KimberlyTen

I make lots of faces, I have some friends, and once I'm your friend I'll always be your friend. I am my own worst enemy. I post what I like. And whats on my mind.Currently that means lots of comic book related things. WSCU. Still smoke lots of weed. twenty-two.pansexual.polyamorous.alive

[kimberlyten]

Today I stepped on a scale and the number it read was a number I wanted for years. I thought I would feel some sort of relief. I dont.

[kimberlyten]

Me = searching for the will to live.

Also me: looks at stuffed animals I cant afford to buy and feels slightly better. Bury me in the comfort I keep searching for.

[kimberlyten]

Tumblr, I have a Daddy. Many changes. We doin our best out here.

[kimberlyten]

Im sick, and my partners are geographically far away. But this morning they both found ways to care for me. 😭 I feel miserable and I've been having big grief feelings. But I'm cared for and not alone. Hard things are okay

[kimberlyten]

tumblr i have a crush. a big huge crush. its started at SPLF. and has just grown. the more I know him the more I want to know him.

its exciting and scary.

[kimberlyten]

[kimberlyten]

hi tumblr.

I had the BEST SPLF. I even managed my feelings when they got hurt. Had productive discourse with the human. Improved my negations as the weekend went on. Connected with so many wonderful humans. fuckin community

[kimberlyten]

You don't throw a whole life away just because it's been banged up a little.

Seabiscuit

[kimberlyten]

Feeling so good and excited for SPLF. Full? I feel full ready to connect? Excited to be around people. Thank you Leather

[kimberlyten]

Delaware sparked some sort of ravenous sexual hunger in me. I spent so much of the weekend fucking myself. I've spent more time fucking myself this weekend than maybe all the previous times combined. Which is incredible? But historically, I dont like fucking myself. Anyways. I'm insatiable? Like this has always been an option but now I am and I cant stop? Lmao. Secondary note, the antidepressant IS making orgasm more difficult. Like, for a bit I wasnt sure if I could do it. So I busted out no diggity. I cant believe that still works.

Anyways, I'm confused about this new desire to fuck myself. And I'm additionally confused by feelings for Delaware? Hmmm. Like these are probably really old feelings damn. Anyways. I'm supposed to be packing for SPLF and getting my house ready for Lance. But instead, I'm tumblring and fucking myself?

[kimberlyten]

The new medication I started has been so helpful. Its changed everything? I feel like a person again.

[kimberlyten]

My night with the pilot was honestly incredible. I spent a lot of time with his cock in my mouth, which is something I apparently miss horribly? Who knew. I guess I'm not really suprised. My throat has always been a romantic.

also, the sex was way better this time. I dunno. just left way more satisfyed then I had the previous times.

started new medication on thursday. do not like so far. but its only day two.

[kimberlyten]

I have plans to hang out with plane guy tonight.

Last time we hung out I kind of melted into one of his armpits. Like, we were just snuggling and I accidently worked myself up just laying in his armpit. I made subtle protests about his deodrant because armpits are so tastey. Today his first message to me was: Good Morning Gorgeous. I didn't wear deodrant today. 😈

which I realize is top tie flirting for me. but also more than that, I feel seen?

[kimberlyten]

Tumblr you don't know about the boy who rides horses and flys planes. Probably because I'm unsure if I wont just drop him for some nebulas reason. and or cause I think I maybe I practical magic-ed him? Well I really like his person.

[kimberlyten]

Loki Pup

Loki asked if we should update fet to reflect out relationship status. to which I asked if we were in a relationship. He said. I dont know bear are we?

And I was like, I dont know how this could go further. Or something along those lines. And now I'm processing. And i think I want a dynamic/pe relationship with him and not a romantic one.

I need understanding around what relationship means to him and what Master Noels role would be in our relationship. So I need understanding around his relationship with Noel. Which ive kind just let be a thing over there.

But I'm not ready to have that conversation right now.

I've been smoking. Its like trading soberity for ideation?

[kimberlyten]

I'm afraid I wont be here for all the commitments I keep making.

Like each commitment is a promise to keep existing. Some sort of weird sale by date?

I want to tell people how much I think about killing myself. Sometimes I do tell them. Im afraid someone will have me locked up. Unreasonably afraid of being committed against my will.

But I'm feeling very resolved. Like its the next logical step in my life. to end it.

[kimberlyten]

Me: offers stormie a dick of mine that is absurdly large and he enjoys .

Stormie: you dont want it anymore?

Me to me: tell him it doesnt get used thats why you want him to have it

Me to me: if you tell him the truth he wont take it

Truth: this is the giving away things part of planning my death.

Telling him, is like a cry for help. And thats not the point. Fuck.