LaLi Writes

LaLi's poetry and story corner | Drop me a note if you like

[ethanmaldridge]

Childhood can be scary.

A collection of some of my hand-drawn horror looping animations!

[ethanmaldridge]

Drawing a fantasy book cover.

A more in-depth process video, along with concept art for the characters, is available now for Patrons!

[lali-writes]

it was a night

it was a night slumped and mashed to pile in a chair dark blanket encircling, enclosing encroaching on your self

it was a night for black holes seeing through them fingertips tracing their circumference feeling the jagged edges knowing they were once bright, full moons now barren caves where the pieces of your body lie spoiled bits and bloodstained shirts

it was a night for feeling weeping, writhing, wilting, and woe a silver dagger in your chest aching in your back pretty point pressing through and drip bleed splatter see your heart remember you have one or had one

it was a night for lying still quiet in the sheets barely fending off the sleep memories on repeat repeat repeat repeat i fell asleep i hope i dream pleasant and sweet let me forget it was only a night

[lali-writes]

hum

A single word, a turn of phrase

The florescent hum, the electrifying buzz, the thrilling tingle and the fluttering phenomenon

The match is struck, the spark ignites

Instantaneous

Unexpectedly delightful

Unexpectedly fierce

Unexpectedly lost in daydream fog

A washing of the skin but nothing is clean

Soaking through the bones and swelling in the gut

Tight and loose, coiled and stretched

Try to breathe easy

It's a relief to let it consume, to let it burn

It's a comfort to swim in these warm, colossal waves

It's deliverance to sink into abyssal bliss

Tender touch and trembling lip

Thickening air drips kisses of sweet nectar

Instinct beckons you to something carnal, Love to something transcendent

Hear the hum

Feel the fire

Drink the desire

Break the bread

Flesh of flesh and bone of bone

Heart to heart

[lali-writes]

[lali-writes]

[lali-writes]

i didn't think it could happen

Don't, don't think, don't think about

It

No. Don't see it. Don't

Feel it.

It feels like too much.

Coil in your belly

Tightening of your skin

Crossing legs and snapping eyes shut

Not this, not this, not this

This can't happen

This didn't happen

This didn't

It shouldn't have happened

Tremors, aftershock, overheating, overclocking, shaking

Always shaking, shaking, shaking

The world goes blank, a fog over your eyes

Perfect vision, still you don't see a thing

Oh yes, I'm driving, I have to drive

Focus

Tunnel vision, still can't see

Head begins to ache

Skin crawling, you need a shower

You need to scrub everything off

And then you need to hide and hide well

Head spinning, in a trance

Someone pull me out

Reality for a moment, complete a task

You need more tasks

You need to be busy

You have things to do

Forget for a moment

Don't forget that you're forgetting

Don't remember, here we go again

Fade in and fade out

Are you really here?

It has to be a dream

Dream, yes, you would like to sleep

Sleep and sleep and not exist for just a bit

Maybe this nightmare will end when you wake up.

[lali-writes]

Four Feet

I didn't need

for you to worship

the ground I walk on.

I needed

someone

to stand beside me

and hold my hand.

I needed

a friend,

not a congregant.

I needed

a confidante,

not a liturgist.

I needed

a fellow sinner,

not a saint.

Four feet are better

than two feet and two knees.

[lali-writes]

fabric

I’m clawing at my own skin, pulling at the seams of the fabric that is me

Desperately trying to find somewhere to put you, to keep you safe and sound

I’ve wrapped myself in pretty little fairy tales and the rhetoric of the saints

You came in like a seam ripper and started plucking threads

Sloppily stitching myself piece by piece to try and keep everything in

But you just keep tugging on my threads

And now I’m unraveling, struggling to keep it all together

The loops all loosening, the buttons all unfastening

Thin patches layered up and up, worn thin by time and fooling

I thought I was a nice quilt

Turns out I’m just a bunch of scraps

I swear

though

You

could be a needle and thread too

and weave with me something

holy

unworldly

and the moths would never touch it

No, they would revere it like a lantern’s glow

And instead of ripping up my skin

instead of pretending that it’s fine

I find myself tenderly brushing all the patterns

imagining them in your hands

and how comforting they'll be

how inviting by a fire

how lasting all will feel

when the last stitch is looped and tied

in a merciful little knot.

[lali-writes]

Glass case heart

In a glass case hides a beating heart

Muffled drumming in a dark and vacant room

Safe. Silent. Unaffected. Unaffecting.

Without influence

Try not to listen to its song

It's always singing, always drumming

Tha-thump

Tha-thump

It is a siren in the chaos of your world

Lock it up and swallow hard the key

Don't let anybody see

Especially them

The ones you say you love

Drown out the drumming with whatever you can

Tell yourself again and again and again, “This is how it has to be”

Because it's how it has to be

For hearts are homewreckers and adulterers and murderers

The vilest of the sinners

And if you release it

You don't know what will happen

[lali-writes]

Mothers

There are tears on the playground

and a quiet desperation;

the deepest of longings.

The children play;

their smiles bright.

We do everything for the children

and that is right.

But the silent cries continue,

the isolation overwhelms.

The games continue,and we teach to include others,

But

What about the mothers?

[lali-writes]

October 30, 2023

The littlest one wakes

In the warm crook of my arm

She brightens slowly

Brown and green, focus

Pink and sweet, breath feather light

Breaks into a smile

Head rests on my chest

Precious gift, fleeting moments

Love, and love returned

[lali-writes]

A haiku for winter birds

It's cold outside, and

the birds, they are so hungry.

So I will feed them.

[lali-writes]

Midnight Moths

Hide and seek

Seek and find

Exhaust your resources

Scrape yourself clean

Seize the day and make it pay

Always running, chasing, grasping

Clawing at the margins and tearing through the ledgers

Nest and golden egg safely tucked inside a bough

You'll feel better

Sleep better

Live better they say

To a measure, it's a fact

And yet

In the night

The fluttering of timeless secrets

The lamp is on, and they cannot resist

They long only to be near the light

Their only hope and respite

No fields

No plows

No sweat upon their brow

Just the chill of the air

And the wonder in my mind

It will not last, and yet they are here

Free — to enjoy, to perch, to rest

In their company I am stilled

In the amber glow I softly grin

And when I turn out the light

They leave

And me?

I am alone

I am at peace

And slip into blissful slumber

Lulled by the diminishing beating of wings

[lali-writes]

Vanilla

Two vanilla ice cream cones melting in the sun

Sweet and simple

Quaint and subtle

Slowly coalescing to form a friendly little puddle

Familiar in spirit, welcomed in taste

Hand-held reminders of sweeter, more forgiving days

Every runny drip paints the black earth white

Opalescent flowers, a smattering in the blight

Hurry! Hurry! Before they are no more

Taste and see, and find the friend you were looking for

When their shells have been consumed by heat and tongue and teeth

When they are swallowed up in darkness and there is nothing left to see

In the belly of your heart, a hopeful bliss is born

Dressed in sunflowers, glistening with laughter

Every head will wish it were so charmingly and amicably adorned

The joy of sweet camaraderie like a bold new sun arises

Who could predict? Who would have known?

Vanilla is full of wonderful surprises

[lali-writes]

Condensation

You know how you empty a pitcher of water, but it's never truly empty? There's that little bit of water that's still clinging to the sides, the moisture in the air, and that small pool in the bottom that you're not sure how it's there because you turned the damn thing upside down?

Yeah, it's kind of like that when I think about him.

[lali-writes]

Mattress

Keep to your side

Warm outer edges

A canyon of ice in the middle

For all the puddles you've left on this hill, there isn't a drop to drink

Back to back, walled up and shielded

The silent, secret longing that there was another on the other side

Would it be treason or a fresh alliance? No one can tell you.

Maybe the ice would melt and flood the canyon with warm waters again

You could swim like a child on holiday - carefree and bright and full of hope

Maybe it wouldn't feel like a wasteland

Desperately thirsty and trying to coax a cloud out of thin air

Anything for respite

You never thought you would wish for distance again

And now you can't have enough

Pull the sheet a little tighter, a little higher

There

A little ground gained

Enough to sleep, but not to rest