A Life In Pictures @kaytp23-blog - Tumblr Blog

Friend Zoned

Dear reader- Loving someone who will never love you back. Hurts like a bitch. The worst part about this is the fact that at some point you have to realize this and you have to pull yourself away from this person and put distance between you and them. I've done this with the same person three or four times. The worst is he always makes me feel hopeful and I can't hate him for it. No matter how hurt or mad I am, and maybe all I want to do is cry over the situation. But even in these times I still want him to hold me and tell me it's gonna be ok. He's my best friend. Forever will be even if I know the love will really never go away. I've gotten really good at faking my feelings away. Getting a new boyfriend always helps. Takes my mind away from him kinda. Until he messages me or shows up when we're out with friends. And at this point I know our friends see me faking. I know they know by now. You can always tell cause they always give me that "poor thing" sympathetic look every time we end up in the same room together. Or even some of them will ask me if I'm ok. "Yea you know what I'm good. It's how it always is. Back to normal." With a big smile on my face. But I know they see the hurt.... This last time he told me he wanted to date me, he just didn't want to do the distance. (He's military and stationed away from home for now) To even mother his children some day. That I was irreplaceable. Yet here we go again pretending that nothing happened. That none of this was ever said. And this time I broke. I screamed and yelled at him. How dare he tell me such things then be unsure if he really wanted to date. To string me along and then to completely back out. To do this to me again. This time I broke. I said I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the emotional roller coaster he had me on. I told him that my feelings needed to be put to the side in order for me to know when to leave. I had stayed this time for six months. Letting him drag me along with maybes.... This time I ended it. This time I refused to let my heart hurt. Unfortunately I wish I could say this is a stepping stone but it's not. I've done this before. The first time I convinced myself that it was weird because he's my best friend and it just felt weird. When in reality he's always dated beautifully gorgeous women and I'm average at best. I don't feel like I'm worth him to begin with. When feelings like this set in and we are doing this "I like you" thing every woman automatically becomes a threat. I always feel like he'd find someone better. I mean I always feel like of course he would when I look at his past relationships. And when we don't do this "I like you" thing I'm still there. For all of it. Every girlfriend that comes through I befriend and I get to hear all the details. Even when it's not a relationship all his conquests I hear about. Because hearing this ensures we are back at just friends. The worst is after reading this you probably think "what a dick" or "wow what an asshole" or "poor girl". Please don't. He's not a bad guy. Maybe that's why I will always love him. I know he's a sweet romantic. I know he's a good man and will do anything for those he loves. Because I've watched it. I've seen his undying loyalty to the girls he dates. I've watched girl after girl take advantage of his sweet carefree soul. But that's what also breaks me. Because I know that will never be me. I know that no matter what I will have to watch him love women that could care less about him. While I sit here loving him from a far and pretending that it doesn't hurt. Sincerely, a girl whose tried

#friendzone #lovehurts #lovehim #loveisnotequal #note to self #love notes #whenyoulovesomebody