The Close
On Friday 12 March 2004, I made an account on fanfiction.net and used the nickname kittykittyhunter for the very first time.
ff.net was the first place where I ‘existed’ online. I uploaded a fanfic the same day I joined – a poem about Dark Magician Girl from Yu-Gi-Oh! – but later deleted it out of embarrassment. Over the years, I went on to upload and delete a fair few works for similar reasons: a sense of awkwardness over my earnestness, recognising too many gaping holes in my writing and just… pruning my account when I failed to finish multi-chap stories. I made some wonderful friends through the site, one of whom remains a precious presence in my life.
Now, my ff.net is an archive my stories for The Prince of Tennis (the ones featuring the Echizen family, anuway). I’m happy with it staying like that. Then, sometime in 2006, I joined deviantART:
dA taught me a lot about writing. Suddenly, I was exposed to extremely talented and versatile writers; I understood what it meant to be part of writing communities and give meaningful feedback. (I utilised these skills during writing workshops at university several years later – by that point, it was natural for me to pinpoint, celebrate and help to refine aspects of a piece.) Only one of my deviations is still visible; I placed the others in storage mostly, once again, due to feeling embarrassed by my earnestness and skill level. Nevertheless, I am proud of what I achieved on the site – I received through two Daily Deviations, features that were largely coveted in the writing community (I know that I wanted one for years!), and the attention that those works got gave me the confidence to think that yes, perhaps I was a decent writer, perhaps it was not a mistake to think that I might publish books someday. I certainly fell short on some fronts on dA... however, I think it may be time to forgive myself and perhaps, one day, I can make amends. The most important habit that deviantART inspired in me was this:
A few people I looked up to had a saying: “Comments over faves.” Written feedback meant much, much more than simply pressing the little star-shaped 'Favourite' button – and that’s something I carried across to tumblr, to some extent. I use replies pretty liberally here, talking to people who may not want to hear from a complete stranger. Even so, I definitely want to get better at tagging the artwork I reblog – I know there’s nothing like reading an explosion of feelings under your work. Once again, I met some incredible friends through deviantART. I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being able to meet some of my online friends in real life. It’s a very special feeling to be able to embrace someone you’ve lovingly sent texts, emails and letters to.
Then, on Sunday 30 January 2011, my friend succeeded in persuading me to make a tumblr account. I suppose that I didn’t really know what to expect from tumblr; however, I fell for the site quickly and now, I can’t imagine having an online presence on any other social media platform, even with the various issues tumblr has had during recent months. I accidentally deleted my original blog in 2020. I lost approximately 36,000 posts. I oscillated between feeling distraught and relieved; I despaired at losing a lot of memories and work but, at the same time, was grateful that this meant I wouldn’t subject myself to the laborious task of going through the entirety of my archive and re-tagging my posts for uniformity. I can be ridiculously pedantic about things like that – so it was good that the option was taken from me. I still haven’t quite connected with the writing communities on tumblr – but I know that there are a lot of skilled writers here. There are a few authors I deeply admire; I would love to get to know them.
Bizarrely, I joined AO3 on Thursday 12 March 2020 – exactly 16 years after I’d joined ff.net. AO3… I had a lot of plans for this site (including a fanfic list as long as my arm) but, somehow, I could never really warm to the layout… I’m a real elitist and have issues with using/joining sites that are ‘ugly’. And, while I’ve received some comments on AO3, it is largely a pretty quiet and passive experience – readers come and go and leave a fly-by kudos and, as a writer, that’s not so satisfying. I'm not inspired to upload work there. I might still post the occasional fic (though I’d prefer to spend my time writing original works, sometimes, the allure of fanfiction is pretty powerful), but it won’t be through AO3 – and it won’t be under the moniker of kittykittyhunter. It’s been 20 years. 20 years of brilliant memories and friendships – 20 years where I’ve learnt a lot about myself, others and the world at large. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve decided that it is time to retire kittykittyhunter. Ultimately, I think want people to associate KKH with the writing that I’ve shared online up until now, so this blog, too, will be an archive of my poetry and prose. It feels strange. Surreal. I’ve associated myself with the name kittykittyhunter for so long that it seems as though I’m losing something momentous – like the process of reinventing myself, this time, will be far more arduous than it has been in the past. I don’t know what kind of reception I will get. Yet, over the years, I’ve also come to align myself with the phoenix – one who reemerges, again and again, stronger and brighter. My blog icon comes from the Yu-Gi-Oh! card ‘A Feather of the Phoenix’. Isn't it funny that these things are so cyclical? I pray that a good path is meant for me. Thank you to everyone who has been with me up until now: your love and generosity has meant the world.













