Somewhere under the rainbow
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Mike Driver

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@ladyfromneverland
Somewhere under the rainbow
i don’t want this body, this mind, i don’t want this. i want out
i want to stand in the darkness of my life and curl my shaking body around the fist of my past and say - i was loved, and that mattered
but when i open the book of my life, it is always the same song about aching. the same rabid aria of flight, of fingers breaking
i was loved, and the hollow of my body remained unholy for the entirety. i was the floor of an ocean, and i strangled the light quickly
i could be loved so wide that it would break the greenhouse and kill all the plants inside. i could be loved like an explosion and still be cold
whatever is broken inside of me only wants to devour. the love just slips right off from where i can feel it, a little swirl of toothpaste
in the sink of my childhood: little white menthol fingerprints spelling out - i wish i was better. i did everything i could.
my mood for the rest of the year
For someone who is tired 100% of the time, I sure am bad at sleeping.
something deeply intimate about being outside early in the morning all alone and seeing the world as she is
“I’m homesick all the time … I just don’t know where home is. There’s this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it sometimes. But it’s like chasing the moon - just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon.”
— Sarah Addison Allen
“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”
— Kurt Vonnegut
Photographed by Jang Dukhwa for GQ Korea October 2021
It’s so wholesome when someone’s stare softens when looking at you 🥺
I’m a sensitive little demon