"yah..” he starts off, mildly offended for a split second at haejoon’s jab. yet again, he played a role himself in letting the topic continue on by responding back. in the end, besides that split second, it wasn’t that big of a deal. “that hurts. trying to wound me already? i’m a pacifist” he jokingly whines instead, pretending to rub at his shoulder where haejoon lightly punched him while making a slightly over-exaggerated expression of pain.
everything he says is light though. without much negativity or anything serious to add and it shouldn’t be. not when he’s just enjoying spending his time watching haejoon’s expression change mentioning his class again and it results in a soft laugh, “still can’t wrap around my head why you took his class when you knew too” he offers the comforting pat on the back though. the pity one of course. the kind that people pass by awkwardly staring for a second before moving onward.
well then.
“i can unmiss you too if you want but i’m down to go anywhere you want. lead the way hyung.” he can’t help but chuckle beforehand finding it hard to keep the sound from escaping his lips. yet it’s always a bit of a struggle when you tend to things to naturally with those you’re close with. doesn’t have to feel like maintaining the simple wall he tries to keep around. it’s a bit hard to do so, not when the other has seen over it too much to bother keeping it up anymore.
especially through the good of times and the especially ugly of times.
“are you sure you should say that so easily? like if i ask for all the fried chicken at pelicana?” eyebrows knit together, lips pressed together tightly almost convincingly serious about it. and he has almost done it.
almost
“....like i’m not going to let you pay for me that easily, i’m the one who invited you out. let me treat you this time.” he insists instead, the grin finding its way effortlessly onto his lips, elbow nudging haejoon’s side to get a lead start on heading over.
hello~ just a little update! i will be a bit slow this week and the following week as life is getting hectic ;~; . grad applications + wedding preparations (for a family member!) are creeping up on me now and i’m scrambling around to get myself together. below the cut is a quick thread/plot tracker just to know that i’m still thinking of you! cries.
good. what’s the definition to good in this situation. is it what’s right? is it what feels right? the word hits him harder than jungkook’s overall question. enough to have him hesitant and lips feeling dry and cracked, glued together and daring not to open. a fear of any words coming out the wrong way. or in ways that he doesn’t sincerely mean. so he let’s the silence stretch, feeling the tension push from within his ribcage and tempting to burst.
almost explode right then and there.
“i...” he starts off, throat feeling closed up and the words dying slowly. “we....” he begins again, fingers fidgeting with the pages of the pocket bibles, as if the words would come to him just like that. the solution seeping into his skin and traveling to his mind. something unrealistic and an easy way out. a miracle where taewon could confidently say they already were okay. but right now he didn’t really feel that way and damn well jungkook didn’t deserve a lie that would only hurt the both of them.
“we....will be.”.
it still feels odd, as if the words don’t quite fit right. a few edges pushed in and altered in ordered to fit into the puzzle but it felt the closest to how he felt. the most confident answer he could give as he fights with this unsettling feeling in his stomach. a feeling of discomfort but not as agitated as before, enough for taewon to turn around to get a glimpse at jungkook.
he still feels awkward, not quite sure if he should insist on jungkook coming to sit down (before he wouldn’t hesitate to just drag the other over). yet, on the contrary, a smile finds its way onto his face with seamless ease. a dichotomy of his engrained societal beliefs along with his sincere platonic love for his best friend. a clash of words telling him what’s right from wrong juxtaposed with too many memories too important.
“we will be.” he repeats again, a bit more firm (a tone to tell himself, rather than jungkook), “honestly we’ve gone through crazier shit than this.” he says and laughs ironically at it all while scratching the back of his neck. “which makes me feel worse as to why it’s harder than i thought” he mumbles, each word retreating back into his mouth, hoping jungkook wouldn’t hear the rest.
instead he focuses on patting the empty seat, “enough for two, y’know.”
opening the door is more effort than usual, the cool metal knob shooting pins and needles through her skin as she pulls it open. she sniffs once, unintentional pout pursing her lips when she takes a step back. then another
he could laugh and say he’s prepare himself well. say that everything would be okay and he wouldn’t get sick at all. that wouldn’t be the truth though. indeed he had a higher risk of getting sick if he took care of her. risked the chance of being bedridden himself but he was okay with that. it would be better than the sitting guilt that would nag at the back of his mind for not bothering to check up on his friend. which is why he doesn’t mind and he just grins seeing jieun’s face as she voices her concern.
sniffles and all.
“you’ve been there for me when i wasn’t feeling well. i would say that it’s to return the favor..but i was just worried.”
each step back, he takes another forward. an open invitation to come in even though it hasn’t be voiced. he wouldn’t hesitate to step back out though if she insisted. yet, he’s been here a few too many times to feel like an intruder in her humble abode. too many study nights and moments where he’d often drop her off after a nursing night out.
“well i guess you could say it was both.” he answered with a short laugh, bending down to take off his shoes. he holds up the plastic bag in his hand afterwards, “besides i suddenly have this magical bag in my hand filled with things that could probably help with your symptoms. so i thought why not take advantage of it.”
he takes to sitting on the empty space on the ground, long limbs folded into a criss cross sitting position while his hands reach inside the bag. he pulls out a black notebook, waving it around a bit, the smile curving into a playful grin, “and it comes with this wonderful sets of notes,” he starts off before placing it on the ground in front of him, “so i thought it’d be nice for you to catch up while i study as well.”
it’s a playful friendship, one where taewon can feel like being a child. knowing that jieun would understand where he’s coming from. he might come off a bit stubborn, the need to always want to help is a reason why. but to help someone he personally cares just makes him harder to budge once he set his mind on being a helping hand. or set his mind to anything really.
“no way to kick me out now since it’s such a win/win situation right, jieun noona?”
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] saw you running across campus to catch some students[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] just the kind of thing i needed to see to make my morning 🤗 [ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] will probably stop by during lunch btw
♔ angry text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] i can’t believe they didn’t know shabang shabang [ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] it’s blasphemy!!!! 😫[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] i wanted to give them a piece of my mind about it[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] we need a karaoke session to save my poor broken trot heart
♠ drunk text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] yhH kOOKie[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] ur muscels makes me JeaLOUS sometimes[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] No!1! FAIR!!!![ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] share ㅠㅠ
☏ vague text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] nah man i’m good[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] will tell you later
⁇ worried text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] hey, kook[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] y’know, you just gotta call me [ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] and i’ll come like usain bolt to the rescue[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] so call soon you before i get grey hair here
♣ text not meant for you
[ kkt to 🐻형 | 국이 🍪 ] wait which one did you want again?[ kkt to 🐻형 | 국이 🍪 ] idk why you’re sending me to get u condoms[ kkt to 🐻형 | 국이 🍪 ] not like i can get u a special discount or something
✺ sassy text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] ngl, i’m not surprised that would happen to u[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] but its okay it’s what makes you one of a kind[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] 😋
√ long-winded confession text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] hey, even though we hang out almost every other day. you know you my bro right? from diapers beyond. maybe even soulmates. or maybe bromates instead...actually
( in coming call from noh taewon )
☠ misguided advice text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] i think it should be okay to mix that kind of red with your whites[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] i mean you can always set a tie-dye trend if it does bleed through in the laundry?
☢ desperate text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] hey where are you at?[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] nvm, i’ll run to the main plaza[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] meet me there asap if u can
☼ congratulatory text
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] congrats on getting the job![ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] knew you’d definitely get it.[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] told you flexing a bit would help ㅋㅋㅋㅋ[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] gourmet salad, my treat
✘ text that should never have been sent
[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] don’t turn your back on me[ kkt to | 국이 🍪 ] please
[ kkt to | 설리 ] don’t worry bout waiting in the lobby, i’ll let u know when i’m here ( read @ 10:45 )
( / 11:00 pm. there’s a wave of second-guessing going through his mind. it’s a vague thought, one that takes time to sit in his mind and become clearer, bringing a sense of hesitance in his steps. his sight is vaguely hazy, head lighter than usual despite having a pretty solid grasp of his senses. enough of a grasp that he’s not quite sure if he should back out and find another place to stay. but it’s the tiny voice inside his head that tells him to just go for it. it’s just a harmless night with his best friend. nothing has changed and there’s a stronger desire to just find a place to sleep on. be a comfy bed or couch. anything really. his steps feels lighter with that short resolve, a nonexistent load off his back as he walks into the lobby, lips automatically breaking into a wide smile before it even registered in his mind )
hope i didn’t keep you waiting too long
( / the words feel a bit heavy to say but he doesn’t slur as he looks over at her. there’s a feeling of warmth that he feels when he looks at her. but its the same warmth when he’s with jungkook. or with haejoon.
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] you should pick up the clothes you left last week[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] would be much appreciated if you pick them up l8er today[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] and bring back my shirt and pants that you wore when you left[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] 고마워용~
♠ drunk text
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] 형!1!!![ kkt to | 🐻형 ] did yuo kno that the body hAS 206 bones???[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] 206!!111! so don’T brk anymor[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] altho i could tell u thiS next to you [ kkt to | 🐻형 ] btu ur busy with that girl in the cornrE 😭
♔ angry text
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] you have to find someone else to pick you up[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] i told you the past month i’m going to have exams[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] some people have things to do than always join [ kkt to | 🐻형 ] don’t you have a project due soon as well?[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] get your life together 형
( 30 minutes later )
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] that was too much, sorry. did you find a ride?
☏ vague text
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] my head fills up so much sometimes[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] i feel like i’m suffocating in it[ deleted ]
⁇ worried text
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] you’re not dead yet, right?[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] 😧
☼ congratulatory text
[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] finally finished that final!!![ kkt to | 🐻형 ] let’s go out[ kkt to | 🐻형 ] we can celebrate 😀
send ✆ for a morning text
send ♔ for an angry text
send ♠ for a drunk text
send ☏ for a vague text
send ⁇ for a worried text
send ♣ for a text not meant for you
send ✺ for a sassy text
send √ for a long-winded confession text
send ☠ for a misguided advice text
send ☢ for a desperate text
send ☼ for a congratulatory text
send ✘ for a text that should never have been sent
he’s taken to sitting against the wall, well squatting to be honest, as his thumb scrolled through his phone aimlessly through his kakao chats. there’s not much of them, or much to really scroll individually as well, he’s not surprised why though. completely aware of his shortcomings when it comes to messaging people. really hard not to in situations like these, where the evidence is right up in his face.
then again, there’s been different situations that had reminded him. times when week long absences in texting has become months and even hit a year at some point. often it would end with friendship that fade away. ones that could have lasted longer but just...didn’t. so he can’t help but treasure these friendship that have managed to last in this new technology/texting age. especially haejoon of all people.
[ kkt to | hae 형 ] well i don’t think i know anyone else in your major
[ kkt to | hae 형 ] unless you know people to introduce me to 😜
there’s a grin on his face as he responds back, comfortable enough to make the joke although still mildly regretting it after a few seconds and quickly he types afterwards in hopes of sending
[ kkt to | hae 형 ] although don’t worry you’re still the best
but the sounds of the door opening, and the sudden volume increase of chatter from the room leaves taewon in surprise as he jumps a bit from shock. even so much as to suddenly lose his balance and fall on his bottom. with a wince, he quickly stands up, hand wiping the debris from his back and trying to put on an expression as if that never happened. right on time for him to come face to face with haejoon’s crooked grin.
“did you think it was my ghost that was sending you those messages?” he mirrors the grin with his own, straight and pearly whites exposed for all to see. “would it be too shocking to say i missed you and feel tonight would be a good night to catch up. or should i be more subtle..” he offers and reaches out to put his arms around haejoon’s shoulder and pull him for a one-armed hug. “like telling me how wonderful of a class you probably just had instead.”
the message still remained unsent but it’s okay this time. he can respond as much as he want this time.
( KKT — 11:40 p.m. 노태원 ) Yah… drunk on a Thursday? ㅋ
( KKT — 11:40 p.m. 너태언 ) Why would that be weird? Of course you can.
( KKT — 11:41 p.m. 노태원 ) You have my address right? Can you get here okay?
[ kkt to | 설리 ] finished first exam of the semester, sunbaes wanted to celebrate ㅠㅠ, long story to wat hapen will tell laeter.
[ kkt to | 설리 ] almost sober rn, enough to send you these msgs
[ kkt to | 설리 ] also gto your address, getting in taxi rn
[ kkt to | 설리 ] don’t be too excited to see me though (sticker)
( / he questions his lack of common sense as he sits awkwardly on the chair. it’s too short and he feels his legs want to bunch up as he stares at the glass of beer right in front of him almost offended by it’s presence. then he looks to his right and gives the same stare at the figure of his dear cousin, teddy. the same teddy whose already on his second glass. or was it third? he didn’t really bother counting. taewon can’t even voice his accusation to his cousin for being here in the first place because it was his decision to come here. ) you tricked me ( / he says simply, settling for a pout on his lips instead and pulls out his phone, opening the kkt chat and pointing at the conversation )
( / he taps at the 119 showing on the screen and then places the phone on the table and let’s out a sigh. he had his hesitation in answering this call. hoping to ignore it and spend his night prepping for his classes but then the flashback to that specific arm incident remains too vivid in his mind and here he was. hoping to not make the same mistake twice, but instead he doubt that there was going to be any problem in the first place. doesn’t hurt to ask anyways ) so...what really is the 119 hyung?
in the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, "flee as a bird to your mountain; ( psalm 11:1 ).
he didn’t expect to find the verse so literal as he stares at the pocket bible on his lap while casually sitting by a creek he passed by while hiking. it’s something he’s always carried with him (especially when going on trips). a habit that’s been ingrained in him since communion class when the teacher would often start the lesson with a passage that tied in. taewon doesn’t pull it out much anymore though. doesn’t really take a look at it unless he’s a bit lost. unable to figure out which path and having to resort looking at like taking a peek at a cheat sheet.
although it’s anything but that.
yet he can’t help but feel like he’s doing something similar along the lines of cheating because he assumed that he’d figure things out for himself. figured out all the right expression to react. knows what to do with his life. content with the people around him and holding strong to the faith that he’s followed almost all of his life.
“hey tae, i have something to tell you... i’m bisexual.”
funny how he wrong he was. everything he thought before turning into possible lies. there he was, shaken up by one of the people around him. the one person that he thought he’d never felt this conflicted towards. simply by a few words.
and he doesn’t know whether to feel okay to feel this confused or not. whether it was right to feel wrong or wrong to feel right at the . if it was alright as a best friend to be unable to fully support his friend 100%. if it was wrong to hesitate and take a step back because he was afraid. or was he really?
those thoughts lingered on his mind since then until the early hours of the morning and a restless sleep (camping and sleeping in a tent with three guys can get pretty cramped) left taewon wide awake at the dusk of dawn and prompted him to take the small hike in the first place. he flips through the thin pages, picking out random passages and mumbling them softly to himself finding them harder to digest with each letter he enunciates.
yet, he finds it comforting, something that helps clears his mind a bit. lets him organize his thoughts as he sorts his feelings of mild hesitation (never beyond disgust). sorts his beliefs and rational until it’s easier to put it into words. or hopefully come out as words.
the sound of branches snapping softly from behind surprises taewon, a slight jump from his body but he doesn’t turn around to look. doesn’t think he needs to look as he shifts over to the right, a space forming on the left as he calls out, “am i that easy to find, jungkook-ah?”
a flu’s contagious phase peaks the day before symptoms appear and eventually phase out throughout the days. it’s in the books, in the early undergraduate lectures between viral and bacterial diseases. it’s also inevitable and bound to happen even when you’re equipped with the knowledge on how to handle or consistently doing most basic preventative measures. it’s also why taewon looks at sad empty seat next to him in class today as lecture ends and people are shuffling away towards their the next plan they have for the day.
indeed the flu has hit, and even though it wasn’t taewon who was the unlucky victim, it did claim his fellow seat buddy. aka dear jieun noona.
which is why he finds himself in front of an apartment door, backpack slinging off one shoulder while one arm holds onto a plastic bag filled with things ranging from natural remedies to over the counter medication in hand. he could just send a text message, leave the bag and head off. save himself from the risk of exposure and getting sick himself but he wants to. seemingly also seems to owe much to jieun. he remembers too many nights where he himself was feeling unwell, body aching and mind throbbing in some cases and yet a comforting warm presence in his life.
it’s really just the thought of wanting to care for someone you find important in life that has him standing firmly in front of the door.
or just wanting to care in general.
that’s how he feels when he knocks on the door and calls out, “noona? it’s taewon. think you can open the door?”
[ kkt to: sulli ] hey sul...
[ kkt to: sulli ] so...... . . .
[ ktt to: sulli ] would it be weird to ask u somethnig?
[ kkt to: sulli ] y’know like if...i can..crash your place?
[ kkt to: sulli ] JUST ONE nihgt...
(09/10) [ kkt from: hae 형 ] so did you actually pull an all nighter? (read at 11:09)
yes.
that would have been the answer to the question. if he had responded within a due time, but alas things never change throughout the years and more than a week has gone by, possibly eaving poor haejoon possibly wondering woefully if taewon indeed has pulled an all night. or the other just didn’t bother to dwell on it too long like taewon. feelings of guilt that had once bubbled up when he was younger has dwindle down to nothing more than a prick. sometimes added with a sheepish grin to himself.
it’s not like his friendship was going to end from it. (hopefully)
or possibly because he had already intended to find haejoon after his class, memorizing his way towards the department building where he hopes of being able to pull a surprise.
ten minutes later, he finds himself walking pass classrooms, body hesitant and not quite sure which way to head. he swears that he’s not bad with directions, but in this case, the claim doesn’t seem quite believable. “you’re probably right, just go with your gut” he mumbles to himself before going along with said gut and passing by classroom and lecture halls until he finally reached his destination.
he pulls out his cell phone, opening the week long abandoned chat room and finally texts back:
[ kkt to hae 형 ] i did pull an all nighter! two after that actually.
[ kkt to: hae 형 ] also look to your right after you get out of class. 😁
gracieabrams
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
areudirty
turnnoffyourmind
jimmyeatworldofficial
romaincrisis
