lady on the road

like ships in the night, you keep passing me by. just wasting time, trying to prove who's right.

[ladyontheroad]

01-06-2016 I guess it’s time to keep a log again. June is going to be challenging, perhaps more than the past month. I’ve spread myself too thin and literally had to take a day off work last Friday to just be myself again. I was so overwhelmed that I felt the need to escape for the weekend. I just feel really disappointed at the way I coped using my old self destructive behaviors- avoiding responsibilities, flaking on friends, staying in and bingeing on TV, giving myself over to a habitual sin that I have worked to put away for so long etc. Thank God for calling me back, for renewing my hope. There has to be something to look forward to for me to keep going- and it’s Him.  June will be the month where I will take care of my own needs before others. The month where I say ‘no’ to things that I cannot deliver. The month where I am careful to spend time before Him before serving others, or else my attitude starts messing up and then I detract from the real purpose of all of this - to live a life that points others to a Living Hope, something that can only be accomplished by leaning on His grace.

[ladyontheroad]

to celebrate and magnify his/her strengthto gently help with his/her weaknessand most importantly, to challenge and drive each other into full submission to God

[ladyontheroad]

thank you for thinking that I have sub par intelligence. Thanks for thinking that I do not have enough sense to push the goddamn hold button before passing a call and absolutely not considering that something could have went wrong with the line. Have a really awesome day.

[ladyontheroad]

I felt dirty today, yesterday and the day before. I committed sin yet again. I did not choose to walk away when I could. I did not choose God and obedience when I could. 

But instead of wallowing, I choose to come back. I’m going to be fierce with sin this time. I’ve deleted my ‘watched history’. I don’t want to go back and it’s a scary thing to say. This journey has always been so hard. 

But God, the only way to keep going is to trust in Your deliverance. To trust that I can do no good apart from You. That I’ll need to die a thousand deaths and lean on You to help me limp forward.  Your wounds on the cross is the only thing that heals the scars that sin had made.  In You I am made whole. I become worthy and lovable because of You.

"Behold how every wound of His A precious balm distils, Which heals the scars that sin had made, And cures all mortal ills. Those wounds are mouths that preach His grace; The ensigns of His love; The seals of our expected bliss In paradise above."

[ladyontheroad]

Earth should be a preparation for heaven; and heaven is the place where saints feast most and work most. They sit down at the table of our Lord, and they serve Him day and night in His temple. They eat of heavenly food and render perfect service. Believer, in the strength you daily gain from Christ, labour for Him.

Charles Spurgeon

[ladyontheroad]

A few thoughts about my faith

1. Good theology matters but it has to come hand in hand with a life that is shaped by the Spirit. On the other hand, It is dangerous to have good theology while living in sin/ neglecting to live a life that pleases God.

2. Remember that being broken is biblical as Christians. God’s standard is very high- we are called to love Him wholeheartedly, and to love His people too. To serve God and His people, to walk obediently is simply something we cannot achieve on our own. We are created to need Him (Childlike spirit). We are so needy and we have a great need to satisfy ourselves with Christ. It’s OK to be poor in spirit (weakness, faithlessness, sinfulness etc) as this puts us in a humble position to seek God and to receive His grace.

3. God’s grace is always enough. It’s more than we can take/ pray for. Sometimes we get so caught up in our wrongdoings/ sins/ events don’t turn out perfectly, flaws etc. [legalism]. We are imperfect, we ought to accept it. But hold the hope that God’s grace will keep changing us to be more like Christ. And while we are still imperfect sinners on earth, we keep building the temple (ourselves and the church) with imperfect hands because it is the right thing to do in God’s eyes. When God see us through Christ, all our imperfect service and imperfect love becomes pleasing to Him. That’s God’s grace freely given to us through His son.

4. Never misuse God’s grace to sin. Even though God sees us though Christ, indulging ourselves in sin [hyper grace] does not set us free. Christ died for us to set us free to live for God, to be of His service. We are meant to feast and work for Him in heaven. Earth is a preparation for that. Let us start to enjoy him (drinking from the Living Water) and labour for Him while we are placed here on earth by Him.

5. The Christian life cannot be pursued alone. Always plug in to community. The church is there to help and encourage. God knows we can’t do this alone so He gave us the church. Cherish it, even tho it’s imperfect. Don’t ever give up church.

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“That is what this verse is written to prevent. O how many professing Christians make a start with God. They hear that their sins can be forgiven and that they can escape hell and go to heaven. And they say: “What have I got to lose? I’ll believe.”

But then in a week or a month or a year or ten years, the test comes — a season of no water in the wilderness. A weariness with manna, and subtly a growing craving for the fleeting pleasures of Egypt, as Numbers 11:5–6 says, “We remember the fish which we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers and the melons and the leeks and the onions and the garlic, but now our appetite is gone. There is nothing at all to look at except this manna.”

This is a terrifying condition to be in — to find yourself no longer interested in Christ and his Word and prayer and worship and missions and living for the glory of God. And to find all the fleeting pleasures of this world more attractive than the things of the Spirit.” -John Piper

[ladyontheroad]

practical advice to deal with burning out

When it comes to the non-negotiable duties, these are the priority. If we are not handling them well, then we should not be taking on more duties to add to the pile. We want our homes running on all cylinders or our duties at work to be fulfilled before we look elsewhere for good things to do. “They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!” (Song of Solomon 1:6). Your own vineyard is your first priority. 

You may have to keep your conversation short. Or if you are too burdened to help anymore, you might pray for God’s replacement. A fresh replacement might be far more effective than you are. Remember, we are not irreplaceable.

When we have bigger commitments and responsibilities than we have strength, then this is a perfect time to call out to God for help.Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:12–13)

Determine never to flake. That is being unloving to your neighbor. If you said you would make those stupid pies, you can’t bail out now and show up with a bag of chips. If you said you would help with the reception, you can’t be a no-show. We are Christians! We keep our promises. You may not call an hour before the field trip and say, “Sorry, something has come up, and it’s just not going to work.”One of the ways we learn to be wise rather than hasty in our commitments is by sticking to them. If we stay up late making those pies, we will think twice before we over-commit again. And we will find out that it is not a sin to say no. It’s not a sin to let someone else volunteer. Someone wisely said, “The need is not the call.”So ride this part out. Finish your commitments by the grace of God. Do not lose heart. Ask God for strength. And then don’t put anything extra on your calendar for a while. Take a breather and pray for spiritual refreshment.

[ladyontheroad]

loving God practically

"Orpah kissed her mother-in-law; but Ruth clave unto her." — Ruth 1:14

Background:

Both of them had an affection for Naomi, and therefore set out with her upon her return to the land of Judah. But the hour of test came; Naomi most unselfishly set before each of them the trials which awaited them, and bade them if they cared for ease and comfort to return to their Moabitish friends. At first both of them declared that they would cast in their lot with the Lord's people; but upon still further consideration Orpah with much grief and a respectful kiss left her mother in law, and her people, and her God, and went back to her idolatrous friends, while Ruth with all her heart gave herself up to the God of her mother in law.

It is one thing to love the ways of the Lord when all is fair, and quite another to cleave to them under all discouragements and difficulties.

The kiss of outward profession is very cheap and easy, but the practical cleaving to the Lord, which must show itself in holy decision for truth and holiness, is not so small a matter. 

How stands the case with us, is our heart fixed upon Jesus, is the sacrifice bound with cords to the horns of the altar? Have we counted the cost, and are we solemnly ready to suffer all worldly loss for the Master's sake? The after gain will be an abundant recompense, for Egypt's treasures are not to be compared with the glory to be revealed.

Orpah is heard of no more; in glorious ease and idolatrous pleasure her life melts into the gloom of death; but Ruth lives in history and in heaven, for grace has placed her in the noble line whence sprung the King of kings. 

Blessed among women shall those be who for Christ's sake can renounce all; but forgotten and worse than forgotten shall those be who in the hour of temptation do violence to conscience and turn back unto the world. O that this morning we may not be content with the form of devotion, which may be no better than Orpah's kiss, but may the Holy Spirit work in us a cleaving of our whole heart to our Lord Jesus.

[ladyontheroad]

things to get excited about: friend’s wedding, secret santa game and end of year bible study led by D.

[ladyontheroad]

”My chest hurts from longing for a person; Let him be- new and breathing warm and wanting open and mending.”

[ladyontheroad]

"They go from strength to strength." — Psalm 84:7

Usually, if we are walking, we go from strength to weakness; we start fresh and in good order for our journey, but by-and-by the road is rough, and the sun is hot, we sit down by the wayside, and then again painfully pursue our weary way. 

But the Christian pilgrim having obtained fresh supplies of grace, is as vigorous after years of toilsome travel and struggle as when he first set out. 

He may not be quite so elate and buoyant, nor perhaps quite so hot and hasty in his zeal as he once was, but he is much stronger in all that constitutes real power, and travels, if more slowly, far more surely.

 Some gray-haired veterans have been as firm in their grasp of truth, and as zealous in diffusing it, as they were in their younger days; but, alas, it must be confessed it is often otherwise, for the love of many waxes cold and iniquity abounds, 

but this is their own sin and not the fault of the promise which still holds good: 

"The youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."

[ladyontheroad]

Though I falter, He changes not.

“Human action is frequently the hasty result of passion, or fear, and is followed by regret and alteration; 

but nothing can take the Almighty by surprise, or happen otherwise than He has foreseen. 

His ways are the outgrowth of an immutable character, and in them the fixed and settled attributes of God are clearly to be seen. Unless the Eternal One Himself can undergo change, His ways, which are Himself in action, must remain for ever the same. Is He eternally just, gracious, faithful, wise, tender?-then His ways must ever be distinguished for the same excellences. Beings act according to their nature: when those natures change, their conduct varies also; but since God cannot know the shadow of a turning, His ways will abide everlastingly the same.”

"How treacherous you have been in the matter of vows and promises. 

Do you remember the love of your espousals, that happy time-the springtide of your spiritual life?

Oh, how closely did you cling to your Master then! saying, "He shall never charge me with indifference; my feet shall never grow slow in the way of His service; I will not suffer my heart to wander after other loves; in Him is every store of sweetness ineffable. I give all up for my Lord Jesus' sake." 

Has it been so? Alas! if conscience speak, it will say, "He who promised so well has performed most ill. Prayer has oftentimes been slurred-it has been short, but not sweet; brief, but not fervent. Communion with Christ has been forgotten. Instead of a heavenly mind, there have been carnal cares, worldly vanities and thoughts of evil. Instead of service, there has been disobedience; instead of fervency, lukewarmness; instead of patience, petulance; instead of faith, confidence in an arm of flesh; and as a soldier of the cross there has been cowardice, disobedience, and desertion, to a very shameful degree." 

"Thou hast dealt treacherously." Treachery to Jesus! what words shall be used in denouncing it? 

Words little avail: let our penitent thoughts execrate the sin which is so surely in us. Treacherous to Thy wounds, O Jesus! Forgive us, and let us not sin again! How shameful to be treacherous to Him who never forgets us, but who this day stands with our names engraven on His breastplate before the eternal throne."

I have sunk so low. Please forgive me and make me clean. Please renew my strength for Your glory.

[ladyontheroad]

He opened up both his arms and looked at me with expectant eyes. I instinctively moved towards him. Then our bodies pulled together, his sturdy hands around me, and my head on his chest. We fit together perfectly. And for a moment, all is made clear on all that is unsaid between us.

For the one that I love. (via ladyontheroad)

[ladyontheroad]

Charles H. Spurgeon December 11, 2015 Morning Reading 1 Thessalonians 5:24--1 Thessalonians 5:24 Heaven is a place where we shall never sin; where we shall cease our constant watch against an indefatigable enemy, because there will be no tempter to ensnare our feet. There the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest. Heaven is the "undefiled inheritance"; it is the land of perfect holiness, and therefore of complete security. But do not the saints even on earth sometimes taste the joys of blissful security? The doctrine of God's word is, that all who are in union with the Lamb are safe; that all the righteous shall hold on their way; that those who have committed their souls to the keeping of Christ shall find Him a faithful and immutable preserver. Sustained by such a doctrine we can enjoy security even on earth; not that high and glorious security which renders us free from every slip, but that holy security which arises from the sure promise of Jesus that none who believe in Him shall ever perish, but shall be with Him where He is. Believer, let us often reflect with joy on the doctrine of the perseverance of the saints, and honour the faithfulness of our God by a holy confidence in Him. May our God bring home to you a sense of your safety in Christ Jesus! May He assure you that your name is graven on His hand; and whisper in your ear the promise, "Fear not, I am with thee." Look upon Him, the great Surety of the covenant, as faithful and true, and, therefore, bound and engaged to present you, the weakest of the family, with all the chosen race, before the throne of God; and in such a sweet contemplation you will drink the juice of the spiced wine of the Lord's pomegranate, and taste the dainty fruits of Paradise. You will have an antepast of the enjoyments which ravish the souls of the perfect saints above, if you can believe with unstaggering faith that "faithful is He that calleth you, who also will do it."

[ladyontheroad]

I used to tell myself it would never work But lately I've been seeing more and more of what could be It's no longer just about the way you make me feel I am thinking this time I could honestly be capable of loving all of you.

[ladyontheroad]

He opened up both his arms and looked at me with expectant eyes. I instinctively moved towards him. Then our bodies pulled together, his sturdy hands around me, and my head on his chest. We fit together perfectly. And for a moment, all is made clear on all that is unsaid between us.

For the one that I love. (via ladyontheroad)