor.” He walks out of the door frame and closer into the lecture class.  

“Then can I ask what you are doing here then, student?” I ask him a tad bit confused but annoyed for being bothered on my after-hours before I can head home.  

He gives me a slight chuckle. I grow a little more irritated and impatient but I don’t say anything.   

With his soft but raspy voice, a mixture of lemon and honey. A mixture that shouldn’t work but it oddly does.  

“My apologies. I should have introduced myself earlier. My name is John Kim, I’m a professor. I teach philosophy on the other side of the building.” He says slowly coming closer with a smile on his face. He takes his hand out for me to shake. I stare at him and I look back down at his hand. He stands there for a few seconds and retracts his hand back to his pocket. Feeling a bit awkward that I didn’t accept his little greeting gesture.  

He clears his throat and continues talking, “I came by to see if the rumor was true. Some of my students said that there was a new professor around my age that taught English in this building.” 

 I walk back to my desk collecting all my items, getting ready to leave. “okay so the rumor is true. Anything else?” I turned to him trying to find my keys that were somewhere in my bag. I look up at him, he looks taken back but he puts on a smile. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to be friends?” His smile somehow becomes bigger and his eyes start to shine like a kid in a candy store. 

  I stare at him with a blank expression. “I don’t do friends, sorry.” I look down at my watch and I let a curse under my breath. “If you’ll excuse me I have somewhere to be.” I walk out of the lecture hall and towards my car.  

I drive off home. I finally get home after being stuck in traffic for 25 minutes. I open the door and I take off my heels, my caves being relieved that they don’t have to endure one more minute of hell. I turn on the light to my apartment and I leave my keys on the kitchen bar and head upstairs to my bedroom. Putting my bag and my coat on my bed, I go to my wardrobe to get my sleeping clothes that consist of an oversized t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. I leave them on my bed and I grab my towel and drag my feet to the bathroom to take a shower. Getting in the shower I stand there letting the waterfall from above. The water cleansing me from all the stress the day has crawled on my skin. 

 I stand there for some more time thinking about what John had asked me earlier. Friends? Why would he want to be friends? I shake the thought out of my head and I turn off the water. I jump out the shower and get ready for bed. I lay there within the cold sheets, forgetting about dinner, and forgetting about everything that happened today.  

I wake up to the sound of raindrops hitting my window. Beauty at its finest. I get out of bed and I go to my bedroom window. I sit on the ledge and I gaze out to the world. I get out of a trance when I hear my phone chime. I walk across my room to the side of my bed where my phone sits. A text message from my mother appears, saying to go pick her up from the airport at noon. I look at the time on my phone, reading 10:30 am. I sigh knowing what is about to come. I haven’t seen my mother in 7 years. I am surprised she even found out where I live. I moved away from my city when I turned 21 and left the country and moved to Canada.  

I grab some old boyfriend jeans from my wardrobe with a soft brown knit turtleneck. I wear my usual necklace but I tuck it inside my shirt. I grab my glasses from my desk downstairs, too lazy to put in my contacts. I tie my hair up in a messy bun, too tired to even make an effort with how it looks today. I grab my journal, a book, and some other necessities that are on my desk and I stuff them into my leather backpack. I look at the time on my watch, it reads 11:15 am. I grab a pair of vans that were shoved in the corner of the entrance and put them on.  

Driving to the airport I head towards my favorite coffee shop. I go in and the smell of freshly baked bread and sweetness surrounds me. I look around to see if Sofie was in today but I remember that she doesn’t work Saturday mornings. I go in and order a mango green tea and a coffee. I headed out of the coffee shop once I received my order. 

I arrive at the airport 5 minutes before 12. Dreading for this moment. I want to go home. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see her. I got out of my car and headed to the terminal my mother was supposed to land in. I wait in the lobby for her. I look down at my watch reading 12:07 pm. Why does this have to go on longer than I want it to go?  

“Autumn?” I hear a feminine voice call my middle name. I turn around to see the devil herself standing before me.  

“Mother.”

[kajitaewrites]

Familiar but unknown

I wake up to the morning sun caressing my face like honey on a platter. The window is slightly propped up enough to feel the early autumn breeze nipping on my skin fresh from just waking up. I lay there in bed for a few more minutes contemplating whether to get up and have enough time to make myself breakfast or ponder around looking at the blank walls until I'm almost late. I don’t even have enough time to go by my regular coffee shop to even get a simple muffin. I turn to get my phone that’s sitting on the nightstand next to my bed. It reads 6:45 am. I sigh to myself and leave my phone back to where it was.  

Bothered and lazy, I reluctantly get up from my bed, scratching my head. I slowly creep to my bathroom to wash up. Showering for a little too long for other people’s liking. Growing up, people would tell me that the loneliest people take the longest and warmest showers. To feel the warmth from the water that they couldn’t get from the people around them. Wishing time would go by slower, I get out of the shower. I stand in front of the mirror looking at the person staring back at me. They look familiar but unknown at the same time. I see the bags under their eyes that carry the hours of all the sleepless nights. The blotchiness of their skin being foreign but comforting. The freshly dyed hair that turned from a warm chestnut to a jet black. A known person that slowly became foreign to me. I get out of the washroom and head to my wardrobe. Choosing a navy-blue turtleneck with a pair of dark plaid slacks to go with it, along with a leather belt and a golden necklace with a ring on it that was given to me by my grandmother. I head downstairs to grab my bag and a pair of shoes. Looking at the time it reads 8:30 am. My first class is at 10 am, I head to my usual coffee shop.  

I put my car in park outside of the coffee shop and headed in. I open the door and the smell of different coffee beans along the different pasties they have baked surround me, almost as if they were greeting my presence with a hug and telling me good morning. I walk in and Sofie greets me in. “Good morning Skylar,” I greet her back with a good morning. 

 Within coming to this coffee shop I’ve grown to like Sofie. I mean who wouldn’t. She’s quite the girl. Hazel eyes that hold in the beauty of nature within them. Long curly hair that hugs her face beautifully but with such tenderness. Her skin that holds the beauty of melanin within it. No taller than 5’5. Overall simplicity but beauty held within her as most people would say.  

She stares back at me with the pearliest smile on earth, “The usual right?” 

 I nod my head in agreement.  

“Okay then, that would be 5.63” I hand her my card and after a few seconds, she hands it back. “Alrighty then one mango green tea and a blueberry muffin coming right up,” She says, her eyes glowing with happiness. 

 I step back and I head over to the waiting area. I check the time, seeing that I had about a good hour before 10. I hear my name being called and I go over to grab my order. I bid thanks and goodbye to Sofie. She tells me to have a good rest of my day and I head off to class.  

I arrive at my university within 30 minutes. I put the car in park and I grab everything I need for the day. I step out and feel the breeze slightly chill my body. I grab my coat from the back seat and I start walking. There is a small road that heads from the parking lot to my designated building. I grab my earbuds from my coat pocket and I plug them into my phone. Canceling the world and letting the music run through my body while I walk. Trees glooming over me almost as if protecting me from any danger that comes from above. Leaves falling to my feet like raindrops, gentle, but quiet. I watch people as they go by worrying about their own lives, while I worry about mine. A couple on a bench embracing each other while whispering sweet nothings. A young lady rushing to class with her hair in a messy bun looking as if she had just woken up 10 minutes ago.  

Getting to class I see that there are already people flooding in, so I take a seat in the middle towards the back rows. After a few minutes, I see that almost the entire class had arrived and were now waiting for the professor. I hear a few seats in front of me two young ladies asking each other where the professor is, seeing that it is 5 after 10.  

“Welcome to your Freshman English class,” I say loudly while standing up. With confused looks, I see the students looking to where the voice was coming from. I head to the front of the classroom, feeling everyone's stare on me and nowhere else, whispering asking the person next to them what the hell I was doing. I sit on my desk and set my bag next to me and I take off my coat. I wait quietly glancing around the room to see everyone waiting patiently and a little confused about what was going on.  

I go on repeating myself, “Welcome to your freshman English class. This is English 1A, creative writing, and composition.”  

I pause and I gaze over once more to the students, most confused stares are still present so I continue, “My name is Professor Goodwin.”  

By the time I finished saying who I was all of the confusion had cleared from the air and had left the room. “Refer to me as professor Goodwin or professor. Please do not call me by my first name, well at least not until we have had the time to get to know each other but for now, any of those two options I have said before will do. So, continuing, if anyone wants me to answer any questions of myself, I will gladly do so. I’m pretty much an open book.” Before anyone has the chance to raise their hands, I state one more thing, “Before I start answering your questions, if you do wish to ask one, you will have to stand up and state your name, your major, and then you may ask your question.”  

I stay seated on my desk but in a much more comfortable position. A petite young lady slowly stands up and begins to talk in a very delicate voice, feathery like. “Uh... Hello, my name is Pearl Mccoy. I am a biology major... and I wanted to ask how old you were since you look fairly young?” 

  While introducing herself I look at her. I noticed that she was too shy to be the first one to ask anything but was fairly impressed. A big move for a shy person. Chestnut hair, shoulder-length straight but most of her hair gets in the way of her eyes. I silently sit there surprised but impressed, however, I try to suppress any emotion that arises within me. “I expected it to be the first question asked. I am 28.” I say with a straight face, however, they don’t seem to keep their cool. Shock was written all over their faces.  

“Okay then, next person?”  

A tall lanky boy stands up, wearing a dark green hoodie and dark denim jeans. His hair brown, keeping it slightly messy and a bit longer as if he missed his hair appointment for a good month. 

 “Hello, professor.”   

I nod in response.  

“My name is Theo Brooks. I’m a Computer science major and I wanted to ask you, with all due respect of course, if you had a boyfriend?” I lock eyes with him, wondering why the sudden question. Then again, they are young adults. “No, I do not. I am very single and, with all due respect, of course, I am not looking for one any time soon.” He sits back down with a slight pink shade painted on his cheeks.  

“Well then,” I say as I stand up from my desk and head 10 steps closer to where the front row sits. I look at my watch noticing that it is 10 minutes before 11. I silently sigh knowing that I have 3 more classes before I have the chance to go back to my sanctuary of a home. “Alright, I think that will be all for today. Be prepared to start the semester next class.” Students start to stand up and slowly start to leave, dreading to go to their next class. Some are wondering what their next professor is going to be like and what the next class holds for them. Wondering what kind of new things, they're going to be able to be introduced to.