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@kszxandra
Donāt take a ānoā as ,,no, this isnāt for youā take it as ,,no, not right nowā
Beautiful Cloudscape 6/2/26 - Author: denisescholander
Goodnight, C
Goodnight, me aul flower
I love you!
I love you too, S
āāāāāāāā
not like that
Camping on Second Beach - Washington State - 35mm
Guess Iāll be writing
songs about
you
from now on,
for a
while
Edinburgh, 2025.
Maybe some day down the line
you and Iāll
sit across from each other
at the kitchen table
and go over
the grocery list
Ahogy a kanyargó kis fƶldĆŗton szemeimet az Ć©gen tartva, vĆ©gigsĆ©tĆ”ltam a haza vezetÅ utolsó szakaszon, egy elĆ©gült sóhaj szakadt ki belÅlem:
Itthon vagyok.
Szemeimmel vĆ©gigpĆ”sztĆ”ztam egyesĆ©vel a legelÅket, a tavat, az erdÅ szĆ©li fĆ”kat. Meghallgattam mirÅl diskurĆ”lnak a bĆ©kĆ”k.
Ashley ugatĆ”sĆ”t mĆ”r messzirÅl felismertem.
Annabell kis mĆ”szó-tere mellett elhaladtam, a kikƶtÅkre pillantva elgondolkodtam vajon melyik lovakkal dolgoztak ma, a kuka mellett elsĆ©tĆ”lva eszembe jutott, hogy csütƶrtƶkƶn ki kell vinni, es a fejemben Brigi hangja vĆzhangzott ahogy a telefonon keresztül egy fĆ©l órĆ”ja azt mondta āMĆ”r hiĆ”nyzol! AlĆg vĆ”rjuk, hogy holnap beszĆ©ljünk. Jó, hogy hazajƶttĆ©l.ā
HiƔnyzol
Egyszerre csak elƶntƶtte a szĆvemet a melegsĆ©g.
āAshley, szia kislĆ”ny, Ć©n vagyok azā mondtam felĆ© sĆ©tĆ”lva. Megsimogattam a szeme kƶzƶtt, ahol szoktam, mire Luna is megjelent Ć©s azonnal hĆ”tra vetette magĆ”t.
A lakƔsba belƩpve, EirƔt megpillantva tudtam igazƔn:
HazaƩrkeztem.
Before sunrise
āDonāt make me wait,
Just to go and throw it all away
Donāt make me wait
ātill these mistakes Iāve made have put me in the grave
Donāt wanna lose it
Just to know I had it all.ā
Big Sur Coastline, California, USA
It isnāt time on your side of the world yet, but it is on mine.
31st May.
Happy birthday.
Today marks one year since the day we met.
(ā¦)
Itās almost unbelievable how much happened in a year.
A year ago today, my life changed.
You brought the change.
A year ago, today I saw you and I knew I saw gonna love you.
That was about the only thing I knew of what was to come.
And now after all, I donāt even know how I feel about you.
And I guess I donāt have to anymore either.
Now, I can just gently say
Happy birthday.
Pentland Hills by Kyle Bonallo (ig: @kylebonallo)
The thing isā¦
I have been missing you a lot the last two days.
I havenāt and I wonāt act on it, but in my head⦠yeah. I have been missing you.
Youāve visited me in my dreams and you havenāt left me alone in my waking hours either.
Butā¦
I need to see it all clearly.
You are a good person, who is trying their best I suppose but regardless, you treated me carelessly and led me onā¦
I was in a lot of pain that was caused by you for a long time and I am at peace with knowing itās best for me to move on.
And moving on doesnāt have to mean itās to another man.
I am moving on, to exclusively doing whatās healthy for me
āØš§”
Akaroa, South Island, New Zealand
Something sent this morningās sun rise made me think about you.
Maybe because we watched the sun come up so many times those days.
Maybe itās the way the light hits the ocean, that reminded me of the way your eyes turn more blue when youāre tired.
Or maybe the smell of smoke hanging around as thick in this living-room as the weight of falling into each other did back then.
Either way⦠I think of it with romance.
And longing isnāt there anymore.
I catch myself wondering off about how could you have been. If you some days just up and drive down to the water at sunrise because you canāt put your mind at ease.
You must think of me too, I know you do.
It still carries some ache -thinking about you⦠but everything is done. This ache is only the echo of the habit of loving you. It is okay that sometimes you sometimes cross my mind. It is okay that things sometimes remind me of you. It is okay that it is painful. This part is meant to be⦠the aftermath of loving someone is meant to me painful.
But
As Iāve been sitting in this thick smoke, writing this, the sun came up and the light is shining through the window glass. And it is making space in my soul for new love.
And this new love⦠this new love wonāt be gone come morningā¦
this new love
is me
He was the softest thing I touched
He liked to put his arm behind his ears while he slept
But if you need to go
Go, Baby, go
It is surreal
How some live, and
Some
donāt.
And I donāt know who is it who decides, but he⦠he didnāt.
(ā¦)
Standing on the back of this cart and thinking maybe I shouldnāt go
That maybe I should stay
Just to keep him awake
To show him he is not alone
Itās not you I miss
Itās last July
Itās July dust
(ā¦)
A song I canāt sing twice
the voice of the sea speaks to the soul
I do hope youāve said everything you had to ā
Because I am closing the door shut now.
I will never forget you, A.C.
You made a chapter for yourself in the story of my life and even though I am finally the one walking away and it hurts in a new way I can quite explain yet: I know I am doing the right thing.
You left me and for the next 8 months did not try to change that fact. You just wanted to hang around? Because letting go is hard. It is scary.
And I have waited enough, A. I have, truly.
I have waited enough for you to change your mind, and I lived through every minute of the pain you caused.
I am letting you go with no anger or sourness. I am letting you go with faded love.
There might be times I still think of you, times I even wanna reach out and itāll be hard to stop myself.
But I am finally walking away from whatās consistently and actively not choosing me.
Thank you for coming to my life.
You had an impact.
You changed me.
Shook me to my core.
Showed me the love I desire to feel does in fact: exist.
I donāt wait for you anymore to step up.
I donāt wait for you anymore to be the man you used to be by my side.
I just⦠donāt wait for you anymore.
Because I waited 8 months for nothing.
Because I waited 8 months only for you to tell me I meant the world for you too.
And because that isnāt enough.
It is heartbreakingly not enough.
I let you go with love, because there is no other way I can let you go.
I let you go with love because I deserve the same love I gave you.
I let you go with love, because you were the love of my life for a while.
I let you go with love, because even if you gave me pain, I wanna carry on the kindness.
I let you go with love because no matter the amount of love of mine you wasted over the last months I can only go on knowing that I gave the best I could.
I let you go with love because I wish you to have all the love you are capable of letting in.
I wish you the love you werenāt able to sustain with me.
I wish you the dreams you are chasing.
I wish you to find someone who youāll love as much as I loved you. Ready to cross the world. Ready to break in two.
You meant the world to me, A.C.
Go on now,
Spread the love we couldnāt keep
And stay gone
by one_becky_blue
Walking the road I want to be walking on
I know my way, itās easy to hold on
Never would I have thought that one day, Iād be writing about you, yet here I am on this late Friday night smoking the last puffs of my cigarette before heading to bed, and you occupy my head.
If someone told the sweet seventeen year old S, she would be writing a song about you and letting herself wonder off thinking what direction you and I might be heading towards, she wouldāve straight up just not believed them.
Truth be told, if someone walked up to the sweet seventeen year old S, she would have not believed most things that happened.
That one day, sheāll be standing in a home, with the guitar hanging from her shoulders, and fingers on the piano, playing her own songs.
Here is to new beginnings.
And to everything that led up to this point.
ā⦠for the pain and the joy of it.ā
Sunrise, Balticsea
I suppose this is how you fade out.
By someone else quietly taking the parts of my mind over, where you used to be.
It sort of feels odd, anyway, to write to you really.
Feels meaningless.
I didnāt see the end of it, while I was in it but now, that I donāt stand so close, I know I am over you.
I have written the last song about you, and there isnāt more to come.
Thank you for stopping by.
Please stay gone.
With kindness,
-S
Between the back and forths Iāve lost trust and respect for you, and youāve lost credibility.
Although I regret not listening better, it doesnāt justify what came afterwards. I acted in alignment with what I knew, felt and believed at the time and stayed true to who I was back then. And I also do take responsibility for the hurt that I caused.
That period used to be magic in my memories, but everything that came afterwards made me question the validity of every minute we spent together and I donāt think back on it kindly anymore. I donāt know if it was worth it, but I wouldnāt go through it again.
I have no idea what was real or true for you out of those weeks, but I know what I experienced when I was there and the months later, and thatās enough. I can lay to sleep guilt- and shame-free and I have moved on.