laura

❝For some nights I slept profoundly; but still every morning I felt the same lassitude, and a languor weighed upon me all day. I felt myself a changed girl.❞

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“Go… to the mainland…?” Laura was talking about feeding, right? Carmilla stared at her as if she’d grown a second head. Carmilla had never stepped foot off the island except for the one time she thought she and Laura were running away together. She couldn’t imagine taking that terrible trip across the choppy water on that filthy crowded ferry every single night. And worse, to forsake all the girls she’d already developed attachments to (though little they knew it) here on the island would be unbearable. “Laura, what are you saying? I couldn’t.”

“But why?” Laura pressed. Already she could feel her fingernails digging into her palms. She had a good idea why Carmilla didn’t want to abandon the island for the sake of strangers, but those were details she didn’t want to ask. Didn’t want to know. The thought was enough to make her recoil and she looked down at the barrette in her hand. It looked bright against her palm, too bright and too red, and she wondered at ever liking the color at all. “Are you going to tell me you’ve fallen in love again?” 

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

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Carmilla shook her head. “But I think supernatural is the wrong word… I think we are natural, my darling. We are just changed.” 

Releasing Laura’s hand, she folded her arms around her knees, watching her warily as if she thought Laura was about to jump up and do something ill advised at any moment. Her mention of Lestat made Carmilla scowl and her gaze slipped from Laura, back to the TV, though she wasn’t really seeing it. “What do you mean left everyone alone?” Carmilla didn’t like the sound of that at all. “And what trouble?” Warily, her eyes shifted back to Laura. “If she knows what we are, we should not go talk to her. She will use our weaknesses against us like your friends did to me.”

“Changed,” Laura repeated, as if she were considering the idea. “Do you mean like... evolved?” It was certainly a better way to think of it, but the concept made her wary.

Sighing softly, she reached up to tug a barrette out of her hair that was uncomfortably stabbing into her scalp. “I don’t know what trouble. She just wants us not to... to hurt or touch the people on the island. Leave them alone. It doesn’t sound so unreasonable, does it? It’s such a small island, Carmilla... it is so much easier to be discovered here, isn’t it, when we could always just go to the mainland?”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Laura was avoiding the question and that made Carmilla anxious. Where had the subject of witches even come from? She could think of no connection to their previous conversation about the ocmputer. She shook her head, but not because she was sure. She didn’t know anything about real spells. 

“Else?” She paused to consider. “I think… all supernatural beings, like ourselves, are the same thing. Not exactly the same, but of the same origin. i don’t think anything else is possible. If it exists, then it is like us. But you have that look you get when you’re up to something, Laura. What is it?”

Laura frowned at the explanation, but then she slowly nodded. “But... do you know what that origin is? Do you have any idea...?” 

Chewing on her lip, she exhaled and pushed her hair away from her face. “I’m not up to anything! I’m just... I’m wondering if the witch in town is really, actually real. I mean, I... I brought her up because Lestat told me she’s a witch, a real one, and... that’s how I heard about this situation at all. Apparently she wants to cause trouble for all of us. She said she wouldn’t if we left everyone in the village and at the university alone. Maybe we should go talk to her? He stopped answering my messages about her, so I don’t even know what to believe.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“The girl in the shop…” Carmilla tried to picture who Laura was talking about, but she couldn’t. For as long as she’d been going around the town every night, she thought she knew pretty much everyone in it at least by sight by now. She would have to go take a look at this shop girl. She shook her head. “She is likely another charlatan. Why do you bring it up? You aren’t… you aren’t looking for spells, are you?” Her hands tightened just slightly around Larua’s as if she were afraid she’d pull it away. 

“No.” That wasn’t something Laura considered before, anyway, but she did wonder at the possibility. “Would spells even work for... us? If such a thing existed?” Carmila could be right. Perhaps this woman was nothing more than a charlatan, someone with tarot cards and candles, and there was nothing to be learned from her at all. But why would Lestat bring her up? That meant she had to be someone of some relevance. “Have you ever come across anything else truly supernatural?"

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Carmilla folded her other hand over Laura’s and tucked it in her lap as she turned a bit to face her as well. The question confused her, it was so out of the blue and she blinked at Laura before shaking her head. “I’ve met…charlatans. Fortune tellers. None of them had any real power. There have been those who thought me a witch…” She pursed her lips and looked down at Laura’s hand between hers. “We are not witches, Laura.”

“I know,” Laura said distractedly, but her expression was troubled when she looked back at the TV. “The girl in town is supposed to be a real witch. The one who owns the shop with all the candles. I was just wondering if you knew anything about it, or ever heard of a real witch before.” It didn’t seem too far-fetched considering the existence of vampires, but there was so much lore on the subject that she didn’t know what to think.

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Slowly, Carmilla lifted her face to look at Laura, taking in her explanation. Nothing she could say would ever make Carmilla not hate the thought of Laura and Lestat associating, much less being friends, but the rest of what she said was too important to dismiss. Finally, she sighed, letting it go for the moment. She moved her hand to take Laura’s on her arm and drew it up to her lips, kissing the side of it. 

Laura didn’t know what to make of Carmilla’s silence and she sighed, but relaxed when she kissed her hand. Frowning, she shook her head and crossed her legs, turning on the couch so she was sitting sideways and facing Carmilla directly. “Carmilla... do you know anything about witches? Have you ever met one?” Carmilla hadn’t mentioned it, but witches hadn’t exactly been an issue until now.

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“It matters because he killed you, Laura.” There was a whole lot more to it than that, the way Lestat had terrorized her for so long beforehand, but she already knew that didn’t matter to Laura. Truthfully, she’d hoped her asking it would have been reason enough, but clearly it wasn’t. The resentful part of her heart wondered why should she keep not doing what Laura asked her not to do in that case. Carmilla pressed her hands to her eyes to try to keep from getting upset.

“I know, but...” Wincing, Laura reached for Carmilla’s arm when she saw that she was upset. “I know it’s stupid and it doesn’t make sense. He said... he thought you would come save me and then it was too late. I know that’s not an excuse, I know, I just... I spent so long being angry with you. I wasted so much time being hateful and... and I don’t want to be like that, not with you and not with anyone. I’m not saying I trust him. I don’t, not after everything that happened.” She paused. “But I trust you... and I never thought I would again.” 

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Carmilla looked at Laura sharply when she said she told Lestat. She didn’t think turning into cats would help them with the computer, and she was pretty sure she’d already given that one away herself when stalking around, but hearing how casually Laura mentioned it completely arrested her thoughts. When she spoke, her voice was much softer. “I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.”

Even though Laura wasn’t openly discussing Lestat, she had no intentions on hiding that she was still speaking to him and assumed Carmilla already knew. She blinked, startled, and quickly shook her head. “No, I... I didn’t think that was an issue anymore.” Even though Carmilla asked it, Laura hadn’t agreed to not seeing Lestat again. That was never part of the deal. “But why does that matter? We’re just friends.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“They are not like us,” she said, thoughtfully, her eyes on the TV, though not really seeing it. “They are strong, but we can do things that they can’t. Things that they have no idea about. If we knew where he was keeping your computer, I think we could get it. Maybe, if we’re careful enough, without him even realizing it was we who took it.”

“I know... I mean, I know about the cat thing. I... kind of told Lestat about that.” Laura bit her lip. “I thought it was neat, I didn’t think... but there are other things, right? Things that make us different? I mean, I don’t know how we can find out where he keeps it, though. I have no idea where they sleep or anything. I wouldn’t even know where to start when it comes to Armand.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Carmilla slipped away form Laura, curling up tighter around herself and pushing back into the couch cushions. It upset her deeply that Laura was so quickly forgiving with Lestat when she had held such a long grudge against Carmilla for what she considered a much less sinister crime. “I have an idea for how we can get your computer back,” she said to change subject. “Without having to face him. If only we knew where it is…”

Distracted but still troubled, Laura sighed heavily and her hand slipped down Carmilla’s arm, but she didn’t let go completely. There were a lot of things that weighed on her and she didn’t know how to address them, not yet, and the constant inner conflict made her anxious. She blinked, confused but eager to know more about the Carmilla’s suggestion. “What? How?” She had no idea how to find out something like that, but she was too curious to consider the mechanics of the plan quite yet. 

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Carmilla shook her head. She hadn’t gotten the impression Armand wanted to hurt Lestat specifically. More just that he didn’t care what happened to anyone Lestat might care about. “I don’t know, Laura… Maybe because Lestat’s a vicious prick who turns people like you and me into games?” She shrugged. Just a guess. 

Laura sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She hated feeling like this. Her friendship with Lestat was one of the few things that kept her sane during the entire ordeal and she didn’t want to believe it wasn’t real. He wouldn’t want to maintain that connection if it weren’t real, surely, and she hated that it mattered so much. “He isn’t like that, Carmilla. I know he’s done things, I mean... he killed me... but he cares. I know he cares.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“It was near the tavern.” Carmilla shivered again at the memory. “The one all the students go to.” Shifting against Laura, she put a hand against her hair, holding her close. “I’ve been worried he might come back. If you see him, please don’t talk to him alone, Laura. Just walk the other way. I don’t think he can be reasoned with at all.”

Thankfully there was only one tavern in town Carmilla could be talking about. The last time Laura visited it was months ago - with Daniel, ironically - and she nodded. “Why does he want to hurt Lestat?” She knew they knew each other, but nothing beyond that. Certainly nothing to explain any animosity between them. 

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

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“Please…” Carmilla winced again. She didn’t want to hear any more about the dead boy, but she cut herself off, not wanting to dismiss Laura’s feelings either. Huddling against Laura’s side under the blanket, she sighed. “I’m sorry about your computer.” Armand had left a big mess around the house too, but Carmilla had somehow managed to tidy most of it up. “It was like he was looking for something…”

"Where did it happen? I’ll drop it after that, I promise.” Had any of the vampires even tried looking for Daniel? Laura doubted it. If she could figure out where Daniel was killed then it might help her locate his body. His parents deserved to know what happened to him. Shivering, she leaned her face against the blanket and sighed. “I have no idea what he would be looking for. It’s not like I have a vampire roster hidden somewhere.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

Laura’s incredulity made Carmilla less sure. It had certainly seemed like Louis killed Daniel, but could she have been wrong? Armand had seemed sure as well, though, so she nodded hesitantly. She studied Laura’s face closely as she spoke, wary of anything she said possibly making her upset. “I think so… I saw it happen. I thought I could…” She paused, a troubled sigh escaping her and she pulled up her knees, wrapping her arms around them again. “I wanted to do the opposite of what Armand suggested. Instead of threatening, I thought if I could befriend someone Lestat cared about, it could make him have to leave us alone. I found that professor…” She’d forgotten his name again, so let it slide, but was sure Laura would know who she meant. “But once I saw him kill Daniel, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay…” A shudder wracked her whole body at the memory and she wished she hadn’t dropped her blanket.

Laura winced, feeling her heart sink as she thought about how she dismissed Daniel’s disappearance by considering other possibilities. Now she realized how idealistic and naive it was to think anyone vanishing on this island could be innocent. “Louis,” she said softly, even though she didn’t require clarification. There was no one else Carmilla could be talking about. When she felt her shudder she quickly pulled up the blanket as if sensing her need for it. Instead of moving back she stayed put, settling it over both their laps, and sighed quietly. “Lestat told me Louis doesn’t like killing people. He wants him to come around. I never thought...” Pressing her lips together, she shook her head and took a deep, shaky breath. “Poor Daniel. They still haven’t found him, I... I just thought he might have left on his own.”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“My darling,” Carmilla whispered sympathetically and turned to put both her arms fully around Laura. She hated to see her grieving, and she worried losing the emails would be like losing her father a second time. She had previously been prepared to try to convince Laura to just let the computer go and not take any risks, but now she wondered if there might be a way they could get it back after all. She knew the other vampires never did anything during the daylight hours, perhaps there was a way she and Laura could use that time to find it?

She quietly held Laura for another minute before going back to her question. “His friend was that boy you knew… The one you were tutoring. Did.. did you know they were friends?” Carmilla certainly hadn’t. 

“It’s okay. I’ll find a way to get it back.” If she couldn’t appeal to Armand directly then Laura had no choice but to go through Lestat. She didn’t want to cause trouble or ruffle any feathers, but what choice did she have? Losing her father’s emails was not an option. They were all she had left other than birthday cards and a few handwritten notes. Carmilla’s embrace made her relax and she closed her eyes - relieved, at least, that despite everything that happened before she was being honest with her now. That was exactly what she wanted. Carmilla had deceived her and then Laura had deceived Carmila. All she wanted was to be done with it all. 

Stunned, she blinked and shook her head immediately. “He was friends with Daniel?” She had no idea. None. Daniel’s disappearance took her by surprise, but she didn’t instantly assume a vampire to be responsible. He wasn’t doing well in school and even though she didn’t know him long, it was long enough that she considered other factors could be involved.  “Daniel’s dead? Are you sure? Everyone says he’s just missing. Do you... know what happened to him?”

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

As soon as Laura settled next to her, Carmilla snaked her arm through hers and leaned into her, smoothing her other hand over her hair. “His friend died,” she said softly. Even just speaking of death made her shudder, and she curled up tighter where she was sitting. “He wanted to blame me for it. But even after I told him I had nothing to do with it, he was still angry. And he took your computer. Maybe he thought it was mine? I was afraid he’d break it if I did anything more to try to stop him.” 

Carmilla’s unintentional reminder of Laura’s beginnings made her arm tighten on hers and she leaned her head on her shoulder, uncharacteristically quiet as she watched the cooking contestant explain why the consistency of his crust wasn’t crispy enough. She was listening to Carmilla, however, and lifted her head a bit to try and see her face. “His friend? Who? Was it a vampire? No, I’m... glad you didn’t try. I don’t want him to break it. It has my dad’s e-mails on it, all saved, and...” She paused, swallowing thickly. “I’m stupid. I didn’t save them on my iCloud.” The content wasn’t something she wanted out there. It seemed safe on her computer, behind a locked screen. She could only hope Armand wasn’t tech savvy enough to get past her password protection.

[tumultuoussighs]

Disclosure | Carmilla & Laura

[laura-hargrave]

tumultuoussighs‌:

“Why do you think I was so desperate to get you to leave?” It was all in the past now, but Carmilla had warned Laura so many times about it and it was all for nothing in the end. They could only move forward now. She was too distracted by Laura’s next words to say anything more about it though. 

“Wait!” She straightened, grabbing Laura’s arm, afraid she’d run off and instigate the crazy vampire right then. “Don’t do that. Laura, that is a bad plan. He was angry when he was here. I don’t know what he’ll do to you.” 

“I know,” Laura conceded softly, frowning. She wondered if Lestat knew what Carmilla had told her about Armand, if she should say something, but her usual determination to protect weakened at the memory. 

Confused, she did hesitate at the notion of meeting an angry vampire. Even she recognized that it wouldn’t be wise to approach a vampire without being prepared, or with back up of some sort, but going through Lestat meant confronting the tumultuous feelings Carmilla had drudged up within her. “Angry about what? I haven’t done anything to him.” Her slumped posture indicated certain defeat, however, and she sighed and settled against Carmilla on the couch.