my words my journey

something to share, hopefully as most simple forms.

[koma11sen]

A Night Bird

Fly high Rosy Bird what do you see people hurting their smiles fading

Go find Rosy Bird the night you dream tears to the ocean wings to the clouds

Look up, no fear see the mountains go by breathe in and reach out a kind, kind world of you

Go rest Rosy Bird your soft aching wings I will become the wind where you fly again

So close eyes, no tears my brave Rosy bird I will be the nest where your soul rests

©izumik2015

[koma11sen]

To Find You

I thought about you today

In the evening sky

where a long lay of clouds start to colour their tails

that you once saw as upcoming happiness

I looked for you today

through the summer breeze

where the sunlights greet your cheeks between the leaves

that you gained strength for tomorrow

What made you chuckle

So small but marvelous finds in life

What made your eyes shine

So slight but precious things in space

I had no idea

Giving me all the reasons to stay

You collected each thorn from my roses

and I thought your smiles were greater than mine

I draw

a gate of rainbow towards a place

where you once told me to look up

to appreciate the view of life, way up high

Where I was too frightened to fly

where your bravery was impeccable

and you were the sole conductor of vivacity,

that is a place I will finally earn my wings

to find you

©izumik2015

[koma11sen]

Momo smilng 😀#rescuecats #cats #tuxedocat #maincooncat

[koma11sen]

Cats in different times, different places

[koma11sen]

A Room With A Cat

After I have rescued and took care of more than 13 cats during my last 20 years of residing in Mexico, I still do not consider myself as a ‘Crazy Cat Lady’.  I love them, but I love so many animals.  I do not particularly look for cats, but often the ones who try to reach me happen to be stray cats who are looking for basic needs: food, water and shelter.

Humans and cats...how close are we? The bonding between humans and cats is considered to be like humans and dogs?  When you start to google by typing ‘bonding between humans and...’, the first word that pops up is ‘dogs’, followed by ‘animals’.  Cats and humans relationship… probably takes a bit different perspectives?

Cats control humans.  Cats choose human owners.  Cats silently observe and judge humans.  Cats are mysterious.  Cats have nine lives.  Almost like… cats are humans’ leaders? Are they facts or myths? ‘Cat logics’? Are they really entertaining and impressing us with their mysterious powers or is that fictitious views humans invented to amuse ourselves… by making the cats some sort of supernatural figure. I cannot get a right answer for all the people, but here is what I decided to ‘almost’ believe, through my life with cats.

My experiences with cats in childhood were quite limited, as I was not allowed to have one at home.  My mother, however, had a better luck. She told me each child in the family (of 5 children) had a cat, and all slept with their cats in their futons.  They named them funny cute names like Botamochi, a famous Japanese rice cake with beans, and apparently the cats were in their important part of lives.

Although often cats are perceived as mysterious creatures, my ideas in life in general was quite realistic.  What I mean is that we did not talk or think of possibilities of ‘ghosts’, or any spiritual powers, …. until one day at age of 12, when my mom woke me up early in the morning. She came to my futon and said something heavy hopped on her chest last night.  She tried to move and scream for help but she could not.  She managed to open her eyes and what she saw was a little face of a cat.  ‘I saw little ears too’  Knowing her as someone who always looked for scientific explanations for what appears to be something spooky, this comment officially freaked me out.  What made more spooky was that, a few weeks later we demolished our house to rebuild a new one, and a couple of workers came to us and said they found bones of a cat underneath our house.  ‘Must have been over many months’ they said.  Probably a stray cat who lost strength to live longer decided to rest as her final place under our house. Since that day, I decided I would take our cats experiences a little more spiritual turn, since I am not hurting anybody to do so.  Although my mother’s ‘sleep paralysis’ is a quite common neurological disorder among people, and a cat coincidentally had died under our house, which is also very common, I came to think, maybe this cat wanted to tell us something.  Wanted to tell us she was there, to tell us to remember her.

I am probably just one of uncountable humans who think cats communicate with humans in unique ways.  Throughout centuries, so many humans seem to have expressed similar interpretations and beliefs about cats through their arts.  One good example is ‘Sleeping Cat’ of Toshogu Shrine in Nikko, Japan.  This wooden carved bicolour cat by a legendary Sculptor Jingoro Hidari has been attracting so many tourists all over the world.  Why? My guess goes to its very much lifelike cat figure, a peaceful atmosphere it brings to the shrine and a mysterious charisma it creates as a guardian of Tokugawa family.  Talking about the guardian figure, Japanese ‘manekineko’, the Fortune Cat, is another.  So many legends go as to how Manekineko came to our lives, but the one which caught my interest was a story in Samurai Era. A wealthy man who took shelter from a rainstorm under a tree noticed a cat beckoning him from the temple nearby. As soon as he followed the cat, the lightning struck the tree he had been under a few moments before.  The man was so grateful for this cat who had saved his life, he became a benefactor of the temple.  We see many Fortune Cats figures in restaurants which the owners wish they would receive good protection and fortune from these cats.  

These personal interpretations became much more solid once I met my own cat.  A tuxedo cat appeared one day out of blue, it felt like we had known each other for long time, and you know how the love at the first sight goes.  Next morning at a parking lot where we had met, he was waiting for me, by ignoring other passersby who tried to offer him comfort.  He had decided I would become his home, and he never stopped his daily rituals of waiting for me until his plan was achieved.  For 18 months he had spent in my home, Max was very much my Nemurineko the Sleeping Cat figure.  As much as he looked being taken care of by his human mom, he also worked to fill in his workload as a guardian.  When I moved, he escorted me.  Every night I found him asleep right by my feet, his paws down, always ready to jump on anyone who tried to attack me. (Of course, nothing dramatic ever happened.) As much as he looked like he was saved by a human, he saved his human. By sitting close to me, he made sure I would eat right, I would drink decent amount of alcohol and I would keep my lifestyle healthy and  I would sleep good.  By looking out the window, he would protect the house from bugs and he would make sure I would be home safely.  He showed me that my home is a safe peaceful place, by spending long hours on the couch during the day time.  A view, any view… where you can spot a cat sleeping gives us so much peace in mind as we instinctively know cats do not sleep comfortably when there is something hostile around.  

Having someone as a soulmate is one of the most appreciative experiences in relationships with others.  Therefore, losing that soulmate hits and shatters your heart into tiny pieces which leaves yourself an irreparable hole.  When that happened to me and my cat, I naturally clinged to  ‘Cats have 9 lives’ myth, or almost theory, and I have to forgive myself in going rather spooky direction.  We try to grab anything when we feel we are about to get drowned into a dark deep sea.  If cats really have 9 lives, my cat would eventually come back to me as the guardian, and I should not look for him. 1 month passed, and 2 months followed, and no cat came.  I found myself keep looking for a small figure, in the parking lot, near the garbage bin, under a car.  A room without a cat looked empty and insecure.  A place where those little furry beings rest, purr, snuggle, stretch with paws up high, that’s something I hopelessly missed.  a few months passed since Max passed away, I was very much losing my mind, by spending hours in internet, reading numerous articles on reincarnations and how to communicate dead pets through spiritual readers. On the day that marked exactly 6 months after his death, I passed by the parking lot I met him, and I realized how ridiculously senseless I have been about all this.  Isn’t it time to move on?  Then I got a call from daughter.  

‘It’s a tuxedo kitty, just like Max! Maybe this is the cat you have been waiting for.’ It was such a tiny skinny rat like a tuxedo female kitty, who must have been around 3 months old.   A coincidence? Max sent me this kitty after seeing how poorly I am doing?  A miracle?  In the end, does it really matter?  10 months passed since this kitty Momo came, and she interestingly sits at the same place where Max used to sit.  She is as talkative as Max, she watches me how I work, eat, sleep, and come home safely. A room with a cat returned, and that’s all I have to be grateful for.   So far, my personal view on cats being rather spooky, mysterious beings has not changed.  Cats having 9 lives, bringing us fortune, and protecting us from dangers… This world is so full of cruel events which leave us so little room to imagine something beautiful, something hopeful about life.  So why not keep close to heart, a little magic you had experienced?  I would.  

For Max

©izumik2015

[koma11sen]

'Mommy, Lila keeps waking me up, won't leave me alone!' #rescuedog #rescuecat #tuxedocats #mainecooncat #goldenretriever #gollie

[koma11sen]

Public market fun. #fruits #market #food #colourful

[koma11sen]

Sophie's creepy level today: metal. #rescuecats #cats #catsofinstagram #bicolorcats

[koma11sen]

Remembering Rocco 

[koma11sen]

Eulogy for a Golden Dog Named Rocco

What makes a dog special? Is that a breed, any specific size, or colour?

Since the day Rocco came with us 12 years ago, he was always the centre of attention. He was absolutely gorgeous, coming from a pedigree family where his grandfather was a champion in a Golden Retriever competition. As a three months old puppy, he looked like a big golden fur ball that anyone would feel like hold in arms.

However is that what made him such a special dog who attracted so many people, dogs, and cats? I don’t think so. It was more his gestures, the way he lived with us all, that’s what made him so special.

He did everything so big. He was born as the biggest puppy in the family. He ate big, (no need to mention his poop size!), he barked big, snored big, and he stretched big. He ate, ate, and ate, that was his most favourite thing to do. A few times he managed to snatch a whole loaf of bread for us and finished it in 2 minutes and he still wanted to eat. I almost passed out, realizing he ate more than half loads of lunch I had prepared for my son’s entire classroom.

But most importantly, he had a big big heart. He was absolutely useless as a guard dog, as he let everyone in. He never growled at anyone, any dogs, any cats. He simply loved life. Probably that is why other dogs and cats started to approach us because it was so welcoming. He never saw anyone as his enemy, and let them all in and grab his foods. He adored watching life, any life… watching children play soccer, hearing the birds chirp, other dogs run, cats play in front of him. He also loved elderly people. When he saw them sit on the bench, he went by their side. Some people became afraid of his size at first, but then soon realized how friendly and noble he was and they extended their hands to him. We soon realized that his charisma did not end only in our neighbourhood. His happy goofy photos made many friends happy online also. When he went missing for two days in our neighbourhood, so many friends online became concerned across the globe, literally, and they tried to help out. It turned out he was being taken care of by a lady only 2 blocks down because she found him sleeping in the middle of the street. He was so relaxed and fearless, feeling so secure about himself.

Hard to precisely calculate dogs years to human years, but we understand that the dogs live much shorter than humans. The bigger the breed, the shorter also. I learned that fact in a very hard way with Rocco. He was mainly taken care of his ‘pet dad’ for many years, and I practically started his care when his pet dad moved out last year, 2014. I did not quite realize til then how aged Rocco was. AT age 11, he could hardly run, even stand for long time due to his weight, and he developed cataracts. His back ached, and his leg joints started to show arthritis. Taking care of Roco often reminded me of spending time with my grandmother in Japan.

Care for elderly is not always easy. Just like a human grandfather, Rocco often gave me some challenges. One day he wanted to walk totally different roads, and refused to go to a regular park. One day he did not walk at all. He was so unhappy about diet food, and he tried to eat someone else’s food. He could be very stubborn, and grumpy. He lied down right in front of the fridge, so that no one could reach the food in the fridge. He moved so slow, and I walked the younger dogs of us separately, then I walked him. Or some days he insisted he would go together, how difficult! But then I knew he was fully aware how aged he was. He often missed catching the treats in the air, and the other dogs got them. When he tried to walk fast and he fell. His joints simply could not hold his 100 lb anymore.

By the end of the day, he simply sat on the grass in the park and watched the children play. Sitting by his side, I realized how much it resembled my grandmother, who spent her evenings by the garden, watching children run and feeling the breeze. Probably for my children, whose grandparents live far, spending time with Rocco in his last years was like living with their grandpa and grandma. I liked that they tried to be respectful, patient and noble with someone aged like Rocco.

On his 12th birthday, I woke up with some concerns. Rocco had stopped standing up one day before, and his appetite had decreased. While reading some articles when to put your dogs to sleep, I still wanted to celebrate his birthday with some foods he had loved, without giving him diet food. The thought of sending him to cross the rainbow bridge on his birthday was too painful, and I started to arrange things with family about the vet visit next day. Then he gave me such a big gift. He went on his own. Everything happened so fast, and from what I saw, his inguinal hernia worsened and his blood flow stopped. We wanted to have him operated earlier, but due to his overweight condition and age, we could not go for the procedure. As a big stubborn and goofy, funny grandpa, Rocco had decided to go on his own from the house he had lived for 12 years.

I again questioned, what makes a dog so special. I don’t think the breed did matter. What made us laugh, smile, and so welcomed, that was what this dog had been born with. As I see this world suffer and humans kill each other due to different colours, believes, and classes, I wonder if humans are really the most intelligent beings who deserve to lead this planet’s destiny. How beautiful this world must be if everyone were so open and simple like Rocco, who simply loved every life.

Thank you Rocco, and go play, and run as fast as a puppy. We will meet again.

©izumik2015

[koma11sen]

When I Once Died

It came all of a sudden

No chance for my last breath

My pulses silenced in a blink

Oh but yes, I knew.

I screamed your name in midnight

and knew you would not stay so long

How possibly they take all of me with you

and leave my bare heart beating on the ground  

Many things made no sense

My presence was one

and your departing was another

It should have been me, and they took you

How blood flows without soul

How about river and the sunlight through leaves

The warmth of your body brushing my cheek

It was dark, so dark that I could not pick up words to write

Then I knew

I died too

As a corpse, I sat down at the bottom of the darkness

Nothing found me for many nights

Then I thought I heard you

I walked, towards the sound, towards the warmth

Passed through black forests and beyond thick roots

When I thought it only occurred in my wanted dreams

I finally saw

Then I realized

You had never left

Your whiskers, sighs of relief and footsteps

among the embraces of light, and ocean breeze

When I once died

You became all of what shaped me

Then my pulses slowly started

with you

©izumik2015