I Lived, Bitch ✨

adriancommentary

@kcchan I am sending a rat to your house right now bitch open up

Oh, so you're coming over? I should've made dinner

Krissy, I know you’re trying to get a reaction out of me. I haven’t been angry enough with you for your liking, have I? I haven’t caused enough of a fuss? Is that why you haven’t been replying to my private messages, because they won’t get you enough attention? Well, looks like you’ve finally gotten the better of me. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Get off my lawn. Nobody is going to let you in, no matter how long you throw your tantrum. I would have expected you’d have given up after a few hours, but it seems you are absolutely determined to piss me off! I will an admit that it was distressing at first to see your looming figure after so long... it almost felt as if I was being haunted. However, that initial adrenaline rush didn’t last for long, unfortunately for you. I am blessed enough to have an entire house full of companions to comfort and protect me, and eventually I came to my senses and realized we have all been in a much more dangerous situation than this before. After that revelation, your presence became more of a nuisance then anything. I can hardly hear my vinyl records over your wailing! Not to mention Diogenes has been barking at you nonstop... I think she mistook you for the mailman. Although I suppose there is a silver lining to even the darkest cloud... an unintended consequence of your arrival is that Anton is unable to leave the house. Of course I would prefer he not be threatened regardless of how negelegable the danger actually is, but I must confess that I have enjoyed his prolonged presence here. Would it make you uncomfortable if he were to stay the night...?

Suck me off gayboy

I’ve had enough of such things for one night, thank you very much. I’m afraid that if that is what all this is about you’d be better off looking elsewhere. Go home and get some sleep.

#kc.txt #you should get them checked out

Dang your locks are so bad

Suck me off gayboy

DID YOU SEE THAT KRISSY IS APPARENTLY BACK FROM THE DEAD 🤯

I did see the reply to my post, if that is what you are referring to. However... I don’t see any conclusive evidence proving that this user is the real Krissy. I have been wrong before, but I distinctly remember her coffin being lowered into the grave after rigorous examination by experts, and I even felt her lifeless body myself alongside evidence of acute food poisoning. The likelihood of her surviving such an ordeal is microscopic... though I suppose it it not impossible. I confess I was highly disturbed when I initially saw the response, but I have since cleared my head and decided that it is best not to feed the troll. In the chance that it is the real Krissy, I don’t actually no how I would react... I suppose only time will tell. If you have any additional information on the subject, do not hesitated to contact me.

You want proof that it's me? Here's a fact that a troll wouldn't know: you pissed the bed all the way up until you were in middle school

How could this be?! I could have sworn up and down that you were dead... yet somehow you survived? I don’t know what to believe anymore... but I can no longer risk ignoring you given the possibility you are telling the truth. I suppose I owe you an explanation. Krissy... I am truly sorry that you had to go through this. I can only imagine how painful it must have been to be left for dead and return to this life having been abandoned and largely forgotten. I can understand your frustration with me in particular, considering how I relied on your companionship simply for validation and then proceeded to completely give up on your life. I will not try to erase your anger towards me, and I even encourage you to continue denouncing me publicly if that is what you need to do to move on. However... I will not tolerate any derogatory remarks made at the expense of my loved ones. Although I can understand feeling betrayed that I moved on from you so quickly, the burden of resolving that issue rests on me and you... nobody else. Anton, the kids, and the others have nothing to do with this, so do not try to involve them. Otherwise, do not be afraid to message me so we can discuss our... unfinished business. I pray that we can come to an understanding.

Hm. How do I put this nicely? Go fuck yourself. I hope you choke on your coffee and I hope your family of freaks goes to hell with you when you die. And give me Todd back. Her name is Todd, by the way, not Diogenes or whatever. And call me KC. I'm not Krissy anymore.

So this is how it’s going to be? I’m afraid I won’t be able to negotiate with you any longer. Unlike you I’ve actually learned from my mistakes, so don’t expect the same leniancy that I used to afford you when it comes to such inappropriate behavior. You are going to have to accept the consequences for targeting literal children with such abusive words... do not expect to see Diogenses again. Regardless of what you want to call her, the dog certainly deserves a better owner than you. I initially only adopted her because I thought you were never coming back and figured it was my responsibility to try alleviate the grief the animal must be experiencing, but I soon discovered that she was remarkably undisturbed by your absence once I got her a proper meal. She adjusted shockingly quickly to her new owners and is extremely affectionate with every member of the family... but you probably don’t even care that she’s been doing better than ever. You only care about how others can make you feel better, which explains how you’re able to be so infatuated with your fictional “yaoi couples” yet so vitriolic to actual gay people. I still hope that you eventually improve your behavior, but I will no longer be taking any responsibility for you. I can’t change how I treated you in the past, but you can change how you treat others in the future. I’ve already apologized, so the rest is on you. Go to therapy, I promise it goes a long way.

#GIVE ME MY FUCKING DOG BACK #kc.txt

I'LL SHOW YOU THERAPY YOU POMPOUS ASSHOLE

pr/udgodot made me biphobic 💖

So done with fake ass people. My only boyfriend turned out to be a fucking fruit. And all this "bisexual" shit lmao tf do you mean you're gay or straight and I don't appreciate that you lied to me @proudgodot

I'm done with you but until you give me my dog back I'm not going to leave you alone

DID YOU SEE THAT KRISSY IS APPARENTLY BACK FROM THE DEAD 🤯

You want proof that it's me? Here's a fact that a troll wouldn't know: you pissed the bed all the way up until you were in middle school

#kc.txt #im so done with irl gay people. fucking freaks the lot of you #and im fucking DONE with agreements and understandings.

DID YOU SEE THAT KRISSY IS APPARENTLY BACK FROM THE DEAD 🤯

You want proof that it's me? Here's a fact that a troll wouldn't know: you pissed the bed all the way up until you were in middle school

Gratitude

I was not initially planning to post about this, given that my unfortunate tendency to over-share has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past, but the truth is that I simply couldn’t resist this time. Typically when I am overcome by an uncontrollable desire to post it is because I am desperately in need of attention or validation, so much so that I can’t actually remember a time when I posted because I was genuinely eager to share something. It was always out of some perverse and misplaced sense of obligation, but it finally feels as if that burden is lifted. While I was writing this post, it was because I felt a genuine…. pride over something I had accomplished, something I genuinely wanted to share with the world. When I chose the name of this blog I didn’t earnestly expect that I would ever feel anything other than shame about myself… it seemed more an ideal than an actual plausible prediction. I’m just so relieved my wish came true.

Anyway, I suppose that is quite enough navel-gazing for the time being… I can only imagine my followers have probably had enough of that to last a long and fulfilling lifetime. I reckon it’s time to move on to the actual story.

As most of you well know, following the dramatic events of the Kristahlia drama, I suddenly found myself with the new responsibility of parenthood. There are certainly aspects of my new lifestyle that have been difficult to adjust to… principle of which is that I am supposed to serve as a sort of role model for these developing and damaged boys. I have never been particularly aspirational, in fact you would be hard-pressed to find someone as underperforming as me. Although I was prone to overcompensating for such things, always desperately trying to prove that I was capable of as much as the bare minimum, looking back I see that I grew too comfortable with those low expectations. When it registered that as a caretaker I would suddenly have to perform a sort of excellence, not for the sake of my fragile ego but for the betterment of these children… I was immediately overcome by a painful inadequacy. However, as our first week together progressed, I came to realize that in certain regards all of us were personally inadequate, and it was for that very reason we had taken on this responsibility together. Although I certainly had my short-comings, that wasn’t something unique to me, and over time we all began to coordinate better and help manage each other’s weaknesses. I was somewhat surprised to learn this was not only true of the adults, but the children as well. The dynamic we developed as a family was rather symbiotic… I found that regardless of age we all had something to offer each other.

Regardless, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my found family as distant as possible from my most severe personal issues. My past was something I felt I had to resolve independently, no matter how tempting it was to once again depend on the people in my life to solve my problems in my stead. That is why when I made the decision to start looking into Anton’s whereabouts, I never spoke a word about it to my housemates.

Facebook made finding his account incredibly easy, distressingly so in fact. I became acutely aware of the possibility that he might have been recommended my account numerous times over the years and had consciously chosen not to send me a friend request, which although completely understandable still hurt immensely to imagine. Perhaps my hopelessly romantic dream to reconnect with the man was unrequited, and would be rejected with extreme prejudice if vocalized. Eventually, however, I managed to muster up the courage to actually inspect his profile. I discovered that after our quarrel six years ago and his subsequent transferral Anton had moved back to his hometown in Ann Arbor to complete his degree in art and design. Since graduating, he had been working as a freelance artist and animator… he often posted about how proud of his projects he was, and it was reassuring to see his enthusiasm had not diminished in the slightest over the years. One detail about his profile that immediately jumped out at me was his relationship status, which was currently set to single. Despite myself, I immediately felt a small flicker of hope ignite within my quickened heart. Upon further investigation, it appeared he’d been involved in several relationships over the years that had ultimately ended in failure, although the circumstances were unclear. I only hoped he hadn’t made a habit of dating unappreciative losers…

I managed to quell my anxiety briefly and force myself to send him a friend request, which almost immediately filled me with a sense of mounting dread. My anticipation wasn’t even allowed much time to simmer, because mere minutes after I sent the message I was notified that it had been accepted. Instinctively, I slammed my laptop shut and jumped out of my seat, forgetting that I was incapable of standing up so quickly without losing all feeling in my legs and face planting into the floor. I instantly regretted not taking Addy’s advice and getting that checked by a doctor, because soon enough the entire family was in my room gathered around my body and asking questions with varying degrees of concern and amusement. Although I had wanted to keep my activity a secret, at that moment I was swept away in the drama, and so I began to mindlessly rant about the situation.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but soon enough there were six pairs of hands all frantically scrambling for control of my keyboard. While I laid incapacitated on the floor, my friends had taken it upon themselves to respond to Anton’s messages, each expressing their own thoughts from my account in randomly alternating orders depending on who had managed to prevail in the wrestling. It seemed that Iara maintained the upper hand most of the fight, although it was admittedly difficult to tell over the frenzy at times considering my limited view from the floor.

Eventually, the chaos subsided and everyone turned to look at me with beaming smiles on their faces, some more devious than others. I immediately began to worry that they had sabotaged me somehow, be it in light-hearted jest or in an earnest act of betrayal, and so I asked them nervously what exactly they had done. For a moment it seemed they were trying to contain their excitement, but it didn’t take long for them to erupted into an uproarious celebration, complete with victorious chants that Anton was coming to meet us in person this evening!

I didn’t know how to react. All at once a tempest of conflicting emotions completely overpowered me… and I mean that quite literally. I knocked out cold, and when I finally woke up I discovered that not only had Kyler been trying to shock me awake by applying Takis to my tongue, but that the situation had not miraculously resolved itself. Although everyone else had mostly settled down, my mind was whirling a mile a minute with all of the things I had to do to prepare. I had a whole bucket list I needed to accomplish before I was comfortable standing in front of Anton again… and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t possibly get everything done myself over such a brief time. To my surprise, I didn’t even have a chance to put my reservations aside before they had already agreed to help me based off of my panicked listing of errands alone. Despite my reluctance to involve my new friends in the more turbulent aspects of personal life, it seemed they were actually eager to get involved themselves… I discovered that my problems were not an inconvenience to them, but rather something they were excited to help me work through.

The first obstacle I had to overcome was also the hardest… that being that I had never properly apologized to Gabriella and Lana for my dishonest and frankly abusive treatment. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the words to express my remorse or that I hadn’t processed my guilt, but that Gabriella’s parting words to me specifically informed me not to contact her and I didn’t want to once again disrespect her wishes. However, after some words of encouragement from the family, I managed to write a relatively concise three thousand word email taking responsibility for my past actions and wishing the couple well. As I was writing this post, I actually received a response from the two telling me they appreciated my apology and were glad to see I had grown into a more mature person. Apparently they have just finished settling into their cottage and are now doing better than ever. Lana even expressed an interest in meeting Addy and Iara in particular sometime… I suppose it’s a sapphic thing. I’m just glad that they’re finally living the happy life they deserve without being held back by backwards men.

My email took longer to type then I had expected, and although I certainly can not regret pouring my heart into the message given its importance, it did mean that we had to pick up the pace with the rest of the bucket list. Kyler took this quite literally, speeding at what must have been 100 miles per hour towards the mall despite nearly giving me a heart attack and my insistence that he not set such a bad example for Chris and Klav. We actually ended up getting pulled over, but luckily Iara managed to scare the officer away with her signature scowl. The next few hours were a frantic rush of errands, all focused on helping me actually express myself without the burden of repression. There were moments when it was a struggle, such as when I nearly hyperventilated in Claire’s before they pierced my ears, but ultimately I am immensely satisfied with the results. The most fulfilling moment was finally getting the tips of my hair bleached white to match my new profile picture. Chris actually got his hair dyed alongside me, changing his style from pale blond to black and white to reflect his new kin. It was incredibly rewarding to accomplish this alongside him… I had never been the subject of anything but disappointment from my parents, so it was an incredible feeling to be able to experience that absent parental pride for myself, even if it was with a different perspective.

By the time Anton was forecasted to arrive, my appearance had been upgraded to better reflect my current sense of self… all that was left was for me to get in the right mindset. Luckily, my family was perfectly eager to act as my own personal “hype beasts,” as Kyler put it. They offered excellent emotional support in the half-hour we sat in the den patiently awaiting his arrival, especially Addy, who really took my mind off things by offering to play me in a game of chess. I lost quite handedly, but for once I don’t have it in me to be a spoilsport. When we heard that fateful knock at the door, they all immediately ran into the nearest closest and shut themselves inside to give us some space, but not before giving me a final set of encouraging thumbs up. I hesitated for a moment, questioning once again whether I was really ready to take such a big step in my life. My hand paused, hovering over the door knob uncertainly… until I heard the faint sounds of Steely Dan’s Come on Eileen coming from inside the closet, accompanied by the muffled sound of Klav’s giggle. Reignited by the familiar sounds of my favorite musicians, I swung the door open with a new and uncharacteristic conviction.

And there he was… I was immediately captivated by just how strong his presence was. My memories hadn’t done him justice… it really was like I was in the presence of an angel. I was comforted by certain familiar aspects of his appearance, such as his golden brown eyes that glistened like stars, his long curly hair with its comforting strawberry aroma, and his signature checkered scarf that he had been consistently wearing for almost decade now… but what really excited me were those new features. Normally I am turned off by change, but I was positively breathless as soon as my eyes wandered to the golden butterfly tattoo on his exposed shoulder. I felt as if I was going to faint for a second time in one day.

I couldn’t find the words to express the depths of my emotion no matter how hard I searched my impassioned soul… there were no words strong enough. Instead I just cried, and wordlessly he accepted me into his arms… just like he had on that life-changing night all those years ago. I finally told him everything I had so obstinately refused to say during college… that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and that I was sorry. Although I was openly weeping, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved in my life.

Eventually, he managed to pacify me… and so I was able to explain to him the entire story of the Kristahlia drama. It was difficult to explain that I had managed to go from discoursing with these teenage kinnies to adopting them, but he was as understanding as he ever was. He was so excited to meet my family that he even brought his cat Apple all the way from Michigan just to introduce her to them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this publicly, but when Krissy died I had to take her dog Diogenes in myself, and I was surprised to find that the two animals got along perfectly. It really did feel like the entire house was accepting him… it was as if this was meant to be.

Since Anton had gone to all the trouble of making the ten hour drive to Iowa, he suggested that we might as well all hang out together in Cedar Rapids over the weekend. I suppose it’s a date… I must say that I am looking forward to it, as are the others. I know I didn’t deserve to be accepted by him again just because I spent a few hours shedding tears and profusely apologizing, but for once I don’t feel guilty that I have received something I don’t deserve. I just feel… an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunity.

I am certainly still inexperienced at this whole family business and have accepted that I will inevitably make some mistakes in the future, but I don’t think I’ve done too poorly for a first week, if I do say so myself. I am truly grateful to all the people in my life who have supported me through my journey, who have taught me that it is possible to rely on others without being a parasite and to be relied on without shouldering the entire burden.

To my partners, my friends, my children, and my love… from the bottom of my heart, thank you.