Graduation
Heart pounding, hands trembling, knees shaking, peripheries cold, brain jammed, vision blurry - everything felt weird as I walked down the auditorium as an MBBS graduate. It was scary - 5.5 years of comfort of medical school coming to an end. To think you’ve done and gone through so much in these years and finally tomorrow onwards there’s no reason for you to come back there! An eerie feeling of being lonely as everyone walks off on their own paths in life, some whose paths may cross and others whose would never again in your life.
Question - is everyone going through the same thing as I am? Is this stomach churning feeling present for everyone or just me? Aren’t the others scared and upset and happy at the same point? As I held my sheet of paper that mentions that I am a certified doctor now gave me butterflies and a very subtle tear - this journey was a long one. I’ve had some amazing memories and some to forget. But all this is secondary - what matters now is what I’m going to do after this. Am I capable enough to go out into the world and efficiently treat patients while maintaining my own sanity and peace of mind? Fuck yes. Because I am me. If there is anyone capable enough of handling all this pressure coming at them, it’s gotta be me. Because I am the best.
Then what are you scared of? Well, this empty feeling that has hit right now - who knows if I’ll find a bunch crazy enough to fill this emptiness ever. Do I want to let go of them? No. Do I have control over it? No. This empty feeling is the worst ever - It’s not sadness but the lack of happyness. Sadness can be treated with a dose of it’s exact opposite. Emptyness cannot - it is like a black hole which requires it’s own time to evaporate and dissipate. Until then, it just engulfs you - all you have to do is hold on until it does so.
While I’ve stayed strong and consoled the other crying souls with the simple fact that life goes on and all this is just the inevitable - maybe I haven’t convinced that to myself yet! I might not be ready to, but I don’t have time for it either. Life is fast, and you have to be up the pace with it if you want to achieve things in life. Big things are coming for all of us - all you’ve to do is be prepared for it. Easier said than done, but you’ve no choice. So pick up your socks, cry for sometime, be scared for some more, let the emptiness engulf you for even more - and then show a nice middle finger to all 3, let your confidence in yourself break these chains that hold you back, and fly like you have always meant to be. Go conquer the world.














