Kira

22, graphic design major, cat lover, coffee-drinker, writer, artist, and believer in: love, life & happiness ☮☾♥

[kirakittyx]

Social Media Impact

 Over the course of the semester, the topic has remained consistent about positivity, and being healthy or being happy in any situation. To maintain happiness a big part of it should be spent off-line, and off of social media. There are so many pro’s to social media since it’s started, however, nowadays I see conversations dying and face-to-face situations are replaced by face-to-device moments. We take our phones and tablets everywhere, even in the bathroom! It’s hard to break away from this digital generation, but like everything else in life there needs to be a healthy balance. Every now again it may be beneficial to do a “digital detox”, a day or even a couple weeks where the focus is off of social apps. There are many reasons to go on a digital cleanse, just as it is healthy to go on a diet, or go exercise. We were not meant to stare at screens for extended hours a day- whether it is enjoyable or not. Social media can cause: decreased work performance (at most jobs cell phones are not allowed!), decreased productivity or motivation, or stress inducing situations (drama caused by others). There may be countless other reasons, but if there is s loss of quality in life or enjoyment it may be a good idea to take a digital break. It can almost be tiring keeping up with social media nowadays too since it is ever-changing.  There are benefits of social media too, like connecting with long lost friends or family, or for businesses to find new clientele/or to advertise. Social media can easily transfer news,  can also help people find jobs/employers find employees, it can also bring forth a connectivity and community with complete strangers, and even promote economic growth by the purchase cycle. Finding the in-between of social media is hard, but some tips can include: scheduling “quiet” time uninterrupted by devices, restricting usage on that device by silencing apps or using an alarm clock instead of the device and relinquish the repetitive checking throughout the day. Peace of mind starts with less technology, and can be in the form of reading a book, going on a hike, getting a coffee with a friend, or working out. Social media should be an aid to our lives not a crutch. Overall there will always be conflicting opinions over social media but it will remain part of our lives for the imminent future, its up to us how we choose to use it or abuse it.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

Vulnerable pt II

Another time I remember sitting on a bus in 6th grade and a group of girls were teasing the way I looked calling me “Acne Queen”, and asking me why I never washed my face, and all I wanted to do was jump off that bus. In addition to girls I always was repulsive to any guy that I liked, and most of the time I would think I would end up alone. Back then since I was so young I don’t think I knew what depression was, or even knew was self-harm was. But I knew I hated school and I hated going. Then, just my luck my Dad was offered a job in a different country, and we could finally leave my hateful school. However moving in the middle of 6th grade was an even bigger trial, and moving from the US to Canada no less. My new school offered new chances to make friends, although I would soon find that even there in a completely different country, bullying still occurred. I was still unpopular, and still considered one of the gross ugly girls.

To this day, with acne scars on my face as my battle wounds I still am not confident in myself and who I am. I am perpetually self-conscious of how I look and how others see me, and at 23 years old I still feel like that pathetic 5th grader sometimes. I am luckily not depressed, even though I go through weird moods when I’m sure how to feel I just feel irritated with everything. But this is how life is, it’s irritating. Bullying is irritating. Now again, college is a different playing field where bullying is in other forms and not as prominent but it can still be just as detrimental. No matter what stage of life someone is in bullying is never okay, and it’s never going to stop until we start accepting our differences. These differences in society are now seen as being a different skin color, or sexual orientation and no matter how hard we try no one can seem to agree to disagree. Someone always has to be on top, to have a foot up over the other. We can’t see that we are all flawed humans, no one is perfect or ever will be. We all have quirks that make us unique, regardless of our appearance, or gender, race, religion, etc. Acceptance is one of our basic needs, and being alone in a world where you feel isolated due to bullying is a place I hope my future kids will never be in. It’s in these times I wish I could go back in time and tell myself I would make it, and I’d be okay after that. But maybe that pain made me stronger, or wiser and the experience with bullying has made me a better person. I’d like the hope that the only way we can fight against it, is to teach others how to prevent it. To teach and influence others to accept who we are. Because our actions can affects those around us. Every action creates a reaction, every experience shapes us in different ways. If we all made changes, and our goal was to stop bullying at the root…what would that future look like?

[kirakittyx]

Vulnerable pt I

Life’s a strange thing, we experience a rainbow of events that are either positive or negative. I think this post will be the hardest that I’ve written just due to the fact I finished the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why”. I’m not clinically depressed, so watching this series wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for me, but it raises the memories I’ve stuffed in my brain about bullying to the surface. Everyone has bullying stories, but this is mine.

I have a theory that no one is born mean, and no one is born self-conscious. We come into this world as tiny, helpless beings that rely on having all of our basic needs fulfilled. It’s the environments we grow in, the people who influence us that affect how we act and in turn react.

It’s this part in our lives where we learn to be ‘mean’, and see people’s differences as reasons to tease or bully each other. Whether we know it at that time or not, the bullier and the bullied are forever haunting memories. The bullier will always remember what they said, or did, and the bullied will remember the pain, and the way they felt during that time. Each one carrying their own different burden.

Sometimes the pain is so unbearable depression leads to suicidal thoughts. I think in my case, I never recovered my self-confidence, and luckily never lost my life.

Whether it was my ADHD or not, my impulsive nature as a kid probably turned most people off. I got in trouble in school for not paying attention or talking too much, and that was due to me being an only child. Being ‘alone’ made me desperate for friends, and although I additionally had bad mood swings I still wanted acceptance and friendship.

But acceptance was further from my grasp than ever as a child all solely based off of the way I looked. I wore big bifocal glasses which made my eyes look bug-like. I had them all throughout elementary school, and to top that off my skin started breaking out really bad in 5th grade. Puberty apparently was the worst thing to happen to me because as soon as I started hating the reflection in the mirror, I would act out more, and find myself losing friendships. Not only did I not feel pretty, but the guy I had a crush on throughout elementary school thought I was repulsive. I’ll never forget this once incident in 3rd grade when that same boy I liked admitted he had a crush on me, although only to find out 3 days later he lied about it and had said that as a joke. This was not the end.

[kirakittyx]

Reflections of my past...

Looking back I think I would smack myself across the face and say “Really? Smarten Up.” I think all of us can agree that we’ve all done things we’re not proud of, but in my life there’s choices that negatively impacted me for worst. Mostly in terms of relationships. At a very young age, I was lucky enough to have parents who were together and still are, who show truly what it means to love. The problem in my head, with my low self esteem I never thought (this is the truth!) that I would find someone, or if I did, that they would end up leaving or cheating on me. Lo-and behold when I reached middle school years, after many and many crushes that never went anywhere I got a boyfriend. Although, looking back I’m not sure if dating for two weeks count, but to me at the time it did. After that, I entered a lot of Facebook chat type things, where unfortunately, I met a guy online. Back then, I think we were probably told to be careful, and never trust people online because they could be creepy but I threw that notion out the window because again, I wanted validation that I was pretty. What I didn’t realize at the time, was how manipulative he was. We talked on the phone frequently, because we lived four states away from each other and we always talked about how we wanted to meet in person. I feel so naïve now because of how much time I gave him, and what I thought was “love”. He made me feel bad if I didn’t text him within minutes, or tell me to stop hanging out with my friends or family. He had severe depression, and would threaten suicide if I ever left him or stopped texting him.

It was an endless battle like trying to calm down a crying baby if he didn’t get his way, and I remember thinking of how selfish I was being because I wasn’t depressed and I couldn’t do anything for him but in fact HE was selfish, and neurotic.

 I’m not quite sure how we finally separated, but I’m so grateful I did. I’m also grateful our relationship was long-distance because I feel if it had been in person I would’ve ended up in a terrible situation.

Because of this weird online dynamic I put myself through for almost a whole year, my view of men and relationships went askew.

I don’t think I really learned what a healthy relationship was, until after my current boyfriend came out of rehab.

Relationships are a TEAM effort, where two people have to adjust their needs and wishes to work with their partner. I have constantly been the one to look to myself and look at my flaws, because I had really high/crazy expectations for dating and guys. Even now, I’m still trying to figure it out but I have a better idea of what healthy is, and how to reciprocate love with my boyfriend of four and a half years.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

About Time

If I made myself a priority in my life, what would my days look like? This was a question that came up during my week and it’s been floating around creating havoc on my thoughts and I had to explore what this meant to me. This idea that we never spend enough time focusing on ourselves is not a narcissistic view, but the truth in that we are always busy making time for other people, things, and tasks that sometimes don’t benefit ourselves. At this point the bad habits of eating poorly, not exercising or not socializing becomes detrimental to one’s personal health. It’s a very honest realization that when life gets crazy, we try to get through it the easiest way possible without making things more stressful for ourselves. We are revolved around working, providing and caring all to make ends meet at the end of the day. Some even, work so much or so hard that that is what makes their life meaningful to a point. Priorities is what comes into play when trying to provide yourself more “me time”.

 Of course, we will never have enough hours in the day to do everything we want, but reorganizing and reevaluating tasks can clear space for more enjoyable things such as having a bath, reading a good book, baking, listening to music etc. Not surprisingly many reasons of people not giving themselves a chance to relax include: not having time, feeling guilty, or feeling selfish. All three of these reasons are excuses, and can be used as barriers to prevent us from making the time to relax, recharge and refresh. Feeling guilty is an issue that struggles with acceptance of taking a break. Everyone deserves to take the time they need to de-stress, and in return they can come back feeling refocused, and energetic. There should be no guilt for admitting that you yourself are not superwoman/man, because let’s face facts: we are human beings. We are fault-filled, and live imperfect lives however there is always a way we can spend our time to benefit our well-being. I always notice when I am working too often, constantly doing homework and not getting enough sleep there is a voice in my head that tells me to slow down. I lose focus, get cranky and don’t put forth my best effort when I am too stressed. This can even turn and backfire on me because when I stop and take a break it turns into procrastination. And being too stressed becomes too relaxed. The key is again time management, and not to the minute of every day knowing what you need to do, but in the mornings, have a task list to do, and estimate how much time it takes to do each task. After experimenting with time, it is easier to figure out when you have the most free-time in the day and make that “me time”. Destress by whatever makes you happy during that period! Repetitive times of relaxation can add up and ultimately will lead a stress-reduced life, and who doesn’t want that?

Keep Happy ☮ ✌ 

[kirakittyx]

Keys to Success

Aiming towards a bright future is what most hope to achieve once their finished college. The truth is, does four or five years make a difference in the real world? Many believe “a piece of paper” won’t change much regarding finding a good job, and it may depend­ on just what field you enter. How can we measure true success? Does it come from getting a degree? In a recent study, in a Forbes article, “It used to be important and special for someone to have a degree, and now it just stands as a prerequisite in the workforce. While your job will most likely require a Bachelor’s degree, it probably won’t matter what field it is in. 62% of recent college graduates are working in jobs that require a degree, yet only 27% of college graduates are working in a job that even relates to their major.” I took a sigh of relief in knowing, that YES degrees do matter, and that all the time in school has some marginal payoff. Strangely though, from this article it conveys the message that having a degree in a specific subject isn’t what’s essential anymore. Experience gets noticed, as well as having a good network of business opportunities. This is something I can believe when it comes to success of finding a job. Many people I’m sure have gone through the process of applying repeatedly with no reward. Other times, all it takes is a call to a friend, and they are hired within weeks! This plan for success may falter for sure, but if networking and experience are two tickets to finding a better career path then how does one succeed in those things? Networking is essentially getting to know people – and if you have a Facebook and social media then its already a step in the right direction. If you think of it like a tree, the people you know can branch to other people you may know, and so on and so on. A good tip from helpguide also suggests, “If you’re nervous about making contact—either because you’re uncomfortable asking for favors or embarrassed about your employment situation—try to keep the following things in mind:

It feels good to help others

People like to give advice and be recognized for their expertise.

Almost everyone knows what it’s like to be out of work or looking for a job

Encouragement, fellowship, and  moral support

Gaining experience can be found in many ways, again it may help to network first to find opportunities but to help out non-profits, friends, family members and even coworkers can be beneficial ways of gaining necessary skills. Internships are also a good way to be “mentored” and get more familiar with the real job environment. Most internships can turn into a job opportunity too, if job performance is satisfactory. 

Both of these things combined, in addition to working on a degree are a few methods of going in the right direction for a promising career.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

Think positive.

Depression almost seems like a cancer to our society, so many people are debilitated by this mental disease that entraps their emotions to the point their daily lives are affected. This in turn, affects friends, loved ones, colleagues and countless others. According to the ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Association of America) depression affects more than 15 million Americans a year. With such a large detrimental number, how are we supposed to overcome it? Or even, how do we handle those with it? The answer is not a step by step guide, nor an easy fix with a magic pill. The so called “cure” is a very long, and very rough road to recovery. That road is full of mistakes, and failures but also filled with self-enlightenment and hopefully a light at the end of the tunnel for most.

I myself suffered from depression most of my middle-school years with the torture of acceptance always taunting my brain. This fear of rejection lead to a seriously dangerous habit of self-harm. It took a while, but without a doubt my recovery was luckily a lot quicker, and less life-threatening than other instances. Currently, I have quite a few friends who struggle with this disease, and struggle to keep their college lives afloat, their grades, and of course their anxiety. Not only is this time in our lives the most stressful (or at least I think it is), but it’s also a time when there is constant change. Moving from high school to college, making new friends, making your own schedule…these are all big instances where change can be too overwhelming for a young 20 something.

My quote unquote “guide” to keeping positive thoughts, or maintaining sanity are more suggestions than an actual blueprint to happiness. It all starts with the social aspect –the people you call friends. If these are not uplifting, easy-going, “happy” people, then you will undoubtedly fall into an even worse state. Nothing is worse than not having anyone to turn to in your darkest time, or hanging around equally depressing people. Another tip is to keep busy, that could be anything from listening to music, cleaning, exercising, getting outside, to hanging out with friends/family. Anything is better than sitting by yourself, alone, in your room worsening your mood. If your mind is kept occupied with other tasks, it may be hard to focus on what caused the anxiety in the first place. The next tip is to talk. Talk when you’re in a good mood, and in a bad mood. Never shut down, it can always be a red flag if you talk to someone and you notice that you’re saying self-harm related things. It can be scary, but even if the person isn’t a professional therapist, getting out the bad thoughts can be known to be successful way of releasing sadness.

Regardless of how much you try, sometimes nothing can help, but the most important thing to remember is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Millions of people suffer from depression, and there is always someone to listen even if you think there isn’t.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

Managing Negativity

Being positive all the time is impossible, however, when encountering negativity there can always be a preventative solution to keep oneself happy.

Negativity is a daily battle, not only are we surrounded by instant knowledge from technology, but we hold the power to explore all the good, the bad, and the ugly of the world. Not only is there the political, but the environmental, and social aspects of our world all exploit the worst parts of humanity. As a whole, we have so many issues ranging from senseless violence, human trafficking, world hunger, poverty…the list will go on and on. We encounter all different spectrums of unhappiness and situations or news that deter us from thinking positively, and in turn they make us depressed, or even angry. The exception to worldly things we cannot control, typically over most situations, we have a chose to feel a certain way.

 Regardless of any atmospheric obstruction, there should always be a personal ultimatum when it comes to how we want to feel. Normally, when we are healthy, emotions can be controlled, unless we’re diagnosed with a disease (depression, for instance) or a disorder. If we can ‘normally’ function, and control our emotions, then how would our lives look? How would those people around us act differently? For instance, if in a workplace situation where one person is not getting along with another co-worker, and one of them turns the switch to friendliness, would that make a difference? What if, instead of arguing, one of them chose to move onward and not let any small issue destroy a workplace’s functionality? Well, we would experience a shift in quality. The quality of life where one can fully enjoy, and respect each other by putting their own selfish emotions away. Swallowing the pride, and moving forward, because even if it seems like a big issue, it only is but a miniscule part of our lives. Why would people purposefully choose to waste their time being angry, or depressed, by situations in which they can control?

 There are a few ways in which a person can maintain their happiness even in a bad situation. First, to surround oneself with positive people. Almost everything is easier, when accompanied/helped by another individual or group. We are, as humans, communal in our lives, and there is a psychological need to feel included. If we keep happy company, chances are, we may just be happier ourselves. Second, to journal down all thoughts, and feelings good and bad. The act of expelling information not only is therapeutic, but is physically taking away negative thoughts from your mind to the paper. And even after journaling the emotions, find the good parts and highlight them, so they are the things that you can focus on. Third, is to stop the inner monologue of criticism, instead of judging oneself relentlessly, even over something small –over time it builds up further and further to outweigh the positive. Even if it is one small, simple thing, replacing those criticisms with constructive thinking will eventually build up confidence. Lastly, there should always be a form of acceptance in life. There are things in our control, as well as out of it, and for those situations the best path is accepting what has happened, and moving forward. Even if it takes a while, our lives are always changing and whether that is for the good or the bad, life is messy and it’s best to keep one’s head up, and remember that leading a happy life, is better than wallowing in a negative one.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

Sticking to Your Health

The struggles of staying on track are endless, namely keeping on track during holidays, parties or just going out in general. People tend to choose the unhealthy option, even if a healthy option is also available. Maybe it’s the convenience, or the fact that –let’s face it; sweet, unhealthy things taste good. We live in a instant-gratification world, where easy is preferred over healthy. That’s why fast food is so popular. And why people nowadays have 3 or 4 meals out per week. With all the pressure to eat unhealthy, how are we supposed to make healthy choices in friend/family gatherings?

  I was reading an article from the Greatist on how to stay healthy over the holidays, or at parties in general, and surprisingly found, “The average weight gain for the holiday season is just one pound. Now for the bad: While that might not sound like much, research shows we don't lose it, and that one pound adds up year after year.” This article gave guidelines that I have found to be true, and successful when trying not to blow-it during festivities. Especially regarding the one-cheat item or ‘day’ in regards to letting oneself enjoy the food they want to eat in smaller portions. I think that’s the best way to rein control over bad-eating habits. Another tip from the article talked about eating from low to high calorie. Start with a low calorie dish (such as soup, salads, veggie trays, etc.) And then go to higher cal dishes like potatoes, bread, red meats, and wine. That way the body will be more full on “healthier” foods first, and then won’t have as much unhealthy food.

 No matter if we’re eating in, or eating out –restaurants, holidays, etc. I think the best way to stick to being healthy is to have a game plan. Planning is something no one wants to do, but without realizing it I usually end up sticking to a plan if it’s already been figured out in my head. I tend to start out my meal plans well ahead of time, and figure out all my meals, yes, ALL of them, even my snacks. Organization is a skill that may be remedial and boring, but meal planning avoids the convenience of fast food, or the laziness that leads to eating unhealthy. If things are even made a head of time this makes it even easier to stick to a plan.

 Overall the journey to making healthy decisions is one baby step at a time. No one ever wants to be healthy, until they replace their bad habits with good ones – and realize that being healthy can provide lasting pros. Even if holidays add one more pound, or the weekend party has nothing but cheese dip and pie, it’s always better to lessen the restriction, and give in to at least one treat every once in a while.

Keep Happy ☮ ✌

[kirakittyx]

Resolutions

Everyone begins the new year the same way, this year I’m going to ________, I’ll lose _______, I’ll be ____________ this year. The resolutions are endless, however often I feel as though people never follow through. People tend to start a good habit, and by the end of the year their goals were not met. How can we follow up on our own goals? I think the best way is to make things realistic. No one should set goals for themselves if they seem unattainable. Smaller goals whether it is for general health, plans for success, relationships or for businesses work a lot more than big goals that are harder to accomplish. For myself, I wanted to be healthier and lose a bit of weight, and I did last year! At first I didn’t even have a set number in mind, it was more I’ll go to the gym x many times, and x many times grew until I was going 5 days a week. I ate better, and soon enough my hard work paid off. Although I think losing weight is the hardest trial most people face. I set small goals such as cutting soda out of my diet, meal planning for a certain amount of days, and not eating out. This way of small steps towards a goal are more successful then trying to achieve a big-life changing goal.

The difficult part for most is keeping the promises made to oneself, even in times of laziness and discouragement. A good way to reach goals is not to have the mindset of “I’m not good enough until I…” but rather “I’m going to push myself to…”. The problem with setting goals is often people push off their own happiness until the next “step” is achieved. The process, or the steps involved to get there should be celebrated and understood as a method of improving oneself.

It never is the actual journey people want to endure, but the immediate action or gratification after all the hard work. With the world so focused on instant gain, no one understands how consistency, and self-discipline come into play when working towards a goal. It’s always a long process too, especially when the topic relates back to losing weight and being healthy. Many people take months up to years to fix their eating habits and get into a routine they can’t break. It always blows me away to read success stories of extreme weight loss, because I know how difficult their journey has been.

And even after physical goals are met, the mental goals of staying on track, and keeping oneself happy are still enduring trials. So at the beginning of every year, instead of making goals, we need to create happiness for ourselves, set realistic expectations, and always keeping pushing for greater successes.

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[teenagehipst3r]