※ SHIT I HEARD AT COLLEGE: YEAR III TAKE II ※
the thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard at college continues; these are all from my second semester of junior year. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.! more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!
“Are you making a suicide pact with your dad?”
“The low for tonight is… fucking cold.”
“Honestly, do you want to fight? I’ll win.”
“I just woke up this morning and cried.”
“Facebook was like, ‘your December was great! You’ve been to one place with two friends’.”
“Aesthetic is my middle name.”
“I have to get up so early, I have something at noon.”
“Tampons are just band-aids for the vagina.”
“I need my Airpods to drown out the silence.”
“They’re just trying to make more potatoes.”
“I’m suing myself for being a dumb bitch.”
“My vent was closed the whole time…! That’s why I was so hot in the summer and so cold now…!”
“I don’t like perfect eyebrows, I don’t trust people with perfect eyebrows.”
“I pick check out lines based on which straight boy I want to break my heart.”
“I love Valentine’s Day because I can wear pink pants and be sad.”
“My culture is not a meme.”
“Please follow me, I need a free taco!”
“What do you mean by paint?”
“He looks like handsome Squidward now.”
“Where are all the men, and what’s with all the goats?”
“We literally want this film to make as least sense as possible.”
“Is Tito’s the gay vodka?”
“I’m either a teenage boy or a bird.”
“We know what baby Jesus looks like, we don’t know what baby Satan looks like.”
“You are more than a kangaroo.”
“My hair only looks good when I’m in North Carolina.”
“What an awful way to die, naked in a sorority bathroom.“
"We get called a cult a lot.”
“Controversial statement: he’s a wealthy asshole.”
“Apparently there’s a lot of radioactive waste in my hometown. It’s probably fine.”
“I need to have more fun. Law school is eating my soul.”
“Shit’s going down in Wisconsin.”
“Whenever a superhero movie comes out, I pay money to go see it. It’s a character flaw of mine.”
“This is more ammunition to hate Superman. Not that I needed it.”
“Have you ever tried to put two negative magnets together? That’s how my soul felt.”
“I’m wearing jeans that say ‘Fuck the Pope’.”
“Do you have assless chaps?”
“She follows two people: me and Barack Obama”
“He’s so rich, he’s recreationally into space shit.”
“You’re really into lizards.”
“We made a pact to push each other down the stairs.”
“You’re Amish now. Surprise.”
“I think my aunt is doing shrooms and posting about it on Facebook.”
