Creating a Clearer Claire
• Photo by Xavier Amore [@truxav] •
On paper, I went to LA to pull together a team for my debut album Medicines. In person, I spent the spring cringing, crashing, burning, and being reborn from my own ashes over, and over. And over.
I was indignant in averting my heart from the marks LA held in such high regard; namely status, fame, poisonous perfection. I knew my desires could not be satisfied by even a thriving music career if attention was the only prize…I was after something different, deeper, whole. I had to do my homework. Hence the crash-burn-birth cycle us Scorpios are so well-known for. Shout outs Scorps.
It was imperative for me to keep my eyes trained inwards, scouring their own grounds for self-knowledge. In all honestly, I can’t function without this close and constant relationship with i + I. Determined to carve out a unique and intentional route for my career, I trusted the Great Spirit to have my back. When love drives, Source provides. This is a belief I’ve held since I can remember…hasn’t proved itself wrong yet.
Through a series of serendipitous occurrences (and yes, hard work) my LA blueprint mission did ensue. Team’s on point, aligned, gets me. More shout outs. Much genuine gratitude. There were, too, equally constructive cultivations rising within my psyche during this time. After handfuls of meetings, meltdowns and aha-moments, I held a newfound sense of mission that would move mountainous blocks with me. Reflected in each of these decisive moments was encouragement to create. Create content. Create catharsis. Create “Claire”.
I put my name in quotations here because I know my “Self” in my purest, most me form as a simple point of consciousness - no different, no better or worse than your own. We are the GoPros of the Gods, providing witnesshood to the unified Spirit through our camera lenses of diverse experience. Because we exist, the Creator gets to witness itself.
So of course this “Claire” GoPro/God-witness I speak of does not need to be created - the essence of her, of me, has existed long before the molecules of my body came together, and it will always be even as they part ways again. Our beingness is eternal…it’s just the story unfolding before my particular configuration that I get to now direct. Cue creation.
• Photo by Xavier Amore [@truxav] •
I believe my job as an artist is to translate emotional experiences into relatable form. From the many aforementioned moments of “create” conviction grew a new depth of creative craving that I couldn’t ignore. One of my chosen remedies was this dope class from OG blogger Jesse Rosen at The Writing Pad in DTLA.
She told me that connection was the most important thing in blogging, which totally resonated with me. Isn’t connection the most important thing, period? Hence, here I am, offering you my truth.
I walk a fine line, as I think many artists do, when it comes to my level of vulnerability with you, oh ambiguous audience. In all honesty, I feel compelled to tell you everything…everything I go through, question, wrestle with. My day to day levels of anxiety, my grieving process, my sex life, self-loathing, passion, excitement, my hope…why wouldn’t I release these truths to the cyber ethers, direct to you? Why would I hide something that could be an opportunity to actualize our collective empathy? We’re all just out here trying to function, right?
The world wide web is a manifestation of humanity’s already collective consciousness. My commitment to myself, and to you, is to work at releasing my shame of being so very human. To create a “Claire” who is transparent with her beingness. This blog is a part of that practice. I’ll be posting every Sunday now, see how it goes. I’ve journaled since I can remember, so why not bare my mundane and miraculous? How others see me speaks to their own lenses, not mine. Only I define who I am.
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