Himchan remembered what he had been taught at the agency and that was to always expect the unexpected; after all, as spies they could never be a hundred percent sure of what could happen or if everything would go as planned. Some of their agents did die because they thought they had the situation under control and they didn’t suspect things to go wrong - not that Himchan thought he was going to die during that date. But he realized how incredibly hard it was to expect something he couldn’t have predicted even in his wildest dreams. Having a simple conversation with a man he was definitely growing feelings for while they were sharing a meal… It had never happened to him unless it was for a mission and even then everything was fake. He was almost expecting for something to go wrong and yet, here they were discussing whether black was a color or not. Maybe, just maybe, they both were granted with a night free of worries so they could enjoy being normal human beings for once. “Why is there different shades of black if it isn’t a color, then? Okay, you’re going to tell me that this is because they mixed black with some color but then it makes black a color so it could be mixed with another!” He retorted with a wide grin, his stubborn side coming out even for this kind of discussion. “But air is an element, that’s different!” He laughed, shaking his head in amusement.
The thought of going on a holiday was endearing but with Heechul it took a whole new meaning: it meant that things were going to be serious between them and that they would most likely be committed to each other. Of course, friends could go on holidays together, or even colleagues. But they were no fools, they both knew what it implied if they started making plans for the future and went as far as thinking of travelling together. And Himchan felt both scared and excited at the thought of his future slowly taking the shape of Heechul and he, together. He didn’t know how to do relationships and date and commitments, he only knew his job and how to lie to people and manipulate them and control them – but strangely, learning with the other man felt easy, almost natural. Mistakes would be made for sure. But as long as they stayed together… God, now he was thinking like he was in love. Which he wasn’t… At least, not yet. “I don’t think I’ve ever gone on a holiday ever since I started to work, truthfully. Or if I went, it was solely for a mission so… Yeah, can’t call that a holiday.” He chuckled, biting down slightly on his lower lip. Wondering what it meant when Heechul just couldn’t stop looking at him, he still gave him a smile and didn’t look away despite his heart fluttering in his chest and his cheeks turning redder, if possible. “Somewhere quiet… And empty of people, so I don’t have to worry about them being spies or murderers, you know?” He chuckled. “Maybe a house in front of the sea? Or lost in the mountains. I don’t know. Just somewhere far from a city. What about you?”
Although himself was confused, an amused smile stretched across his face when he saw the older man trying to figure out what they were doing or what they should be called. Their situation was not very common, one they hadn’t been taught of or spoken of: it wasn’t in the romantic movies or in the fairy tales. After all, the princess never ended with the dragon or the monster or the bad guy, it was always the prince. Not that Himchan considered himself as a princess or Heechul as a monster but if he had to categorize them when they were in high school, they certainly were close to those characters than any other. So they’d have to learn together, he reminded himself. He looked at Heechul and gave him a reassuring smile; what they were didn’t matter, or the title they gave to their relationship either. What they were building though, and creating, that was what was truly important. They needed a solid base for this relationship to move forward positively or else he knew that it’d break them down, and badly. He didn’t want that for any of them and Himchan surprised himself thinking that, perhaps, they did deserve some love, too. That it was time for them to feel something really positive for once. “You’re not talking nonsense, don’t worry… We can’t say that we’re doing things properly but who cares? We can be both friends and…uh, lovers…?” He trailed off the last word, his face heating up within seconds while sheepish laughter bubbled up his throat. He said it. Lovers. “Whatever happens, happens.”
There was something heartwarming in the way Heechul immediately comforted him and reassured him about what they were and how they were doing it, his words probably holding more truths than ever. Because the man was completely right and Himchan couldn’t argue or disagree with him and for once he was glad that he didn’t want to. He was in the kind of situation where he was trusting Heechul with his life and holding onto his words and sweet gestures with his life - which was probably silly considering it was a first date and they were still getting to know each other… But he had never felt like this before. And that terrified him although it wasn’t enough to make him run away. No, he was going to stay and use this fear to learn and tame his monsters, to push the darkness far down where it belonged and instead let the positive things come to him, like maybe he should have done earlier. His face and his body relaxed considerably while he gazed at Heechul and his smile grew once more over his face, nodding his head slowly in understanding. ( He decidedly loved being called babe by Heechul, the nickname making his cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling. ) “You’re right, once again. I was just… Surprised when you said the words friends, that’s all. But couples can be friends, too, right? Isn’t there stories about all those people who ended up marrying their best friends after all? Not that we’re going to get married!” He exclaimed, cheeks flushing within seconds. “I’m just… trying to make a point, I guess. This is a bit complicated. But you get the idea, right? We can be both friends and a couple. Or whatever we’re going to be… I never really liked categories anyway.” He scrunched up his nose, remembering a bit too well being the fat, dumb one in high school.
A comfortable silence settled upon them and Himchan absentmindedly started to play with Heechul’s fingers he was still holding in between them; it was weird how those same hands that had been holding guns and other weapons, sometimes soaked with blood, sometimes running down the length of a body he pretended to like just for the sake of a mission, could look and feel so nice while doing such a simple action. Holding hands was a basic move in a relationship, even in people’s daily life but Himchan couldn’t remember a time where he had done it just for the sake of it. Everything in his life had always been done for a purpose: kissing, holding hands, going on dates, that had been all for a show, for the missions he needed to accomplish successfully just so the agency could keep the world peace. And he didn’t mind, that was his job and that was what he was great at - but with Heechul, it was different. And he wondered for a second if it’d be more difficult to do his job if they’d ever get involved together. “I honestly don’t think it’ll be a very difficult thing for you to make me smile.” He admitted with a small grin while he kept his eyes on Heechul. He had genuinely smiled more in one night than he had done over the course of the past few months. And the more Heechul was speaking and reassuring him, the more he was getting convinced it would be really difficult for him to stop smiling. God, that was going to be hard to go on missions if all he could think of was the way Heechul was looking at him and what he was making him feel. “You have so much faith in our relationship.” He murmured softly, amazed by how strong-willed the man was for them to work as a couple. It gave him strength and courage to keep whatever they were doing going. Himchan found himself wanting to fight for them, for this to last ans grow strong with each new moment spent together. “We are going to make a lot of mistakes. Maybe break up a couple of times, too– I mean, if we…get together, together. But if you’re willing to not give up on me… On us. I will fight for us too, you know. Of course we can’t predict what will happen in the future but… A part of him will always fight for us, I guess. Now that I know that it’s possible for me to feel this way… To have this kind of relationship which is not based on lies and games and missions… I just… I’d be a fool to let you go.”
