mostly poetry

she/her

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

the soft kiss of the sun’s warmth on my skin

how sweet she is, to bestow this gift

i feel that if she’s here

i’ll never again know the agonizing cold ,

pulling me under, promising to ease my pain

until i’m too deep,

so deep i fear even my love can’t save me

but somehow she remains,

even in the darkest nights, i know she’s close

ready to share her light wherever she is needed

because her love is not a selfish one

she will share with all who need her

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

I’m the main character

i want to dance in warm, summer rain

feel the hot concrete under my feet

the fresh water against my skin

i want to spin until i can’t stand

laugh until i can’t breathe

lay andfeel my soulsink into the grassbeside me

i always hurry though

shield myself from the rain

i’ve never taken the time to appreciate it

and now i feel nostalgia

for something i’ve never really known

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

all i wanted was to be sunshine

warmth on a cloudy day

but i’m the cloud

dark and gray

sucking up all sources of light

until i cry and go away

i’m sorry.

i’m sorry i couldn’t be sunshine

i really tried

i hid my clouds as best as i could

but eventually it will be time to storm

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

my body is no longer my own,

but it is not his either

it is entirely it’s own entity

existing notbecause ofwhat happened

but in spite of it

in everyday, i am me

once broken and hurt

now strong and surviving

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

Stuck

warning: this was written after my assault and it is very much implied

stuck.

my scream trapped in my throat

unable to escape, the same as I

even after i am gone

away from this one pure place

i can not leave

in every touch, i feel his angry hands

once tender embraces brought me peace

now they only bring fear

in every dream he is there

once places of goodness and love

now full of hatred

in every relationship, i feel his effect

once places of trust

now full of secrets

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

Nice Guys

warning: i did write this after my sexual assault and it is implied

nice guys finish last

they are ignored and mistreated

girls want the bad guy

the guy who doesn’t deserve her

at least that’s what i always heard

so no one took me seriously

not even myself

he was kind

he was nice

he was known

i never took him seriously

until i said no

now his grip is ingrained inmy skin

his hot breath in my lungs

i see him when i sleep

but it’s ok

at least he didnt finish last

because he stole my first

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

how sweet is your soul to touch mine in such a tender embrace

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

my soul speaks to yours in sweet dulcet tones only you could understand

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

fate is a fickled beast

she brought us together and wouldn’t dare to separate us

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

my body is still but my soul continues to sway to music unheard

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

i only wish to evade you

get out from under your spell

but everything about u pulls me in

makes me forget all you put me thru

i’m left crying

begging for a piece of ur affection

wanting, wanting

feeing nothing but pain for you

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

the darkness follows, clawing

craving to pull me under

but still i evade him

i turn from his voice

calling to me

offering the control

control i can’t give myself

the hideous voice calling

calling me towards the end

the end of me and the end of pain

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

the exhaustion within me

continues to Grow and Grow

until eventually,

i’ll be able to stop

stop trying, close my eyes

Drift Away

away from the pain

for good

[kinda-nicoldhearted]

still i long for you

though i know i shouldn’t

i know you’re like poison

slipping into my veins

lulling me under

Drifting Quickly, Quietly

pulling me into your warm embrace

until i can feel no longer