Rilo Kiley — “Glendora” from The Initial Friend EP
I should find someone better for me/but Mom says we’re born this way
The Initial Friend EP (or Rilo Kiley as it was originally called in its first release) is a solid collection of early Rilo Kiley. The languid “85” is lovely and as I mentioned in the intro, “The Frug” is a simple but haunting track. However, the standout here is “Glendora.” It’s jaunty and fun and then suddenly Jenny asks, “And would you fuck me? Because I’d fuck me. Am I your wetnap?” and if she didn’t already have you, she has you now, for life.
This song hits so close to home, it hit close when I first heard it at 15 but it didn’t really become a part of my bones until I was 18. Away from home for the first time in my life, I was a college freshman in love with the first person who would look at me. We dated for a week, said I love you in the shower on day three, and promptly broke up a week later when he just felt like, you know, we were becoming really different people and it would be better to just be friends or something.
I cried for days and wore my friends’ patience super thin. I got my hair cut, didn’t go to any of my classes, and tried to think of ways to be in the same social settings as him. When he started dating someone else a week after we broke up, I cried some more but I was cool about it around him. When he asked if we could still sometimes hook up, I said of course, knowing full well that this was the dumbest of the dumb decisions.
I listened to “Glendora” a lot then, fancying myself a dark haired Jenny Lewis, sitting in a chain restaurant late at night eating terrible food, waiting for him to call and want me to come over. I hated him but I loved him and more than anything, I wanted him to want me so I just went through the cycle again and again. I listened to Jenny sing about cry cry cry then complain before coming back to do it again because she was doing the same thing and even though she knew this was the worst™ of worst decisions, she doesn’t sing with judgment, she sings with understanding. She knows that sometimes you have to let someone shit on your face, as she sings, to learn what you really deserve. There might be nothing as lonely as being an 18-year-old girl who doesn’t know what she’s worth yet, but having someone who knows more tell you that yeah, this is not the best choice but you’re going to make it, you’re going to make it more than once, and you’re not going to be the only one who does it is not only honest, it’s refreshing.
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