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@katmj16
Don't sabotage your identity trying to name it. Let it be undefined, permeable, mixed, peculiar, unapologetically authentic. Be in peace with being unprecedented, with not fitting anywhere, with being adrift. Before flight, there's a free fall.
new day, new vibes
i just made a wish on a dandelion that blew into my room.. then i saw one washed up in the sink seconds after... what dat mean?
and for my final words of today, i vow to chill tf out
what if i became a legal secretary? or paralegal? or became a law apprentice? an apprenticeship does sound like a better solution to my seemingly never-ending university drop-out problem.
the root of all my suffering is myself
"is it possible to forgive yourself even after doing something absolutely terrible? yes. it's called grace."
the important thing is not the feel the guilt but the shame and hatred. to not ignore the responsibility of your own actions but to suffer through it and come through the other side with the grace and kindness to allow yourself to be better. selfishly, i want to be forgiven but i know i do not deserve to have those desires. whatever happens is what should happen. it's been very hard to accept but i think i'm slowly getting through it. i can feel remorse and shame for the things i do but ultimately my words and actions are my responsibility, they are things i can control, people's forgiveness and perception of me, i cannot. to want to become a better person for someone else, means to be better for yourself too, to be better whether or not that person will be able to see that change. i am not owned anything by anyone. but i do owe it to myself to change.
instead of wallowing in selfish and useless self-pity, i can change. i can reflect and be better. communicate better. be more insightful. act and live out of love and in an assertive way, not from insecurity and fear.
i don't know, maybe it is all a pointless ramble. but in the end, i know my truth, and feelings. and what matters is that i feel it.
back on the blog, that's how you know i'm going through it. and by it i mean paying for all my sins.
he follows ig models and cosplayers!!! ick:unlocked!!! i am free!!! cured!!! i am so happy!!! almost 2 months of the torture called a crush šµāš«
every morning i wake up and think, āwhy didnāt i shut tf up last night?ā but, starting tomorrow i wonāt.
maybe all i need is a dairy and to take my goddamn medication
oh no guys, i just sent a conversational text message instead of a short response !! šµāš«
i have that dog in me (and it needs to be put down)
waiting room is back on spotify
i woke up and the first thing i did was break a mirror, thank you universe.
my chest hurts and my stomach feels weird whenever he textsā¦ itās not a crush, its an illness
my whole life is just a cycle of feeling nauseous bc of my anxiety and then feeling anxious bc of my nausea.
itās amazing to see how easily i can forget things. thank you brain fog and terrible memory !!
