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ROBERT PATTINSON GQ / 2020 › ph. by himself in London

I almost tried to kill myself again yesterday.

Had a breakdown for an insignificant guy whom I’ve never met and it developed to some deep DEEP shit where I thought it was not worth it going through all this drama (which I got out of NOTHING) by just killing myself. And since my sister is traveling then there wouldn’t be anyone to stop me.

I ended thinking how absurd it would have been to have killed myself for the stupidest reason ever, and didn’t do it. Went to sleep with the most horrible headache and made an appointment with my therapist and cried for a complete hour with him.

I’m trying to not only live, SURVIVE! But it’s too damn hard.

timbllr

via weheartit

i don't really know what to say to make you feel better, but i hope coming here helps, even just a little bit, and you can always vent in my askbox if you need it (i'm going to bed right now but i promise i'll read it in the morning <3)

I just don’t know what to do! Thank you for reading.

neo-romantic

https://www.instagram.com/oioioio/

Lately I’ve been having these roller coaster like emotions that I can’t control. I wanna think that it’s because I hadn’t taken my medication, but now that I’m on them again, i don’t feel any different.

Anxiety is horrendous and coping with it is almost impossible, because when you really feel like going out and socialize then this sudden feeling of rejection of getting out of the house or even being with someone strikes. At the same time you just HATE being alone but in my case I’m always AFRAID of calling my friends (why would I be afraid of them? They’re supposed to be my friends right?) and asking them to hang out with me because they’ll notice how much of a mess I am, and the least I want Is to answer questions about how am I doing? And why don’t I do something about it? Like why don’t I just go out and meet people?

That is what terrifies me the most, interacting with new people, I always think they will be criticizing me or thinking I’m not at their level or some shit like that.

I’ve been trying to live like this for 6 years (with two suicide attempts in between) but just when I think everything starts to get better I get the feeling that something wrong is about to happen, like every time my phone rings (it seldom does) I truly believe is someone telling me someone I love died.

I don’t even know why am I writing this, maybe it’s because I can’t never talk like this with anyone and I just needed to vent.

But today has been really hard and I’m alone and I think I’m crumbling by the minute.

I genuinely feel I have nobody in the world.