KC tries to write

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My hands

Piercing pain. Hard to breathe, again. Thrusted and came. I'm on the bedside, tired and pale. I've been crying since 10, I've been sad for a long time now. When I ask myself why, I just stay still and try not to cry... But these tears have to go So I curl up in a ball and just be. I don't feel valued. I don't feel important. Why am I still here?

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Recovery day 15: I always feel safe whenever I am with you. Maybe if you were the one who carried Sach, he wouldn't be gone. You are getting more handsome everyday. I am in love with you more baby boo! ❤ #recoveryday15 #babyboo #handsomehusband

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Recovery day 14: I dreamed of you last night, being taken away by some other girl but I ran after you. You held my hand and lifted me up when I almost can't run. Baby, I know you would never let go and I am sure you'll do the same thing and find ways to be with me. This year I am sure we'll be stronger than ever. I got you baby. Hold on tight. #recoveryday14 #dreamsofstairs #runforhim #loveofmylife #2016ready

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Last 2 hours of 2015. #instaxticproducts #polkadots #ootn #welcome2016

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Recovery day 13: 2015 has been a rollercoaster ride like no other. This year I got my heart broken, destiny was kind to let me meet the man of my dreams, had a lot to go through with my family and I also earned a new family. I lost my baby boy Sach but my husband is still with me. Did I learn a lot? Definitely. Did I cry more than last year? Yes but most definitely, I laughed and smiled and went through everything with strength from the people who believed in me and mattered to me. So for 2016, I will just let the waves be and take me wherever I should be. I will get through it all no matter what, so why fuss? Cheers! #recoveryday13 #newyearexcitesme #cheerstothenewyear #2016 #bye2015 #familymatters

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Recovery day 12: my husband loves sweets. This carrot cake is one of the cakes he is fond of. Sometimes I think I get too sweet and it makes my husband annoyed. Oh well, I hope I get to learn how to bake so I can give you all the sweets you like. #recoveryday12 #cakesandsweets #lovezbakery #carrotcake

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Recovery day 11: I am so afraid when you get annoyed, irritated and mad at me. I know most of the time I say silly things, ask stupid questions and even over think about stuff that will not even happen. Thank you so much for not being annoyed, irritated and mad at me for a long time. It's a blessing that we never really have long arguments or misunderstandings cos we immediatley call out our mistakes and talk about it to get it resolved. Indeed I am blessed to have you as a husband. Enjoy your PS4 baby boo! #recoveryday11 #wifeisnaive #wifegetsinquisitive #husbandissopatient #thankful #PS4 #loveofmylife

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Recovery day 10: I have colds. This book is scary cold. #recoveryday10 #1984 #sick #georgeorwell

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Recovery day 9: these are my husband's shots when he tried out photography when he was 25. I'll frame these soon so when we move to our house it will nicely decor in our living room. He's also a runner and has joined a marathon. I must say, living with our inlaws made me know him even better. #recoveryday9 #home #husbandsworks #photographs #marathon

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Recovery day 8

I'm spending my first Christmas with my husband and his family. I feel really thankful that his family let us stay with them while we are trying to save up for our future. I must admit, it ain't easy especially when you are always shy and not used to living away from your own family. Well, it's also the privacy that I really miss and the fact that my husband and I can do whatever we want at any time. Anyway, I think as my Christmas gift to them, I shall try my best to adjust faster and think less about the situation.

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My baby. #recoveryday8 #westillplayaround #husband #happyholidays

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This Christmas is surely one for the books! #recoveryday7 #Christmaslove #familymattersmost

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Recover day 7

Best Christmas I have ever spent with my family. I believe my mom also felt this way although she was super tired after preparing food for all of us. Our family has grown all through these years and I am glad my husband is now a part of my family.

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Hindi pa rin nawawala

Mahapdi kapag ako'y humihinga. Tila may nakabara sa aking mga baga. Umaabot sa aking mga palad. Animo'y may pakong ihahampas sa aking kamay. Umiiyak pa rin ako bago matulog. Masakit, may kumikirot. Kung maari lamang sanang mawalan ako ng emosyon.

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Recovery day 6

I think too much. It isn't just anticipating, it's actually just overthinking. My mom has kept on telling me I should take care of myself. Doll up a bit for my husband cos he might look for someone else if I don't. I must admit, my husband had pretty girlfriends before me. But he knows me well that I really don't like looking too girly all the time. However, my mom made a good point. I want to show my husband I am the only girl he should be crazy in love with. Call it anxiety or paranoia but a little dressing up won't hurt anyone. 🙏

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Recovery day 5

Sach is my guardian angel. He has heard all of my rants, wants and desires. He is much braver than I am to admit that it's not yet his time with me. He died to give way to my unfinished dreams - travel, pursue a better career, study and get to know his father even better. I won't let this chance slip away, my son sacrificed his life for this. Next year, I will surely kick ass and stop being a timid little girl. Sach made me ready to face all pain there is to be prepared for. I know I can take the changes now.

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Recovery day 5: I may nag sometimes but I hope you know it's because I care for you. #nagger #husband #butiloveyousomuch #icarealot