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@kelseakilla
AAAAAAAH
I AM SCREECHING
the last thing you see before you die
this pepper is way too small
can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him
because heās a little chili
Cats With Their Cute Mini-Mes
brain: do you have your wallet?
me: *slaps my ass so hard everyone in the target can hear it*
me: yeah
brain: do you have your wallet and your phone and your keys and your pocket knife and y-
me: *playing my ass and thighs like a bongo set at this point*
OMG MY HEART THAT SMILE
Omg so Iām at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump
OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID āI think we should break upā
Iām legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book
She said āitās not you itās meā and before he could respond the barista called his name. Itās Bob. Poor Bob
The move was effective. The lady looks defensive
Bob has come back.
It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. Itās the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate
He started out with āYou know, I think.ā And I could hear this ladyās eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert
FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.
she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. Itās done. Sheās too pretty for you.
He freaking snapped his fingers like heās got this grand plan to make up for things.
She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day
Apparently something bob said made her laugh.
She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. Itās too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho Iām legit behind this chick
He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.
She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS
Sheās literally folded in herself. Hands not going out further than the table. Limited hand movements.
Now sheās talking about her self. He doesnāt look that invested.
āwell some people are bitchyā -bob
Lady does not have a drink. I donāt think she planned on being here this long.
Bob is again talking about himself ššššš no one cares bob.
Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.
Heās talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR
āPromiscuousness leads to diseaseā -Bob again.
Iām done with my hot chocolate and I donāt know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.
She adjusted her chair so sheās further away
SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think sheās headed to the bathroom.
I canāt leave! But heās doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?
Iām trying to figure out what heās saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.
I just noticed the lady left her phone in her purse.
Ok sheās coming back. She is pretty. Too pretty for Bob. But probs old enough to be my mom.
Heās talking about his students again.
She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like āI was talkingā and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.
ābut this is why this democracy is at its purest.ā Wtf Bob that doesnāt make sense
Theyāre talking so quietly now I canāt hear them.
āI should have said this a long time ago. But I canāt get anyone to love meā -Bob what the fuck.
āI feel like Iām projecting my self onto youā -bob once again
Sheās leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!
HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF
*pocket. But still.
HE PULLED OUT A RING BUT THE CHICK IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. OMG
OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE
āHey babe, nah sorry about not answering your call. I was in a meeting with a student. Iām leaving my office now. Yeah I can pick up dinner. Is Tanner home from school yet?ā
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
Fuck you bobert
this was a JOURNEY from start to finish
When you're coming out of your cage and you've been doin just fine