2017 was an eternity ago but i still remember swimming with you at dawn, racing on who gets to the buoy first, driving home soaked and smelling slightly of seaweed.
2017 was a far cry from who i am now. hello, it's been quite a while is how i like to always begin my emails now with leads or sources for articles. hello it's been quite a while is what i wanted to say when we found ourselves side by side in the smoking area one time, after four years of not speaking and trying to forget each other's breathing pattern.
2017 was a time i wish i could go back to, when i was still adamant at making zines and expressing myself through xeroxed pages. a time when i wasn't afraid of migraines, did not know how to drive and therefore did not know the bloodcurling confusion from a scary thought of 'what if i don't press on the breaks forever'. when breaks meant chocolate ice cream on a cone eaten inside a freezing cafeteria in uni, or smoking with claire, sitting down, while we try to finish my takeout dessert.
now when my scary thoughts prompt me to not press on the brakes i remember my two cats, summer and mango, and one adopted german shepherd named alice, after 'wolf alice'. i think of clementine who has given so much light and life and our symbiotic relationship and push and pull; the films and music and pieces of pop culture i'll share and introduce her to. i think of my ongoing moods coming and going like the tide, how annoying, but also somehow indulgent. i think of all the vintage bags i get to bid on and get momentarily excited. the outfits i will build, love, and hate.
