incoming rant from a Tired Asexualâ˘
tw // aphobia
iâve seen a lot of discourse lately over whether or not âstraightâ ace people are included in the lgbtq+ community, and i have quite a few things to say about it.
to start off, i think itâs crucial to the conversation to understand that asexuality is absolutely its own separate, distinct sexual orientation. to say that itâs not doesnât actually make sense â if a person isnât sexually attracted to anyone, but asexuality isnât a sexual orientation⌠then they have no sexual orientation at all? of course not! if there are multiple sexual orientations where a person is sexually attracted to the same or different or some or all genders, why in the world wouldnât there be a sexual orientation where a person is sexually attracted to no genders?Â
this is important, because the moment that we establish asexuality as its own sexual orientation, weâve veered away from the cisgender, heteromantic, heterosexual âstandardâ. when we say someone is straight or cishet, we typically mean theyâre both heteromantic and heterosexual. an asexual person may be cisgender and heteromantic, buuut⌠theyâre asexual. right off the bat, their experience with sexual attraction is something that differs from the norm. are they really even straight, or just heteromantic? either way, asexuality is much different than heterosexuality, and itâs about time everyone started treating it as such.Â
itâs worth noting that the full lgbtq+ acronym includes asexuality. in other words, if someone is asexual, theyâre already part of the lgbtq+ community, regardless of any other identity or label they might identify with. asexuality is not just some sort of addition to other labels. itâs not dependent on any other facet of attraction or identity. it doesnât have to meet any criteria or satisfy certain conditions for it to be accepted or considered valid. itâs separate, distinct, and independent.
these arenât the oppression olympics, and they never have been, but to say that asexual people donât experience discrimination is simply wrong. people tell us that our asexuality is a choice and liken it to practicing celibacy rather than recognizing it as a sexual orientation. weâre often afraid to come out as asexual due to fear of dismissal, skepticism, or negative reactions. weâre constantly compared to and depicted as animals or robots. weâre told we have some sort of sexual interest/desire/arousal disorder as outlined in the DSM. weâre subjected to sexual assault and corrective rape to âfixâ our sexuality, because weâre âbroken.âÂ
âyou just havenât met the right person yetâ
âdonât knock it âtil you try itâ
âyouâre too young to know about that sort of thingâ
âyouâll change your mind when youâre olderâ
âmaybe you should see a doctorâÂ
do you see the problem yet?
this discourse is especially frustrating because asexual people face constant criticism and ridicule not only from straight cishets, but also from people within the lgbtq+ community itself. itâs sadly ironic that sometimes, the people who must understand what itâs like to be mocked and alienated for their identity are the same people mocking and alienating asexual people for their identity. it makes me angry because not only is it harmful to those people by trying to force them out of a space some of them desperately need, but itâs also harmful to queer ace people such as myself.
iâm an ace lesbian. when someone says âstraight ace people arenât part of the lgbtq+ community,â theyâre also saying âyour asexuality is only valid because youâre also a lesbian,â in other words, âthe validity of your asexuality depends entirely on who youâre romantically attracted to,â in other words, âyour asexuality doesnât matter, actually.âÂ
you donât get a say in whether or not my asexuality is valid. you donât get to decide when, how, or why itâs valid. it just is.
kaledo-art
prguitarman
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
titsay
stormborns
andulkaphoto
