TNP Testimony
I had sent Ppaul an email on my thoughts and reflections after his sermon titled “Who Do you Fear” (or something along those lines haha) last Monday, and the following day he asked that I share it at Tuesday night prayer meeting. Below is a testimony that I shared with everyone whom was at Bergen TNP last week, and I post it here in the hopes that it encourages whomever that reads it in one way or another.
*Prayer: Lord there is nothing that I should fear in standing here in this opportunity to share about what you have been doing in my life. Help me to realize that you are using me in this moment to testify of your continued redemption in my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit, give me bold confidence to declare that you are alive and you are at work.*
I fear man. Straight up. This has been a struggle for as long as I can remember, a catalyst and fuel for a lot of habitual sins that have developed in my life. Pastor Paul and Jae have preached sermons on this particular topic many times. Each time I heard it it was just felt like some one was power drilling into my heart. They would have altar calls and times where people can stay later and pray afterward, and it became so consistent with me that PPaul/PJae didn't even have to ask me what I needed prayer over, in fact PPaul one time just said, the same thing? And I jus nodded. hahahahaha
There was something different though as I heard all of these things that fulfilled the description of basically who I was. There was a sense of calm and stillness within me. Rather than hearing these examples and have the feeling of guilt overcome, I just sat back in my seat and just reveled at how far God has brought me. Was an instance where God really just point blank showed me, Kevin, I am molding and growing you, and just felt compelled to share that with Ppaul.
I am a people pleaser. I can't say no to anyone because any opportunity given to me is a chance for me to gain further favor in someone's eyes. If I did say no it would linger for days and I would constantly regret my decision. These shackles from the fear of man as Ppaul preached, is debilitating. It sucks the life out of you. How can we live like this? How can you live everyday yearning for the approval, compliments, and validation from people? How can you live everyday when the most trivial of circumstances out of nowhere (i.e. Instagram, Facebook) drills within you insecurity and not feeling included, and throws a complete wreck into your week that you mull and meditate over to death, even going to means of fulfilling yourself through sexual immorality, alcohol, or money?
I've racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt in my pursuit of an image that would be accepted by all. I've exercised to put on weight to make up for my own perceived value of weakness, I've lost weight in further chase of a general appeal. I've calculated my relationships with people to position myself in an attempt to gain popularity. I treasured myself so highly and in the challenge of satisfying this insatiable self the tangible things of this world was the law that I served. I fear man because I love myself so much
Romans 7:24: Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
How am I to get rid of this fear of man? In the past I've tried so hard to find the answer to the how and why, becoming defeated because I only found more reasons of why I was unworthy, or better yet, how prideful I was.
Romans 7:25: Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Church, I stand here today, as a testament to His unending love, that through his grace, and His grace alone, I have been freed from these shackles and handcuffs and they no longer wring against my wrists and ankles.
My chains are gone, I've been set free, my God my Saviour, has ransomed me. And like a flood his mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace.
God in His timing revealed deeper levels of His grace. There is no other explanation. It was nothing that I did but everything that He did. I am still not perfect, nor will I ever be. I will have to fight and continually be on guard as the devil tries to sneak his way in through the most subtle of ways.
Pastor Paul called me earlier today and the latter half of my day was an anxious wreck. Even preparing for this testimony the fear of man came like a tidal wave. I couldn't focus during work after PPaul called me and even left an hour early to give myself more time to prepare. I was worried about ME. The attention was on MYSELF. How will I sound? Will I make sense? What if I don't get resounding amen's from the crowd? Will people talk good things about me? Will my name be glorified?
It's not perfect, and never will be. I'll have to fight this continually.This will be an eternal struggle, like all things because of my sinful nature, until I die. But I can still cling onto Him. He has opened my eyes like never before and I am able now, unlike in the past, to overlook the things that I lack and truly see all that He is. I'll fall, but I can pick myself up quicker than ever because I know His hand is there every time to help me back up.
He will my shield and portion be As long as life endures
Through his grace, God has helped me stay pure. God has helped me manage my money that come end of March I will have paid all of my credit cards. God has helped me to love people by praying for them, changing my heart motives and molding me to love others the way God loves and views them.
This grace was a gift given to me freely, when I was so undeserving. It would be an utter shame if I did not share this with you all. It would be an utter shame if I did not pray for everyone in my life that they receive more and more of this gift of grace. Church, God is alive, and I am proud to say that God has used me today to tell you all that He redeems.
"T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed."
Grace that is slowly but surely turning my fear of man into fear of the Lord, and grace that is slowly but surely showing me that with fear of the Lord there is nothing I have to fear. This fear of man is slowly turning into the fear of God because the focus is off of myself and on Him. I am a sinner, I was, I am, and I will continue to be. If the focus stays on me, my life will be focused on sin. He is our Saviour, He is good, and He will forever be good. If the focus stays on him, my life will be focused on truth.
Church, let us not lift our souls to another, but pray that God let us be a generation that seeks his face.















