Day 29: The Ultimate Adventure
It was my worst fear but the ultimate adventure!
I've wanted to skydive since I was a teenager but thought I'd never in a million years have the guts to go through with it. I tossed and turned over whether or not I should confront this fear and crazy desire to jump out of a perfectly good airplane from 12,500 ft. I decided it was now or never and there really was no better way to end my #30in30.
My friend Shea also wanted to jump, so we decided to to do it at Lake Elsinore with Skydive Elsinore.
After signing a mountain of waivers and paperwork, we were outfitted in our safety gear and equipment.
Then I was introduced to Mike; the instructor with whom I'd be tandem jumping.
Mike quickly caught on that while I was very excited,, I was also completely terrified. He joked the whole time about how this was his first day on the job and he was excited to have me with him for his 4th jump. He later said he'd actually jumped so many times he stoppped counting at 12,000. He was awesome!
It was almost our turn to board the plane. I love how I'm trying to smile but you can see the fear.
The plane ride up was the hardest part because of the anticipatory anxiety. I looked out the window and saw that we were so incredibly high. When I looked down at the altimeter on my wrist, I realized we were actually only at 3,000 feet! My panic about my fear of heights began to set in. Were we really going to jump from 9,500 higher? Really?! Why? This seemed plenty high enough! I thought I'd enjoy the experience once I was off of the plane, but I worried they'd have to surgically pry my fingers off of the door to get me out of there. I have to say though, it was interesting that while my anxiety and panic was on the most intense level, it was also the most calm I've ever felt. Maybe the intense fear had nearly sent me into shock, but I was practically numb. This is sounding like a fabulous time isn't it?!
Before I know it, I'm up close and personal with Mike- literally sitting in his lap with our bodies strapped together. I made him pull the safety harness incredibly tight to ensure there was no way I would be slipping out. I had him pull it so tight I was also barely able to take a breath but that was fine by me. I was sure I wouldn't remember to breathe anyway! Once we reached nearly 13,000 feet, the door is pulled up and people just start disappearing through the sky. My brave friend Shea and her instructor approach the door first and were out of sight in 2 seconds. Oh goodness, this meant it was our turn. Mike and I awkwardly scooted to the door. There I was, standing with my toes hanging over the edge of the plane. I looked down those 12,500 feet and thought to myself, if I can do this, I think I can do just about anything. I thought, I'm going to leave all of my fears and insecurities behind in this plane and just jump. I'm jumping into this next decade of my life with a new found confidence and joy. If I can find the courage to face a fear this big, how could I ever be scared again of the every-day obstacles I face in my life? Sorry to sound dramatic with my deep thoughts, but it's not every day I jump out of a plane.
We are at the door. We sway three times like we practiced on the ground, and the next thing i know, the wind is enveloping every inch of my body and lungs as I'm free falling 120 miles per hour through the open sky! Don't I look so brave and like I'm having a blast?! Well, not exactly...
I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified! But, once I got past those first 10 seconds and found my breath again, it was THE MOST exhilarating experience. It was incredibly fun!!!! I can't accurately articulate the sensation of plummeting towards the earth at such a great speed. It's a mixture of floating and being underwater on a roller coaster while in a tornado. It's surreal to say the least. I screamed, laughed, reminded myself to keep breathing and tried to look cool for the camera (very unsuccessfully). The hat is super sexy right?
Once the parachute was open, it was so quiet. It was just Mike and I falling through the beautiful clear sky. I felt incredibly small.
I've really never felt more free. I got choked up as I realized I'd just stood toe to toe with one of my greatest fears! There's something very intense about not only facing a huge fear, but also putting such trust in this complete stranger to whom I was strapped as we fell through the sky. It's a powerful thing. I know he's only doing his job when he tandem jumps for thousands of people a year. But Mike, I'll always be grateful for how you took care of me as we safely descended through the clouds. Thank you to the amazing woman who took the pictures and video. Thank you to the whole staff at Skydive Elsinore who made sure that my skydive was a great experience. Thank you to Shea and Amanda (who was nice enough to drive us there because I was too nervous)
What I learned... I'm a person who likes to fix things and be in control. When you fall out of a plane at 120 mph, you relinquish all control. God forbid something were to have gone wrong, there would have been nothing I could have done to fix the situation. I was completely trusting that we'd be safe and fully surrendered to simply enjoy the experience.
I won't be taking risks like this with my physical body on a regular basis and I'm NOT encouraging you to either. But metaphorically, I realized that in life in general, I'd like to "let go" more often. I've always been a perfectionist which is counter intuitive since I know perfection is something that's impossible to achieve. All I can do is my absolute best and at the end of the day, that has to be enough. Since the skydive, I've certainly felt more free. Whenever I'm in a situation that causes me anxiety, I remind myself that I stood on the edge of that plane and leapt off. I didn't resist and try to hold on. I didn't over analyze and talk it over with everyone I know. I didn't talk myself out of it because of my fear. Instead, I let go of all resistance, and allowed Mike, a trained professional, to lead the way. My job was to focus on enjoying this exhilarating, once in a lifetime experience. I'm so glad I did. It was incredible.
No resistance, just faith....
