emo and obsessive sebaslex <3
3.3k words, smut, mentions of self harm and blood
In the dim glow of Sebasās room, the world outside blurred away. No streams, no chats, no prying eyes. Just Sebas and Alex, the two of them locked away in their own little bubble.
Two boys tangled up on the edge of the bed, mouths crashing together in a sloppy, hungry kiss that had been building for hours. Their lips slid wet and messy, tongues pushing deep and uncoordinated. Black eyeliner already smudged faintly at the corners of their eyes from the heat of it all, making them look even more wrecked than usual.
It had started earlier that evening when Sebas had convinced Alex to try it out. Heād held Alexās face gently between his palms, thumbs brushing the line of his jaw as he tilted his head. The room had gone quiet, nothing but the soft scratch of the pencil against his skin and the sound of their breathing.
Alexās throat bobbed with a hard swallow, nerves twisting in his stomach while his gaze dropped helplessly to Sebasās mouth, making his own lips part on instinct.
Sebas noticed. He paused, locking eyes with him for one charged second.
His voice came out husky, thick with tension. No teasing, just raw want wrapped in gentleness.
Alex managed a tiny nod, breath shaky.
Sebas had gone back to the task without another word, concentrated and silent again, but the air between them had never quite settled.
Now their hands couldnāt stay still. Alexās fingers dug into the front of Sebasās shirt, bunching the fabric as he pulled him closer, while Sebasās palms roamed hot and needy over Alexās chest, sliding under the hem of his shirt to trace the skin of his stomach.
They marked each other softly, nails scraping lightly down their ribs, thumbs pressing into their sides, mouths breaking apart just long enough to gasp before crashing back together.
Every touch felt electric, breathless, like they were starving and couldnāt get enough.
Even with the hesitation still flickering in Alexās chest, that familiar guilty twist about how good this felt, how much he wanted it despite the quiet voice in the back of his head telling him itās wrong, he couldnāt stop himself from arching into Sebasās hands.
His back curved, pressing his body flush against Sebas, a soft, involuntary sound slipping out when his fingers dipped lower, teasing the waistband of Alexās pants.
Sebas broke the kiss just enough to trail his lips along Alexās jaw, voice low and rough against the shell of his ear. āFuck, look at you⦠so pretty like this. You have no idea how good you look right now.ā
Alexās breath hitched, cheeks burning under his gaze. āSebas⦠I- I donāt know if-ā
āYou do know,ā Sebas murmured, gentle but insistent, one hand sliding up to cup the back of Alexās neck while the other pressed flat against his chest, feeling the frantic thud of his heart. He kissed the corner of Alexās mouth, slow and coaxing, then pulled back just enough to meet his eyes.
āTell me. I can feel how much you want this. Say it for me, baby. What do you want?ā
Alex whimpered against Sebasās lips, the sound shaky and needy as another slow roll of Sebasās hips ground them together. His hands trembled where they gripped Sebasās shoulders, but he arched again anyway, chasing the friction, the heat, the way Sebasās thigh fit perfectly between his legs.
āCāmon,ā Sebas whispered, voice filled with that same careful tension, thumb stroking soothing circles just below Alexās ear.
āI know you feel it too. Tell me how good it is. Admit it⦠you want my hands on you like this. Want me to keep going?ā
Alexās lashes fluttered, smudged liner making his eyes look even darker, and another soft whimper escaped him as he pressed closer, lips brushing Sebasās with every ragged breath.
āI⦠I want it,ā Alex finally admitted, voice cracking on the words, still hesitant, that guilty heat twisting low in his gut even as his body betrayed him.
āFuck, Sebas, I want your hands on me. Donāt stop.ā
Sebasās mouth curved into a slow, hungry smile against his, one hand sliding up to thread through Alexās dark hair while the other kept stroking teasing circles over his hip.
āThatās it, baby. Good boy. I knew youād say it.ā
He kissed him deeper, tongue sliding slow and filthy, tasting the faint salt of their shared desperation as their bodies rocked together in that same needy rhythm, hips grinding in lazy, deliberate circles that made Alexās breath stutter.
They kept going like that for long, heated minutes, hands roaming hotter, mouths wetter, teeth nipping at swollen lips and jawlines, until Sebas reached blindly toward his nightstand without breaking the kiss. His fingers closed around the small blade he kept there, pulling it out slow and deliberate, the sound echoing softly in the quiet room.
Alex stayed glued to him, chest pressed tight, unable to pull away even as his eyes flicked down to the blade.
āSebas⦠what are you doing?ā he asked quietly, heart hammering against Sebasās palm.
Sebasās eyes never left his, dark and intense behind the faint smudges of his own eyeliner.
āGonna show you exactly how much I want you,ā he murmured, voice low and steady.
He brought the knife to his own wrist first, pressing the sharp edge. Alex watched, transfixed and breathless, as Sebas carved slow, careful letters. His name, A-L-E-X, into his skin. Thin lines of bright red bloomed instantly down the curve of his wrist.
āThis is fucked up,ā Alex breathed, voice strained.
But he didnāt move, didnāt pull back, couldnāt tear his eyes away from the sight of Sebasās blood and the way his chest rose and fell with each deliberate stroke.
Sebas set the knife aside for a second, cupping Alexās flushed cheek with his free hand and pulling him into a slow, intimate kiss. Their lips met soft and deep.
āShh, itās okay,ā Sebas whispered against his mouth between kisses, gentle and coaxing.
āYouāre safe with me. Iād never hurt you more than you can take. You trust me, right?ā
Alex hesitated, face burning hot, lips parted. His breath shook. Then he nodded, small and shaky.
Sebasās smile softened, eyes locked on his. He picked the knife back up and finished the last letter on his own wrist, then brought it to his lips and licked the fresh blood clean in one slow drag of his tongue, holding eye contact the whole time. The sight made something dark and twisted twist low in Alexās stomach.
Then Sebas turned the blade toward Alexās wrist, fingers gentle against his soft skin.
āYour turn, pretty boy.ā
Alex hissed softly the second the edge bit in. Sebas carving his own name in careful, shallow strokes.
āDoes it hurt?ā Sebas asked, thumb stroking soothingly along Alexās forearm.
āJust a little,ā Alex admitted, breath catching, but he didnāt flinch away.
āYou can handle it,ā Sebas reassured softly, finishing the last letter before setting the knife down.
āYouāre doing so good for me.ā
He leaned in and licked the blood from Alexās fresh cuts in one long, deliberate stroke, tongue hot and wet against the stinging skin, never breaking eye contact.
Then he kissed the wounds, soft, reverent presses of his lips right over the bleeding letters, soothing the burn with gentle touches that pulled another shaky whimper from Alexās throat.
Alex looked back at him, he couldnāt pull away when Sebas looked at him like that, hungry and raw with open desire, like heād burn the whole world down just to keep him.
āYouāre crazy,ā Alex whispered, eyes half lidded, lips parted and trembling.
Sebas pulled him back in without hesitation, crashing their mouths together again in a deeper, messier kiss. Alex tasted his own blood this time, metallic and warm, mixing with Sebasās on their tongues as they licked into each otherās mouths.
āCrazy for you,ā Sebas murmured hotly against his lips between filthy, open mouthed kisses, hands roaming possessive over Alexās waist.
āYou have no idea how obsessed Iāve been. Since before we even met, watching every stream, every clip, jerking off to your voice in my headphones like a fucking loser. Iāve been waiting so long to have you like this. All mine. Just mine.ā
Alex faltered for a second, body tensing against him. That familiar hesitation and reluctance flickering through the haze of want.
The confession hung heavy, almost stalkerish. Too much, too dark, but he didnāt say a word about it. Because some fucked up part of his mind found it romantic, twisted and sweet all at once, and the hint of satisfaction that bloomed in his chest at being wanted that badly made his cock twitch harder against Sebasās thigh.
He couldnāt help it. He was just as obsessed.
And eventually he melted back into Sebas without a word, whimpering and moaning against his lips.
Their hands escalated immediately, roaming all over each other with desperate urgency, like they physically couldnāt stop touching. Fingers digging into fabric, palms sliding hot and greedy over every inch of skin they could reach. The fresh cuts on their wrists stung sharp with every movement, blood smearing in faint, sticky streaks.
It was fucked up, the way the pain only made everything hotter, feeding straight into that twisted romantic haze in both of their brains.
Proof that they were marked,
Sebas gripped Alexās hips and pulled him forward. āCāmere,ā he murmured, voice rough and low, guiding him smoothly onto his lap so Alex was straddling him, knees sinking into the mattress on either side. His fingers pressed gently but firmly into the soft flesh of Alexās waist, thumbs stroking slow circles over the waistband of his pants.
Alex couldnāt help it, he arched into the touch instantly, spine curving as a shaky breath punched out of him.
āThatās it,ā Sebas praised softly, one hand sliding up to thread through Alexās long hair and tug gently, tilting his head back to expose the line of his throat.
āArch for me just like that. So fucking pretty when you give in.ā
He leaned in and dragged his mouth along the newly exposed skin, lips and tongue hot against Alexās pulse point.
Alex groaned softly at the pull on his hair, the sensation shooting straight down his spine and making his cock twitch hard in his pants.
āSebas- ngh- shit, that feelsā¦ā voice cracking, hips already rolling forward on instinct.
āYeah?ā Sebas murmured, lips brushing the shell of his ear before he sucked another mark just below it.
āYou like when I pull your hair?ā
Alexās hands kept roaming urgently in response. Yanking at fabric until both shirts were shoved off and tossed somewhere on the floor, leaving them bare chested and pressed skin to skin.
Alexās palms immediately found Sebasās chest, groping the firm swell of his breasts, squeezing, thumbs brushing over the dark nipples that hardened under his touch.
Sebas groaned against his collarbone.
āYou like your hands on me, donāt you?ā
He kissed down Alexās own chest in return, slow and deliberate, lips closing around one of his nipples to tease it with his tongue before sucking softly, making Alexās back arch again as he cursed under his breath.
āYeah⦠fuck, yeah.ā
They were both grinding against each other now, dry humping in slow, filthy rolls of their hips. Sebas guiding Alexās waist with both hands, fingers pressing in possessively to set the rhythm.
Their cocks were already fully hard, straining against their pants, rubbing together through the fabric in urgent, needy strokes that made the room fill with quiet, desperate sounds.
āAh- fuck,ā Alex panted, the word breaking into a soft whimper.
āNgh⦠yeah, just like that,ā Sebas answered, breath hot against Alexās neck, his own hips snapping up to meet every grind.
āHear how good you sound for me?ā
Inside, Alex was still a bit hesitant, the weight of Sebasās earlier confession sitting heavy in his chest.
Not when it felt this good.
Not when Sebas was looking at him like he was the only thing that existed.
He just kept moving, chasing the friction, letting the heat drown everything else.
Sebasās hand wandered lower, slipping underneath the waistband of Alexās pants and boxers in one smooth motion.
āLet me take care of you,ā he murmured, voice thick with tension as his fingers wrapped around Alexās cock, pulling it free into the cool air. He stroked him gently, slow, deliberate pulls from base to tip, thumb swiping over the leaking head.
āGod, youāre so wet already,ā Sebas murmured, lips brushing Alexās ear.
āYou feel so fucking good in my hand. You like that? Me touching you like this?ā
Alex whimpered, hips stuttering into the stroke.
āY-yeah- fuck, donāt stop-ā
His own hands fumbled more urgently, shoving Sebasās pants down just enough to free his cock too, wrapping his fingers around his thick, hot length and stroking with shaky, desperate pulls.
āEasy, baby,ā Sebas laughed softly, breathless, catching Alexās wrist to slow him down.
āI wanna make it last.ā
But he didnāt stop Alex either. Instead he guided their cocks together, hot skin sliding against hot skin, slick with precum, rubbing them slow and deliberate in his fist.
The wet slide was obscene, filthy, perfect. Every drag pulling matching gasps from them.
They rocked into each other like that, foreheads pressed together, eyeliner still smudged, breaths mingling in short, desperate pants.
āMore,ā Alex finally whispered, voice small and flustered, cheeks burning even as his hips jerked forward again.
āPlease- Sebas, I need more-ā
Sebas kissed him slow and deep, swallowing the plea.
āI know, pretty boy. Iāve got you.ā
His thumb brushed over the head of Alexās cock again, teasing the slit, spreading more precum.
āIām gonna take my time with you. You can wait for me, canāt you? Just a little longer.ā
Alex nodded desperately, the motion jerky and eager as his half lidded eyes stayed locked on Sebasās.
The silent plea in that nod made Sebasās mouth curve into a gentle smile, his thumb still stroking slow circles along Alexās leaking cock where he held them both together in his fist.
āGood boy,ā Sebas murmured, voice low and warm.
āSuch a good fucking boy for me.ā
He pulled Alex into another kiss before the words could fully settle, their mouths sliding together wet and deep, tongues tangling in a slow, filthy rhythm that made them both groan quietly. They kept rubbing their cocks like that, hot, slick lengths sliding against each other in Sebasās loose grip, precum mixing in messy, obscene streaks that coated both of them and dripped down to their stomachs.
Sebasās free hand stayed planted on Alexās waist, fingers pressing in firm and possessive, pulling him closer with every slow grind so their bodies stayed flush, skin on skin, sweat already starting to shine between them.
Sebas took his time, never quite fast enough to push either of them over the edge, just enough to keep them trembling, leaking, aching. Dragging it out in that torturous rhythm while he murmured praises between kisses.
āLook at you⦠so hard for me, leaking all over my hand like you canāt help it. You feel so good, baby, warm and wet and perfect.ā
He broke the kiss just enough to tug gently at Alexās hair again, tilting his head back for better access, then pressed sloppy, open mouthed kisses down the line of his jaw and along the side of his neck, sucking soft marks into his skin that would stand out in the morning.
Alex arched hard into every touch, spine curving, a needy whimper slipping out as those lips branded him. Hips rolling down instinctively, chasing the slow drag of their cocks together.
Sebas groaned against his throat, teeth grazing lightly before he sucked another mark right below Alexās ear.
āArch for me again. Let me feel how bad you need it.ā
Alex moaned softly and obeyed, pushing his flushed skin right against Sebas like he was offering himself completely.
The buildup stretched long and intense, every grind and stroke deliberate, their breaths growing shorter and hotter against each otherās mouths. Alexās hands roamed restlessly over Sebasās bare chest, nails scraping lightly over his nipples, while Sebas kept one hand fisted in his hair and the other working them both in that same unhurried rhythm.
The cuts on their wrists had dried to faint, sticky lines, but every shift still pulled a faint sting that only fed the heat, turning the pain into something dark and beautiful in their twisted little bubble.
āSebas- ngh- please, Iām so close-ā Alex panted, voice wrecked and breathless, hips stuttering.
āI know, baby, I know,ā Sebas whispered back, kissing him again, deeper this time, tongue sliding slow against Alexās as he tightened his grip just enough to make them both gasp.
Their sounds mixed together, Sebas grunting low and rough, Alex panting needy little āah- ah- fuck-ā noises that grew higher and more desperate with every drag. They stayed pressed mouth to mouth, sharing every breath, every whimper, eyes fluttering half shut as the pleasure coiled tighter and tighter.
Sebasās hips jerked up hard, a deep grunt tearing from his throat.
āAlex- fuck-ā as the first thick rope of cum spilled hot and messy over his own fist and across Alexās cock. Alex followed right after, overwhelmed and overstimulated, a broken āngh- Sebas- ah-ā spilling from his lips as he came in pulsing streaks, painting both their stomachs and chests in sticky white.
Both of them were shaking, teary eyed from the intensity, the black liner on their eyes smudging further.
Alex squeezed his eyes shut on instinct, overwhelmed, and buried his face against Sebasās neck, hiding in the warm, sweaty curve of his skin.
Sebasās hand left his hair to cup the back of his head gently. āHey⦠look at me,ā he breathed, voice still strained but soft.
āI wanna see you when you finish, baby. Let me see those pretty eyes.ā
Alex obeyed after a second, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze, lashes clumped and liner wrecked. They spilled the last weak pulses against each other, making an even bigger mess, more cum dripping down their skin.
They came down slowly, breathing hard and heavy, chests heaving as they leaned into one another from pure exhaustion. Sebas caught Alexās wrist first, the one with his name carved in, and brought it to his lips.
He kissed the cuts one last time, soft, lingering presses of his mouth right over the dried letters, holding eye contact the whole time. The contact stung just a little, the pain dulled now but still there, a faint throb that made Alexās breath hitch.
Alex met his gaze with half lidded eyes, mouth softly open, face flushed and glistening with sweat. He couldnāt break away as Sebasās eyes slowly traced every inch of his face, quiet hunger wrapped in devotion, like Alex already belonged to him completely.
Sebas pulled him closer then, both hands coming up to hold Alexās face gently, thumbs brushing along his cheekbones. Their noses brushed, foreheads resting together.
āYou look so beautiful like this,ā he whispered, thumb wiping gently at the smudged eyeliner under Alexās eye, spreading the black a little more.
Alex melted into his touch completely, eyes slipping shut as he leaned in further, breathing warm and slow against the side of Sebasās neck. He rested there, exhausted, body heavy, every muscle loose and trembling.
Sebas held him just as tight, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other stroking slow, soothing lines up and down his bare back. He was exhausted too, breath still ragged, but he leaned into Alex just the same, chin resting on top of his head, hair clinging damp to both their foreheads.
He pressed one last kiss to Alexās forehead, slow, lingering, sweaty hair sticking to his lips, before they stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, the room quiet except for the sound of their breathing and the faint, shared heartbeat between them.
sorry this took forever to finish LOL