Miau!

Kami | They/Them

[yogg-saron]

my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me

[yogg-saron]

do you think this is a fucking game (because he does)

[yogg-saron]

THIS POST IS TWO YEARS OLD NOW. MAX IS 7. IT DIES DOWN FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR AND THEN SUDDENLY IT KICKS BACK UP AGAIN I HATE THIS POST 

[wizardshark]

this post is now 5 years old. Max is 10 and i hope he’s still schemin’

[explorerrowan]

There’s so much potential in this genre of joke. “There’s a fire in the kitchen!” etc.

[yogg-saron]

#max is thirteen now :(

i find it so genuinely hilarious that my little brothers age is measurable on tumblr specifically by people who have seen this post. i moved out a while ago but i know that he would love how often his dorky ass joke gets passed around on here. thank you all very much.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Max is an adult now

[aquilacalvitium]

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

[aquilacalvitium]

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

[ammnontet]

my nothing

[dragon-in-a-fez]

There's a coffee shop near me that has two signs posted on the door.

One says "Students! Looking for a great part-time job that works around your school hours? Apply inside!"

The other one says "No under 18s allowed after 5:00pm without an adult."

And I'm just like, damn, I wonder if "you can be a servant but never a customer" is a well-known hallmark of systematic discrimination or anything. Like come on. How do you not see this

[ozempicofficial]

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Time loops strike again 😔

[fallenangelvictorious]

No??? 18 years of time loop obviously 🙄

[ruusverd]

This post will gradually get less funny until reaching its lowest point in 2043, after which it will gradually become funnier indefinitely

[autistobrat]

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

[mydeddyalabama]

what does turkish delight taste like and is it worth the events that occurred in chronicle of narnia: the lion the witch and the wardrobe

[musicalhell]

So the first thing you must understand is that there are two basic types of Turkish delight. The first kind is what most people are familiar with, which are these gelatinous cubes covered in powdered sugar. They are, by most metrics, an acquired taste:

This is usually the stuff people try and say, “Yeah, I don’t get it, Edmund.” But if you go to a good Turkish confectioner (or just any of the bazillion stores that sell it in the Istanbul markets) you’ll see a second kind of Turkish delight, in a rolled shape:

This is the good stuff. The sell-your-soul-and-your-family stuff. It’s nutty and chewy and creamy and comes in all sorts of flavors, and I highly recommend it to anyone. (Especially hazelnut. It’s not a traditional flavor but I’m convinced the White Witch dipped into the future to get some for Edmund, it is that delicious.)

[eruvadhril]

The second thing you need to understand is that the turkish delight was laced with mind-control drugs.

[cameoamalthea]

The third thing you need to understand is Edmond was living under WWII sugar rationing

[homunculus-argument]

If you've ever seen a stranger on the street physically flinch or jump because you sneezed so loud that you startled them, you've got to work on that. Like I don't care if it's involuntary, figure it out. Find a way to make it stop. Doing that shit is a character flaw at this point. It's obnoxious.

[hunter-gratzner]

Is It Bad To Hold in a Sneeze?

Whether you have allergies or a cold, sneezing is a common symptom that can hit you out of nowhere. While you might be conditioned to hold t

sure, someone should destroy their body because you scare easily

[homunculus-argument]

Are you literally genuinely unaware of the concept of sneezing quietly.

[thetetra]

Oh but if I had the luxury of choice every time I sneezed.

[otterrebloggingthings]

Learn to always sneeze quietly, it doesn't have to be a choice. I genuinely cannot imagine how you live in this world and always everywhere scream-sneeze.

[thetetra]

I never said I always sneeze scream, just that sometimes I don't have a choice. How have you lived in this world and had a convulsive process always taking input to your preferences??? Have you never sneezed and had to catch up to the moment?

Also why the outrage? Do you think this a moral failing? That I amd others like me plot to sneeze in and around you for our great glee and your utter annoyance?

Do you always have full warning and control of your sneezes and its volume?

Yes

No

Voting ended onApr 25

Lets just nip this in the bud and we can see who is surprised by the results.

[homunculus-argument]

Poll time y'all. Also another one:

Have you ever seen a stranger LITERALLY JUMP/FLINCH because of how loud you were sneezing?

Yes, literally.

No, I have not sneezed loudly enough for that to happen.

I'm unaware of whether or not my sneezes startle people in public

Voting ended onApr 25

[nerdysuitwizard-blog]

This is a bad poll. Literally can't answer any of the three without lying/being coerced a lil.

[homunculus-argument]

What's the missing option? If you're blind and have never physically seen anyone at all, you can just choose the last one because that's literally true in your case.

[mxtallymarks]

This is an incredibly bad faith post. Do you seriously expect the entire world to cater to your dislike of something just because it makes you uncomfortable? How is that different from "your baby is crying in public and I don't like it, therefore you shouldn't bring your baby outside." You're literally using the mean-girl-logic of a grade schooler. If someone sneezing loudly is enough to make you THIS bitter, you really need to talk to someone about it. Being uncomfortable is the human condition, dude 🤷

[homunculus-argument]

Are you literally comparing yourself to a baby? You cannot help yelling when you have a bodily function because you're just a little babie and only meanies who are evil could possibly hate it when you do that?

[earthdad]

ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog

[turtlegirl521]

“miss piggy would make it look like an accident”

[unfavorableinstigation]

This keeps going past on my dash and I can’t let it go any longer. It’s time to see the record straight.

Miss Piggy doesn’t have a subtle bone in her floppy felt body. There is no possible way she could ever make it look like an accident.

Miss Piggy would make you into an example.

[storybookprincess]

so back when my little brother was in high school, my mom went as a chaperone for their senior year field trip to an amusement park. which, you know, brave move to volunteer to supervise a bunch of high school seniors let loose in a wonderland of rollercoasters and sugar

my brother and his friends in this field trip group were truly great kids. but they were not above run of the mill teenage boy shenanigans. it’s the end of senior year, you and all your buddies are at the amusement park, you’re naturally going to want to act like a complete moron

there was one kid in the group who was especially prone to goofing around. committed to the bit, some may say. my mom knew that if nonsense was going to break out, he’d likely be at the center of it

so she goes up to this kid at the very start of the trip and says “hey, i’m kinda worried about this chaperoning thing. this might be a lot to ask, but can you help me keep an eye on everyone? you wouldn’t have to do anything big, just be an extra set of eyes for me.”

friends, this kid proceeded to run their field trip group like the fucking us marines. everyone is at the meet up spots at the designated time. everyone waits in line for the rides like a bunch of boy scouts. the second the horseplay gets too out of hand, this kid is getting it back under control

it’s incredible how differently people act based on the expectations you set. instead of going to this kid and saying “hey, i know you’re trouble, so i’ve got my eye on you,” my mom went “hey, i know you have influence in your peer group, so i think you can help me.”

treat someone like a problem, they’ll act like a problem. but give people a chance to help, make them feel important, and they usually rise far above the occasion. it was a stroke of genius that i’m honestly still in awe of

[dragon-in-a-fez]

keep thinking about how I wrote in my dissertation about how every time a new form of public/social space emerges it's immediately popular with kids and teenagers who see it as a chance at freedom and then adults colonise it and kick them out. this happened with malls in the 80s and diners in the 50s and pool halls in the 20s. my dad was doing research on this trend in like 1975. and I was like "yeah so this is going to happen to the internet" and then five years later every government suddenly decided to ban kids from everywhere online. I hate being right especially when I don't even get paid for it

[technicolorforestry]

Whoever you are I adore you

[parabins]

tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves

[parabins]

yeah i agree

[totally-cis-offical]

I love the time travel in this one

(Turn on timestamps)

[mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026]

I refuse to turn on timestamps

[markovchaingang]

it's quite fascinating that tumblr's shitposting game is so strong considering how inhospitable the site's design is to jokes. anything short of writing "this is a shitpost not an actually held stance" in the post itself will inevitably net you a bunch of comments about how actually throwing a custard pie at someone's face is legally assault and that clown should be rotting in jail (rehabilitatively)

[luxiomahariel]

kinda frustrating when people dont understand that the reason most of the pride flags for queer men dont have pink on them is because a lot of us have trauma surrounding pink as a color being forced on us, whether thats from the pink triangle era, the forcible association of queer men with femininity, or the fact that most trans queer men grew up being forced into femininity and forced to wear/like the color pink

if you like the color pink as a queer man then im happy for you! people just need to realize that there is trauma surrounding that color and pink should be used sparingly and with purpose

[titsliker]

theres a trump supporter in my media arts major and sometimes my professor will ask him something simple like "whats the difference between ethics and the law" and he'll (i kid you not) say shit like "uhhh its like. honestly i thought that was like the same thing" and then my professor will give the rest of the class a mischievous knowing look

[titsliker]

[transformativeworks]

AO3 is Exiting Open Beta!

AO3 is exiting open beta! Learn more about how far we've come since launching open beta, our future plans for improvement, and what you can do to contribute at https://otw-news.org/4w2dn3tc 

[ao3commentoftheday]