English isn't real. @kroez - Tumblr Blog

sick and tired of sitting here alone

tired of being alive alone

intro

Born into this world each of us on our own path of unfolding events whether rich or poor well, growing up in a broken household is not something we all deal with. Majority of people have good relationships with parents and family but not all of us are so fortunate. In the beginning growing up in a trailer park while mom stayed home and dad went to work at the cardboard box factory in the early 1990's, iconic American dream. After a year of living there my sister was born and we eventually moved into a double wide trailer on the north side of town. He started a job with the air force shortly after and left for basic training, my mom took care of us and my memories are only recollected from VHS tapes. During the technological wave of the 90's after returning home and learning who we had to live with well no wonder my mom divorced him a few years later. I remember sneaking out of my room a lot to watch the scary movies they wouldn't let us watch, an getting caught. Keep in mind the graphic life details we have faced to share this story with you and my description of such does not mean to be triggering. But growing up an being abused and basically tortured has shaped me into the human I am to be and sharing my story is a path to recovery. Not all of us are faced with abuse at a young age and being mistreated lacking a nurturing environment. Had a lot of different pets growing up to keep occupied, frogs, turtles, lizards. hermit crabs, definitely learned about death early on but never really understood it because they kept coming back. My recollection of memories during this time after a few years of him being back was a lot of arguing and seeing him hit my mom. This was around the time of the divorce an also to warn you that this isn't the beginning. My earliest memories were of sleeping in my parents room because I was scared of the dark or something but had my own bed in theirs. Waking up to them having sex and having to lay there not knowing what was going on was definitely not the way anyone wants to start their life. From there my dad was a drunk and would give me and my sister beer in sippy cups as if we were adults. We would take bathes naked with them which I suppose is a normal thing but also showering with him when I was a few feet tall definitely was not. When we misbehaved we'd get hit with a belt, or forced to eat soap, locked in our rooms to play with our toys. But after a few years by the time I was seven they divorced which led to a custody battle of weekly fights of who's house we were going to. Endlessly crying while they argued an we said we wanted to go to moms over an over. She moved into a duplex with her friend Beth who owned a video game store, and worked for her. While alone at my dads house. keep in mind he was in the military, but being held up in a sleeping bag yelling an screaming to get out, only to be let down and he would fight me, a drunk walking around the house and we were his toys in a sense. He moved in one of his friends shortly after and they drank a lot, waking up alone in the house I remember being so afraid not knowing where anyone was and sat at the door waiting for him to show up drunk. This is when my instincts of survival set in at the early age of seven and finding out the people meant to take care of us can barely take care of themselves. My moms house as well would turn out to be a circus but at least over there we didn't get treated like animals. She found someone else and soon after the divorce had my first stepdad and his son and daughter move into our new two bedroom duplex. My sister and I would share a room with each of them while my mom and Mike lived in the basement room. My dad would try and connect with us with the things he liked and comic books and television were his hobbies so obviously these are the things we did. He only picked on us when we were young not thinking we'd remember but being taught all the pressure points on the body at three feet tall isn't something everyone goes through.

#englishisntreal