ko

poetry diary // 19 \\ i want to put feelings you didn’t even know you had into words

[kozu-ri]

Is there really a point to living

If I have the same responsibilities every single day

And they never go away?

I’m obviously getting tired of them,

Is that the point?

Does He want us to get too tired to go on?

[kozu-ri]

I can’t touch the doorknob

They’re going to get me

Little did I know

A turn of the doorknob

Would open a door of new opportunities

But they’re holding me back

I can’t breathe and they’re holding me back

[kozu-ri]

You are my glue

You’re what keeps me together

Or you would be,

If I were not water

Despite your presence,

I can’t help, and neither can you,

But fall apart

[kozu-ri]

I used to love your cologne,

I liked to keep your clothes

And savor the smell

But since you left,

It triggers my asthma

If another man wears it,

I have to leave the room,

Nauseous as I think of you

[kozu-ri]

I’m jealous of people

Who admire the sky

Because at least that means

They keep their head up

Most days, I don’t even notice the sky

I’m usually looking down at my feet,

If I even go outside at all

I love people

Who admire the sky,

And take photographs

Because they remind me

To keep my head up

[kozu-ri]

Why is it

That the ones that try the hardest

Always get shortchanged?

[kozu-ri]

I want you to miss me if I leave,

Mourn me if I die,

Adore me when I’m here,

Need me when I’m not,

Love me the way I love you,

Feel the way I do,

Please just want me

[kozu-ri]

It’s coming up on a month

Since you’ve been gone

It’s unsettling to know

That the world keeps spinning

And that life goes on

And that I’m expected to keep living

All while you’re not here

[kozu-ri]

I kept wondering

Why I woke up craving suicide

Until I realized,

It’s because in my dream,

I was dead

And it wasn’t a nightmare

[kozu-ri]

If I lay on your chest

And rest my heart

Right on top of yours,

Maybe mine could teach yours

How to beat

And we could create our own

Rhythm of life

[kozu-ri]

I hate that photo of me

But I’ll love it anyway

Because you’re in it, too

And we can never take another

[kozu-ri]

I know you’ve been lonely

And I’m so sorry

That I couldn’t be enough

To cure it

[kozu-ri]

Every word I say

I wonder if people imagine

That those could be my last,

Or if the thought

Of me being gone

Even crosses their mind

[kozu-ri]

I’m either mature for my age,

Or not mature enough

Too loud and annoying,

Or too timid and reserved

What’s the perfect formula

For me to be enough for you?

[kozu-ri]

After watching him leave you,

I never want to love again

Love makes you crazy,

But you get even crazier

Once your love is gone

If I choose to love you,

I could never stand to see you die.

So, it’s best to let you go now.

[kozu-ri]

Why can’t I

Let go of you?

Every time we touch,

Our skin gets stuck

Not that I’m complaining,

But I’m worried you will

I’m not trying to force it,

But sparks fly everywhere

And set the dry leaves ablaze

As the way you look at me

Does to my heart

[kozu-ri]

You left the light on

I couldn’t bring myself

To turn it off

You left your bed a mess that morning

As if you expected

To hop right back in that night

You didn’t call me

Is it because

You thought we’d get to talk again?

Why are you sleeping in that box?

Why does your stomach look so empty,

And why doesn’t it rise and fall?

I don’t understand why this is happening

You weren’t supposed to be gone

You were never supposed to be gone