what we do in the shadows (fx) — 1.01 / pilot.
‘ i think he’s gonna make me a vampire. ’
‘ they would call me ___ the relentless. because i just never relent. ’
‘ last night there were all these people down there, shouting and screaming, half drunk. ‘
‘ no, they were half-drunk. they’d been half-drunk. ’
‘ if you’ve got something to say, then damn well say it. ’
‘ how dare you! (hisses) ’
‘ the problems with living with other vampires are the vampires i’ve chosen to stay with. ’
‘ i was the most handsome man in my village. ’
‘ one night, i was awoken by this horrible clawing at the window. and i thought “who the hell is that?” because i live on the third floor. ’
‘ she was gripping the window. she was clawing at the glass. ’
‘ i used hypnosis on him. ’
‘ why don’t we just write on them with marker pen? ’
‘ we have received this letter. ’
‘ silence. vampire comments only. ’
‘ as you can see, the place is fucking massive. ’
‘ are we having a house meeting? ’
‘ this is my office. also known as the hunting ground. ’
‘ the power grows stronger in him by the night. ’
‘ and i said “if he can do it, i can do it!” ’
‘ what ho, good friends! ’
‘ i’m not a killer. i find people who are easy... to kill. ’
‘ can i touch the sword? ’
‘ oh, you’ll touch the sword. ’
‘ we’re being very careful not to stand out, which is why we’re both dressed down. ’
‘ you heard me, ghost of christmas past bitch. ’
‘ yum yum yum, he was delicious! ’
‘ why would you walk home when you can turn into a bat? ’
‘ i would like some of that colorful dust that sparkles. ’
‘ so deliciously macabre! ’
‘ he works really hard, he’s just not great at it. ’
‘ you can’t be throwing ancient coins at me. ’
‘ you kind of disobeyed me just now, and i’m noting it. ’
‘ recently i have been seeing another man. he doesn’t see me though, because i sneak behind him. ’
‘ i think it is him. i think it is my reincarnated ex-boyfriend. ’
‘ so the tablet is the paper, your finger is the pen. ’
‘ i’m actually in a relationship online, but we’ve yet to meet irl. ’
‘ are they a vampire larp group? ’
‘ we take our larping very seriously, and that was just an example. i wanted you to see that. ’
‘ so, are you a knight? ’
‘ i forgot how much of a fantastic raconteur you are! ’
‘ we should do that again. but i mustn’t. but i want to! ’
‘ i say, old chap! that’s our familiar! ’
‘ i go through all this effort, i get the creepy paper— ’
‘ it’s CREPE paper! CREPE! ’
‘ centuries have passed.’
‘ you hide in the shadows. you are weak. ’
‘ it’s so dumb that i wore glitter. ’
‘ basically, we’re fucked. ’
‘ well, that was a complete disaster. ’
‘ anyway, you take care, okay? ’
‘ you think i’ve forgotten that tonight is a special occasion for you as well, haven’t you? ’
‘ it’s a glitter portrait! it’s a portrait made from glitter! look, it’s you! ’
‘ enjoy it. you can put it in your depressing room. ’
