I've always wanted to be in a relationship.
Actually, I'm soon to be in one, I think.
But there's something in it that makes me doubt if I'm ready or not.
The fights, quarrels, misunderstandings.
Yes, those are the most common problems that couples have. But actually, I'm really scared of getting into it. I don't like fighting. I'm too... what word can I say... numb? I guess I am too numb to care. I don't like getting angry or upset, because last time I did that, it caused nothing good. So maybe, I thought, all the efforts of being angry and such would just cause nothing. Something inside me turned off. I started not to care.
I got into a fight recently... with a suitor. I know we don't have any rights with each other because we are NOT dating.
But the point is, both of us, who are considered numb since we've never cried for a person whom we had problems with, cried.
We were talking on the phone and fighting, well, talking but fighting, but we're not really screaming at each other. And we both cried when this topic, about losing one another, came up.
What if he gave up on being a suitor thingy? Or what if he stopped loving? What if I stopped loving? What if I get tired of him?
There was no answer. Just sobs. We were never this emotional since we've met. And this is the first time I have cried that much (except for the times when my mom cried :/ you get it) and cared so much, and I started getting scared of losing him.
I admit, I like him. And I hate the fact that he's nowhere near me. He's at the city, and I'm at the province. Also, I've always been that bad at long-distance relationships if this is even called a relationship i don't care.
Anyway, I'm scared. I really hate having fights. And stuff, it's more complicated than geometry, geography, chemistry and trigonometry combined. More complicated than my subject back in 3rd year high school. And a greater headache than my college thesis.
BUT it's sweeter than any sweet shit fck, clearly greater than any sweet feeling you've ever got. I'm not saying being in a relationship isn't fun just because of the problems and shit but IT IS REALLY FUN except for the times when you miss being single BUT IT IS FUN
Fortunately, we're okay now, because I don't like having 2-day fights, I wanted to get it clear with him today, so I can sleep later. Kidding.
Anyway, I've learned from my brother's girlfriend, that it's all part of the relationship, you wouldn't really know if the person loves you if you won't quarrel and make up in the end because you can't last a day without him/her. And it makes the relationship stronger. Until nothing can break it. It doesn't matter how long it would take, how great the problem is, as long as you both know you could make it together until the end, problem solved. :)
