𝐼 𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘, 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑔 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒."
- my quote 🥹
I think about this quote daily. And people ask me; "what is the reason behind this quote of yours?"
The passion I had to do this quote was when I thought about my past. My past, when I was in a terrible state of myself. It was like a phase, but a very very long one at that. I can remember when I switched schools, I had lost all of my friends. I wasn't sad about it, because, in fact, they were toxic. But I was insanely lonely, insanely lonely without anyone out there. No one was near me, no one. And no one that I knew. My soul was empty, everything inside me had died already. I never even had good experience at my old school, so that was a new start of my life, and I just hoped that I could change it into something positive. Maybe make new friends? Or make myself somehow happy. Making friends, I wasn't really good at it. I was scared to even do anything, because at that time, I had bad social anxiety. So, I thought, I would forever be lonely. But, atleast, without toxic people, right?
When I entered the classroom, the fresh air from the window brushing through my skin and the presence of a fresh new start. I saw all of the new people in the classroom, I was shaking. I was scared, but why was I so afraid? Honestly, I had absolutely no idea. I walked to my seat, hoping that no one would bat an eye, because I was scared of people looking at me weirdly. But they didn't? I was confused. I thought they all would give me the dumbest looks and judge me right away. But no, they all minded their own business. That's the first time that I had ever felt safe towards people. I thought that people just blame and judge others always, I thought it was normal, but I guess not. I guess my old school really taught me some stupid things. I realized that my old school was the whole problem. It never taught me something good, never. But, I can't blame myself, I was very naive.
After school, all of the girls in our classroom had met up in front of the school and chatted and introduced all to each other. I was a bit shy, but a few of them told me to come as well. They didn't want to leave anyone out. I got all of their numbers and some other social media accounts that we liked to share with each other. I was so happy. I never felt so happy before. For once, I wasn't left out. For once, I wasn't judged. For once, I wasn't upset. These were always my daily activities that I had to go through in my old school. It was hell if you ask.
I met a friend. A friend that would stay with me. A friend that loved me the way I was. A friend that didn't blame me for anything. A friend that I could share everything in this world. She was another level of friendship. She was extremely special and so kind and pure. I loved her and I still do. She would get excited at little things and show me how friendship was suppose to be. She showed me so much love and so much care. I couldn't believe it for myself. And then, since she loved me very much, she gave me a hug filled with a lots of love. A hug that I never got. A hug that I waited for years, for someone lovingly to give me. It was all I wanted. I wanted to be hugged and not be blamed.
That's a reason when I started to heal mentally. A hug can mean everything to a person, it's not JUST a hug. It can depend on a person's life too. It is important to watch out and pay attention to people, so they don't end up like this.
That's my reason.
