Clearing Cache
I wake up middle of the night and cannot stop my brain from pinging every corner of itself with the most random thoughts, “to do” lists, and panicked “forgot to do” tasks. For home, for kids, for work…it’s all there, a buzzing swarm of bees that escaped the hive.
Thoughts hit the bumpers of my brain, lighting them up as if in a pinball machine, tallying up the highest score to date.
I change position a few times to my go-to favorites and still the thoughts come: now it’s down to the usual: “if I fall asleep right NOW I’ll still get 4 hours.” Soon that turns to 3.5 hours…it’s not working.
Thankfully tomorrow’s Sunday, but still there’a tasks to be done.
You stir and turn to lay on your back and I take your unintentional invitation and put my head and a palm on your upper chest. Even in sleep you are irresistible.
I hear and feel you breathing…in…out…in…out…your breathing steady and sure— a metronome to bring pace to my lack of rhythm. Without even realizing it, your deep breathing calms me..centers me …The way holding my babies years ago did for me: getting them tucked up in the crook of my neck, their clean baby smell and deep pace of breathing lowering my blood pressure, my overthinking, and probably my cortisol level as my breathing synchronized to theirs. You do that for me now.
I mimic your breathing to get in step but soon sense a change …you are waking—and feeling you lift your head to see mine laying on you…
“Can’t sleep?”, you whisper harboring me to you with the curl of an arm around my shoulder..your palm absent mindedly soothing me.
“It’s like I can’t find the off switch…I didn’t mean to wake you..”
Without opening eyes you say sleepily, “Guess something must have told my subconscious you needed company…or maybe an orgasm..” in the dark we both are smiling, no doubt.
You turn to your side and I slide off of you and you say “ok, woman: Turn.” —and as I try to say “no really babe I’m fine..” you say “shh..let’s get you to sleep..I’ll find your shut-down button here somewhere. Bet I can even do it with my eyes closed…”
When we spoon your hand usually starts with my nipples, but you bypass the usual foreplay of fumbling under my tank top, and your hand goes right for my panties…
I’m so distracted I’m worried I can’t get where you need me to be—reaction time is slow to start the “launch sequence” so to speak. Knowing I’m self conscious about it…sensing my wiggling and tense of unease—you reassure me “hey hon, it’s ok, relax. You can beg all you want but I’m not going to fuck you, I’m just going to turn off that beautiful ever-thinking brain of yours —from the outside.” With that you feel me relax and melt further into you.
Your fingers start over the fabric…2 middle fingers press deeply and firmly into my mound and folds —rubbing the one part of my body that’s in a deep slumber. I’m skeptical at first but your hand on my pussy always unlocks something in me.
You have one arm beneath me while the dominant hand works me over my panties—you bend the arm that’s under me and say “suck my thumb…let’s put my good girl to sleep…” And your rubbing gets harder …you slip your thumb in my mouth and I am embarrassed how hot it makes me …I relax and open my legs to you…and feel my clit waken. I start to hump your fingers..and suck your thumb—a satisfying sound escapes my throat… knowing you aren’t planning penetration means my mind is not obsessing with “am I wet enough yet??” You know me so well…to take away one more thing I’d obsess about…
“That’s it…” as you rub faster and whisper in my ear… ”let me do the work…fuck i love to masturbate you…let’s make you cum hard baby, so you’ll sleep harder..” as we dry hump hand to pussy through the fabric.
You roll fully on your back taking me with you, and with that pull me over on top of you, and we are face up—me on my back on top of you …My legs splayed. Your hand shoves down my panties …and I’m sucking your thumb like it’s a first drink of water on a hot day…you rub and play on my outer pussy and even pinch closed my lips…
You move back to very deliberate strokes that bear down hard on my clit as if it was my own hand -you plan to make me cum before the fortress inside my pussy has had a chance to catch up and realize it’s been surrendered …you spank my pussy through panties just hard enough…no pressure for me to get and stay wet…it’s just about making me cum. Dry or wet, you’re going there and fuck I’m here for it.
You slip your hand back under my panties now pushing them halfway to my thighs, and change from a thumb to your middle fingers in my mouth, so that while 2 middle fingers work my clit, 2 middle fingers of the other hand are being sucked loudly and drooled upon…
I’m moaning as you conjure an orgasm up through my body— it’s rising slowly…you feel it and swap hands to rub your drool-soaked fingers over my outer pussy…meanwhile you slip middle fingers that were just on my pussy inside my mouth “suck and cum…that’s it” as I buck my hips trying to get away from such direct contact with my clit… “that’s it baby…get it out …turn that brain off..let’s flick your switch…”
One more time you change hands again to get your dominate hand back on my clit.
I know I’m in for it now. The only one who enjoys me cumming more than me —is YOU.
Holy shit I know you’ll be relentless, and I’m quickly forgetting anything that came before this moment.
Your middle fingers covered in my saliva are rubbing my clit into oblivion …you jerk my clit so fast I clench around nothing and try to close my legs…your cock is hard and pushing against your boxers; your other arm now grasps me tightly to hold my arms to my torso so I can’t touch myself, holding me in place while you make me cum. Hard. You start dirty talking more …
“Cum again, baby..my good sleepy girl..Your whole body feels incredible under me - holy fuck….cum for daddy…..fucking give it to me..” You work my pussy and clit hard and so fucking fast…it started raw but enough wetness now coming out from inside me (body finally took brain over!) and from my saliva all over your fingers making it feel wet and slippery and making me insane…
“Can’t stop— don’t stop!!” I manage to say to you as I buck again and again a second, third and fourth subsequent orgasm ripping so close together from me…overstimulated and loving it. Greedy for it.
And the fifth one is the one. That’s the one we worked for…the one that I know turns my face ugly and contorted as my mouth is gaping silently wide open, body bucking and spasming on top of you like I’m possessed….levitating nearly off of your body. I’m to the point that I don’t care what I look like as I finally find my breath and voice to scream “fuuuck! Oh fuck!! YESSS.. uhhhhngg!! Right fucking there!!”
I expel a primal scream that speaks not only for me but a personification of how my clit feels…your hand and my clit now acting like one brain controls them both—And it’s sure as fuck not mine: You shut mine off 5 orgasms ago!
It’s a scream that will turn my throat hoarse and like gravel by morning and my behavior will make my cheeks red with embarrassment of how much I let out when we wake up…sometimes I think that’s your favorite part. What you can do to me.
You release your arm and roll me back on my side gently, as if any harsh movements would make me convulse again—which it probably would. You know you conquered and accomplished the task at hand.
Now it’s time for the sleep that evaded me—and you go back to spooning me…”such a good girl…fuck you amaze me more and more each time…now sleep…you deserve it…you did so well…” You lean over me and I turn to look up at you in a post orgasmic stupor and we kiss deeply.
I feel you leaky and hard against your boxers against me, my panties half down my ass…I try to reach back and help you but I’m so deflated and utterly useless, breathing hard and spent…
You stop me “no…leave me be—go to sleep baby…that’s a girl…this was for you..shh” You start petting my hair…
I don’t recall what happened next …because the next thing I knew I was seeing daylight peek through drawn drapes, as I opened my eyes and felt a scratchy throat…
There’s water by the nightstand with a “drink me and go back to sleep! xo” Post-It attached.
The only thoughts are pleasing thoughts of how to repay you for the “Cntrl-Alt-Delete” and purging of cache you did to my system.
I smile and recall the events and happily realize it’s still the weekend …I hear you in the kitchen playing music softly, and, realizing my brain is utterly blank, I decide to float and doze and keep it turned off as long as I can…or at least until I smell the coffee and reboot.
