Unbetitelt

[kommschlafbeimir-blog]

Then she said I didn’t love you since we moved to ..... . Means over a whole year out of three I lived in a relationship in which I would have done everything for her and she I don’t know what she had done for me. But problably not much out of her confort zone.

Telling me yeah I had everything I needed, you did nothing wrong,  I was feeling fine, I never missed anything in our relationship.

Well, thank you but fuck this relationship, fuck the shit I done for you, it problably didn’t even ment as much to you as it did to me !

You gave up. You said you never will but you never ever put up a fight! You always where sitting crying about yourself and how bad you are and I was even feeling sorry for you. Even trying to cheer you up, even when my insides where already burning because I felt that you don’t want me anymore.

Fuck you for writing that cigarette poem out of my thoughts, if you read it out loud at some point. I hope you cry out loud and feel the guilt.

Fuck you for posting “So we kissed goodbye and swore we wouldn’t hurt anyone as bad as we hurt each other”. I always tookthe punches and turned the other cheek. I always soaked up the pain for two persons. Yours and mine. I wished I knew when I hurt you and like that much.

Fuck you for using my trust, my love, my energy, my soul, my body, my lips, my hair, my heart, my thoughts. Fuck you for all this shit I loved you for and know I can’t anymore. All that feelings are burning into ashes the more I see how bad you played on me.

I don’t even know who you really are since I never thought you could use someone as bad as you did to me... the least I would have expected you would use me.

[kommschlafbeimir-blog]

Wakeup thoughts

I woke up this morning. Started crying immediatly. I find nothing but trouble in my life. She is gone. I could do nothing against it, altough I did everything.

Fair ? I don’t know. Problably not but who cares ? Nobody nobody nobody cares about fairness.

And if I die before the end of the month, who will care ?

Me ? I don’t know, haven’t died before but the suicidal thoughts come more frequent from day to day. Not that you actually think about it. More as if a drug is taking effect. They just appear and strike hard.

My parents yes sir

my brother yes sir                 

my friends yes sir

she maybe but at least she got someone to share tears with, to speak to when you just want to pull the trigger or hang a rope round your neck or search for painkillers or when you are all alone and horny.

Funny to say, she was the one who betrayed me, who lied in my face, when I already felt what was going on. She and him still won the price and me ?

Boxing fight 3rd round I hit the ground. Right hook straight on the chin

Lights out on me, hit the ground, spotlight on him

My selfesteem - shot dead

My sense for beauty in myself - shot dead

My positive perspective on love and relationship - shot dead

My ability to talk to women - shot dead

My happiness - shot dead

My personality - shot dead

My ability to trust in a woman - shot dead

My belief in give love, you get love - shot dead

My ability to have a relationship - shot dead

Me - not yet

My needs - unfulfilled

My addicitons - happily alive more then ever

[kommschlafbeimir-blog]

Alles, was du willst, nimm's mit, nimm's mit, alles, was du willst Nur so wie du bist, komm nie zurück, komm nie zurück, so wie du bist

Ton Steine Scherben