I'm sorry I'm so hard to look at

I've never been loved by anyone

[killedbymylove]

I hate it when you don't love me..

[killedbymylove]

It actually already hurts to death seeing any guy that i find nice because i immediately think: "Oh that's another one who wouldn't want me." There's absolutely no boy who ever liked me back. Absolutely no one.

[killedbymylove]

Why does everything good leave me?? Why can i only afford to talk to some idjits that i don't even like? Why only they are willing to stay? It's not like they look any worse than the guys that i like, it's just that they're not my type. Why can i never match with someone who is my type? What kind of screwed up fate is that? I'm not gonna date someone i don't like again, it was horrible. But I'm not gonna die untouched either, every day in this undesirable body is a nightmare. So what do you want, fate? What are you doing to me and why?! Please stop it, i can't anymore. I beg you. For the thousandth time.

[killedbymylove]

Everyone wants to talk to someone but no one wants to talk to me, i get it

[killedbymylove]

It's so bad that I've been having conversations in my head with people i like because irl they don't talk to me or talk so little that we basically never talk about anything interesting so I'm imagining all the conversations we could have in my head 😓

[killedbymylove]

You can't tell me that everything is okay and you're just busy and then being always online and ignoring me for days. You're a liar.. You used to like me more, that's a fact. You just pushed me to the perifery because I'm not as good as you thought.

[killedbymylove]

I can't believe that this is happening to me again. Another guy losing his interest in me and so very quickly this time. Once again watching the vibe deteriorate. I love you so much, I don't wanna lose you too. I can't take it again. It happened so many times, it happens everytime. What am i gonna do? I know I'm cursed and i know that being ugly and fucked up is another curse of its own. I can't take so much rejection. I can't take being always alone. Being so close to you yearning to touch you but never being allowed to. I wanna do very bad things to this body because no one ever wants to touch it. I don't wanna live like that. I don't wanna be so unwanted.

[killedbymylove]

I miss how caring and gentle you were before you found out that I'm not worth it...

[killedbymylove]

It's disgusting how delusional i am thinking that i could get your interest back if i acted the way you like it. I had my chance and i fucked it up showing you what an antisocial, boring and stupid person i am. There's nothing to revert the first impression or change your opinion. You know that i suck and I'm sorry and i love you and miss you and want you but unfortunately I'm not enough for you.

[killedbymylove]

We matched by some miracle but of course you don't want me. I'm uglier in person, boring, weird and a failure.

[killedbymylove]

I wish i was yours. I know I'm not worth it but i wish I was more, wish i was enough. I would do anything for it

[killedbymylove]

You were so eager to talk to me and now you ignore me in the middle of the night while being online. Here we go again. What was i thinking? That someone can be interested in me? That it can be different this time? Once again it's just me pining over someone who doesn't want me. Who stopped even caring about me after such a short time.

[killedbymylove]

So you already don't fucking care anymore.. that was quick.. but what was i hoping for?? I've seen myself in the mirror and i know about a thousand issues i have. I'm just a failure to you and you won't waste your time. You're not interested anymore. But god, I can't take more rejection and loneliness, I'll go fucking insane, it's physically and mentally impossible that i can cope with that for like a 100th time..

[killedbymylove]

Why aren't you there anymore? You said you'll always be and that you'll always care...

[killedbymylove]

Boys don't want you to be caring, they can take care of themselves. They just want you to be pretty and interesting. If you're not, you're out.

[killedbymylove]

Why do you chat so much with her? And i only get crumbs.. Why does she have to exist in your life? I wish it was me in her place. She must be so great and interesting.. and pretty.. I get that I'm nothing valuable to have around but it hurts so much.. because i need you in my life. I want you to care like you used to.. i want to be interesting enough and it hurts that I'm just me, just a piece of shit.. complete failure, uninteresting, unworthy, ugly insane nothing

[killedbymylove]

So keep ignoring me and hurting me. Here we are again, what was i thinking? I'm so sorry I'm not enough for anything