What has become of us? 💔

A blog that looks at society and points out the wrongs and hardships that we do to others as well as ourselves.

[layla0203-blog]

"Why should I show you all of me when I can just show you the beautiful parts of me?"

[layla0203-blog]

I'm Okay...

If you ask if I'm okay. Sure. I'll tell you I'm okay. But... Okay is the smile that you produce when you are happy. Okay for me is a stream in the middle of the woods. But the stream was not made by nature. No. It was made by me. The water came from my eyes and formed a continuous stream. That's so hidden, nobody will ever be able to see it when it is turned right side up and forms a waterfall from my eyes. Okay is what you say when you hold yourself to a high standard. Okay for me is a big bad bully walking towards me. That bully is a monster who's words are as sharp as razors that easily tear away the tissues of my heart. Except... that bully is me. I tell myself hurtful things and put my self esteem down. I tell myself that I am useless and ugly and that no one will ever love me. It doesn't matter if what I'm saying is true or not. I still end up convincing myself. Okay is being able to be in a big crowd and not mind it. Okay for me is a party where people are laughing and talking. But they are laughing and talking about me. However this is not the reality of it. My mind is a prosecutor that has no idea what these people are saying and instead fills the gaps. Okay is having hope in general. Okay for me is a filled trophy case in which my biggest and best trophies rest. Except there are no trophies. It is just filled with dust. In fact... there isn't even dust there. Because there is no case. Why would I build a trophy case if I had no hope in winning the trophies in the first place. That is what the trophy case is. It is hope. And that is why I did not build one. Because okay for me is hopelessness. Okay is the warm feeling you get when you are with your family or friends. Okay for me is a locked steel cage in which sits a vibrant girl rattling the door of the cage to get out. The one with the key opens the door to the room and tells her to stop. I am the one with the key but I am also the girl in the cage. I want to be around people but I also can't bring myself to no matter how much I try. So I lock myself in my own dark room and tell myself that it is best I don't burden anyone with my presence. Okay is having genuine emotions. Okay for me is a deep and dark ocean that is being tossed around by a constant storm. But just under the surface is nothing. That is where I reside. Because most of the time I have to pretend to be feeling something on the surface when I really just don't feel anything inside at all. So when I say I'm okay, I mean I'm dying inside. When I say I'm okay, I mean my heart feels like it is being ripped out by an invisible force that both has and does not have a name. Because it's name is depression. Yes I am okay. That is what I will say if you ask me this. And I don't dare say any different. So go ahead and ask me if I'm okay. Because I am. Okay is my cries at night. Okay is my hatred for myself. Okay is paranoia and fear of being around people. Okay is my nonexistent hope. Okay is my loneliness. Okay is feeling absolutely nothing. Yes! I am okay. I am okay. I am not okay.

[layla0203-blog]

What we have lost.

People are small. That's us. The small people, but it seems as though we have forgotten that. We now see ourselves as the center of the universe and we think that it is all about us. No. Not just that. We see ourselves as Gods even. However... We are not this. We have lost our humility and our humbleness to feed our egos and grow our popularity. We crave attention. It is sad to say that in a sense, we have even lost our humanity. At times we are so consumed in ourselves that we even feed off others achievements and claim them as our own. I encourage you to look around right now and find something that is bigger than you not just physically but spiritually, mentally, ect. We are not the huge people anymore. In fact, we never were. We are the small people and that is what we have always been. Its time that we realise that the world does not revolve around us and that we can- No! We MUST gain back our humanity. -Layla (There will be a second part to this except it will be a different outlook.)