The last day of school before the graduation ceremony.
There was no class, and after practicing all day long, I was listening to the preparations in the classroom... That was all for today.
It was a few minutes before homeroom in the morning.
Like the day before yesterday, I was invited by Mabuchi, who beckoned from the other side of the classroom door, and made a promise, "I will meet you at the entrance at 1 o'clock because there is no student council meeting."
...He seems to be a little worn out compared to yesterday's appearance in front of Club Suicide.
The turbulence of his bangs, which is usually neat, is reminiscent of the wilted petals of cut flowers.
Footlockers
Outside the white-coloured entrance, the white-coloured sun is dazzling in the daytime.
The time is 13:02. It feels strange that the school is so empty during the daytime on a weekday.
There are no after-school club activities or committees other than the Student Council.
Half an hour ago, all grades finished their homerooms and most of the students went home quickly.
The only thing in the quiet school is the voice of an adult heard from the direction of the staff room and the sound of branches and leaves swaying in the wind somewhere.
…There were rushing footsteps approaching me.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
Shindou Ringo
...No. Mabuchi... Thank you for your hard work.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Thanks.
That... Maybe I’m imagining it. But something is different.
He looks tired. What is it... What is different?
Mabuchi Meiyou
How much time do you have today?
Shindou Ringo
...A lot?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh, because it’s Friday.
We don’t have to worry about getting ready for school tomorrow so we should be able to talk for a long time.
We have our trip to find the ultimate yuri, but there’s also something I want to ask you about.
And hmm... I don't mean that in a weird way. I like taking the time to talk to you.
I haven’t prepared any nifty topics. So today... how about we just talk?
Shindou Ringo
Yeah, that’s alright with me.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Thanks.
...There is a teahouse I often go to nearby.
I want to talk about in detail, so why not go?
Shindou Ringo
I...
Tea... I know I’m prejudiced, but it's fashionable, and I feel like I wouldn’t fit in.
I mean, I have a communication disorder.
"At your favourite place~" or "While having tea outside~".
That kind of thing... When I hear a word that signifies an increase in communicative competence, I get nervous. Just for a moment.
...I guess I’d be okay. Mabuchi bent his beautifully shaped eyebrows into a C shape and laughed weakly.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I have a communicative disorder too.
It's a hassle to meet new people, and I only go to certain places.
I don't hate people, but when I touch them, I feel uncomfortable... I'm not good with crowds.
Trust me because it's a place I like to go to.
There aren't many people, it's easy going, it's calm... it's a place where it's easy to breathe as an introvert.
You won’t hate it either.
Shindou Ringo
...Well. If you say so.
Mabuchi, is also an asocial person, and well... if he says that much, I'm sure it's okay.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ufufu! Then let’s go.
When I nodded a little, the boy with glasses smiled refreshingly.
Hmm? Glasses...? Ah.
Shindou Ringo
—Mabuchi?
Mabuchi Meiyou
What's wrong?
Shindou Ringo
Your glasses... They’re not there.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Glasses eh? ... Oh!
It seems that he didn't even notice.
He reached for his eyes as if to confirm, opened his mouth and his dead leaf-coloured eyes dropped.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Aha... I think I forgot. Oh...
Shindou Ringo
Can’t you not see without glasses?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Well, I can see... because my eyes aren't actually bad.
Mabuchi, who looks awkward as he takes out the sneakers from the shoe box and drops them on the floor, doesn't look at me.
Was it such an embarrassing thing? Following him, I also retrieved my loafers.
Street
Mabuchi Meiyou
Well, they... they’re fashion glasses.
Shindou Ringo
Oh, that's right... It's a trend.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh no, that's... not it.
Mabuchi scratches his temple with his index finger.
He talks by looking straight at the other person, but suddenly his eyes look different after talking about glasses.
Shindou Ringo
...Can I ask?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah no. It's not bad to be asked.
Um. I'm not very good at talking about myself.
That's what glasses are for me - they’re important to me, but it's weird when asked by other people.
It’s not particularly defined, but his face is shaped with a sense of elegance. Round and charming contours.
It doesn't matter if we’re in a hurry, I'm staring at his naked face.
Will he look away? Even if he does it just allows me to see his face from other angles.
Hmm, it's soothing to have a good face. I want to see more, so don't notice me staring.
Well, that's about it. Is it strange to wear glasses?
It’s not because he has bad eyesight, and if it's not to follow a trend, so why does he wear them?
When asked, Mabuchi made a gesture to lift the bridge of his glasses, which aren’t there, with the tip of his middle finger.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm... It’s about switching?
Shindou Ringo
Switching...?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh, don’t you know?
To distinguish between work and private, switch your mind with some habit.
When I wear them, I feel like I can talk to people.
Like, if you wear a suit, you can talk to someone you don't like. It's not that different from changing the personality of a person with multiple personalities.
Switching feelings... That kind of thing.
...Ah. I understand.
When you want to be serious, you can inspire yourself by wearing something smart.
On the contrary, drinking a cup of tea relaxes the feeling of being tense. I think.
Shindou Ringo
Do you mean that you usually come to school in work mode? Like an adult...
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah, hey, hey... It's because I have a communicative disorder.
Shindou Ringo
...It's not as bad as you say, is it? At least, your more communicative than I am.
Mabuchi Meiyou
No, that's not the case.
I have to interact with various people to exchange opinions and keep the position of the vice-student president.
Because I’m a middle manager who mediates between students and teachers.
But... I'm suffocating. It's not that it's not fun to be with people aside from job titles... but it uses up all my energy.
No matter how much time you spend alone, it's okay. I'd rather like it infinitely.
I want to point my heart's binoculars at the yuri universe.
...Oops, the story went off to Yurivana for a moment.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I'm not so good at speaking, and I'm not so good at listening...
But I have to fulfil my role... The glasses are for that.
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
Wearing glasses, the weight on my ears, and the perception of wearing them temporarily strengthens me.
Because the human is on the other side of the transparent board, I feel like I'm okay!
It's not like a prison, the glass is only a few centimetres so it doesn't change my situation.
But it feels weird, it's magic.
That's why... When I talk to you, it's okay because I have glasses.
Because I have glasses, I can see things objectively, so I can talk with relative ease.
But it looks like I was a little tired.
When did I take off my glasses... I wonder if it was after the student council meeting. Well, I didn't notice.
Really, as he says, glasses are magical for him.
The feeling of awareness, whether or not it is actually there, will give his lips and vocal cords the confidence and the words he needs.
Shindou Ringo
I see, that’s right. What’s it called? The placebo effect.
Maybe it's different, but... it’s the power of belief, isn't it?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah... no doubt. I can't live without them.
And even now... Yeah. Surprisingly... I can talk.
Even though I realised that I’m not wearing glasses, I feel like I can talk to you unexpectedly.
...Really.
At first, he seemed upset, but when he noticed, his naked eyes caught mine...
Words still feel uncomfortable, but there are fewer voiced pauses unique to communicative disorders such as "a" and "that".
Mabuchi Meiyou
Somehow I don’t feel anxious. Well, a little. Maybe because you’re beautiful.
Shindou Ringo
.......
He said such a beautiful and dirty thing.
After reading the girl's story yesterday, his words "because you’re beautiful" felt a little different.
But, I don’t know. Today, when we meet face to face like this, I think it may be different.
I can’t let myself get confused between the passionate and delicate skin-covered Uguisu and Mabuchi.
Fiction is fiction. Is it so different?
It is, or—— is it?
Our destination was faintly visible in the distance.
I secretly re-adjusted the bag with the pure white yuri on my back and stepped forward in line with his steps.
Teahouse
The shop was more suitable for us than I expected.
It’s illuminated with calm lights.
The seats are located along the wall so we don't have to sit out in the open.
Is it designed for one person to sit facing a book or a laptop?
There’s only one small group talking. I feel comfortable here.
Mabuchi Meiyou
It’s a good atmosphere, isn’t it?
Shindou Ringo
…I agree.
At the edge of the seat sits a small golden call bell glowing.
Considerate for us asocial people who struggle to call staff.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm... I'm tired.
Shindou Ringo
...Student Council?
Mabuchi Meiyou
It's rewarding, but I'm tired. But it’s also - because I have this.
What he took out of his chest pocket was a congratulatory message folded into a strip.
When I unfolded it, I could see orange highlighter over beautifully written pen characters, crosses and diagonal lines... It was messy.
Shindou Ringo
Wow...
Mabuchi Meiyou
I was working on this! It’s to help with my conviction. I got my teacher to look over it!
Perfect size on one page, perfect letters with perfect line spacing. You could tell he put a great deal of effort into it.
Therefore, the miserably overcoated orange correction marks looked cruel.
Shindou Ringo
Your handwriting is beautiful.
Mabuchi Meiyou
My hobby is calligraphy. I'm self-taught, but I find solace in writing beautiful characters.
Shindou Ringo
It's a nice hobby. But, the corrected characters are messy...
Mabuchi Meiyou
Uh-huh! That's what I thought!
I wrote it with the intention of deciding what to do, so when I got this back, I was honestly really surprised.
It's so much worse than my writing! It's bad!
Well, the next will be the final draft in terms of the deadline, so I'll finish it perfectly enough not to need correction.
Shindou Ringo
...It's rough, I think I'd throw it out.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I want to, but it goes against my motto. I can't let it break me, I have fight back.
It's a single shot without any room for mistakes. Next time I won’t let the teacher see it.
Shindou Ringo
Hehe...
He probably put in the effort for the opponent he once saw as an enemy. A pitiful voice leaked out of this unexpectedly murderous behavioural philosophy.
…Don't say that with a ridiculous smile like that, just say something. I’m scared.
Mabuchi Meiyou
By the way, how was it yesterday?
Shindou Ringo
Yesterday?
Mabuchi Meiyou
After the second debriefing session of Club Suicide. After all, did you go with Kururugi and Usui, right? Family restaurant?
Shindou Ringo
Oh, yes, I went.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hey! So you did go. What did you talk about?
Shindou Ringo
Well...
I can’t tell him "I asked them what they think about you honestly and used it as a reference."
Shindou Ringo
It was my first time at a family restaurant, same with Usui. Then when I didn’t know what to do, I was laughed at by Kururugi.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah! That's right. Was it fun?
Shindou Ringo
It was fun... Oh, that's right, Usui, he eats a lot.
How many servings... He ate about 10 servings of meat pasta and salad.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Eh!? Usui is amazing!
Shindou Ringo
I don't understand how it fits in such a thin body... Both me and Kururugi were surprised.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Wow... It's amazing just to imagine. Does he abide by the law of conservation of mass? Is his oesophagus connected to another dimension?
Shindou Ringo
Maybe. That's... An ugly thought.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...You look so sad. Why are you sad? Did my Usui eat you, too?
Shindou Ringo
I was eaten...
It was a joke, but the thought was actually scary. Just remembering that scene makes my stomach sick.
I looked down unintentionally, but when I saw Mabuchi cross his arms with a serious look, my sickness disappeared in an instant with laughter.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I'm glad it was fun.
Shindou Ringo
Ah, yes.... Were you all right?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Well, just about.
He says that, but his face is still aching with mental fatigue, probably not solely due to today's Student Council.
I opened my mouth to ask what happened... He spoke first.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Speaking of which. I'd like to hear your opinion on suicide again...?
Shindou Ringo
Well, that's alright...
Mabuchi Meiyou
Thank you.
Before I knew it, the roasted tea that had been placed on the table was steaming.
Mabuchi sighed warmly once he placed his thin lips on the edge of the cup.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Is it right or wrong? Please let me know your opinion.
Shindou Ringo
Okay...
—It’s beautiful.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Imagine there is an enemy and an ally.
And suppose your existence itself is suffering.
And the cause is your closest ally who acts as your spiritual pillar.
...A friend who is closer to an enemy. Not an enemy who is closer to a friend. Or an enemy who is simply an enemy.
If there was such an existence—— Do you wish for the disappearance of your suffering even if it means sacrificing you ally?
Or... hope to continue the status quo with your friend?
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
...What do you think?
Oh, I just noticed. All the sullen emotions that have accumulated in my chest.
It’s my punishment.
To him who questions me without exposing himself. In a roundabout way, he looks after himself.
After all, what do you want to do with the answer to that question, Mabuchi Meiyou, who I still don’t know?
Shindou Ringo
——Could you be clearer?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Eh?
Shindou Ringo
You’ve asked a roundabout question that I don't understand. Is that question really in your own words?
Mabuchi Meiyou
—!
Shindou Ringo
What’s the cause?
Who is the enemy?
Who are your allies?
...Replace the strange words that I don't understand, or don't bother to ask.
If you really want an answer, tell me in the words of Mabuchi Meiyou.
...I'm afraid of his wide, dark round eyes.
However, the dam my words broke cannot be restored immediately. I can't stop now.
Shindou Ringo
If you have something to say, don't bother to bending the words, just say it...
You want to get rid of your current situation. That's why you asked me to cooperate.
Then, do it. Isn't that your purpose?
What do you want to do? What is the week for?
...Let me help you.
What happened? Who did you hurt? What is your death for?
What do you think, Mabuchi?
...I vomited. I vomited words. And at last I stopped.
I was filled with shame and regret after saying my piece.
That’s always the case. I couldn't stop, I destroyed everything, and it was the only the beginning of the meeting.
I'm afraid of the silence.
Maybe he spoke, but I'm afraid to look up at Mabuchi's eyes.
Give me a sign. Don’t go silent. I’m scared.
—I heard something once. Overwriting pain with pain. Hair of the dog for a hangover.
As a beast, I instinctively opened my lips again to dispel my fears.
Shindou Ringo
Speaking of which, Mabuchi. Yesterday... Weren’t you at a bookstore in the city?
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I was.
The voice that finally emerged from his lips was horrifyingly beautiful.
A beautiful, gentle voice.
I felt a thick stickiness like poison applied to the petals of flowers full of nectar.
Just two words. With just two words my spine fluttered.
Shindou Ringo
Haha, wow... I was there too. I saw you.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hey, you saw me? How embarrassing.
Shindou Ringo
Yes, I saw it unintentionally, but it's not...
That's right. Actually, I tried to talk to you...
But I wasn’t sure if your errand was over. Thank you for your hard work. I was looking for yuri, that was my purpose.
But, I saw you did have a piece of paper.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah.
Shindou Ringo
...
That... When he was looking at it, your expression was... scary.
Well, I don't know what to think, but it’s not important... Oh, what was that?
That letter, what is it...?
I sway.
The corner of Mabuchi’s mouth rises quietly. But he didn't seem to laugh from the bottom of his heart.
Eyes that do not move at all. Static facial expression. It didn't seem like I could afford to ask.
Rotten dung...
...It's like he was looking at something other than me.
Mabuchi Meiyou
That's right. It's a suicide note to my family.
Shindou Ringo
Suicide note...
Mabuchi Meiyou
As I said, my death is to make the people I care about happy.
With my death, my goal will be achieved.
But - with me... My ideal is completed with a suicide note.
Shindou Ringo
Complete…?
There was no life in Mabuchi’s eyes.
What was there instead—— It’s love.
Deep in thought about something he loves. But his eyes are terribly eroded, and his mysterious turbid look pierces my liver.
The scent of his death turned into a sweet scent of poisonous honey that invites something that only he can see.
Mabuchi Meiyou
That letter is, so to speak, aftercare. That suicide note is a guarantee.
...When I die, I can defeat my enemy.
But because it's a relative...
The damage may spread to people other than the enemy.... Because my most important person is also a relative.
There are people in my family who can be happy when I die.
I want to destroy myself to regenerate them.
My death has the role of destroying the rough situation. The letter is doing the compensation work.
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
Death is persuasive. Death is responsible. Death is the best cause for celebration.
It’s just piece of paper, I’m just an ordinary man.
If you die, the piece of paper becomes a curse, and burns a shadow into a person's heart forever.
That’s my purpose, it is complete.
What are you saying...? What is Mabuchi Meiyou saying?
I can’t understand. I can’t keep up. I don’t want to understand.
My body trembles for some reason even though I don't understand the meaning of what he’s saying. I’m scared.
His incomprehensible ideal was chilling and horrifying without any meaning.
...It was hard to imagine what he was thinking.
Bag
Shindou Ringo
I’m sorry if I imagined it, but do you have a tattoo?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Huh, that... You saw it?
Mabuchi’s beautiful voice is mixed with fluctuations.
I took pleasure in breaking his composure.
Shindou Ringo
...So it wasn't a mistake.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yeah... it's a secret to everyone at school.
Well... It’s my hobby. Earrings and tattoos. Something I do every now and then.
I said it earlier, but I have a communicative disorder.
Mental sensitive skin... I understand what you mean.
When I’m curious about a person, I tend to analyse what the person is thinking, calculate it, and proceed.
My heart is weak.
Every second, I devote my mind to such small things, so I get tired quickly. It also builds up stress.
And the stress, dissatisfaction, and fatigue naturally differ from person to person.
In Mabuchi’s case, the suffering of the heart is healed through beautiful self-harm caused by piercings and tattoos.
Mabuchi Meiyou
In the end, it's just the fashionable version of a cut wrist.
I can’t stop. If I try I end up doing it more.
It seems that he was aware of it. He raised his eyebrow with a shy, apologetic look.
Mabuchi Meiyou
When I see a lot of flowers blooming on my body, well, I like it because it looks a little beautiful.
I can like myself a little.
Shindou Ringo
Oh, wait. How do you get the tattoo? The law…
Mabuchi Meiyou
It’s a secret.
Shindou Ringo
Oh, oh... I'm sorry…
It’s not something you usually see at school…
Mabuchi Meiyou
Of course not. If you got caught, someone would make noise and it would be troublesome.
The first thing to worry about is whether you’re making the situation worse for yourself.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Just because you have ink on your body doesn't mean you're a bad person.
No matter what hairstyle, skin colour or gender, those who make people happy will be happy, and those who do evil will suffer.
To be honest, I'm not convinced that tattoos are prohibited for a valid reason.
But I'm a student and I have a school building. I'm a son and I have a family.
I don’t mind sharing this, I have no regrets about getting tattoos, but I can't help it.
I don't want to buy useless antipathy, I hate friction, I like my family.... I'm sorry, were you scared?
Shindou Ringo
No, no... I wasn't scared, but... I was surprised.
I understand what he is saying.
However, it's still a rare thing, so I was just surprised at first sight.
He smiles.
Common Story
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh, that reminds me.
Shindou Ringo
...Yes?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Are you not going to die anymore?
Shindou Ringo
...! Why?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I have a feeling. I'm only guessing, but I'm pretty sure.
I couldn't deny or make excuses. His head was intentionally tilted with the eyes looking through me.
…This is the same as confessing. Mabuchi nodded refreshingly and again cast his darkness on me — his eyes.
Mabuchi Meiyou
After all, you’re an open book. It’s really... Beautiful.
Shindou Ringo
—!
Beautiful.
Something was behind the words... I could feel it. That's... I read yesterday, in the story...
Distracted by my fear of him, I realized that I had slammed my hand into the bag and took it out the pure white book.
The all-consuming darkness in his eyes in dyed in a surprising emotion.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What? What is this...?
Shindou Ringo
This is for you!
I found a bookstore in my neighbourhood yesterday. Please read it before you die.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Yuri?
Shindou Ringo
Yeah, yuri. The moment I saw it, I didn't know what it was, but I thought of you.
...Uguisu and Mabataki made me think of you.
Uguisu reminded me of you. Uguisu-
A, Hates dirt
Shindou Ringo
Her hatred and constant awareness of dirt reminded me of you.
Earlier, he said, "It's really beautiful."
He perceives himself as filthy like Uguisu, and holds contempt for himself and others.
B, Is envious of the beautiful
Shindou Ringo
Envy and jealousy for the concept of beauty... reminded me of you.
Earlier, he said, "It's really beautiful."
He resembles Uguisu in the way he envies what is beautiful despite being beautiful himself.
Common Story
Shindou Ringo
You said you wanted to find a yuri that surpassed the fear of death.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yup.
Shindou Ringo
If there is such a thing, I'm sure this is it. This is... I thought...
Your questions and dirty feelings... This is the real story of you.
Don't ask for an answer outside, just look at yourself, look again, and reorganize your thoughts.
You need to think about yourself. Deep inside yourself. You have to do it alone——
I think it’s the worst thing you could do, but it’s your life.
But if you see yourself as dirty...
I'm sure it's a pain to take a closer look at yourself and the current situation.
Looking in the mirror, looking at the details closely... I don't like it because it reveals my ugliness.
If that's the case, you can refer to something similar to yourself.
Read and consider this story that resembles you, and then take a quick look back at yourself.
Uguisu reminds me of you.
So, if you look at this book... Think about what scares you, and in the first place, what you want to do.
I don't know, but you should be able to figure it out... I think.
Human beings think that if you don't do something drastic, you and your surroundings will always be the same.
Because we’re creatures that deceive ourselves without knowing it.
Through this yuri, I thought that you would be able to turn away from death.
Sorry if I’m overstepping...!
Mabuchi Meiyou
I see...
What is his expression?
Clearly upset, Mabuchi gently picks up the pure white book and looks at it.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...It's not that long.
Shindou Ringo
I finished it in one day...
Mabuchi Meiyou
You read it all for me? I didn't think you were so serious.
Shindou Ringo
...Isn't it natural?
If I can help you even a little bit before you die, I’m going to do it.
It was you who first asked for my cooperation.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Yes, but also.
I said what I thought. I said it in earnest, without telling a lie.
...What did he think?
He gently closes his eyes and looks down for a few seconds— then he looks up, looking into my eyes.
They were the usual autumn-coloured eyes of Mabuchi.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Are you free tomorrow?
Shindou Ringo
Uh...
Mabuchi Meiyou
I don't have much time until I die. I can finish this today. I want to tell you about it tomorrow.
...I want to share it with a beautiful person.
Shindou Ringo
Yeah, I’m free.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Thank you... I'm glad you are.
...”I’m glad you are.” What does he like about me? Is there something? I don’t understand.
When I gently and politely handed him the pure white yuri book, Mabuchi smiled at me again.
It was a naïve smile, like an old man, like a boy, like a saint, like a virgin daughter.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I’m sorry I’ve attached myself to you. Honestly, I’m scared.
Shindou Ringo
I’m also scared... No, I’m fine, I’m okay.
Mabuchi Meiyou
That’s a lie, your voice was trembling. Your eyes were shaking.
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
Do you have glasses, Shindou?
Shindou Ringo
No... I'm not good at deceiving myself... Maybe I can't even wear glasses. The magic of my beliefs doesn't work.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh yeah! That's right, you killed a magician. You don't need glasses.
Shindou Ringo
...Are you a little stupid?
Mabuchi Meiyou
No, not at all.... Is there nothing for you to rely on?
Shindou Ringo
Not really.
I picked up the menu in one hand and suddenly looked up at the clock. ...I talked a lot.
It's time for a snack. My brain is tired, so let's eat sweets.
Mabuchi quietly collapses in front of me looking for something with sugar on the laminated paper.
—I didn't know that the collapse was distorted with a moment of hesitation.
Then, we will start the club suicide briefing session.
Well, for the time being... In order from the right, can you talk about the current progress?
After school on Thursday.
Again, strangers who want to die gather.
The facial expressions of the five boys sitting side by side are the same as last time, for better or for worse. However, the determination in their eyes has changed completely.
Zaizen Eba
Oh, again... Z-Zaizen Eba. I wonder if I should say that progress is going well, oh...
Well, what should I say... Uh, I'm steadily clearing up my regrets, and my desire to die has increased...
I feel like there isn’t a problem... I'm trying to decide how to commit suicide before the debriefing session...
Kururugi Shiki
I'm going to die and I feel like I'm laughing at myself for having bad discipline.
It’s surreal.
Usui Masaya
It’s Usui. In my case, it's different from everyone... There's nothing special to do, so the current situation is the same.
Oh! One thing... Well, yesterday, an old lady, who had heavy luggage, gave me some pocket money for helping her carry it...
It was troublesome because I don't have any use for it, so I bought some sweets and gave them to the children in the neighbourhood.
Kugajima Mitsuki
...I have no problems. That's it.
Kururugi Shiki
Haha.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I'm Mabuchi. Thankfully, I'm currently working with Shindou to overcome my fears.
Thanks to her, I think I’m gradually getting closer to my goal.
Shindou Ringo
Yes.
Kugajima Mitsuki
What about you, cooperating with others? How’s your suicide?
Shindou Ringo
Wow, I... well, I feel I've decided how to die through Mabuchi...
Kugajima Mitsuki
Huh.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...We’ve finished pretty quickly. I'm glad that everyone, not just me, seems to be doing well.
I’m glad I was able to speak and listen to everyone. Are we ready to disperse?
Kururugi Shiki
Bah! We can’t leave this early, can’t we talk a little longer?
I was looking forward to seeing you today, right?
You’re the only friends in the world I've shared my thoughts of suicide with. But so far it seems like you guys are all dweebs
No way... Now, the word dweeb came out from the mouth of the playboy. Does he not care what he sounds like...?
As for me, I’m only an dweeb during leisure time, after all it just means reading Nyan Peace or Sword of Demons.
—At least that’s what I think.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Eh... Why don’t we go to a family restaurant to continue the party?
Zaizen Eba
Ah, uh, I have a plan after this... I'm sorry to my seniors, but...
You’d think it wouldn’t be possible for an atmosphere of splurge and cheerfulness to appear immediately after discussing our plans for suicide.
I think Zaizen’s a shadowy person who has a habit of running away.
I couldn't feel the extra flirting in the words or sense the mood like those who were stronger than me. It's an unfounded, intuition with a shadow sensor.
Unexplored until his suicide— What he had to do in the week before his suicide must have been filial piety. Maybe there is a plan related to that.
Kugajima Mitsuki
I can't go either.
—Well, he can't help it. When this idea was brought up, I couldn't even imagine how he would be happy to join.
By the way, he said that there is no problem at present, but... what exactly is he doing now?
Kugajima said that he would beat the people he hates, but maybe he’s calmer than when we first met.
I wonder if the anger has subsided because he’s rested. Or was it something else that changed the look in his eyes?
—I wondered, but I'm not brave enough to ask.
Usui Masaya
...I'm not sure about hanging out with so many people. But it sounds fun.
Usui doesn't shake. There is no change, like someone copy and pasted his figure from two days ago.
It's hard to predict what he's doing in the week before he dies.
He said he helped the old lady with heavy bags. He also has a reason for suicide. Is he struggling to be philanthropic before his death?
…Is he a kid who doesn't understand the cruelty of the world, despite being one of the oldest here? I also thought——
At the first meeting, he professed without shame, "I wanted to be a hero of justice."
Literally all the time leading up to his death seems to be dedicated to helping others.
Shindou Ringo
......
Kururugi Shiki
Hey?
Shindou Ringo
Huh, am I ...?
When I was asked, confused, I looked over at Mabuchi——
…The notification sound of his smartphone rang in his pocket.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Excuse me.
He takes it out immediately and hits the screen with his finger several times to unlock it.
He slides the screen once or twice... At that moment his face became visibly cloudy.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I'm sorry. I wanted to go to the party but something urgent came up.
Kururugi Shiki
Wow, seriously!
You’re funny - I wanted to hear a lot of stories!
Mabuchi Meiyou
I’m sorry. Invite me in the next world.
Kururugi Shiki
Okay, that's enough now!
Usui Masaya
Until Monday, see you again!
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah, Shindou... I'm sorry. See you tomorrow.
Shindou Ringo
Ah... yeah.
After saying that, Mabuchi shook his right hand and quickly left the conference room.
—He can speak a little fast when talking about yuri, but it's rare for him to look so rushed.
Calm and intelligent. He who is graceful and even dignified.
With an emotional face, in a hurry.
I wonder what happened… When we meet tomorrow, why don't I ask?
Kururugi Shiki
What do you do with you, kitten? After this, do you want to eat together?
Shindou Ringo
Well... uh, if it’s okay.
Usui Masaya
Oh! I’m coming!
Kururugi Shiki
It's decided! Let's go!
…Before I realised it, Zaizen and Kugajima had already disappeared. I can't help but understand why they would want to leave this place without saying goodbye.
The giant who carries a bag on his back goes out into the corridor, and a mauve fairy follows him in small steps.
When I followed them out of the conference room, the bright orange of the setting sun pierced my eyes.
Restaurant
We ended up at a family restaurant in front of the station closest to the school.
With the graduation ceremony coming up, it’s crowded, and most of the large store is filled with familiar colour uniforms.
...We were fortunate to get seats without waiting.
After sitting down, I glanced at the entrance and saw the students who arrived late turning away with dissatisfied faces.
Usui Masaya
...I see. There it is.
Kururugi Shiki
Hmm? You’ve never been here before, Masakiya?
Usui Masaya
Yeah. Eating out for the first time... You don't have to do much, do you?
Kururugi Shiki
What about you, Ringo?
Shindou Ringo
Uh, this is also my first time...
Well, I was a shut-in. I have no friends.
…Do you not understand? I don't know. Speaking of which, the giant opened his hand and was overly surprised.
Kururugi Shiki
Seriously? Weird savages! Uh, I feel like I've drawn five stars in a row with a single gacha...
…A playboy who unexpectedly makes a nerdy analogy.
Usui, who looks at the menu without making any movement while sitting next to the annoying giant, seems to be listening.
I can feel strongly that there are various people who can be very different even if they are seniors in the same school or in the same third grade.
Usui Masaya
—Hmm. I ... I'll choose in a bit, it will take time.
Wow. The menu is so big, I didn’t see that... Why did you choose it?
Shindou Ringo
Uh, your menu is upside down. Turn it over so you can see it.
Usui Masaya
Ah... wow, that's right!
Kururugi Shiki
You guys are so... Cute...
A smiling giant with flushed cheeks, faces the menu again and holds his head in his hand.
In the face of the dark duo, I was thinking about something completely different—About Mabuchi.
His face the moment he saw his smartphone. His calm expression disappeared and his right eyebrow quivered and twitched.
He turned around, seemingly driven by a sense of mission.
Obviously... something on the screen at that time was bad.
What was wrong? What hastened him? The mirror-like water surface shook without a single wave.
Such anxiety and curiosity.
I’ll ask him tomorrow. I expect he will answer.
The story he told me at school yesterday. About the value of sin.
I'm sure there is something. Or maybe the existence of some sin near him called him today.
Is the sin his responsibility? Is it his responsibility as a human being?
Or rather, is the sin what will kill him in the end.
Ruminant in my mind is the reason for his suicide.
“I thought that people who are important to me can be happy if I die.”
It's egotistic, but if you don't take responsibility for others, you can't think of such an idea in the first place.
Suicide resists the natural fear that humans should have.
Wishing for the happiness of others, killing the feelings of fear that are natural as a person, dying, and reaching the end of your life...
That’s what it makes me think.
Like that... I wonder what else would cause him to die, feeling guilty irresponsibly, not having a sense of mission.
Well, at the moment it's just my objective consideration.
About the sin, about the responsibility - if he told me.
Kururugi Shiki
Hey.
His voice pulled me out of the sea of thought.
The owner of the voice bent over and looked into my face with a suspicious look.
Kururugi Shiki
Did you get so hungry that you became a void?
Shindou Ringo
Ah, yeah.
Usui Masaya
...I've already ordered, I'm sure the wait won’t be that long. Let’s wait together with rumbling stomachs.
—By the way. These two are in the third grade. They’re Mabuchi’s and my seniors.
Maybe they know something about how he became vice president.
They know him better than I, who stayed withdrawn and knew him only in the wording of the Student Council newspaper.
In the future, I will continue to search for his yuri, and I think it will be worth listening to him to more about his pursuit of suicide.
I-
A, Ask Kururugi about Mabuchi
—I decided to ask Kururugi about him.
He looks like a popular person. He must know various people.
When I was trying to invite Mabuchi to talk at Club Suicide, I was friendly and I didn't think it was the first time I met him.
Shindou Ringo
Kururugi...
Kururugi Shiki
Hm? You haven't eaten yet?
Shindou Ringo
Oh, yeah, I haven’t... Well, what do you think about Mabuchi... I thought I wanted to ask.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What’s this all of a sudden? Why?
Shindou Ringo
...I'm helping him at the moment.
I want to hear objective, opinions... I like Mabuchi, even if I don't know much about him.
Kururugi Shiki
Ah, I said at the club a while ago. Vice-student president...
Next to the freckled face with his arms crossed, Usui is swaying sideways.
For some reason, when I was curious and looked at his face, the eyes behind his bangs probably met mine. He opened his mouth shyly.
Usui Masaya
Ah... Where is the toilet?
Kururugi Shiki
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You can see the blue mark over there by the hand wash, right?
Usui Masaya
Oh, over there... I'm going. I'm sorry, Kururugi.
Kururugi Shiki
Have a good day~!
He was sent off, and disappeared with a humble sprint.
Kururugi, who waved until he disappeared behind the partition, changed his smile and sighed with his eyebrows.
Kururugi Shiki
Hmm, I like him... even if he’s difficult. Mabuchinha
Shindou Ringo
...Mabuchi, huh?
Kururugi Shiki
It's about Deputy Kaicho.
…His flashy face is flashy even if playing the straight man. I tilted my head to continue the story of the big man, thinking how stupid he was.
Kururugi Shiki
No, Mabuchin, he’s a really funny guy.
You get it? Serious but not stiff, ridiculous but I don’t know to what degree.
He’s in a different grade so I’m not that close to him.
Well, I have something to talk about.
Sports festivals and school festivals, I always have to do something with my year. Every time.
So I volunteer with the Student Council, and me and Mabuchin have been together quite often.
I see. In that case, there is some interaction even if the grade and caste are different.
Kururugi Shiki
Mabuchin always turned my head. Honestly, I'm more at ease with him than the student president of any generation.
He’s given me various consultations, and done the best thing he can think of at the time.
Time allocation for the preparation period, expenses, etc.... everything. He really does a lot, they count on him.
Shindou Ringo
Hmm... he's amazing.
Kururugi Shiki
He really is!
With just the rotation of his head he completes tasks. And he does them alone!? He’s tough.
And he doesn’t make me feel like a tofu brain whose opinions don’t matter.
He’s like a caretaker...
A sense of responsibility, a sense of duty, and rather than relying on others, he just becomes more conscious of what he has to do.
I don't know because I'm an only child. But, the eldest son or the eldest daughter are used to such things, right?
I don't know, but Mabuchin said that he had one younger sister who was worth taking care of, and there could be others.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...He has a younger sister?
Kururugi Shiki
I haven’t met her.
Coming into contact with a bite of the cold that was brought in, the deeply carved fox squinted a little.
Kururugi Shiki
Well, in any sense. He's a reassuring and reliable partner. But, he’s the type you don’t want to turn into an enemy.
Shindou Ringo
......?
Kururugi Shiki
I know that it really depends on how you say it. It's like using things, you can also use people.
To put it better, the bullion doesn't shake because it's strong, but to put it worse, it's quite stubborn.
In addition, the way of thinking is zero.
It's kind of messed for his relatives and it's self-sacrificing, but if he judges it as an enemy, he’ll definitely crush it.
To be forever on the side of those who forgive him.
He feels like a sensual revenge demon who wears the skin of a gentle and gentle wise mother who changes shape in time and place.
Shindou Ringo
......
Kururugi Shiki
If you decide to try and change his mind, the Mabuchin will not shake. No matter who says what.
...I heard that he had a dispute with a teacher who moved to another school a year ago.
It seems that the situation was tied up nicely. No, it wasn’t tied up... It was crushed.
...It seems that someone leaked to the bully of some class that the teacher worked unequally.
There is no clear evidence.
In addition, the bullied child himself is afraid that his current situation will worsen due to the bully.
Demabuchin solved the problem by talking directly to the teacher of the case so that the bully wouldn't stand out.
It's a rumour, so I don't know if it's true.
Shindou Ringo
He solved it?
Kururugi Shiki
I don't know how to make you believe it without evidence.
After all, it is rumoured that Mabuchin pushed the evidence that he stole from the teacher himself and left it.
Shindou Ringo
.....
I didn't go to school so I had no idea who the teacher was.
Kururugi Shiki
By the way after the matter was sealed instead of saying thank you, the bullied child said this—
Dirty adults cannot be forgiven. Something unique like that.
Shindou Ringo
Dirty?
Kururugi Shiki
Hmm, what’s up?
Shindou Ringo
Well, not anything...
I thought that the dirty words that often come out of Mabuchi mouth were words for his existence.
Apparently this is not always the case.
—Dirt.
Certainly, if the story is true, what the teacher did is awful, and I can understand the feeling of calling it unclean.
But——— what is the reason for treating yourself as dirty as the teacher?
What is one of the common stagnation points that both the teacher, and Mabuchi have in common?
… A concept that both he and others have in his eyes that pollute himself. What on earth about him is dirty?
Kururugi Shiki
I’m serious when I say I like him, but I’m also scared of him.
Is it too deep or heavy? It's superfluous because the person in question probably doesn't realize that.
In many ways, it's too hard, so for me, it's just what it is. I'm tired.
Shindou Ringo
…Is that so.
Kururugi Shiki
Ah, wait. I don't hate Mabuchin.
I think he’s a great guy. But I'm not deeply involved with him, so I don’t know.
I don't like anything. There a frank impression of death boy.
… As my senior said, I couldn't feel any roundabout feelings in the words he spoke, such as sarcasm and urgency.
... I'm sure he just stated his impressions that he felt were true.
As a matter of fact, there were many points in his remarks that I could thought of or agreed with.
Shindou Ringo
... Thank you, thank you. Now I know a little more about Mabuchi... I felt like I was unsure about him before.
Kururugi Shiki
Hmm, I'm glad.
Maybe he’s the most unskilled fighter in Club Suicide.
I think it's more painful for him than us.
I'm motivated, I have the strongest eyebrows, and I'm strong. That's why I think you should work with me instead of him.
Well, anyway, I’ll help you if I can.
If you have friends... it might be sweet, but it's unfortunate that you're unhappy when you meet, talk, and laugh.
I don't know what to do, just don't break each other.
On Monday, we need to have everything sorted so we can leave things neatly.
Shindou Ringo
...Yes.
After all, it seems that Kururugi did not intend to fight over me.
Even if I'm not good at understanding Mabuchi-san, I can tell that I'm thinking about him.
The fraternity as a companion who wishes for the same death was wrapped in the words of Kururugi, the unexpected generosity, and the smile of the fox.
On the way back ... Let's take a short detour.
Seeing mauve hair approaching from the direction of the restroom, I put my mouth on a sweaty glass cup.
B, Ask Usui about Mabuchi
—I decided to ask Usui about him.
He feels more on my level. I think he sees, perceives, and understands Mabuchi with a similar sensibility. I would like to hear his opinion
Shindou Ringo
Usui…
Usui Masaya
What?
Shindou Ringo
I have something to ask... Well, what do you think about Mabuchi... I’m curious.
Usui Masaya
Why Meiyou?
Shindou Ringo
...I’m helping him right now.
I want to hear objective opinions... I like Mabuchi, even if I don't know much about him.
Usui Masaya
...That's right. That's right. Um, Meiyou…
Usui looks in the air while pushing up the edge of his lips with his index finger.
Kururugi looked sideways at the roaring mauve, and laughed a little as he stood up from his seat.
Kururugi Shiki
I'm going back to the drink bar, do you want anything?
Shindou Ringo
Oh, thank you. Thank you... I'm sorry.
Usui Masaya
Thank you. I... well, I wonder if there is melon soda.
Kururugi Shiki
Okay! What about Ringo?
Shindou Ringo
Wow, I ...Tea, whatever ...Anything.
Kururugi Shiki
Yes! Wait for my return!
With a familiar wink, the giant's figure goes away.
…Is it because Kururugi has a strong presence? It feels lonely, as if the place suddenly became quiet.
…The four person booth feels strangely large and airy.
Usui Masaya
...It’s suddenly quiet, right?
Shindou Ringo
Yeah…
It seems that Usui has the same feeling. Unintentionally, a small smile finds my mouth.
Usui Masaya
Um... About Meiyou, right?
Shindou Ringo
...Yes.
Usui Masaya
Meiyou’s a really nice person.
But... I feel like he’s overwhelmed somehow.
He’s supposed to be a strong person… I wonder…
What did you say…? I wonder what it is. When he tilted his head with an “um”, Usui continued.
Usui Masaya
I... that's right. I think it’s intuition.
I can’t reasonably explain it.
It's just... This might be a theory based on emotions…
Shindou Ringo
……
...Is he lonely?
Usui looked down while picking up the stick of sugar that had been placed beside his seat and started playing with it.
Usui Masaya
Oh, yeah. Meiyou looks like he’s in pain.
I... I'm crazy, I don't know. But, I think Meiyou is crazy too.
I’m sure he’s aware of it no matter how small it is.
Shindou Ringo
…?
Usui Masaya
I think he’s pretending to be okay… I feel like he’s restraining himself.
Like he’s controlling his emotions… Suppressing them.
Really... I don’t know what’s wrong.
But there’s never smoke without a fire.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t hide your true self behind a mask… You always know it's there, right?
Meiyou is looking away from what he really sees, and what he really feels.
That’s why I feel like he’s not okay.
When I talk to Meiyou... Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at someone else... I feel like that.
I feel like he’s working extra hard to be kind and try to stay calm.
Maybe, Meiyou is that kind of person.
Shindou Ringo
...His darkness is deep?
Usui Masaya
...I don’t think darkness is a bad thing.
Where there is light, there is darkness. Where there is darkness, there is light.
The darker the darkness, the brighter light looks, just as the brightness of the sun seen from the black well is dazzling.
It’s not always the case, but people who know unhappiness know how precious happiness is.
People who know pain know the importance of rejoicing. People who are full of wounds are actually the strongest.
That's why the darkness is never bad.
Rather, the fact that there is darkness is important. It's a mundane word, but light and darkness are... Two sides of the same coin.
...I know what he is trying to say.
Those who know loneliness, for better or for worse, remember love, and those who feel despair know the existence of hope.
It depends on the person whether the situation is good or bad— But it seems like Mabuchi sees his situation as bad, according to Usui.
Usui Masaya
I don’t know what happened to Meiyo, so it’s only a guess.
Wow, that got dark.
It's soggy, moist, tricky. When you put it in your mouth, your stomach and your mind and your body all hurt.
An unstoppable stream of blood. Oh… The darkness.
As I said earlier, darkness is not bad. People who know the coldness of winter are thankful for the arrival of spring.
So if you just turn the other way around, you should feel the warmth of the sun's rays more than anyone else...
Shindou Ringo
Do you think Mabuchi can do that?
The mauve-haired boy nods. His voice becomes small, almost a whisper.
Usui Masaya
I don’t understand Meiyou.
I pretend to stare at my shadow when he looks at me.
When I interact with him… There’s something wrong. I feel out of sync and it makes me sick.
It’s like there is no darkness, only warm light. He pretends to be okay and leave the shadow behind.
It feels like a beast will pop out at any moment, I feel like he’s pretending that there is no beast by holding down the lid of the box all the time.
...I understand that feeling.
It's painful, my bad place, I don't like it… I don't want to keep thinking about that kind of pain.
I want to cut off my feelings and control myself.
Shindou Ringo
So, you think Mabuchi is running away from his darkness...?
Usui Masaya
Hmm… It’s different. It’s not like running away.
What it is… I don’t know.
I’m not Meiyou. So I don’t know what it is, or what he thinks.
But I can feel it. And, that's what I felt.
Maybe there's a reason why Meiyou wants to pretend he doesn’t see it... That might be it.
Suppressing unknown things and enduring them, it’s painful to see Meiyou like that.
…Usui says, it feels like Mabuchi’s holding back his darkness.
I couldn't find any words to compare the chills and strange uncomfortable feelings that I get from my interactions with Mabuchi.
Hearing Usui’s words, I thought about what it could be.
Sticky and gloomy words about curses that occasionally leak out. The extreme idea of life or death, black or white.
It must have been the darkness of Mabuchi Meiyou.
Shindou Ringo
...Thank you, thank you. I now know a little bit more about Mabuchi... I feel less divided.
Usui Masaya
Oh, that's right. If it was helpful, that’s good.
...Uh, this is kind of weird, but did you say that you'll help Meiyou overcome his fears in the next week?
When I heard that, I felt really sad.
Maybe it's in my head, but... I feel like he’s trying to keep the darkness he’s holding back in his heart.
I think... Maybe…
It's weird, but for a moment I wanted him to live…
Meiyou must be suffering though.
Shindou Ringo
……
Usui Masaya
We are the same, but in the end we are ourselves.
I don’t know if it will work, but if you want to try and relieve Meiyou’s pain… Do your best.
I’m supporting you.
Shindou Ringo
...Thanks.
It seemed neither I, nor Usui, intended to talk for so long.
Even if I don’t understand Mabuchi, I know that I want to try.
As a companion who wishes for the same death, love was wrapped in one of Usui’s words.
On the way back... I’ll take a short detour.
Seeing the giant's quirky hair swaying and approaching from the direction of the drink bar, I put my mouth on a sweaty glass cup.
Common Story
The first family restaurant I’d visited in my life. Usui and I didn't know how to react to the many idiocies of the clubber from beginning to end.
The plate was vacant while I was just eating dinner, and the tilting sun was disbanded before it had fallen.
…Listen to the story from a third-party perspective.
I knew well that something on his back, a big cursed black sign, wasn't my fault.
I'm sure his fears, fights for life, and regrets... The curse must be the root.
There must be more I can do.
Not only should he answer his wishes and questions, but I should also act voluntarily.
Believe that I can turn his curse, even a little, into something he accepts.
Bookstore
The detour is to an old-fashioned bookstore in the neighbourhood.
...I'm not that familiar with yuri.
I wanted to understand the existence of Mabuchi, who claims it is beautiful and at the other end of the spectrum to his dirty existence.
…It’s a weekday night.
People are sparse in the store, which will close in a few hours, and each is immersed in their own world, sitting or standing with a book in their hands.
Using the sign with the categories written on it, I started my journey to find yuri.
—Speaking of which… What category is yuri under?
No way such an old bookshop has a Girl’s Love category...
Romance? Feminism? Porn?
…Everything seems to apply depending on the content of the story.
Of course, I don't have the courage to ask the clerk, so I end up wandering around.
The Mabuchi in my brain smiled at me, who was lost in the garden of books in search of yuri, and scolded me, "Well, is that your yuri?"
I avoided the shelves with people, checked all the titles of the books that I could see, and kept walking.
…Because, I'm not good with people.
I think I could have found yuri more efficiently if I had a little communicative competence and courage.
I'm timid, and I don't have the courage to plunge into a row of people, but I can't leave before I find it.
I've been checking all the rows in the store for more than ten minutes in search of yuri.
There are people in the next row again. I'll re-examine this shelf later.
Shindou Ringo
...That’s?
I’s involuntarily come across it twice... No, I saw it three times.
Mabuchi. I wondered who it was because he wasn’t wearing glasses.
Shindou Ringo
Mabuchi—
I walked up to him and tried to call him with a small voice, curious about...
A, The paper in his hands and his expression
The paper in his hands.
I can't see the contents of it from here, but... something is written.
The cover of the suicide note, which could be interpreted as a congratulatory note, has a some writing that can be seen from here. “To Dad”. It is written in beautiful handwriting.
Mabuchi's letter to his father... I wonder what it says. No, it's not just a letter.
His expression when he opened the piece of paper, said that the sentences written were not happy at all.
—A demon's gaze.
There are no wrinkles between his eyebrows. Nor is the tear bag bulging.
There is no distortion. Rather, it's a face with no emotion.
But... Do I believe it? Is Mabuchi truly so emotionless?
His gaze was warm when we discussed the cherry blossoms and death, and he looked before like he was in the shadow of hell.
There was a hot and sticky grudge that I could clearly recognise from a distance.
...It's a curse. After all he is cursed.
Involuntarily withdrawing, I quickly leaned behind the bookshelf and disappeared from him.
I shouldn't be his enemy. I should be on his side.
He— Mabuchi Meiyou, possessed by a demon, his body signalled a danger that said I should not approach.
He looked in jeopardy.
B, The plastic bag he is holding
Mabuchi looks at a piece of paper in his hand.
But my eyes glance inside the clear plastic bag on his right wrist— a small device and a few silver needles.
I don’t have any piercings, but I have some basic knowledge… A piercer and a sterilized needle for piercing.
Mabuchi’s ears already have elaborate decorations on them... Is he planning to open them up completely?
I look at his ears… Then I look through the loose clothes around his neck and doubted my eyes.
—Is it… A big bruise? No… I’m not mistaken.
A black flower was blooming under the collarbone of the beautiful-faced vice student council president.
It’s not body paint…
It’s a tattoo.
I heard a story somewhere. Psychosomatic medicine says that more than a certain number of tattoos and piercings become self-harm, embodying ego and dreams with nowhere to go.
It’s clean and stagnant, it’s light and heavy- when the thoughts of being unborn open a window of flesh in one's body and make beautiful wounds bloom.
I think that kind of thing is beautiful, it can be seen portrayed attractively in anime and manga...
I’m not good with pain… And I don’t have a reason to be.
But those who open the windows, the ones who make the wounds bloom— do they have a purpose beyond the pain?
When I noticed, I gently withdrew and was hiding in the shadow of the bookshelf.
Frankly, I’m surprised. I don’t think I can speak to him now.
If I inadvertently call out, I'm likely to be overwhelmed... I felt like that.
Badum, badum, and so on. The unevenness of the shelves and the corners of the books touch my shoulders.
Common Story
I tried to act normal as the unevenness of the shelves and the corners of the books touched my shoulders.
…Looking back, one pure white book stands out. I pick it up unintentionally.
...The plain white cover is elegant, but has an aged, worn-out foil stamping.
When I flipped through a few pages without checking the spine, the first sentence that jumped out to me seemed to see through me.
A, The cursed girls kept dreaming
“The cursed girls kept dreaming.”
Cursed girl.
...I closed the book once, turned it over, and the title was "Blooming in Winter."
...Mabuchi hadn't noticed me.
It's not a very thick book. I sat down on an old wooden chair at the edge of the store and opened up the pure-coloured cover again.
—How many hours did I indulge in reading? I close the pure white door when the store is already empty.
In conclusion, it was yuri.
It was a complete story about adolescent girls who were trying to curse themselves and their hearts.
There are two main characters.
Tachibana Uguisu is a passionate person with arrogance, high ideals, a few friends, and a lot of pride in her yakimochi grilling.
Asagami Mabataki expresses her emotions honestly, but is surprised to find a truth that gives her what she was always missing.
Uguisu who doesn’t want to grow up.
Mabataki who longs to be an adult.
It's a slice-of-life that switches between two girls of the same age who go to the same junior high school.
Mabataki is more mature than anyone else, she respects Uguisu and chases her innocently.
However, Uguisu was more childish than anyone else. She was beautiful, but she was jealous of Mabataki.
Mabataki was too good for this world. She was a kind girl who noticed even the little things.
Because she was too kind, Uguisu suffered with jealousy while she secretly loved her.
But such "dirty, adult-like feelings" couldn’t be accepted, and she hid, pushed Mabataki away, and killed herself.
However, that’s not all.
Mabataki envied Uguisu and thought she was wonderful.
She embraces envy, crushes the feelings of jealousy, kills the heart, and repeats.
An unmistakable chain of curses was drawn in which the two prideful and innocent girls passed each other.
However, despite the many times Uguisu tried to escape from the curse, Mabataki didn’t change.
She was on Uguisu’s side.
In order to get rid of the feelings of jealousy, Uguisu said abusive words to Mabataki.
She tried to escape by entering the world of her mind.
She deliberately talked about her past, urged mourning, and tried to kill herself.
But, Mabataki stayed on Uguisu’s side.
In the end Uguisu said, “I can’t forgive myself for making Mabataki suffer”.
In order to escape from the suffering of the curse, she tried to commit suicide.
The story ends with the contents of the Uguisu’s suicide note.
“I'm sorry I always talked strangely and made you suffer.”
“I'm only human, I’m not suitable for you.”
“I had a lot of fun every day I was with Mabataki.”
“But even if Mabataki is beautiful, she will get dirty if she stays with me all the time.”
“It's not Mabataki's fault that I died.”
“I died because people can't accept me.”
“Please make Mabataki happy in a world without me.”
“Mabataki. I love you.”
—In the end, Uguisu didn't say her true feelings towards Mabataki. She died alone, without revealing her true nature to anyone.
What Uguisu really wanted to say to Mabataki was... no that’s wrong.
I don't think she wanted to say such a beautiful, perfect and ugly word that has no human heart.
“I can't help but envy you.”
“So dazzling. You’re beautiful, enviable, and you're in control.”
“I want to be at your side.”
“I want to believe in people. I want to love people. I want to believe in you and love you.”
“You who suffer for me and you who are pleased to see me.”
“Because I love you.”
—What? I think it’s because of this place.
I’m sure she wanted to say that.
Ugly and beautiful, human-like and unbearable. She wanted to get my ashes mixed with such a beautiful star.
That’s how I feel.
B, The cursed girls continued to fight.
“The cursed girls continued to fight.”
Cursed girl.
...I closed the book once, turned it over, and the title was "Here and There Plow in Spring".
...Mabuchi hadn't noticed me.
It's not a very thick book. I sat down on an old wooden chair at the edge of the store and opened up the pure-coloured cover again.
—How many hours did I indulge in reading? I close the pure white door when the store is already empty.
In conclusion, it was yuri.
It was an unfinished story about an adolescent girl who continued to resist her curse.
There are two main characters.
Tachibana Uguisu is a passionate person with arrogance, high ideals, a few friends, and a lot of pride in her yakimochi grilling.
Asagami Mabataki expresses her emotions honestly, but is surprised to find a truth that gives her what she was always missing.
Uguisu who doesn’t want to grow up.
Mabataki who longs to be an adult.
It's a slice-of-life that switches between two girls of the same age who go to the same junior high school.
Mabataki is more mature than anyone else, she respects Uguisu and chases her innocently.
However, Uguisu was more childish than anyone else. She was beautiful, but she was jealous of Mabataki.
Mabataki was too good for this world. She was a kind girl who noticed even the little things.
Because she was too kind, Uguisu suffered with jealousy while she secretly loved her.
But such "dirty, adult-like feelings" couldn’t be accepted, and she hid, pushed Mabataki away, and killed herself.
However, that’s not all.
Mabataki envied Uguisu and thought she was wonderful.
She embraces envy, crushes the feelings of jealousy, kills the heart, and repeats.
An unmistakable chain of curses was drawn in which the two prideful and innocent girls passed each other.
However, despite the many times Uguisu tried to escape from the curse, Mabataki didn’t change.
She was on Uguisu’s side.
In order to get rid of the feelings of jealousy, Uguisu said abusive words to Mabataki.
She tried to escape by entering the world of her mind.
She deliberately talked about her past, urged mourning, and tried to kill herself.
But, Mabataki stayed on Uguisu’s side.
In the end Uguisu said, “I can’t forgive myself for making Mabataki suffer”.
In order to escape from the suffering of the curse, she tried to commit suicide.
Beautiful Words. Justice. Reason.
However, Mabataki saw the true nature of Uguisu from the depths of the words.
…To escape the suffering of the curse that swirls in her heart. To make her outer shell beautiful.
After all, it was nothing more than a childish ego of Uguisu.
“I wanted someone to stop me tomorrow morning. I wanted someone to recognize me”
“Oh, I really want to die. But I really wanted to live.”
“I needed someone to see I was dirty.”
“I can't help but envy you.”
“So dazzling. You’re beautiful, enviable, and you're in control.”
“I want to be at your side.”
“Can you say that you like me, who tries to live dirty rather than die cleanly?”
Ugly and beautiful, human-like and unbearable. She wanted to get my ashes mixed with such a beautiful star.
This book ends with a confession from Uguisu.
... According to the postscript by the husband of the author, it seems that this story originally consisted of two volumes, one before and one after.
In the first part, Uguisu became aware of his curse, and in the second part… No one knows what happened.
Because the author died in an accident without completing the story…
What was waiting between the warbler who confessed the curse and Mabataki who witnessed the curse?
What kind of development was there? I don't know.
The entrusted reader has only the right to simmer and taste the story over and over again and imagine the continuation.
Oooooh, what happened? What happened? What happened to Uguisu and Mabataki?
However, the opening sentence says, "The cursed girls continued to fight." If so-that's probably the case.
They probably chose to live by fighting the beloved curse that was born to each other. That’s what I think.
Common Story
…For some reason, I forgot about Mabuchi.
Why? Why do you say such things as dirt and cleanliness? Is it because the appearance of saying such things as dirt and cleanness is reminiscent of Uguisu?
…Maybe he feels the same as her?
Is that so? Is he also Uguisu?
No, it’s hard to imagine. He’s so calm, kind to everyone, and his grown-up.
I should go home.
...I heard about him at the family restaurant a few hours ago. The outer shell is beautifully dressed, but something about him is a little crazy and tropical.
…He. Mabuchi Meiyou is——
I look at the clock and the pure white book that I had a fateful encounter with. The needle indicates closing time was a long time ago.
At the reception desk, the shopkeeper nodded with a gentle smile.
With a mixture of apology and gratitude, I grabbed a the pure white book and my purse and headed for the shopkeeper.
A tyrant who does not reveal his fist. A good oppressor on the outside.
Will I be like that soon?
Although I hate the shadows, they are getting darker day by day.
It’s creepy. It’s creepy.
How good it would have been if I could have lived just by being beautiful.
Nothing is more troublesome than class when the graduation ceremony is just around the corner.
A comprehensive review of content I never learned. A look back on memories with a friendly teacher who doesn’t know me.
A graduation rehearsal practice where you just sit and stand and repeat and bow. The only healing is the world beyond my phone screen during self-study time.
The bell rang and the sun was high when I noticed the emptiness in my heart.
—By the way. What happened to the "journey to find the ultimate yuri"?
After the conversation yesterday, Mabuchi suddenly looked a little scared and left after saying “see you tomorrow”.
It's not that Mabuchi is bad or wrong.
The result of all things is accompanied by a process. There is always a reason for thinking about things.
A longing for the concept of "yuri", similar to a religion. And the shadow of inferiority that occasionally flickers.
As a matter of course, the intense words paint a picture of a beautiful darkness in him.
It was a very exhausting value to accept immediately.
So I wanted time to chew, swallow, and ruminate his words and feelings to better understand him.
I stopped thinking about it yesterday to avoid a heavy stomach, but I don't really know what to do now. I can't think.
—As I start to think about it, the classroom door opens slowly.
After the sound of a shoulder rubbing against the board, which was so thin that it could hardly be heard over the voice of conversation, a voice sounded from the other side of the door.
...Mabuchi?
When the gentle eyes behind his glasses met mine, Mabuchi made a small "come" hand sign with his right hand.
I silently nodded, quickly packed up my things into my bag, and headed for his yuri garden, taking care not to catch the eyes of the people around me.
Hallway
Just before the graduation ceremony, two people walk along the corridor next to the opposite sex.
I didn't think the day would come when I would have such an experience in my damp life, but there was no feeling of love between us. Neither of us have hope for the future.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I'm sorry I called you suddenly. Is it an okay time?
Shindou Ringo
It's okay.
Whether I’m comfortable at school or not, what I do is always the same if I stay at home. Gaming, social media. …On the contrary, Mabuchi’s casual companionship intrigues me.
Shindou Ringo
By the way... Mabuchi. What exactly do you do on your journey to find a yuri?
Do you go to a place where a yuri is and try to see a strong hallucination together?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I do it every second. I wonder if there's a man, and if there is I suddenly improve the boring reality in my brain.
Shindou Ringo
Yes, but...
Mabuchi Meiyou
I happened to have a daydream that felt like I was there, and I was grinning during an important meeting of the Student Council and almost lost the students their human rights.
Shindou Ringo
Huh...
I intended to stifle it, but I let out a yelp that was even louder. ...Maybe it wasn’t that loud, but seriously...
Meeting Room
Shindou Ringo
Then what are you going to do specifically?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Peek into the ceiling from the pith of the reeds. Take control of heaven.
Like summer bugs laughing at the frogs frozen at the bottom of the well, I should always be caught up in the views and existing perspectives that are convenient for me.
Far from being unable to achieve goals forever, ignorance can attract undesired results and eventually cause unnecessary disasters.
Therefore, I will once borrow the power of your thoughts, which is close to a yuri, in order to perfectly fulfil the death I desire.
I want to reach for knowledge that I haven't thought of yet and try to escape by existing through the creations of others.
...I can’t do it with my dirty brain, but from another perspective, if I borrow your beautiful perspective, I can look for a yuri that surpasses death.
A journey into a story that focuses on thinking, and diving into print. For me, suicide is one of the means and not the purpose, but I want to imitate the death of a beautiful concept to overcome fear.
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
I also found out yesterday that you have an understanding of yuri, and I was quite uplifted.
I've made it about a trip to find a yuri, but that's how it is. How about it?
Shindou Ringo
Somehow, I understand...
In other words, even if he thinks seriously, he is bound by the existing idea and arrives at a yuri that surpasses death. I think I get it——
He wants to expand the possibility of encountering the fateful yuri by holding a yuri discussion with a third party and expanding the brainpower.
I would like to say such a thing. But I can’t find the words...
After all, his words are strange. Something is twisted. In order to understand, there is something I need to find out about him first.
That is ——
A, Reason to Commit Suicide for Others
He said yesterday that he would commit suicide because his death would make his loved ones happy.
The motive for dying for other people. Without knowing the reason for his death, the fear of his death could not be alleviated.
Shindou Ringo
If I’m going to help you get over your fear of death... There’s something I’d like to know.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What?
Shindou Ringo
Yesterday, you said that your loved ones would be happy if you died.
...Yeah. That’s what you said.
What's up with that? Why is that? Do you feel like telling me...?
You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.
—Deadly silence.
Mabuchi Meiyou
—Shindou.
Shindou Ringo
Yes.
Mabuchi Meiyou
You have important people... You must. Are there any treasured people, lovers, best friends, or anything that you have cherished for a long time?
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
They’re still important to me, but I can't feel the brilliance of the past...
No, it’s more that those important people have become mediocre to me as I have become accustomed to brilliance.
Shindou Ringo
Is that true?
Is that the real reason?
For a moment with that smile, why— It feels cold.
Mabuchi Meiyou
No matter how important it was in the past, if it lasts for a long time, it will become boring.
And after being robbed of it, after losing it... stupidly, finally, it shines brighter than ever and I notice it again.
Human beings are lonely creatures. Joy and sadness, happiness and unhappiness, they get boring over time. We’re a creature with a huge and precious sensibility.
So that’s why I must die. Because I can’t protect the people I want to protect.
Shindou Ringo
......?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I notice it too late. It shines after I lose it.
I can’t fix things unless I die.
It's a curse. He— is cursed by some horrific grudge.
I don't know exactly what triggered his suicide. No, it doesn't even seem like he’s willing to tell...
The outline of his death, which was told in a roundabout way, had a terrible and evil shape, and a sharp dizziness pierced my mind for a moment.
Mabuchi Meiyou
How is it? Is the answer acceptable?
Is his smile a defensive instinct that rejects others trying to dive into his darkness? Or is it a warning that you should not poke the darkness anymore?
... I couldn't keep it in my chest even though I tried to hide my anxiety, and when I replied with two nods, I could see white teeth from the back of his smile.
B, Reason he is dirty
The word "dirt" that appeared in his story yesterday, and today as well.
While he respects the concept of yuri, he also feels a strong contempt for himself... Like a shadow cast by the light. It’s strangely enticing.
Shindou Ringo
If I’m going to help you get over your fear of death... I'd like to get to know you better. After yesterday... There was something I was curious about.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What is it? Ask me anything.
Shindou Ringo
Mabuchi, I'm curious why you’ve been talking about yourself as if you were dirty. You’ve been doing it since yesterday.
I know you love yuri, and you really respect it, but it feels like you see yourself at the other end of the spectrum...
Mabuchi Meiyou
…Yup.
...I understand not liking yourself. No matter how much I try... it’s not enough.
It would be as easy as breathing if I was born with natural good looks, a good personality, the right environment, and genuine self-esteem.
That’s how I feel. The lowest caste, with no humour and no sociability. It takes time for someone to accept themselves, and sometimes, like this group, they try to find an escape route.
It’s not that I think I'm "evil" in this society where extroverts are considered competent and volume signifies your worth——
But if you never leave such a society, you will naturally be brainwashed, and you will never be able to have self-esteem.
Therefore, when I am suddenly complimented, even if someone suddenly says "hello" or "thank you", I doubt I’m worth their time and only pretend to accept it.
However—— He should be at a higher level of humility and self-esteem. Call it intuition, but I don’t think his problem is self-discrimination.
I don’t understand how he openly loves what what he loves, but seems to view himself so lowly.
I'm afraid... When I begged my inner voice not to think such things, the thin eyelids behind his glasses lay down in a melancholy manner.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Well, it's like a fantasy story.
Where the mastermind who suddenly robbed the hero and his family of a peaceful life is the most powerful man in the country.
There is no way to prove that he’s evil, even though it’s obvious to me.
The protagonist cannot prove to the world the validity of his claims, but he cannot forgive the mastermind behind the destruction of his daily life.
A lonely battle that pitches good against evil. It's beautiful. There is still hope up to that point.
The problem occurs when I am the mastermind.
Shindou Ringo
You?
Mabuchi Meiyou
The mastermind was the same as me. The mastermind was my closest relative. We are the same type of blood-sucking people—
You understand, right?
The conflict ends with sickness, when the body is eroded, or falls.
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
In fantasy, it might be different, but-in reality, the curse isn’t so easy to break.
The frogspawn becomes a tadpole and then it becomes a frog. It swims to the surface of the water, bounces on land, and lays frogspawn of its own.
As chicks grow they grow combs and sharp claws. They acquire more than 20 calls and learn to use them properly according to the situation.
—I'm the same as the one I think is the most filthy in the world.
It's a really intelligent and relentless beast that is destroying what is most important to me. Tricking the world that it is good. It's the root of all evil for me and my loved ones.
What else am I other than dirty?
Shindou Ringo
—
Mabuchi Meiyou is the ultimate demon of revenge.
No, I'm not sure if it's revenge he wants, but he seemed to have decided to attack his destiny rather than the threat itself.
What on earth did the mastermind do to him and his loved ones? What led him to become so twisted?
I can't tell from his story, it doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it in the first place. It seems that he has become entwined with a black grudge.
I was dizzy for a moment with a pain in my forehead that resembled nausea.
Mabuchi Meiyou
How was that? Was the answer acceptable?
Does he smile at his “dirtiness” in resignation? Sarcasm? Or is it a warning that I should back off?
Either way, I could only nod at his words.
Common Story
Mabuchi Meiyou
And my story is over. Doesn't that feel better?
Shindou Ringo
No, I...
Mabuchi Meiyou
I'm sick, even though I've been talking to you like this, I'm also a person trying to commit suicide.
Shindou Ringo
......Ah.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What's wrong?
That's right— I was inadvertently forgetting.
I shouldn't have forgotten that we were talking about suicide because these guys are serious about achieving suicide.
Just listening to the story... It hurts my chest. I am keenly aware that the fragility of my heart is undeniably a betrayal of their lives.
—As a hypocrite, it's what I deserve. I would like to help him with his atonement for betrayal as much as possible.
Shindou Ringo
......Mabuchi.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yes?
Shindou Ringo
Why don't we talk outside of school? If possible, in a place where we wouldn't meet someone who knows us.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ah, that's right. Since the graduation ceremony is near if the teacher finds out that I'm wasting time... I'm going to be assigned a strange job.
Today, let's go out before the teachers discover us. Where are we going?
Shindou Ringo
......
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Think while walking.
Shindou Ringo
Yes......
Stairwell
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm. It's warm even in the corridor.
Shindou Ringo
—Yes.
I wasn't really conscious of the temperature because I’d spent so long as a shut-in...
Speaking of which, I remember it did say that this year was a mild winter on the net news.
Cherry blossoms bloomed early in the south, and it didn't snow in the north. If you were inside, you wouldn't be afraid to wear a short-sleeved shirt.
Mabuchi Meiyou
You can hear the footsteps of spring.
Shindou Ringo
...That’s quite poetic. I feel like I've seen it in a book.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Because it sounds romantic. There is no one in the school who has more delusional power than me.
Is he a romanticist? Since spring itself is a romantic season, I'm sure Mabuchi's delusional habits will be spurred on.
I should tell him a romantic story.
A, Cherry Blossom Story
Shindou Ringo
Speaking of spring... Cherry blossoms have finally begun to bloom near the school.
Mabuchi Meiyou
That's right.... Why don't we try hunting cherry blossoms before the flowers all fall off?
Shindou Ringo
...I see. You might be able to find a yuri inspired by the cherry blossoms.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Ufu......!
Mabuchi, who seems to be in Heaven, gently held down the corner of his mouth to endure the eruption of the inner yuri geyser.
—It was a wholesome smile that I couldn't think of as the same mouth that was voicing the darkness that turned my stomach inside out.
Shindou Ringo
—Wa.
The cherry blossoms are in full bloom.
A number of cherry blossom petals are falling. I've seen a lot of images on the net, but this is the first time I've seen it with the naked eye.
I don't agree with the old people's opinion that "it's better to actually go there", but this is overwhelmingly beautiful to the naked eye.
Mabuchi Meiyou
......
I listen to the rustling of the cherry blossoms, and Mabuchi takes a deep breath next to me. I breathed in the spring air to imitate.
The scent of spring, including the warmth of the setting sun and the freshness of the night that is about to visit. The outside air isn’t bad.
Shindou Ringo
Uexshu!
Mabuchi Meiyou
Huh, hay fever?
Shindou Ringo
It's not like...
Oops. I hadn’t left home for a while and forgot - it was hay fever season. Did you already dance cedar pollen?
Maybe it was really interesting to see what I was doing now, Mabuchi’s shoulders leaking laughter that he couldn't kill.
Shindou Ringo
...Well, you laugh a lot.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm, I'm sorry...
His usually well-arranged bangs are a little disturbed.
—I didn't notice it before because I don’t usually look at people’s faces, but ... Mabuchi’s face is very neat.
It's fresh, or... well-maintained.
If you look at him seriously, his skin is very beautiful, his eyes are round, and he looks mellow. He has his own aesthetic sense, and looks after his eyes well.
His ear piercings stand out even more because he has a gentle face. —Not in a bad way.
It's strange that he's neat and clean, but that he's pierced his ears as well... The disagreement in direction is a little sensual.
...A beautiful face.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Are there petals on my face...?
Shindou Ringo
Hmm, no.
While I was fascinated, our eyes met and my consciousness is brought back to reality.
Unexpected crossing of eyes is a killer for people communication disorders. In an instant, you can see that your heart sweats like a waterfall.
Mabuchi may have been a little awkward. He cleared his throat with a modest cough and combed his bangs with the tip of his little finger.
Mabuchi Meiyou
The story is off, but the corpse is buried under the cherry blossoms... Have you ever heard of it?
Shindou Ringo
...It's famous, isn't it? The tree sucks blood and the petals are coloured.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yes. It's scary, but it's romantic.
A long time ago, long before we were born, a naïve girl that swore eternal love may have been buried in the roots of this cherry tree. It's tough to think about it.
—Ah, I can't imagine it, I'm crying. It's going to be overwhelming and tedious...
Delusional power. In a sense, I'm not crazy about it.
Shindou Ringo
I don't understand.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I should’ve taken the Kanji Aptitude Test, but it seems that it will be useless in the face of yuri.
Shindou Ringo
You’re a yuri god.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I’m afraid.
The story goes back pretty far. What was the origin of the tradition that there is a corpse under cherry blossom tree... Do you know?
As expected, he knows the original story. When I shook my head, his eyes staring at the cherry blossoms were a little far away.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...The cherry tree is a tree that wants a lot of nutrition. It has strong roots and is thick and grows widely so it may change the terrain.
Well, the wide and strong roots suck up the soil nutrients, so it's beautiful, but it seems that it was rather harmful in the past.
It seems that the soil often lost its nutrients and the tree itself rotted.
Shindou Ringo
—So, the place where the cherry blossoms grow well might be hiding a corpse...?
Mabuchi Meiyou
That's right. Mysteriously, it seems that they often grow in graveyards and places that were originally battlefields.
That's why in stories cherry blossoms are filled with corpses and souls.
It was thought that the flowers were blooming by sucking the flesh, spiritual power, and magical power.
Shindou Ringo
Hey...
I prefer stories that don't rely on shock value. I distract myself with the sound of the wind stroking the petals in the background.
Mabuchi Meiyou
By the way, it's only been since the 17th Century that cherry blossoms are no longer a negative image.
When selling the land that was used to execute sinners during the Warring States period, there is a story that they planted cherry blossoms.
The value of things depends on the times... I remembered that from this story, but the executions and... the way sinners are judged has changed a lot.
Although I’m a shut-in, I know the basis of the basic historical transition.
In the old days, there was an idea that if you commit a crime, you will be executed immediately. This meant people were more aware of hell and the world after death.
Nowadays, there are many people who think concretely about the world after death, and I feel that there are a lot of people who think "live and carry on your sins".
...Which one is right. I think the opinions will be divided.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Well, while the value of cherry blossoms changed, so did the way we judge sins. How do you think sins should be judged?
Shindou Ringo
...Should people make up for it with death or should they make up for it by living?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I think there are big and small sins... But if there is something that threatens your peace—
Do you think the sinner should die? Or do you think they should live and atone?
Shindou Ringo
......?
—It's a strange way of saying it.
What is he trying to get through this question? I don't know, but there's no reason to shut up here.
B, Strawberry Story
Shindou Ringo
Spring is... the season when strawberries are delicious.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yeah, that's right. Strawberries and strawberry sweets are always in stock when you go to the Spar or convenience store.
…He’s strangely responsive. This may be—
Shindou Ringo
Mabuchi ... Do you like strawberries?
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I like them.
A strange person. If he likes them, he should look happy. Why do you have such an unhappy expression?
Shindou Ringo
Speaking of strawberries, Hitori Mart's limited-time strawberry daifuku was really delicious.
There’s a Hitori across the street, so why don’t we get some?
Mabuchi Meiyou
…!
Mabuchi, whose number of words suddenly decreased, nodded twice.
He looks like a pure girl, and I can’t comprehend that this is the same man who was vomiting darkness just a few minutes ago.
We bought two strawberry daifuku at a convenience store and walked a little to the park.
On a Tuesday evening, the square is surprisingly sparse. It's always completely empty by the time I go out to fill my loneliness at midnight.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...There aren’t many people.
Shindou Ringo
There’s not...
Mabuchi Meiyou
...The cherry blossoms are in full bloom right now, so maybe people are visiting tourist locations.
...Perhaps. When we headed over, we couldn't find any cherry blossom trees. If there is a place where seasonal flowers bloom, everyone will naturally go there.
—Well, except us.
Shindou Ringo
Mabuchi. Mabuchi.
Mabuchi Meiyou
What?
Did he know what I was about to say? Or was he distracted by my beautiful voice?
Mabuchi's words are unusually jammed. He was the first to break eye contact.
Shindou Ringo
Mabuchi, didn’t I ask if you liked strawberries?
I might be imagining it, but you look a little disgusted… Sorry I have to ask.
Mabuchi Meiyou
No, I do like them...? Did I make a face? I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.
Shindou Ringo
Oh no, that’s…
Mabuchi Meiyou
...I don’t know why my face looked scary, I’m sorry.
Shindou Ringo
……?
“I'm sorry I'm talking about myself,” Mabuchi muttered quietly, turning his eyes down and opening the seal of strawberry daifuku.
Mabuchi Meiyou
These days, I think it's old-fashioned and troublesome to say that things are feminine or masculine, don’t you agree?
Shindou Ringo
…I agree
Mabuchi Meiyou
—I know it’s silly, but when I was little, I was hurt by very trivial words.
Most of the time I love red fruits... Strawberries, raspberries, apples, watermelon, pomegranate, cherries, cranberries.
They’re all so beautiful and cute, and I love them so much that I want to eat them every day.
They’re also one of the key items in my precious yuri.
Abundant land. A precious yuri grows abundantly in a place with beautiful fruits with beautiful flowers in full bloom.
—Oops, has the conversation derailed already? I don't know what he’s talking about. But apparently strawberries were a good idea.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Once upon a time, I was told by my relatives, “don’t just eat red fruit you look like a girl”.
Shindou Ringo
……
Mabuchi Meiyou
You don't think it's a big deal, do you? I try to think objectively, but reality doesn’t work that way.
I didn't hate being told that I was girly. I didn't think I was denying my sex if I wasn't manly.
—It's just like something like this. The binding of values that oozes from the depths of words is painful.
For the first time in my life, I was sick of being exposed to the values of adults. I was still a child and my heart was fresh. It was superfluous.
I wonder if such a small thing is half traumatic. I find it difficult to admit I like strawberries.
It’s not a big deal? Don't worry about stupid crap forever.
If I wasn't dirty, I'm sure I could forget about this kind of thing and live beautifully.
Shindou Ringo
……
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm... Delicious.
—No, it's not such a silly thing.
Words are the only magic that humans can use. It's also the only curse. Some people have strengths and weaknesses, but someone can buff and debuff.
In addition, there is also type compatibility. Some people tend to have a lazy effect, while others negate the negative effects.
Me and Mabuchi. We’re a race that finds magic hard and is easily cursed.
That's why I'm scared of humans, because of trivial words that they quickly forget.
It became difficult for Mabuchi to even say that he likes what he likes because of the trivial words that cast a spell.
As long as he is a human being, whether it is "yuri" or "a beautiful thing", he celebrates and curses words.
Shindou Ringo
...I’m similar.
Mabuchi Meiyou
—
I don't know why he's so dirty.
I'm not worried because he’s dirty. I just wanted to tell you that it was the case with everyone.
Shindou Ringo
So I…
Mabuchi Meiyou
You’re beautiful after all.
I couldn't even imagine someone like you existed. Thank you.
—I reflexively choked.
His eyes, distorted by his glasses, seemed to be looking into mine, but I wasn’t sure. I tried to figure out what to say next.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh yeah, Shindou— It’s off topic, but I have one thing I want to ask a beautiful person.
Shindou Ringo
…What is it?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I want you to tell me your beautiful thoughts, no matter whether they are correct or not.
...I've stopped feeling uncomfortable about the idea of being clean or dirty. As I nodded, Mabuchi stared at the cherry-coloured circle in his hands.
Mabuchi Meiyou
How do you think sin should be judged?
Shindou Ringo
...Sin?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I want you to think in a broad sense without thinking about the details.
Do you think the sinner should die? Or do you think they should live and atone?
It doesn’t have a deep meaning, but which group are you?
A person who is about to commit suicide asked such a question... And there is no deep meaning…
Even if you ask something like that casually, it’s a heavy question for a roadside story.
There is no reason not to answer. As he wanted, I decided to give my opinion.
Common Story
Shindou Ringo
I...
A, The sinner should die
Shindou Ringo
Personally, I think that someone should pay for the sin that they committed with their life. That’s what I think. I'm that sect.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Why is that?
Shindou Ringo
I've heard somewhere that all things, joy and sadness, end in death...
So, of course, I thought that evil should die. Some people say that evil escapes death, but there are evils that end with it.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I see. Thank you for telling me.
B, The sinner should live and atone
Shindou Ringo
Personally, I think that I should atone for the sins I committed by living. I don't think killing sinners is right.... I'm in that sect.
Mabuchi Meiyou
... Is that what your heart believes?
Shindou Ringo
It's more like a guts theory... Err, rather, it's based on the premise that the sinner is aware of the sin he’s committed.
I don't think people want to commit the same sin more than once.
By staying alive, you keep fighting against your mistakes and curses... I feel that the act itself makes sense.
There is no basis to it. I'm sorry, I don’t know.
Mabuchi Meiyou
—Yeah, that's enough if it's your conclusion. Thank you for telling me.
Common Story
(Scene differs slightly depending on if you chose cherry blossom or strawberry earlier)
A,
Mabuchi, who smiled a little after saying that, turned his eyes to the cherry blossoms again. When I looked into his deep bean-coloured eyes, I couldn't tell his mood.
Mabuchi Meiyou
The cherry blossoms are beautiful.
The sun is steadily falling while the breeze is stroking the park. The presence of the forgotten cedar spores shook my nose a little.
B,
Mabuchi, who smiled a little after saying that, carried Daifuku to his mouth again.
Gently, he licked off the whipped cream stuck to his lip. The strawberry jam on his tongue is red, reflecting the setting sun.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yeah, it’s very delicious.
Almost unnoticed, the air around us gradually changes to a cold night’s breeze.
When I gently raised the strawberry daifuku to my mouth, a sweetness mixed with a little sourness entwined in my mouth.
The only information I have is that he is the vice president of the student council.
On one hand he wants to commit suicide, but on the other hand he professed a fear of death.
And the purpose of this week is to overcome that fear.
I'm here already having lost to the fear he's trying to get rid of. Why does he want to commit suicide even though he’s scared?
Footlockers
It seems that he’d be willing to answer if I asked why, but the question is how to approach the story.
“Why are you thinking of committing suicide when you are afraid of dying? Yes, I'm the same as you, I'm also afraid to die.”
In any case, I can't say "I don't feel like committing suicide", I have to hide it.
I can't predict what will happen, but if I get caught, my heart will explode. I’m more delicate than other people.
I don't want to hurt anymore, even if I deserve it. Yes, this lie is self-defence so that neither I nor they will be hurt. It's a peace measure.
…What a good self-justification to eradicate my guilt. I look for the vice president’s name tag at the entrance. But...
The shoes were already gone... I thought I'd get to talk to him today if I was lucky.
It can’t be helped.
I’ll talk to him tomorrow and figure out what to do from there.
Street
...It's getting late, but it's still bright. Winter has passed and the cold remains, but the days have become longer.
That said, the sun is annoying for someone like me who doesn’t like people.
I don't want people to recognize me. In spite of that, sometimes I went to a convenience at night to heal the difficult loneliness that itched at my chest.
Watching videos and scrolling through my timeline vaguely consumed time, and sleeping with faint glances at the presence of light shining from behind the curtains...
It was a daily repetition. It was a faint existence that made me aware of the exhaustion that was about to kill me.
But. Strangely, looking at the fox-coloured road, I feel like I can forgive the light.
...I hate the bright sun because of this. It's because it can be forgiven just because it's bright.
—Ah, the sun is beautiful.
When I walk outside in the daylight after such a long time, various things catch my eye. A library.
......I should borrow a book. I don’t hate reading, after all.
And strangely, I have the courage to take a detour. I opened the door of the grey-brown building and stepped inside.
Library
—I don't hate the atmosphere. Silence. Dry air. Gentle interior light.
A space where everyone is immersed in their own world and no one disturbs anyone else.
I don't want people to recognize me, but I do have a feeling of loneliness. It’s different to my late night convenience store trips.
Even so, there are many books. It's to be expected since it's a library, but I haven't come to a library since I was in elementary school.
You can easily find your next favourite book by searching by genre or by browsing with the free reading app.
I don’t know what genre I like though, and in this library where there are only hard divisions, I walk from one end of the bookshelf to the other and look up... There’s a lot of books.
All the books are unique, with different paper quality, letter shapes, and colours. It is oddly fun to walk by tracing their backs.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Are you looking for something?
Shindou Ringo
Eh?
I heard a soft voice. When I turned to the depths of the book forest, I met the face I was looking for.
Mabuchi Meiyou
It’s been a while. If you're looking for a book, I can help.
......A gentle smile.
Who would think that he was contemplating suicide, even trying to resist the fear of death?
I look away.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I disturb you? I don’t want to be a nuisance.
Shindou Ringo
Oh no, it's fine...
…I catch his gaze and look away again. Suddenly, I feel something is wrong with the existence of this place.
Hmm? World Yuri... It may be a mistake. Maybe because I've only been staring at a screen for so long.
I'm ashamed I though Mabuchi was an otaku for a moment. That shouldn't be the case. No way, that Mabuchi——
Mabuchi Meiyou
You don’t like yuri?
Shindou Ringo
Heh?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Yes, yuri. It brings joy to life.
When beautiful women meet, it's already paradise. Even if it's in a dark back alley.
It's the opposite of this world... A gift of beauty, love and miracles. I love you, Yuri. Oh, precious... Ufufu.
Shindou Ringo
......
…He exceeded expectations.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oops. I didn't explain enough. I don’t mean the lily flower.
Shindou Ringo
... It's a love affair between women, isn't it?
Mabuchi Meiyou
...! You know?
Well now I know what he’s interested in.
I'm not very familiar with yuri, but I should dig deeper into his suicide through the perspective of yuri.
Shindou Ringo
You like yuri?
A, I also like yuri.
Shindou Ringo
I also like yuri.
I'm not particularly fond of it, but if there is someone who can tune in to what he loves, it will open his heart a little easier.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I'm so happy to meet someone else... By the way, what yuri do you like? I'd love to show you some of mine, but I don’t have any on me.
I want to know your taste. Favourite author, favourite situation, what kind of relationship...
It might be easier to understand if you gave an example of the contents of the most recent book you read. Can you tell me?
Shindou Ringo
Oh, that...
It's over— Is the swamp where Mabuchi lives deeper than I thought? This is not something I can swim in. But he looks so sweet, I don’t want to hurt his feelings—
Shindou Ringo
Well, I've been addicted to it recently... But I still don't really know the genre that well...
Mabuchi Meiyou
......Is that so.
Did I make him suspicious? I can't tell what he’s thinking with that unchanging smile.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Since you like yuri, I want to ask you. Will you help me die?
B, What a nice hobby
Shindou Ringo
What a nice hobby.
If I tune in to what he likes, his heart will open up a little easier. But apparently his love for yuri was more than I expected.
I should be honest that I'm not very familiar with it. It wouldn't be good to lie just get to to know another person.
I honestly said what I thought.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Hmm... Thank you. But rather than a hobby, yuri is more like a lifestyle.
Shindou Ringo
A lifestyle...?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Exactly. While reading yuri— Oh, that's right.
I felt that Mabuchi's eyes were shining sharply, but after a moment his eyes gently loosened again.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I have one request for a you, who understands yuri. I want you to help me die.
Common Story
Shindou Ringo
…Help?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Together for a week before I commit suicide, would you like to go on a journey to find the ultimate yuri?
Shindou Ringo
A trip to find the ultimate yuri...!?
What's that?
I mean, why am I being asked? Why is this question coming out of his mouth?
Mabuchi Meiyou
I think yuri is the key to my death. I want to overcome my fears by finding a beautiful yuri I haven't seen yet.
But I can't be alone. I'm too dirty. I can't find a yuri that surpasses death in my dirty brain.
So I want to find it with you. The person who knows that I will die and is closer to the precious yuri than me.
What is this person saying?
That fear is counteracted by the existence of what you like? The idea itself is not incomprehensible.
However—— Mabuchi is dirty? And I am closer to yuri? What is the relationship between Yuri and self-existence for him?
...I feel a thick and sticky shadow on him, including the reason for his suicide - that he will die so his loved ones can be happy.
It’s scary. But— it's surprisingly interesting.
I don't know what it means now, but if I can unravel his shadow through a journey to find yuri, there's no reason to shake my head.
Shindou Ringo
Okay, let's find the best yuri together.
When I nod, he smiles. The silence, which should have been comfortable, has now filled my chest with anxiety for some reason.
This work is fiction. The characters, group names, place names, etc. are all fictitious and have nothing to do with real people, groups, places, etc.
In this work, I take liberties and the story may contain inaccuracies. The behaviour of the characters, the depiction of mental illness, etc. is not accurate to reality. Please do not imitate it.
This work contains content including excessive violence that may cause emotional distress. Please refrain from playing if you fall into any of the following categories:
Those who are mentally exhausted
Those who find it difficult to live
Those who tend to commit excessive violence or violent behaviour toward themselves or others
Those for who it is difficult to judge social right from wrong
Those who have difficulty in dividing their own and others’ values
It is prohibited to copy, modify, send / receive, distribute, or upload to the network by sharing software without permission of the creators of this work.
This work does not promote, affirm, or recommend suicide, human rights violations, violence, or criminal activity.
Those who play are limited to those who can deal with any situation caused by the consumption of this media with good sense and responsibility.
Title Screen
The two buttons read Start and Continue. Please click the leftmost button to begin.
Name Entry Screen
Please enter your last and first names.
(The name you entered once cannot be modified later)
The default name is Shindou Ringo. I shall be using this name for the protagonist in my translation.
Enter
Black Screen
There are more than 100 ways to read the word "life", but there is only one way to read the word "death".
There are many ways to live, but all deaths are equal. I heard such romantic words somewhere before.
Death visits all things equally. However, what it means varies from person to person.
Some people view it frivolously, whereas others feel its oppressive heat.
When the topic of death is brought up, everyone has their own values.
And me too. I have my own values about death.
— I'm thinking of suicide.
Classroom
I don’t have many friends. There’s not anybody I want to be friends with.
I don’t want to force it. Even if I decided to try and make friends, I wouldn’t expect anything like the friendships other people cherish.
I don’t hate humans, but I don’t like them either.
Like anyone else I do get lonely, but I ignore it. Dealing with people is just too exhausting.
So today when I saw the hands of the clock mark lunch break, I went out to the corridor to buy food alone.
Corridor
Taking my smartphone out of my skirt pocket, I swiped the screen. There were several notifications.
If I was forced to have friends they would be online.
Friends who can talk, agree, share what they like, and have fun. You don’t need a physical body in this world where you have an icon for a face.
—Elementary school, junior high school. I’ve never fit in.
Even when I entered high school, it didn't change, and although I wasn't bullied, I kept to myself. And while trying to escape from the feeling that something was changing, I stopped going to school.
I’m only human. Well, I’m a human who didn’t have common sense.
Just being at school I felt the pressure to fit in. The school building made me feel nauseous.
So I stayed in my room and occasionally went out in the middle of the night to heal my loneliness. I noticed it had already been almost two years since I had been in compulsory education.
That’s why I went to school for the first time in a while.
It was related to my thoughts of suicide.
…Recently, the meaning of living has disappeared.
Dreams, goals, missions. I don’t have such a thing. However, somehow I still feel trapped. Like I can’t move my body.
Somehow, I started thinking I would suffer if I died. Somehow, I started thinking it would be easier if I died.
So, somehow, I came to school. Somehow, I forced myself out of the house. And somehow, there is no guarantee that I will not commit suicide tomorrow.
Stairwell
Shindou Ringo
?
On the staircase leading to the first floor, he bulletin board catches my eye.
A schedule for the graduation ceremony rehearsals.
It noted that this year's graduation ceremony was a week away, but it wasn't this notice that caught my attention. It was the small poster next to it.
Club Suicide
We are looking for suicide applicants. We will exchange information and work together to fulfil our purpose.
Recruitment conditions: Any student who has suicidal ideation can participate.
Meeting date: March 16 (Monday) 17:30
Place: Third meeting room
Maximum number of people: None
Purpose: All members must achieve their goals on March 23 (Monday) / the day of the graduation ceremony
Those who plan to commit suicide
Those who don’t know when to commit suicide
Those who aren’t sure about suicide
By gathering and talking with like-minded people and aiming to achieve the goal together, you can achieve a good death with no regrets. Please come by to fulfil your wishes.
“Club Suicide..?”
— The meaning is “suicide club”.
When I climbed this stairs this morning, there was no such paper.
Moreover, the time and date of the meeting is half five on Monday. After school today. In the third meeting room on the third floor.
Shindou Ringo
......
Concerning.
This content could be dangerous. How many students would have seen this? It’s too bold to be funny.
No, I have doubts it’s even a joke.
The content of the text is either an extremely elaborate prank, or it’s the truth. And I can feel a pressure that cannot be dismissed as a joke from just the one sheet of paper.
Shindou Ringo
......
No, it’s stupid. How would a piece of paper have any effect on me? I turned away.
It wasn’t long before I realised I couldn’t control my curiosity over one piece of paper.
Title Sequence
Stairwell
Shindou Ringo
That.
It’s gone. The ‘that’ which was pasted until noon is gone.
Where did it go? Did someone peel it off, or...
—The place was the third meeting room, wasn't it?
Meeting Room
Small Boy
H-hello...
As I opened the door of the third meeting room, I met the boy with a thin voice.
Shindou Ringo
Hello...?
I was suddenly greeted so I was surprised. I was further surprised by the unintended question mark that left my mouth.
The petite boy shook his crow-like, wet, shiny hair with an apologetic, frightened smile.
Youth with Glasses
Oh, it looks like there was still someone else. You must be the last one.
I recognise him. He is the vice president of the Student Council at this school. His face is in the newsletter sent to my house once a month.
He's funny despite his appearance, and writes articles that are far more interesting than the student council president. He’s made a relatively strong impact even though I was absent from school.
I don't remember the name of the student council president, but I know this boy’s name. Mabuchi Meiyou.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Welcome. Take a seat.
Shindou Ringo
Yes...
I can’t understand why this gentle boy is here, or the little boy for that matter.
Freckled Youth
Hey! Sit next to me!
Along with a sweet aroma, a voice echoed.
A fox-like smile with freckles. He was so tall I could feel my neck crack when I looked up to meet his eyes.
Freckled Youth
Hey, what happened to your neck? Did you break it?
—He looks like a clubber. I don't know anything about this big man, but I can tell at a glance. He’s from a different world than me.
No matter how you look at it, he doesn’t seem to have any worries. Why did this man come here?
But I was hardly in a position to ask.
Youth with Hidden Eyes
......
A little behind us, Mabuchi and a boy with hidden eyes are looking at me and the clubber alternately with interest.
We play to the audience, the agile tilting of my neck to the left and right is like a chicken.
Youth with Hidden Eyes
......!
Eye-to-eye contact...? His thin shoulders bounce exaggeratedly, and his mauve hair swishes to-and-fro.
Some people may call this kind of "cute", but I felt a little sympathy because it was a behaviour that I recognised.
Youth in a Black Mask
Tch... Dunce.
A low muffled voice can be heard in the back. The volume of the voice was low, but the bass reached my ears and it was clearly hostile.
A black mask, round glasses, and hair that has been habitually bleached many times to the point of being completely worn out. His appearance is reminiscent of underground and radical subculture.
Youth in a Black Mask
...What are you looking at? I’ll kill you.
...The little boy and the young man with hidden eyes remind me of myself.
This person as well, but I don't want to get involved with him.
The ferocious, straightforward eyes of a tyrant that has lived only in his own world, can be seen behind the lens. "Untouched God" is a phrase that was born just for him.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Time is... quarter to six already, so let's start the meeting. The person who made that paper... The club organizer, please start.
Freckled Youth
Ah, isn't it you, Vice Chairman? Didn’t you plan this?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Eh? But... isn't it one of you?
—The answer was the silence that covered the place.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...This is troubling. But surely... everyone looked at that paper... Isn't it true that they came here on their own initiative?
Small Boy
Well, but... Eh, are there any people who came even though they weren't thinking about suicide...? Am I the only one who’s serious? I want to die, people...
Youth in a Black Mask
Wow. All the people here want to die, right?
Everyone in the room looked towards his frustrated voice— Including me. Mabuchi's facial expression when he saw the situation became a little brighter.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I don't know the organizer of the club... but still, through that paper, we met in this way.
Maybe it's pathetic, but I didn't realise there were so many people with the same idea at the same school ... It gives me courage.
Why don't we use this opportunity to introduce ourselves?
It is written on the paper that you can achieve a death without regret by gathering and talking with people who have the same ambition. I don't think this is a mistake.
We are planning to die in a week, but I'm sure we can feel better by getting to know each other.
That's why we should introduce ourselves, you can start.
Shindou Ringo
Wow, I...!?
Mabuchi Meiyou
Oh, haven't you decided how to introduce yourself yet?
Shindou Ringo
Oh no, that's not the case.
…Far from preparing my mind, I haven't even organized it.
Actually, even though I was thinking about suicide, I was only halfway convinced to go to the club, but when I got to the school entrance to go home I still couldn't get the paper out of my head.
So in the end, I hurried up the stairs and finally arrived about five minutes after the meeting time.
There are people who have the same idea as me, and there are people who are completely different types, but I feel a little relieved, or that a sense of family has sprung up.
This is "Club Suicide". A space where people who want to die gather.
They want to commit suicide. I also want to commit suicide.
I'm gonna die in a week
Shindou Ringo
......I’m Shindou Ringo.
I'm alive, but I don't know why.
Even though I just said what I thought, the twisted voice was trembling mercilessly. Why? Why? ......Why?
Zaizen Eba
Ah, I’m... Zaizen Eba. First year member of the manga research department.
I had no hope for the future, so I thought I should commit suicide... I want to hold a filial piety for my parents.
Kururugi Shiki
Kururugi Shiki. I just retired from basketball. I was the manager. Three years.
The reason for suicide is simple! It’s because I'm tired of getting up in the morning.
Before I die next week, I'm thinking of getting a real girlfriend! Hell yeah!
Usui Masaya
I’m Usui Masaya. I'm a third year student in the photography club.
I've always been... I wanted to be everyone's hero. I realized that I couldn't in my lifetime so I came here.
I have no particular regrets... I was thinking of disappearing tomorrow morning. But that paper decided the date, so I thought I should do that.
Kugajima Mitsuki
Kugajima Mitsuki. Going home club. Second Year. I don’t want to be an old man so I’ve decided to die. That’s it.
Mabuchi Meiyou
I’m Mabuchi Meiyou. I’m the vice president of the student council.
I thought my most important people would be happy if I died so I decided to commit suicide.
I'm seriously thinking about suicide to achieve my wish, but I'm still a little... The fear of death remains... In the next week the goal is to overcome this.
The story goes on. Innocently, innocently.
Mabuchi Meiyou
...Everyone was able to clarify the issues to be solved in a week before committing suicide.
Zaizen Eba
It doesn't have to be every day, but... I’d like if we had an opportunity to get together and report on the progress...
It felt just like a normal club meeting. And yet, we were to be sure to reach our goals on our fateful day.
Kugajima Mitsuki
I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to report anything. It’s not a bad idea... We have a week, right? Every day is important.
…They are “serious” and they are under pressure.
Kururugi Shiki
We should hold an interim report and a final confirmation! Today is Tuesday, and dying is Monday with the graduation ceremony...
Is the interim report after school on Friday and the final confirmation before the graduation ceremony on Monday? Discuss.
…Genuine determination. In the face of suicide, I finally realized the meaning of my chest freezing.
Usui Masaya
...Friday is the last practice for the graduation ceremony.
Everyone will have had a busy day ...I think Thursday is better.
Mabuchi Meiyou
That works for me.... I have a lot of work for the Student Council on Friday.
But, I'm glad to be able to meet like-minded friends.
Then, the interim report will be in two days, uh, Thursday the 19th. And let's make the final confirmation next Monday, the morning of the day.
My pitiful, stupid and dear naked heart that I saw for the first time when my beliefs were stripped off in front of their determination.
Mabuchi Meiyou
Again, I am glad that I was able to meet valuable friends through this group.
Let's all do our best to commit suicide in the next seven days without regrets!
I don’t want to commit suicide!
Opening Movie Translation
Opening Theme Translation
Hallway
—Pathetic. So pathetic.
I hate humans so much, and I scream with a face that knows the meaninglessness of my life...
It's like this. I'm so pathetic that I can't throw it away even if I look down on myself and others.
I’m a helpless girl who can’t be saved.
Besides, I have no courage. So I'm trying to forgive myself when I couldn’t even say "I decline" because of the pressure.
And— I could only see my true intentions when in front of the real thing. I want to live.
But I want to chase after them.
Zaizen Eba, a dark, nerdy junior with the same aura as me.
He said he wants to commit suicide because there is no hope in the future. He said. In the remaining seven days until he dies, he wants to hold a filial piety for his parents.
As a human being with the same shadow, it is easy to relate to some of the reasons why he has no hope for the future as a human being.
Since he wants to hold a filial piety... I guess his family environment is good. I want to know why he has no hope for the future because even his family, the last bastion, is safe.
Kururugi Shiki, a tall senior.
He doesn’t seem depressed, but he said he is tired of living, so he will commit suicide. And by the time he dies, he wants to get a real girlfriend.
I don't know why someone who seems to enjoy living like that is tired of life. Besides, he is a man who could get a girlfriend no matter how much he wants to die.
To be honest, I don't think he's serious about suicide —but there's no evidence that his statement is a lie. I want to understand his position.
Usui Masaya, a senior who seems to be a little shy and enigmatic.
He can't be a hero, so he’s committing suicide...... What does that mean? What happened?
In addition, it seems he has no strong attachments and was already planning to disappear.
It's strange, but for some reason it didn't feel like a lie.
I'm wondering what a "hero" is to him, and I can't predict what he'll do in his last seven days.
I'm sure he’s similar to me, so I can't help but worry about him. I want to understand his mindset as much as possible.
Kugajima Mitsuki, he’s the same age as me, but he's hard to approach and looks dangerous.
He doesn’t want to get old, so he’s committing suicide. But for what reason doesn't he want to get old? It does seem that he’s ready to kill himself...
But what’s his problem with getting old? Is the problem really with aging of the body or is it something else?
I'm also wondering how low his spirits are that he wants to kill himself. I don’t know if he’ll kill himself, but there are a lot of things to worry about.
Mabuchi Meiyou, he is a gentle student council vice president.
He will commit suicide because his loved ones will be happy when he dies... What does that mean? He also said that he would overcome his fear of death in the next week.
I had the impression that the person who wrote the interesting Student Council Newsletter was a kind person, and a strong person... but that impression changed completely when I first met him.
What on earth is wrong with him, hoping for the happiness of others even at the expense of his own life?
I can’t help but be worried about all five.
If I don't want to die, but I'm interested in someone who wants to die, does that mean I am I an accomplice?
It's a punishment for entering "Club Suicide" on a whim. As a weak person who has no courage to refuse, I cannot get out of the club anyway.
After all, I have to remember their suicide. We have to prepare for their suicide.
Then I want to stick to the dark desires that I really want.
Otherwise it would be rude to their serious suicide—— I justify myself with hypocritical reasons.
Eek... I'm the only one. It is too unreasonable to remember the suicides of all five people equally and completely.
Focus on one of the most interesting suicides and chase after that death. One of them, "his", came to my mind.
izzy806
andulkaphoto
jacobvanloon
pixelskylines
dailybridgerton