kotorimemoirs

Where the dark things are

[escapekit]

[kotorimemoirs]

fucked up dream

In my dream I fucked my boyfriend's ass with my giant penis, then a black kid came into the room with his older sister, and walked past us to get through a door behind us. There was a while fluffy haired blonde therapist in the room and the boy stabbed her to death with an envelope opener. I fell asleep in my dream and woke up to hallucinations haunting me of the boy and a strange white man with a scruffy chin and brown hair sexually harassing me with an intent to kill. At first I couldn't feel his touch and wasn't scared because I knew I was dreaming (while in a dream), but suddenly I could feel his hand that was grabbing my breasts and he got closer and closer to me. It was terrifying and I screamed and yelled for God to make him go away. He eventually did but the black boy kept being present around me waiting to kill me. Then I woke up.

What is going on?

[quotethatshow]

[thegirlwhocrieswolf]

New piece, hope you like it! xo Lang 

…………….

My new book Lullabies is now available via Amazon, BN.com + The Book Depository and bookstores worldwide.

[kotorimemoirs]

is it possible to fall in love again?

i remember taking a leap once

with all my vulnerabilities laid out under the sun

Blissful flight and, oh, the fall was great, deep down under

I no longer believe in passion, let alone infatuation

They’re heights calling me to come and bleed like I did then

Good to find, hard to keep

Do our hearts belong anywhere, anywhere at all?

[kotorimemoirs]

pain is the sensation of your wing bones trying to break through the surface, and grow out of old wings. Tend to them gingerly and learn to sore higher.

[hittings]

― “My brother says guys don’t like girls who are tough, he says guys like girls to be soft and flirty.”

― “He would say that, he’s a pussy.”

The Runaways (2010)

[with-grace-and-guts]

[kotorimemoirs]

we, too, shed like snakes our yesterday's worn out skin

The bark on the winter trees reminded a lot of us. of people. Revealing its bare vulnerable under-layer to the piercing cold as the dead, weathered coat hung tightly around in patches, suspended in between rotting and falling. It's hard for us to graciously let go of our old selves although we know so well that change is natural and inevitable. Although we know that change isn't always bad and usually leads to better. Change is only a notion for us to prepare for the new. That's why trees are not so pretty up close in winter. We see their souls, raw and in transition, before their rebirth in spring.

photo credit: Naoto Hattori

[kotorimemoirs]

I am tired of trying to expose myself to the world

and holding out my thumping heart in hope to be noticed and understood just like others.

I have stopped wishing that my soft spoken words are worth being heard.

I’ve now hidden myself amongst the crowd.

I live in the shadows, the walls, the cracks, and negative space.

Under the sun, I blend into the wind and run with the leaves.

I am not nice, caring, friendly, amicable, selfless, or sociable.

I can be, but I am sick of the constant image my mind is telling me to be.

How could anyone get sick of conscience? But here I am.

If you run into me and find me not invisible,

Thank you kind stranger,

I hope we meet again.

[kotorimemoirs]

feeling bad that cute ladies have to suffer being cat-called and hollered at, but at the same time feeling glad that i don’t experience any of that. one of the few times i'm thankful for being good at invisible and not all that attractive.

[micdotcom]

Watch: Lillian is a burlesque dancer and her TEDx talk nails the key to positive body image

[imagineagreatadventure]

[sdseraph-deactivated20150707]

All of this.

[kotorimemoirs]

dear faithful resilience

Everything was bright and clear.

Even in the dark times, you rose the next day, next moment,

Newer, stronger, and wiser.

Then came the blows.

One after another,

It broke you open.

You struggled to fight.

For us and yourself.

Pieces of you shattered and never could hold themselves up again.

Some glued back frantically..

But you aren’t the same.

Hurt, angry, insecure, sad, and depressed.

Vulnerable to every touch,

Those were the darkest of times.

But gradually the time eroded you away.

Came the numbness and immobility,

Stagnant heart and will.

Everything is now

A frustrated dark grey debris

You awake to and walk through each day.

[toomanyfeelings]

You can be depressed and not feel sad or blue. Depression can also be a haze of sleepiness, distractedness/obsessiveness cycles, and a twinge of irritability that can be hard to recognize because you might already be a “fiery” person. It can feel like a lazy Sunday that keeps imposing itself for weeks or months.

[story-dj]

The most horrifying of sounds is the crash of dreams breaking in the morning reality.

Could You Ever Live Without? (via story-dj)

[kotorimemoirs]

To be happy you have to let go of anxious thoughts, look after yourself and surround yourself with people who give yourself meaning and purpose instead of negative people drowning their sorrows onto you. It's selfish but you cannot mend too many broken people at once. Also not fighting the past but letting it go but taking the lessons learnt with you. Also adapting to your environment doesn't always work, you have to be willing to change it or change what you are surrounded by. Having big dreams doesn't always work, sure it gives you purpose and meaning but dreaming is different to actual doing it. You need to get in that mindset of doing something and working towards it but in little steps and accepting the little steps as big achievements no matter how small. Agree with not of this except it is important to know when to stop challenging unrealistic things, knowing that some things are better off letting go of, particularly if they are harmful. Also accepting bad days for what they are knowing the day after will be better. Also stop trying to be happy instead focus on your health, meditate and listen to great music, do the things you enjoy :)

stranger’s response to http://truththeory.com/2014/08/12/15-powerful-things-happy-people-do-differently/