Dear Taylor / Hold On to the Memories, They Will Hold On to You
Quick note before the actual post begins, I wrote this for a school essay and for my safety I left some things out while posting it on here but this is something I wanted to share with you all and Miss @taylorswift @taylornation about my lovely experience @gillettestadium for my repTourFoxborough shows. Enjoy!
Hold On to the Memories, They Will Hold On to You
“I said remember this moment,” Taylor sang with a smile shining over her face. I stood happily with my poster glittering in the darkness of the massive crowd. All 65,878 people in the stadium were illuminated one by one with their light-up bracelets, a signature touch of Taylor Swift’s incredible concerts. The stadium was sparkling shades of purple, blue, indigo, and a deep pink, bringing back memories of Swift’s country days, what some would describe as her “innocent” days. She continued playing the song “Long Live” on the beautiful, metallic piano, with “reputation” on the side; the “reputation” was in a vibrant shade of an eye-catching gold. “In the back of my mind,” Taylor sang gently and sweetly, yet the lyrics struck me personally. “The time we stood with our shaking hands, the crowds in stands went wild.” The whole stadium erupted into boisterous cheers and enthusiastic applause. I suddenly remembered joyful memories from my ten years of being a Swiftie.
“Okay Emmy, let’s make this collage!” My mom soothed, trying to lift my spirits. I sat at a small little-tikes table that my mother moved into the living room. I was sick with the swine flu at only five years old. My mom turned on Taylor’s debut album, and instantly I felt happier in the midst of feeling terrible. All throughout the day, we pasted pictures of Taylor by hand on to the large cardstock paper. In a sea of photos consisting of Disney princesses, Taylor Swift broadly stood out. While making this collage, I was having my mom record late-night television shows so I could watch Taylor sing the next morning or afternoon and I could then see her answer interview questions; a task that was so regular and considered the norm for her was riveting to me. It was undeniably magical to see Taylor perform through the television. I would sit eagerly on the floor in front of my television, proudly wearing my “Swift / Fearless Tour 2009” shirt (my very first Taylor Swift shirt ever, even though I did not attend the tour at five years old) accompanied by my red, butterfly and flower covered bracelet worn proudly on my wrist. Amongst all of the fantastic memories, album releases and award shows were very exciting. After “Fearless” came out, the album became my everything. In my free time, you could always catch me belting out “Our Song” or “Love Story” on the karaoke machine. I would grip the microphone so tightly, as if it was my life line. However, that was the start of music being vital in my life.
Three years later, I am still belting out Swift’s songs on the karaoke machine. I now have been singing even more as more songs have been released. I proudly look over my tour books; although third grade Emily had not yet seen Taylor Swift live yet, the tour books meant everything to me. I watched Taylor Swift: Journey to Fearless constantly, and it never got old for me at the age of nine. Upon the release of Speak Now, I fell even more in love with Swift, which I did not know was possible. Knowing that she wrote it completely by herself empowered me, and I had an even stronger sense of girl power inside of me. The Speak Now World Tour occurred, and when the live album was released I was playing it on my iPod Classic daily. I watched the DVD of the tour over and over again; even though Taylor was just on my television screen, it just felt like we were best friends. I proudly wore my Taylor Swift bracelets every day to school and on the weekends, but kids bullied me; this led to me no longer wearing them because of the bullying. 1989 came out, and that drew my sister in as a Swiftie.When Red had its livestream announcement and Taylor played her songs acoustically and invited fans over, I was what you could call “wonderstruck.” Just like clockwork, the Red Tour happened and I proudly had my tour book, and watched videos online. As Taylor is touring the world, my sister and I (who are both dancers) choreographed a bit of “Ours” as we sang in the driveway. My sister was more into it for the fact that we used kiddie golf clubs and not so much Taylor, but I belted out the lyrics every morning in my driveway along with the little dance. Something as miniscule as that when I was in fifth grade is something I constantly look back on, and I love the memory. Yet again, just like clockwork, every year on December 13 I would make a mug cake to celebrate Taylor’s birthday; and I would do it on anniversaries of song or album releases. In my room I had stocked up multiple copies of magazines; I would keep one and the other I would take apart and tape the photos to my walls, living in a wonderland. I remember watching the livestream of 1989’s announcement, overcome with happiness and joy for what was to come of this new era. My sister and I spent countless hours recreating her music videos, specifically “Shake It Off” and “Style” as we worked tirelessly to get all of the moves right. This included me making my sister fall a million times for specific lyrics, but I know internally she enjoyed being a part of all of it. We dressed up for these videos, putting our heart and soul into them. I knew every single word to all of her songs she had released at this point, and on Christmas Day, 2014, my longtime dream had become a reality. I was lucky enough to experience the 1989 World Tour on Friday, July 24, 2015, and everything was fascinating. I was able to buy the tour book and t-shirts in person. My sister and I were decked out in tutus, replicating the “Shake It Off” ballerina look. I saw the woman I idolized for years right in Gillette Stadium, and that feeling was indescribable. I felt changed after the experience, and remember feeling like this could only have happened in my “Wildest Dreams.”
Now it was February 15, 2016, the day of the 58th Annual Grammy Awards. I had made a poster from home supporting Taylor as I sat on my couch, dazzled by her opening performance. As she won her first two awards, I cheered loudly even though I was the only one in my living room. I had made cookies for this occasion, and when 1989 was announced as Album of the Year, I was overcome with emotions. I was sobbing, so happy for all of the work she put into this album. Years later, the entire speech resonates with me deeply: “As the first woman to win Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame, but, if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, someday when you get where you’re going you’ll look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you who put you there. And that will be the greatest feeling in the world. Thank you for this moment.” Following the Grammy Awards she took a well-deserved break to find who she was out of the spotlight. As I continued to support her through 2016 and 2017 on her break, I realized something crucial; Taylor Swift was not just a phase in my life, she was my idol, my role-model, and my inspiration. She had been in my life for so long, and it was comforting to know that I would stand by her forever. Every year on July ninth, I stayed up until 1:58AM, as mentioned in the poetic and personal song “Last Kiss,” another one of my karaoke favorites. As a birthday present I traveled to New York City to see her exhibit at the Grammy museum, which was unforgettable. In front of me her iconic dresses, guitars, mementos from songwriting sessions were all in front of me, and it felt like a perfect culmination of my years of being a fan.
On August 18, 2017, Taylor Swift Cleared out all of her social media, and made an insane comeback, releasing singles and a hardcore music video for “Look What You Made Me Do.” When her new album “reputation” was announced, saying I freaked out is a total understatement. I remember being on vacation in Walt Disney World and Universal Studios, and stopping to listen to the new singles over and over again. Before I knew it, the album was released on November 10, 2017 and the tour was announced on November 13, 2017. “reputation” is a lyrical masterpiece, and came in a time when I needed it most. On the fan presale, my auntie, mother, my sister, and I had just purchased our tickets for Saturday, July 28, 2018 for the reputation Stadium Tour at Gillette Stadium. Quickly following the purchase of the tickets, I arrived at the Children’s Hospital Emergency Room via ambulance for a sudden onset of severe muscle pain, joint pain, and swelling in my joints accompanied by a normal cold. It was extremely scary, and staying overnight was also terrifying; I had no idea what was wrong. I played Taylor’s music and got discharged the next day, but arrived in under a month back to the Children’s Hospital Emergency Room with more severe pain. The pain had not lessened despite seeing numerous doctors, and again I had to stay, but this time for three days. I told all my doctors and nurses about Taylor, and a smile lit up my face and her music could help me dry my tears when I could not get out of bed, or even pick up a drink or fork. Although I still experience this pain daily and am now diagnosed with a pain syndrome, Taylor helps me through it all. Whether I am having fun walking my dog or curled up in bed unable to move, Taylor is my inspiration and gives me strength every single day.
My mind returns to the present as a slow clap begins throughout the stadium. I stand there, looking down at my sign and costume, all themed to her music. Now, I am back to wearing my bracelets I was once relentlessly bullied for; hearing “Mean” over and over the years gave me the confidence, and I was proudly wearing them on my wrist every day. In this moment, I recall a quote I heard ten years ago: “To me, FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.” Taylor continued grinning as she sang and played the end of the song. I was back in the present, clapping along to the beat of the song. the song she wrote for the fans. The song she wrote to show how she appreciates her Swifties as much as we appreciate her. In that moment, I looked around. I noticed many people who seemed to be reminiscing just like I was, throughout this strong yet delicate song. The vibe of the song remained gentle, and that is what struck a chord with me as she sang the last lyric. “I had the time of my life, with you.” I cheered, tears of joy running down my face as Taylor sang the exact same lyric, and in that moment, I truly felt pure joy, pride, and fearlessness.
(above) Me at repTourFoxborough Night 3 as a unicorn with my sign on the “Look What You Made Me Do” throne!
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
prguitarman
blakekathryn
